Newborn Wont Sleep Without Mom Around

My youngest of 4 will be 21 next month, but I do remember something that worked really well for them as infants. When I was breast feeding, I'd put a top of mine that had the smell of my milk in the bed with them and they would sleep soundly. Not an old nasty one, just one that I'd worn that day and when I stopped breast feeding, I'd put a top of mine that I'd worn that day that had my smell of perfume in it and that also worked.
Hope this helps.
I.

It's been true for my son, if he's cold he wakes up and won't go back to sleep. We experimented with layers to find out what the right amount was for him. What ended up working was a long sleeve onsie, a fleece sleep sack and then swaddled in a Miracle Blanket. Later when he didn't need to be swaddled we did a long sleeve onsie, fleece footed pajamas, and a fleece sleep sack. Good luck!

Hi V.- Both of my kids, my son is now 3 and my daughter is 8 months, alternate/alternated between the crib and our bed. My son sleeps in his own bed and has since he was 1 1/2 years. Prior to that he slept with us or in his crib, I kinda let him choose what he wanted. My daughter sleeps with us and sometimes in her crib. My theory is babies love to be warm and snuggled. If you put him in the crib, lay him on his back swaddled. I would transition him out of your bed by putting him in his crib for naptime, to get used to sleeping on his own. After a few days I would introduce the crib at night. I'm not a believer in the cry it out method, it is pitiful, so you do what you think you should. If he wakes up, and he will, just reassure him you are there. A pacifier is a big comfort to newborns since babies can't self soothe until they are older. It will take a few nights, but he will get it. I don't mind my daughter sleeping with us and neither does my husband. She will be out of our bed soon, just like our son. Do the crib at naptime and then transition to naptime and nighttime. Good luck, and be patient with him, he will fuss, he is still too young to understand why you are not there.

BAD habit - get him out of your bed! Can you still swaddle him? I recommend that or get him in those warm blankie sleepers or sleep sacs so he is nice and toasty warm.

Put him in the bassinet to sleep at night and have him nap in his crib during the day. I did this with my baby and he got used to his crib and sleeping in different spots (great for a daycare situation).

It may take a day or too - but baby's are adaptable. Put him down, when he wakes up, rub his back, shush him (Happiest Baby on the Block DVD/book - GREAT help for this age). Don't pick him up. If he's still crying after 10 minutes pick him up, rock him, don't leave the room, don't turn the lights on. Put him back down and walk away... after a couple times it should work. Good luck mama - I know you are just trying to do the right thing. My advice - start good habits NOW!! :-) You can do it!!

Hi! My son did the same thing at about 10 weeks. He would sleep for about 15-20 minutes then wake up screaming. Night time was okay, it was mostly the day time (naps). I tried lots of things. . .bouncers/vibrating chairs, the only thing was the vibrating setting only worked for about 15-20 minutes at a time and then he would wake up!

I determined that the issue was movement, rather, NO movement. If I held him, rocked him, used the vibrating chairs, he slept fine. I considered getting a Baby Amby -- have you heard of them? They are pricey, but you can find one on craigslist (usually).

He grew out of this after 2 weeks or so. It was difficult those 2 weeks -- and my husband was in Russia while it happened!! But it did end.

Our son slept in our room in a Baby Moses basket until he was about 4 or 5 months. Then we moved the Baby Moses basket IN in the crib! After 2 weeks of that, we placed him IN the crib. The transistion was VERY smooth!!! One thing to remember when placing your son directly in the crib, those sheets can feel cold and babies HATE to be cold. Try flannel crib sheets or find some other SAFE way to keep the sheets from being too cold when you place your son in his bed.

Best of luck and God Bless. Oh, my son is 2 now, and he is still the first grandson, niece/nephew in my family. The next "youngest" is 28!! Also, my husband and I were married for 11 years before being blessed with our beautiful son. He is wonderful. Enjoy your son!!

Try a Swaddle Me blanket. It keeps babies really warm and comfy. My daughter is 10 weeks and can barly fit in a size small. I'm headed to the store today to get a med and a large b/c they work so sell. She sleeps through the night if she has her blanket on but only sleeps for short bursts if she doesn't. You can buy them at any Toys R Us store for $9.99.

