Nervous About Using Potty

Whether you have a baby on the way or not , if your child is not ready (which sounds like he isn't) then he will not do it. Trying to make him will make the whole process a lot longer and more traumatic than it needs to be. Leave the potty where he can see it , let him know what it is for and leave it at that , he will do it when he is ready and when that time comes you will be surprised at how quickly he becomes potty trained (around a week).

My child was super nervous about sitting on the potty, he would cry and he seemed terrified, so I waited for a while (He was 3.5) but when we did potty train, we did it in stages. The first time he ever went on the potty, he had his pants and underwear on, and that was a victory. He was in the right place at the right time. So the next day I convinced him that he could try it was his pants down, but his underwear on, and that was a victory, and finally he was able to do it with pulling his pants down. The one thing I strongly believe in, is that not all kids do it "by the book." You really have realize that you know your child better than any book does, and if you have to do it in an extreemly unconventional way, then that's how you do it. It's not worth the stress you put on your child to make him do it the normal way.
Mostly, when potty training, don't think about what he's doing wrong, think about what he's doing right, and the rest will eventually follow.
And I'll add that if I had waited for him to decide he was ready, I don't think it would have happened. He was physically ready, and was mentally able, but very stubborn. Sometimes you know your child better than they know themselves. it's scary being a small child, and constantly expected to learn new things. Try to figure out if he's just scared, or if he really isn't ready as the underlying reason for the hesitation.

Potty training is hard and stessful on you, especially in the months right after training. There is a lot of running around - running to the potty, cleaning up accidents, standing over your son on the toilet telling him to wipe or wash his hands. Be aware that having two in diapers might be easier at least until you are past the newborn stage.

Also, if he is afraid, or simply doesn't want to, there is really no trick to getting him to do it. When he IS ready, it will be easy and you won't have to cajole him. I suggest saving stress on him and on yourself, and just wait. At a minimum, you might want to try every month or so, and not persist or you will have a power struggle on your hands.

He is still a baby and I would let him be if he wants to be. He will ahve enough growing up to do in other areas. Kids focus on one thing at a time usually (like walking or talking). IF he isn't focused on this it won't work. Continue to talk about the potty and try to aswage his fears, but don't push for your own reasons. This is his body and his learning. Teach him it is alright for him to be in charge of his body. It is a good lesson in many ways.

WHEN he is ready, I used a method similar to the one you described. Initially, I tried training a little past two with practice sitting on the potty and sticker charts, etc. But she was too young. Closer to three, she could really focus and showed a lot of interest in doing it, and she trained in 1-2 weeks day and night. I use dthe naked/underwear, jusice, potty trips weekend technique. A few months make a huge difference. Good luck.

Hi C. - it is probably because the seat is cold! I would stop training for 3 days to a week, then have him sit in his diaper/pants for a few days, then TELL him it will be cold but that it will warm up in a minute (like his car seat straps, or some other item he may be familiar with.) Give him a wrapped gift to hold while he sits on the potty. You reward him for something he can do while he learns a new skill. If he sits bare bottomed on the potty while you read a story, he gets to open the prize. (Buy 50 cars or trade low cost items in the bottom of your toy box with a friend). Also, have you thought about a potty that plays music when he goes? You may have to show him once, but after that he'll be hooked. Good luck to you all!

I understand your personal "incentive" to have your son trained before the new on comes (our situation EXACTLY) however it truly is best to let them set the pace. With that said, my son HATED sitting on the potty ... both the small one AND the big one. We started by concentrating on just peeing -- we let him stand on a stool in front of the toilet and told him to hold on to the toilet seat lid (tipping him forward and "aiming" him without touching him) so he could pee standing up. WHAT A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE!! Along with LOTS of praise, we also used a reward system of giving him a juice fruit snack every time he went successfully and washed his hands. Good luck!!!

My daughter was nervous as well. I just sang my heart out to her. I made up all kinds of little ditties like, "Pee pee on the potty" and "Plop, plop, plop goes the poopie." She was still nervous but the songs allowed me to keep her on the potty for a minute or so. As time went on she's sit for longer periods. Then on day when I KNEW she needed to poopie I ran her to the toilet and made her sit until she did it. She was crying and making a big fuss, but I made her stick it out - all the while singing a stupid poopie song. Once she let it go, we had a BIG celebration. And, she saw that she was afraid for no reason. From that point on, she was trained.

