New Husband Wants to Adopt My Daughter.

My husband and I adopted my 11 year old grandson in December for the same reason, if something happened to me he wanted to live with my husband, the ony dad he's ever known. His bio dad gave up his rights when he was 3 not wanting to pay child support and his mom came out of the military after 6 years and saw him 3 times in one month before she dissappeared for 2 years. We finally decided to file papers and she was located within 30 minutes of us, she signed over her rights with no contest, blames me for taking everything from her, dosnt want to have anything to do with us, apparently never has?!. I struggled with it because she is my daughter but my new "son" is completely great with it. She has not been a mom to him since he was 14 months old and he doesnt seem to be attached to her any longer. The court did appoint attorneys for my son and daughter to represent them at my expense but as my attorney said "he is worth it", now he feels safe and secure, and I dont have to worry about what could happen to him in the future. My daughter will always be welcome in our home and in his life, its up to her. Good luck!

I don't know about your financial situation, but have you thought about taking the papers directly to him? Make him sign them in front of you. I realize that he's in a different state, but it may be the best/fastest way to make sure that he gets them signed! Hope you can get this done for daughter. Too bad that he's not thinking about the needs of his daughter. It seems that this happens a lot in divorce cases. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

I went through this as the child being adopted and let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions of my life! My stepfather adopted me when I was 13, and he had been in my life since I was 2. If your daughter is wanting this, then I say go for it! I know my life is so much better for doing it. Good luck!

Drive the papers to him!!!! Your daughter is worth the effort. Go to his place of employment. Take someone with you that he does not know...less ugly that way. Tell him that this is kindest thing he can do for his =daughter.

I will pray for you that this is resolved!! Then when it is...make sure that her new dad takes her on dates etc...she needs to know what it feels to be wanted by a man in an appropriate way and treated with respect...otherwise soon she will be looking for a man in ways we know will not be healthy!

She may need counseling...this has been very demeaning for her I would think.

I will be praying...
S. goebel
lake st louis

You stated that he has not had any contact with her since Christmas. I would check into the child abandonment laws. My girlfriend filed child abandoment, and in Texas, after one year with no contact, it is an automatic give up from the father. I don't know what it is here, but may be worth looking into.

There are ways to get this done without his signature. I have known two people who have gone through this process when the father was not around for one reason or another. I can't tell you the details but your lawyer should be able to give you the options. If he isn't making contact, then the adoption can go through without his consent. Also, a notery is not hard to find so don't let him use that as an excuss. There should be one at just about every bank at the very least, no matter where he lives.

You said you've obtained a lawyer, does he know another lawyer where your ex lives that would be willing to deliver the papers and wait until they are signed. I don't know if this is a possibility, but it may be something that has to be done, or you may have to drive there yourself for him to sign them just so you can get them back.
On another note, be very thankful that he is willingly giving up his parental rights...one of my best friend's son now wants his step dad to adopt him after being the only dad he's had for over 10 years. His real dad hasn't had anything to do with him or even contacted or even paid his child support for years and then when he asked to relinquish his rights he wanted to "get to know" his almost 14 year old son. The sad truth is he gave his son false hopes and now his son's heart is breaking again b/c he is being the way he was before, the only difference is my friend is now having his wages garnished for back pay. So I pray that it all works out nice and neatly for you and your family. Consider yourself blessed.
Good luck and God Bless.

Sounds like even though the bio dad knows its best, he is having difficulty with it. I'd leave the kids with family or friends for a day or two, depending on how far it is to drive, and you and your husband drive there and get it in person. Would certainly be worth the trip. Doesn't sound like you are going to get it otherwise.

Drive to where your ex-husband is.(I know you said he's a state away, but this matter is important enough that you've got to handle it yourself!) Take him the papers and meet at a place where a notary is - watch him sign them and then take them back with you! - Sounds like your current husband is a wonderful man. Good luck with everything.

