Need Potty Training Advise Please!

Updated on April 23, 2007
R.S. asks from Sumas, WA
12 answers

I have 3 girls and 1 boy. I don't know if being a boy has anything to do with it. But it was so easy to potty train my girls! He is 2 & 1/2 years old. We started potty training 3 weeks ago. He is awesome at peeing on the potty. He will even hold it if we are on a road trip. But the bad part is really bad. He absolutely refuses to poop in the potty. He goes right in the underwear. I have tried treats and letting him watch Deigo (his favorite show). I really don't know what has caused him to think poop doesn't belong in the potty. When he poops in his underwear, I say that's a no no, I bring it to the toilet and flush it down. I ask him where it goes. He says "in the potty". One more thing….he is scared to sit on the big toilet. Even with the potty seat on it. I am about to throw up my hands on this one! Please….I thought I had this all figured out with 4 kids! What do I do???

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So What Happened?

Well, you may have forgotten about us by now. It's been 2 months now and he has gone #2 on the toilet (big toilet) 4 times now! Two months ago I bought a really cool looking (to a 2 year old) motorcycle that made noises. Only cost me about $4. I stopped giving treats for peeing as he had that down great. I just asked him each day around "that time" if he would like to try and go poo poo on the potty for his motorcycle. He would always refuse untill about 2 weeks ago. One day he took me up on the offer and did it. We made a big deal about it. And I have given him a candy everytime he poops now untill I'm sure he has the hang of it. Thanks for all your great advise!
R.

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D.N.

answers from Medford on

I've read that some kids just have a problem with the little training seat on the big potty. Have you tried using a small child potty seat that sits on the floor?

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S.R.

answers from Seattle on

Hello,

My son was about your son's age when he was potty trained...27 months...and he picked up on peeing really quick and then pooping he did okay but in the first days of wearing underwear he held it for 4 days!!! Finally he did it and got a lolly pop and then he did it 2 more times that day just to get a lolly pop lol. Anyways he has always used the big toilet we never did the little one but here is what I did....

I have him sit on the toilet backwards so he faces the tank. This way when he pees it all goes in as if he was standing up and peeing cause otherwise it was spraying everywhere lol. But I think it makes him feel more secure when he has to poop cause sometimes he has to sit there for a minutue or too and then he doesn't have to work so hard just to hold himself up. Maybe give that a try :). Good luck! :)

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Both girls and boys learn to poop in the potty after they learn to pee. Sometimes weeks or even months later. One of the possible reasons for this is that the muscles necessary to hold the poop mature later. Learning to pee and poop in the potty is more than just wanting to do so. Their body has to be ready also.

I am amazed that he trained to pee in three weeks. Most children take longer than that. Both of my grandchildren took a couple of months or perhaps more. Some days they used the potty, other days not. They probably would've learned sooner if I had focused more on the training.

It sounds like you are very focused and have a lot of your self invested in his success. Focus is needed to get the job done quickly but too much emphasis on pooping can turn the effort into a power struggle. Or it can create anxiety that gets in the way. I would recommend backing off some and see what happens. Make pooping a big deal is scary for him and frustrating for you.

If the big potty scares him this could definately hinder learning. Why not get him his own little potty? In a couple of child development courses that I took I learned that often flushing the toilet is scary and if it is it is recommended that you not flush the toilet while he's still in the room. Remember kids do not have accurate knowledge based on experience. Everything is new to them. Some children believe that they can be flushed down the toilet just like their poop. lol

And remember also that he may not yet be able to control the muscles that hold the poop inside. My grandson was trained to pee in the toilet weeks before he could poop there. And he was 3 before he was ready for potty traing.

Praise yourself and your son that he's done so well with pee in just 3 weeks at age 2 1/2. That is a great accomplishment.

