Nervous Habit

I guess I didn't realize other people do that too. I am 37 and I still do that, but not when I'm nervous. I do it when I'm alone and thinking. I don't do it when my hands are busy though. I also leave my hand down by my leg. If she has something to do with her hands, in those times and she makes it less noticeable, she should be fine. It must help her through those nervous moments.

Childrens neurological systems require different forms of input to regulate themselves. Some kids require more movement activities (running, jumping, hopping, swinging) and others require more fidget type activities such as your daughters. As adults we "usually" get these under control, but when stressed or sometimes bored we engage in these behaviors - as adults it may be tapping a pencil, shaking a leg, rocking slowly back and forth, biting our nails, etc - things that are generally "acceptable". A good book, though I am not sure that your daughter fits any of the categories in it is called The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz - there is also another called Quirky Kids but I don't know the author about kids who are a little unusual.

If your daughter wanted to substitute the sign language with a different type fidget behavior, a water bottle with the lift top lid that you have to suck out of, is often a good substitute because it is age appropriate and the suck/swallow used can be relaxing to the nervous system.

Other kids are not very nice sometimes. She is at the middle school age when social stresses become heightened. The sign language could be a way for her to release some of the stress. It is so hard to encourage our kids to not worry what others things when the world dictates how we should look, act and feel - and often the worldly ways are way off!

Aside from being made fun of (which would break my heart) I would probably let it go and figure that it will resolve itself when it is no longer needed.

There is a lady at our church who is a sign language interpreter and I notice her "interpreting" the songs or the message when she has no one by her who needs sign language to understand?! I too, thought it odd, and then decided that was her way to participate in worship.

Good luck to you.

Hello A., Your daughter replaced her nervous habits with a positive one. Learning sign language is a good thing! It's a second language that she can apply to careers,college, and relationships in her future. Don't discourage her. It's so much better than other nervous habits. If she were speaking spanish or french at this age the other kids would still tease her, because that is the way kids are. Teach your daughter that it's more important what she thinks about herself than what others think of her. That will build her self esteem. My daughter is 23, married, has a child of her own, works a professonal career, and still has her blanket that she sleeps with. Good luck. S.

My brother always did things like that too, and it became a problem for him too. He never did sign language (although thats really creative and neat), and I can see how kids wouldn't understand whats going on and tease her about it. Tim has always kept a rubber band around his wrist (since he was about 10 or so) and when he feels the need, he plays with it, stretching it and pulling on it. It works for him and is a little less noticible than sign language. He is an adult now and an executive at WalMart, inc, so he seems to have survived pretty well. Best of luck.

A.~
That sounds like OCD to me. But don't panic...I have it, so does my mom and so does my oldest son. It's really not a big deal if she learns that everybody has obsessive streaks, she just needs to focus on something else. We do what we do because it makes us feel better to do it. Most of the time it hurts nobody and is harmless. In her case, its embarrassing because people notice it. Please don't take advice on here as a replacement for a doctor who may be able to help her even more, but there are things that she can focus her obsessions on that would be less noticable to others. I would be happy to share with you, please msg me if you are interested in how I live with it. It has even become a joke sometimes because I am comfortable with it and it's not a problem for me!
~L.

My daughter is nine and she taught herself the signing alphabet and she spells things when she is not otherwise focused. I was feeling ok about it and just hoping it is just a passing phase until I saw her doing it while she was asleep. Now I am wondering if something other than just a sijmple habit is going on. Im not sure how to help her with this without making her feel odd or stressed. A friend at school has asked her about it and I think she was embarrased. How is you daughter doing?

Maybe I'm crazy but if she is using real sign language signals and not ones she just makes up then she has a second language. It's a bummer that she is being teased, unfortunetly that is a common problem in school. If she enjoys using the sign language and it makes her feel better then I don't see a reason to stop her. Is she distracting the teacher or her classmates? If not then I would concentrate on helping her understand why some children tease. Help her feel special and come up with some polite comebacks for students who can't mind their own business. Standing up for yourself and having strong feelings of self worth are far more important then focusing on a habit she will probably stop on her own when she is ready. Kids that tease will find some other thing to focus on or some other kids to tease.

Good luck and God Bless

Maybe have her evaluated for OCD. It's really much more common than you think and if the teasing is bothering her it would be good for her self esteem to know there is a reason she's doing this.

Good luck!

Sounds like she might have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). My sister has it and went to couseling for it for many years, and it really helped. I think the name of the type of counselor was an O.T. (occupational therapist). The younger you start them in counseling, the easier it is to break their habits. hope this helps.

I would suggest taking her in for an assessment. Some of these behaviors are autistic symptomatic, but without an assessment they could also be a sign of others issues. I have some education in these issues and have researched behviors quite a bit. Sucking her thumb is not all that unusual and I have known quite a few people who have twirled their hair. While this might be irritating for some it is not worrisome. But going from talking to spelling through sign language is kind of symptomatic of withdrawing socially. If she was my child I would definately get an assessment if not for any other reason just to rule things out. They will also have suggestions and maybe support groups to help you out from there. Take care.

My guess is that she'll grow out of it. These habits are nothing that dramatic. Those that tease sometimes have a need to feel superior and important.
If the habits are changing, what's the problem? The risk is that by mom worrying about nothing, she's liable to feel unable to measure up or that simple quirks mark her as a basket case. When someone feels they don't measure up, it worries them and actual nervous habits can start up, because they're scared. It's no different than a security blanket and quite frankly, my oldest son loved the feel of the border to his 'blanky' well into his late teens. My youngest is 17 and he has his well worn favorite stuffed toy by his pillow. And these are very well adjusted kids.
Don't worry, mom. Encourage her anyway. She needs to feel solid in acceptance and security.

Hi A.,
It is unfortunate that she is being teased for having a second language, both my daughters are using sign language as communication, it opens more doors for their future. If it bothers you, or it seems like she can't help it then I would have her see a doctor. Maybe mention OCD.
Hope this helps.

it never hurts to have things checked out by a doctor. have you ever considered that the 'nervous' behavior is triggered by anxiety? i personally have suffered from anxiety ever since i can remember and have had lots of nervous habits over the years. nothing harmful, but it may be a sign of something underneath. i hope this didn't frighten you! just sharing my personal experience.
Good luck!
(by the way, I think the sign language is very cool and much more productive than other things she could be doing!)