I also found that if you are not aware of your babies sleep cues you can miss the opportunity to get a long well needed nap. At this age your baby should only be awake for 1-2 hrs at a time. Watch the clock and when you notice it has been about 1-2 hrs and he STARTS to get fussy, stop what you are doing and nuse, feed, cuttle, whatever you do to get him to nap and then put him down in the bassinet. The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth is WONDERFUL!!! I totally recommend reading this book now when your baby is still little and learn how to sleep train your him so he will be a well rested and happy child.

Hi V.,

This is my first day on Momasource, so I am not sure how the responses work. But let me start by saying congratulations on your new little bundle of joy!

The trick that has worked the best for myself and every mom in my family, is to wrap your little guy like a burrito! They make special "swaddle" blankets with velcro, which are nice, but I had trouble figuring them out. We just used a large receiving blanket, make sure to tuck his little arms in, and roll him up. Then put something of yours in his crib. We propped our daughter up on her side with another rolled up receiving blanket because the "experts" are always changing their minds about back and stomach. You could even use one of the pillow cases you have slept with for a few nights so it is sure to smell like you. My daughter had to have heart surgery when she was born. She was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks. And the nurses wrapped her tight in a blanket. We couldn't hold her much for the first few weeks, and the nurses trained her this way to fall asleep on her own. Her first night home from the hospital, my husband wrapped her like the nurses showed him, and she slept for 7 hours straight, woke up to eat, and slept 4 more hours. I was shocked! And she has slept great ever since!

Good luck,
K. L

This is about the age when they are able to communicate some preferences. He seems to be letting you know he wants to stay close when he is sleeping. If you are open to co-sleeping there is much written about this under attachment parenting. The other option would be to try swaddling him, if he isn't already to simulate the closeness. When he was in your stomach he had boundaries all around him. After they are born it is a little scary when they can flail around with their arms & legs. Babies don't feel as secure. The key either way is helping him to feel secure.
R. F., MSW, LCSW

good suggestion about the t-shirt. also just try finding different ways he may be more comfortable until you find what works. try rolling up blankets on each side of him then tucking/swadling in the middle. use a cap on his head to keep him warm. dress him in cozy/warm sleepers. i put socks on my 2 1/2 month under the sleepers as well as a onsie. maybe use the onsies that are long sleeved AND can fold over the hands. these are the ways my son sleeps best b/c otherwise he too gets too cool & restless.

I agree with the advice you've been give so far, do it now. Babies like habit, they learn habit quickly (sleeping in your bed and waking often, but they also learn a new habit just as quickly! So, it may take just a couple days, but it will be worth it. You are training your child how to sleep, so think long term. I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits for Happy Babies. It is great. I used Baby Wise and the Baby Whisperer a lot as well. Now my daughter is a great sleeper. I put her to bed awake every night and she sleeps 12 hours in her crib. There is the occasional night that she wakes up crying, but it just takes a pat on the back of reassurance and she is back to sleep (in her own room). It may be hard to a couple nights, but totally worth it! Good luck.

Hi V.,

Your concern about being cold is a good one. My sister (a registered nurse) always reminds me that babies are used to a constant temp of 98.6 when in the womb. Now that it is chilly, keeping them warm and bundled is really important. Try putting two jammies on him instead of one when you put him down and a hat. This really works if being cold is the issue. My kids always slept with us on and off for years and they are very confident and well adjusted. I don't believe in the "cry-it-out" school of thought. The more you take care of your kids needs now the better adjusted they will be because closeness is what makes their developmental synapses make contact with each other. The more you hold them and have contact the first three years, the better their internal system develops. This is why premies are stroked through holes in incubators. There is so much research out there now on this and yet more and more people leave their kids in carseats and swings and cribs for hours at a time. Your hard work will pay off later with good grades and an adjusted personality.

Hi V.,

My son is also 9 weeks old. Same problem occurred and the doctor suggested to swaddle the baby tight then latch on to feed (if breast feeding). Also, make sure his diaper is not wet. Baby immediately sleeps. Luckily my boy is sleeping well in his bassinet. It is working miraculously for us. Try it.........

