New Baby Adjustment Advice

I became a HDCP when my second son was born so my oldest had to adjust to the new baby AND kids coming to the house every day. What we did was make him feel important. Whenever anyone came to the house to see the baby, we let the oldest answer the door. We gave him little "jobs" to help out with the baby and I asked for his "help" when the other kids were here.

Throughout my pregnancy, we had him involved. He knew I was having a baby. He came to the ultrasound appointments (I was high risk so there were MANY) and he got to see his brother grow.

We've made sure that he gets some one on one "big boy" time with each of us (my husband and I), especially in the very beginning. I played games or watched a special show with him while the baby would nap. We made extra effort to make sure that he never felt replaced but that we had added to the family.

I do not run a daycare, so i have no advice on that, but it was tough at first. My son adjusted a ton better than i was expecting! The key is just getting in a routine. One thing i have found that has helped a ton for us is putting the baby to bed first. It is just me and the kids during the week becuase i work days and my hubby works afternoon/evenings. So getting the baby to bed first has been wonderful. She is 8 months now and goes to bed at 7 and my son goes to bed at 8 so that gives us an hour together to play, read books, talk, etc. He is 3. I worked with my baby to get her to fall asleep on her own and she does that just fine without being rocked or anything. The only time my son gets upset is if he has just set up a jump for his truck, or is coloring and she crawls over trying to take it or something. Other wise they absolutly adore eachother! The only problem i have really had is that my son for some reason seems to have to go to the bathroom as soon as im giving the baby a bottle. It has gotten a lot better, but still does it once in awhile. It will all be just fine though, and im sure you daughter will love helping. Just keep pointing out all the things she can do that the baby cant do yet. My son loved that and now he thinks he can teach her everything. LOL!! My pediatrician also said that if both the baby and your toddler are crying at the same time to tend to your older one first. Thier feeling will be hurt easier. Still tend to the baby in a timly matter but go to your toddler first when you can. Good luck and congrats on baby number 2!

You might be pleasantly surprised by her reaction to the new baby. I was really worried too, but she might not see the baby as a real person yet, for lack of a better term. Newborns sleep a lot, don't take much attention (as far as kids are concerned- feeding, yes, but you can just put them in a sling and tote them around- you can still play and read to your older kids as usual), and won't be playing with her toys for a long time. My son sort of viewed the new baby as a pet- just feed and pat it (or rock it) and it was satisfied. He used to give a ton of kisses to his baby sister! It only changed when she started playing with toys and taking things of his. You may get several months of calm!

Updated

You might be pleasantly surprised by her reaction to the new baby. I was really worried too, but she might not see the baby as a real person yet, for lack of a better term. Newborns sleep a lot, don't take much attention (as far as kids are concerned- feeding, yes, but you can just put them in a sling and tote them around- you can still play and read to your older kids as usual), and won't be playing with her toys for a long time. My son sort of viewed the new baby as a pet- just feed and pat it (or rock it) and it was satisfied. He used to give a ton of kisses to his baby sister! It only changed when she started playing with toys and taking things of his. You may get several months of calm!

In my opinion and observations most older siblings take to younger siblings really well until they get to the age of getting into her things. My advice is to utilize your daughter as the "big sister", have her help if she's into it. This will build the bond between the two. When the younger one gets mobile is when she will most likely start to have problems with the younger sibling. When that time comes just make sure the older one knows to put away her prized possessions and give her the space to do things without the younger sibling getting in the way.

Good luck and Congratulations!

Well, for 2.5 years, I did home daycare for kids before I had my 2nd child.... and before my eldest went to Preschool.

1) your "home" is also your daughter's home. And her personality is like my Daughter's.. at that age. Normal. Its fine. Don't try and scold for it or change her. Not saying you are... just an aside.

2) It is 'her' home TOO... so, yes, young Toddlers can or may have issues about other kids being in 'her' home too.... because then 'her' things/toys are up for grabs, her routine is different, her Mommy is not 'hers' only... etc. And at this age, and you being pregnant... a young Toddler needs their Mom in different ways and they get anxiety/stress and even separation-anxiety... even if you are there. They have to "share" their Mommy with others.... and they may be side-lined. Thus... they act-out. They act-out... Because: (a) their emotions at this age is NOT even fully-developed yet, (b) they do not have automatic coping-skills to deal with their emotions (c) They don't yet know how to succinctly communicate or express themselves (d) they do not yet have full impulse-control (e) they don't know how to deal with frustration or sadness or anger... yet in a perfect way (f) they don't, when needing attention, know how to get it.... in a way that is appropriate.... yet.

3) ALSO... with the other kids around... SHE may get: (a) over-stimulated (b) tired (c) just wanting time to HERSELF... but with all the other kids around... she cannot do that. Hence, a young toddler gets frustrated and tweaked, too. Her time.. is not her time... it depends on all the others and their needs.... with Mommy and the environment....

4) If the other kids are bold/in your face/extroverted/more aggressive than she is... then sure.... .like an adult... being around that kind of kids can simply be... irritating.... hence she may act-out.

5) Your daughter... is being her age.
She is trying... to deal with everything.
She is young..... so she is not completely in control of everything nor her own navigation of it of all the things/kids around her.

6) Sure, 'discipline' is used. To enforce rules and behavior.
BUT... unless you TEACH a child problem-solving or coping-skills or alternative ways of expressing frustration... just punishing or disciplining... will not address, the child's 'skills' in managing difficulty or frustration. Do you see?
AND you need to console her... in that it is OKAY for her to TELL you things, anything... and to express herself TO you. And it is okay... she will not just get punished for it.

(7) PLUS, you have a baby coming. THAT is something that will change her life, too. AND her Mommy.
When I was preggers with my 2nd child... I spent a TON of time on my eldest.... it was not 'my' pregnancy... but a time for my daughter... to have me and for me to explain things to her.... we took photos of her with my tummy, she talked and sang to her baby brother in my tummy, I explained what a baby does (it cries, it wakes at all hours, I will nurse him etc.), but its OKAY... because Mommy is still her Mommy and it is my job to care for baby... so she does not have to worry. I took her to all my prenatal appointments... which my Doc encouraged. He even taught her how to put the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy. She REALLY BONDED with her baby brother... while he was still in my Tummy. I spent my pregnancy... not on myself... but in "prepping" my daughter AHEAD of time.... so that she felt at ease with me/baby and all that will happen. Once her baby brother came home... it was not such a 'shock' to her then. She really adjusted well.... by then.
You do not help the eldest adjust to baby... ONLY once it comes home. You prep your eldest... NOW.... while you are pregnant.... now.

all the best,
Susan