I absolutely agree with Sandi...if the relationship with your ex is not so contentious that it would turn into an unpleasant situation...take a long weekend and drive to the town that he lives in now and have him sign the papers and hand them back to you!! I also think that it might be possible to have your lawyer "serve" him with the papers....through a country sheriff, in the town where he lives. The Sheriff could just bring the papers...get them signed and return them. Of course there would be a fee involved with this service.
My other thought for applying a little incentive to his signing the papers would be to discuss the fact with him that child support would no longer be involved if he relinquishes his parental rights.
Good luck and I hope that your daughter has a wonderful life with her new Daddy!!!
R. Ann

men are strange.
her biological father probably thinks nothing is wrong that he has little contact with her. my husband shocked me about how little he would contact his parents living just 30 minutes away from them, only child in town, and they were in their 70s..but he loved them a whole lot and said so.
men are really really strange.
so to me it makes perfect sense that her biol. dad has cold feet (actions speak louder than words) about this idea. he probably thinks it will change things. and it will!

i would suggest it may be worth the investment to fly out there and talk face to face with him, maybe ask his pastor from his church or a counseler or friend he trusts to be there to "witness" and talk about what is really going on.
I mean you already paid the awful expense of law fees for this so what's another $300 or so to fly there and talk with him. if it seems best for your child to have her stepfather as her legal father...it might be worth it

but remember men don't think like we do, for the most part.

Let's give the ex the benefit of the doubt for a minute...maybe he keeps "losing" the papers because he is having a hard time "giving her up". Maybe if you talk to him again about how this would be the best thing for your daughter (should something happen) and explain to him that just because he signs them doesn't necessarily mean he can't have anything to do with her in the future (even though it appears he doesn't want much to do with her anyway) maybe he'll sign them. Best of luck to you.

I have never been through this but I do have an idea if you guys really want this why don't you take a weekend and drive the papers to where he is and get them signed? I know it puts a damper on your lives but the quicker the papers are signed the quicker he's out of your lives and you can move on with yours. Good Luck!

I work at a law firm. I needed something notarized out of state to a rural area. This is what I did. Search for a notary in your ex's state. Send the paperwork to the notary. Have the notary make an appt with your ex. The notary has him sign, and have the notary send the paperwork back to you. It's very simple, it will just cost you travel expense, which shouldn't be too much. The actual notary fee can probably only be a couple dollars. Google your ex's zip code and the words "notary". You'll have your paperwork in no time.

I just wanted to say, this is a difficult process for you all. She is hurt and feels rejected from bio dad. I am glad you doing whats right by her.
It seems he is not really ready to give her up though, or he would have signed the papers. He is putting off for that reason.
I pray for your family and God bless.

L.,

My husband adopted my daughter with no signature. It is a matter of he has not had contact, and the ad had to run in the newspaper that she will be adopted if no one objects, and the adoption can go through. Ask your attorney about the specifics of it! Our attorney got this done very quickly. I hope things work out for you and your family!!

L.

To admit that your such a bad parent that someone should take over would be so hard that most of us could never let it come to that point...

my heart goes out to your daughter and family of course... but also for him - it's letting go forever. Have you let him know that he can still contact her or have you told him not too? I pray that you don't close that door completely. At some point he may change his life and become a better person.

I will pray for everyone,
L. (H. now)

First of all, congratulations on having such an open relationship with your daughter and husband, and how wonderful it is that they both want to belong to each other.

My only suggestion is to visit your ex in person, bring the papers, and remind him that he agreed to this. Maybe your daughter should write him a letter.

Even if he doesn't sign the papers, I'm sure there is a way to draw up a will stating that your husband gets full custody of your daughter. If her father has been out of the picture for this long and not sure if he pays support or not, but if he doesn't that may give you more leverage.

Good luck and again, it's wonderful that you can all be so open with each other.

I applaud your husband for doing this! My husband and I were going though this same thing and my daughter is now 16 and her dad wouldn't allow him to adopt her and he never fought for her to have his last name so she has my maiden name which is strange! I wish you the best I would check with your attorney to see if there is any way around this to get his complete!
I have been looking for a company to be able to stay home and work what company allows you to do this? Very interested! Also very interesting my husband and I got married on July 4th to in 1997.

Good Luck I wish I had more advice!!