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S.O.

answers from Seattle on

R., give him some time. I have 3 boys ard they all learned to use the potty at different times. My first was 3 1/2, my second was 2 1/2 and my third was 21 months. It was all done on their schedule and when they were ready. I think that if only after 3 weeks your son has gotten the pee pee part down with no accidents then you are well on your way to having him completely potty trained. Let him feel good about accomplishing that aspect of potty training for a bit and then start working again on pooping on the potty. My first boy didn't want to "do number two" at first either. We went and got a childrens book called, "Everyone poops" and it helped him feel better about it. After reading it together a few times, he started doing his business on the potty from then on out. Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide to do and just remember the key factor in this is patience! :)

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A.H.

answers from Portland on

My son does the same thing (he's 3). What I found that works the best is to force him. Take away what ever he is doing in the moment.. Example: If he's playing with a truck, tell him he can have it back after he poops in the potty. I tried bribes, but taking away what ever he wants in the moment works MUCH BETTER. My son farts before he has to poop, perhaps your son has a similar warning sign. After that you have to force it.

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E.R.

answers from Portland on

Get a little kid potty that sits on the floor so he dosen't have to use the scary big potty to poop. He is probally scared because he can't hold himself up that long when he does have to go poop. Also....he is still kind of young...my son is three and is fully potty trained, and we did it in one day. Boys always take longer to potty train to start with. The next thing you should do is just start asking him all the time if he has to go poop, or try to notice the times that he normally goes...and just sit him on the little potty for a little bit. The little pottys are a pain, but my son was afraid of falling into the big one, so he would pee on the big one but wouldnt poop on it because he couldnt hold himself up that long. But most important thing.....be patient!!! He will get it....you dont see healthy ten year olds pooping in their pants all the time......Good luck

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G.B.

answers from Portland on

Hi R.,

I have a 31/2 year old son, 21yr, 22yr, 24, yr old sons and 24 & 25 yr old daughters. 3/1/2 yr old is potting in the potty chair and big potty, the only time he has accadents is when he is to busy playin. it took me 6 months to get him to this point. I whent and got Elmo goes potty and put his pottie chair in front of the TV. Everytime he sat on the potty he warched the video and gave him a fruit snake. You might try that. I did the same thing with my old boys, oh and it does help seeing Dad potty too.
Hope this helps

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S.H.

answers from Seattle on

Hi, R.. I have two boys, 11 & 3. Both were stubborn and did not potty themselves until they were 3 yrs old.
With my first son I really pushed it and that was a mistake, with my second boy I tried a little but let him be.
They will do it completely when they are ready. Just support them and they will do it on there own.
Sorry, if this isn't much help.
S.

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S.M.

answers from Portland on

My daughter (now 6 1/2 years old) did the EXACT same thing, she even referred to the big potty as the "mushroom potty" I wanted to scream, cry and quit many a time over, consistancy and patients. Books were a great help, convincing her to relax and try, also you should know by now the time of day (approx) that your son has a bowel movement, around that time take him in to the bathroom and try and get him to give it a go. I also would sit on the big potty while my daughter sat on her little one reading her books. It took forever to get it down completely but after, sigh, 6 months she had it. Still to this day she is afraid of the sound of the " mushroom potty" makes when flushed and still reads her books while going to the bathroom (yeah 30-45 min at a time) but at least it is going where it belongs, hang in there have you EVER heard of such a thing as a person never getting potty trained???? laugh about it:) (so you dont scream)

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A.D.

answers from Seattle on

My son would do the same thing. I started him potty training sitting down, just for that reason. But if they don't have a little seat to sit on or a step stool to rest their feet on, they are holding themselves up with all the muscles they use to "let go". My son kept pooping in his underwear too. I tried treats, taking privleges away....Finally, one day he told me he had to go and sat on the potty like 5 times and I knew he had to go, so I just took his pants and underwear away. It sounds totally irrational....but hey, its not like he is just goona poop on himself, right? And it totally worked. It only took me doing that one time and he has gone on the potty ever since!

Good Luck!

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E.R.

answers from Medford on

I have had this issue with many of my daycare kids. Some kids love the toilet and some kids are scared. Maybe try taking away his 'big boy' underwear until he does what you are asking.

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B.H.

answers from Portland on

My middle daughter was terrified to sit on the toilet. She was afraid that she would fall in. So we just did things slowly they all learn at a diffrent speed. He will get the hang of it just reassure him that he should go in the potty and show him by sitting on it and showing him that nothing bad will happen

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