Hi everyone I am a foster mother of a 12 year old girl. She has been traumatized and abused by her biological parents and in other foster homes and now she does not talk at all. She will nod her head if you ask her yes or no questions but that is all the response we get. I currently have her in therapy and her therapist recommended I try and get her involved in activities. The problem is I am not sure what she likes or dislikes since she doesn't talk so I wanted some suggestions on some activities I could try. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your responses. I took her last night and bought her some goldfish. I let her pick out the fish. She got 5 fish total. I already had a tank at home. I brought them home and she helped me prepare the tank. We put the fish in and I showed her how to feed the fish. I let her feed the fish. This morning I woke up and she was asleep in front of the fish tank. I think this is really going to help her. I also plan on looking into some of the suggestions given. thanks again
L. where are you located? Horses are very theraputic. Maybe you can take her to horses just to hang out with other girls her age or to even ride them.I have horses and a big facility in the area of Shea/32nd street. If you are interested let me know. Good luck to you
B.
###-###-####
Because trust is an issue, I would suggest volunteer work at a local animal shelter, or a volunteer job at a horse stable cleaning stalls and/or grooming horses. Because there is no judgment with animals, it may just be the thing to begin drawing her out, while she learns to give again.
What does she choose to watch on TV? Are there movies she likes? Does she like music, crafts? Many of these are yes and no questions that you can ask her for a nod or a shake of the head. Since she was abused, she might like to "build a bear" at one of those places for her to have with her when she is feeling lonely. Does she wear jewelry? Would she like to make some? You may have to take her to the craft section at WalMart to check out some things, too. Good luck!
To expand on the idea about art, choose a program that emphasises her own expression and creation, rather than "how to draw." You'll find classes through many parks n' rec programs.
I also endorse the animal service idea. Here is the URL to the Wildhorse Ranch Rescue in Gilbert: http://www.mudponygallerie.builderspot.com/November2008.html
How wonderful you are, to open your home, to a child in need, and with struggles, no less.
I was always interested in doing that too. If you care to share your personal experience, plz msg me, and let me know how time intensive it is, and also, how much impact it has had on your other children, if you have any.
Anyway, I have an idea. What about maybe pottery? You can perhaps find a studio, or they have those little pottery cafes, or buy the clay at an art store. She would be creating something with her hands. She may really enjoy it.
Perhaps dance or gymnastics classes. Phsysical activity stimulates the good endorphins and may help her "feel better" mentally while she is doing something fun.
If cost is an issue, and you feel comfortable while not jeopardizing her confidence or personal growth, perhaps inform the places you are interested in attending of her situation and maybe they will give you a discount, if they have the authority.
I also, totally and completely agree with the ideas of getting involved with animals to help her. There are so many things to do...and maybe you could even "foster" a cat or dog from a rescue group. If you need help finding a rescue group, let me know as I know a few!
All the best.
Good for you. That makes me sad. 12 is a crucial age. Im sure she is feeling worse due to the holidays. If you attend church my suggestions is get her into groups. Also sometimes kids respond to animals. Try taking her around horses or walk neighbors dogs. They will be able to develope bonds with pets often before people. I wish you all the best.
Something having to do with art. That helps her give a way to express herself. Service always helps too.
First of all, God bless you for becoming a foster mom. I know it is now an easy thing to do, but I believe you may be the last hope for this young lady. Two things come to mind that might work are drama, i.e theater, perhaps starting with a non-speaking role. This would give her an opportunity for verbal expression, but as a character, she would be protected. The other would be to work with animals, maybe a volunteer at an animal shelter. Dogs and cats give love unconditionally. And she could talk to them and they would never tell anyone what she told them.
Thank you again for caring enough to give hope to a child.
What about Girl Scouts, while most traditional troops might be full there are several community outreach troops that meet once or twice a month and they do all types of activities to introduce her to lots of different things. And best of all it is very inexpensive. Check out www.girlscoutsaz.org or www.girlscoutsazeast.org and look under First Saturday for dates and times as well as contact information.
L.,
You should visit tatlife.com. Sorry about her situation, I hope that she will find that she is better off now.
Good luck!
I was in foster care from age 12-18. There are no words to help anyone who has not been through it to understand.
The goldfish thing was a great step, good job. She needs to feel like you actually care, and no matter how much you try to show her sometimes...well she has been made to believe that those who "love" you will hurt you. It is going to take alot of patience from you.
Does she have trouble in public, get anxious in busy places? Do men intimidate her? Think of these types of things, whatever her trauma may have been.... Dont over-cater to it, or she wont get better, but dont ever force.
Instead of yes or no questions maybe leave written options, or make a kind of 'lets get to know eachother game'. Like "Have/would you ever..." If she really wont talk maybe leave a list of activities for her to rate. If she likes the library it would be great bonding if you spent some time lounging there with her. Ask what kind of stories she likes. All the questions, whether answered now or later, will show that youre interested in her, and maybe open the door for her to bring it up next time. Silent games like checkers, cards, etc...
Thank you for being a special person in her life. I look back on my time in homes and shelters, and there are only 2 peolpe out of the 100's that really made a difference for me. I might not be as awesome as I am today if they hadnt taken the time. You rock!