I have to agree with everyone else, let him set the pace. You'll know when he's ready. You can ask him every hour or so if he has to go pee pee and ask if he wants to try the potty. If he says no, you can gently respond "ok, maybe you can try the potty next time"
As for poop, you kind of know when they have to go, usually they hide in a corner and get this look on their face... it's classic! Anyway, same applies with the poop. You can ask if he wants to put the yucky poo in the potty instead of in his pants. He again will probably say no for a while yet, but when he's ready he'll probably just say "yes". Then you have to scoop him up and run to the potty. If he goes before you get there, take off the diaper/pullup and let the poopy fall into the toilet and show him that that is where it is supposed to go, then let him flush it down.

Don't stress over it, like someone else said - he'll be potty trained before he goes off to college (well...kindergarten really... but you get the point).

I had 2 kids in diapers for 3 years, and it's not so bad. The time will go by so quickly. Enjoy them while they are so little!

I would be very careful not to push him too hard. My 5 1/2 year old had a very hard time and ended up holding in his poopie for so long, he was completely full... from stomach to rectum... we had Xrays and Dr. visits and medicines and months of pain for him taking care of it. He's fine now and doesn't have any problems, but I think it was because for whatever reason, he was worried about going on the potty. He had no problem with peepee, but poopie was a big deal for him. My husband and I went through the whole spectrum of approaches... potty chart, rewards, gentle encouragement... unfortunately, we even used punishment (I don't recommend that one - I'm sure it made the problem worse!) Anyway, he was 4 before we got it all taken care of and he made the decision to go on his own.

Bottom line, just don't push him too hard. It needs to be his time, not yours. I thought it would be great to have him going on the potty before my second son was born, too... didn't happen, and it wasn't so bad. Two kids is a big change, but as long as you roll with it and don't expect yourself to be superwoman, the transition can be pretty cool. I always made room for my big guy when I was holding the little one. I think that's important.

Good luck, and remember that if it doesn't happen by May, it's ok. He won't go to college in diapers. ;)

Hi C.,

I agree with the other moms who've posted already: you can't force a child to potty train. You can definitely guide them, but in the end it is up to the child to start the process.

I was in your shoes a few months ago, and I made the mistake of pushing my son to potty train, too, but he resisted. So I stopped pushing, and accepted the situation, and told him that it's okay for him to stay in diapers longer. I also told him that big boys wear underpants and when he was ready, he could wear them. I kept the potty near us and accessible at all times at home.

My son is friends with many older children (kindergartners at my school) who use the potty, and after some time he wanted to use the potty, too....

Actually, exactly on his third birthday he told me he would like me to call him a "big boy" instead of a baby, and soon after that, he wanted to wear underpants. It helped that he also wanted to be a ninja, and I told him that ninjas wear big boy underpants, too!!!

I was amazed at how fast he potty-trained himself, and it taught me a lesson that you as a parent can always guide your child, but your child has ultimate control in the potty training. It is a very empowering experience for the child when it happens, but it takes a lot of patience beforehand.

Best,

Nessa

I learned with my son, who turned 3 1/2 yesterday, that he had to do when he was ready! Last Christmas when he was 2 1/2 I was determined to potty train him - I bought the potty doll, got big boy underwear, we got the little potty - it was a disaster! It was 3 days of him peeing on himself and the floor, him crying, my husand and I getting frustrated - just awful!! My son would cry when we say "time to try to go pee pee!" We quickly realized he was not ready and so we stopped. Of course, we always encouraged the potty but never did we pressure him after that point.

It wasn't until about May of this year that he started to want to try and we stepped up encouraging him to use the potty more often. It wasn't until about a month ago that he finally go the pooping down too. Also, for my son he never wanted to sit to go pee pee - he has always stood which was messy in the beginning but hey he was going on the potty! Oh, and he never liked his little potty. He only wanted to use the "big boy" potty.