Good-luck!

A.

FIRST...you NEED to go back to work!!! This will solve ALL problems...
Second...bring him over...I will get BOTH of you to sleep!!
No Seriously V...
Feed/chnge him and Wrap him super tight in his blankey and lay the little chick magnet in his little bed BUT FIRST on top of his sheet place YOUR night shirt or something like it under him he will smell you even though your are not there...sounds crazy (you know I am) but it does work... OH use flanel sheets too they are not as crinkely and cold...
CALL if you need anything
JG

HI V.,

I am having a similar issue with my 12 week old who now only sleeps for short bursts when I put her in her cradle even though she has been fine for the last four weeks since we took her out of the snuggle nest in our bed and put her into the cradle.

The shirt trick worked briefly for me so I hope you have better luck. I recommend taking it out when he's not in there so it doesn't lose it's effectiveness.

Good luck and it's good to know I'm not the only one with sleep issues!

I also think your baby just wants to be close to you so why not let him? My daughter still sleeps with me at 8 1/2 months. I'm sure she'll eventually move to her own bed - but don't really expect that for another year or so. But, I'm OK with that. If you're not, at least let him be in the same room with you. I'd also suggest the co-sleeper as the easiest or moving the crib into your room. The t-shirt trick sounds like a good idea, too. Good luck!

We always warmed up my son's bassinet with a heating pad while we gave him a bath, etc. and then removed it just before we put him down. Swaddling tightly may help too.
I noticed my son slept better once we got him in a crib instead of his Pak-N -Play bassinet - I think the mattress may have been too hard....
You may want to try putting your scent in his bed too - he may like your bed because it smells like you. Sleep with his crib sheet for a few days before you put it on his mattress.

Unless you just absolutely have to have him in his own bed, why mess with a system that'a working? With him in your bed, you get more sleep, he gets more sleep, nursing is easier, he is more secure (babies are hard-wired to want to be close to mama!) We moved our then-16-month old to her own bed just before her brother was born in October, & it's worked pretty well. She usually stays there all night, and her new brother sleeps in our bed & nurses when he wants to--and we all get enough sleep & don't have middle-of-the-night crying.

Why not let the baby sleep w/you? When you think about it, he was inside your body for 9 mos, and is used to that warmth, your smell, your breathing, your heartbeat, being very physically connected. I've slept w/my son since he was born (he's now 6 mos), and it is very comforting for us both to still be so close and connected. Also makes middle of the night breastfeeding a breeze.

Ok - you don't want to hear this - but you have to get him out of the bed now. I did JUST the same thing you did with my first one. And, i waited too long to get him into a crib - always with some excuse - and it became impossible. I took until he was over a year to get him to sleep through the night - and until he was almost 3 to get him to spend the entire night in his room. Now - with my 2nd child- i started with the crib immediately - and she slept through the night at 1 month. She sleeps better and longer than my son - in my bed - ever did. There will be a few bad nights - but it's easier now than it will be later. Don't make him cry it out - but everytime he wakes hold him, comfort him and get him back to sleep - then put him back in the crib.

It's not a pretty picture - but the longer you wait the harder it will be.

Hi, my son did that at right around that age. We moved him to his crib with a shirt that my husband wore. We still have sleep issues (!) but that did the trick in terms of getting him to sleep out of his bassinet. I don't recommend using one of your articles of clothing because he will likely already have "mama i.e. boob" issues that you'll have to deal with when it comes time for someone else to feed him or take of him etc. It will take a few nights but keep at it! Good Luck!

If you put him in your bed it will be harder to get him back to his own bed. Make sure he is swaddled good so he cant flail his arms and wake himself up and it will keep him warmer too.

He might just like the smell of mama and daddy. something like wrapping an unwashed shirt or other piece of clothing around his mattress. My son slept with a shirt on his crib for several months.

Swaddling is great, and at 9 weeks old he may pop his arms out, but still could like to feel secure. I recommend Mom wearing a large t-shirt for a whole day (and night). Then, use the t-shirt to swaddle the baby. If he doesn't like to be swaddled,lay him on top of it in his crib. He is looking for Mommy's sent. That is his comfort. It should help him fall asleep.