Whatever you do - don't force him - just encourage. It is hard and long process but they really do tell you when they are ready (something I learned along the way)! Good luck to you and good luck to your son! :)

We are just finishing up on the training. I think that no matter what age you start them at, they will be anxious about using the potty. It could be for a number of reasons, his potty is uncomfortable, he is afraid of falling in, etc. Get some good videos, Go Potty Go, Potty Power, and No More Diapers were helpful to us. The Dr Phil method (which wasn't invented by him, but is on his website) is really interesting, uses a doll and steps. One thing that drove my son crazy was that I would force him to sit on the potty when he didn't have enough stored to go and it became a power issue. What I eventually found with both kids, was I had to wait until their bladder was really full and then force them down on the potty at which point they would go. I only had to do this once for each of them. It was like an ah ha moment, they realized the feeling that they needed to go. When you are really ready, scrap the pull ups for large portions of the day and just go to underwear or plain naked. you will do lots of laundry, but there is something about pullups that just signals them to go. You also will need to find what motivates him as a reward. I found this to differ between children. Good Luck to you. I know people that trained boys at age 2, so it can be done with patience. I was not so fortunate, but next time I will start earlier before the power struggle emerges.

We have a almost 2 1/2 year old and he's not interested in the potty really at all. The problem is, you can't really push them at all. I really think it's up to them. You can show them books and videos...and get them a potty...but you can't force them to use it. We also have a 10 year old..and he was closer to 3 before he learned how to do it. I just waited until he told me he wanted to. Of course we asked him often, and talked about it ALL the time, and read books about it. But one day..he just decided that he didn't want diapers anymore and wanted to try to use it. Once he became interested that's when we switched to underwear. Of course we had wet days for a week or two...but then he was potty trained. Every kid is ready at a different age. I've also heard about bribing the kids. For example, giving them a treat if they go on the potty...or as an incentive to try. I don't really agree though...I would just rather wait until he is ready. Good luck to you!

We live in Leesburg too!

ok real quick..
despite what the big kid diaper makers say, the best thing
to do is to start potty training them before they get used to having someone change them .put down the "experts" book on potty training and listen to the child. if the child doesnt want to use the potty, dont make them to do it, but..the next time you get ready to go somewhere with the child, ask them "do you have to potty ?" because if we have to come back to the house because you wet your clothes, you will be staying here. they will quickly get tired of having to come home because they will not use the potty, its either that or get the child to carry their own diaper bag which also will cure them of wanted to wear diapers
K. h.
brand new mommie

hi C.,
i feel your pain, it would sure make your life easier to have him potty trained before the baby arrives. but not THAT much easier. for starters i'd toss that nasty guide that suggests you should rush him before he's ready. that is NEVER a good thing in the long run, and the long run is what you're interested in. if he's happy sitting on the potty with his pants on, don't ask him for any more than that yet. seriously. pushing him will create mountains of anxiety and far far more stress for both you and him, and you need that with a new baby a lot less than coping with two sets of diapers. 2 and a half is so little. he's really still just a baby, even if he seems enormous with a newborn around. back off and let him relax.
khairete
S.

I am in the process of potty training my son also who is 2.5. I have a daughter who is five months old so I understand the desire to only be changing one child. However, while we introduced the potty before my daughter was born, we didn't push it at all b/c my son was already going through so many changes with a baby coming into the family.

What's working for us is being 100% positive about the potty and my son was never afraid maybe in part b/c I usually go with him! I put the potty facing the toilet and I sit on the toilet and go and put him on the potty to go. I take him with me whenever I have to go. Obviously, you can't be modest and use this method but from day one he understood what was supposed to happen by watching me. When he pees in the potty, we make a big deal and he loves clapping and cheering for himself, too. He gets a Teddy Graham for sitting on the potty and two for actually peeing in it. (We haven't tried having him go #2 yet). Now we're getting to the point where he's actually telling us he has to go sometimes so we can help him go to the potty. I think patience is key--we've been working on it about six months very gradually. We have not tried underwear yet. Oh, he also LOVES the Elmo Potty Time video (he's a huge Elmo fan).

Back in the days before disposable diapers, when I brought my newborn son (4th child) home from the hospital, I had him and his 23 month old brother in diapers full time and the 3 1/2 year old brother still in diapers at night. I know that it all seems time consuming now, but at least you don't have to wash diapers every day. I didn't have a dryer either, (not many of us did) so it meant hanging them on a clothesline. I tell you this to let you know that as undaunting as it may seem, you will make it and do a wonderful job. I whole-heartedly agree with all the wise moms who've responded to you. Let your little guy set the pace. Even if you suceeded in getting him out of diapers before baby comes, children tend to revert a bit when a new baby comes along. Some of my 6 children trained as early as 21 months, some not until 3 1/2. They now range in age from 14 to 37 and all are wonderful blessings as yours will be. Best of luck.