Need Help with "Talking Back" 5 Year Old

What worked for me were a couple of things...First, I also warned them that I care for what they said or how they said it and if they didn't straighten up, I would flick them in the head with my fingernail and if that didn't work I would flick them in the cheek. It got to the point where all I would have to do is make the motion with my hand/fingers, they straightened up right away. It was short and sweet and they 'got it' and it was easy to do in public without making a scene, etc.

i agree with the 4pm snack. we typically have dinner at 5:30, but putting a snack on the table around 4pm makes a big difference with my kids' moods and makes it so much less stressful for me to cook. even if they eat a lot at snack time, they're still hungry again by dinner time, but not so hungry that they're going wild. a friend of mine used to get home from work in the evening so they had to eat dinner at 8:00pm. the kids were with her at work after school, but food wasn't allowed in the workplace. one of her daughters was often bratty in the evening, complaining about the food at dinner, etc. they would give her a couple warnings and then send her to bed without food. sometimes she would choose to go to bed rather than eat. i know that they were trying to teach the kids to eat when and what is served to them, but i really think the problem could have easily been solved by feeding the kids a snack in the car on the way home, even if it was just an hour before dinner. the daughter was just too tired and hungry by dinner time to control herself well anymore. good luck!

This might not be the source of the trouble, but it's accurate for lots of children, so I'll throw it out there. Age five is a huge transition for children. They learn to read, go to school, ride a bike, whistle, blow bubbles with their gum, move up to a higher age group at Sunday school, etc. And their brains have grown to an understanding of all this potential change. Plus, lots of times, parents excitedly chat about all the upcoming changes. Well, the children don't yet know that they're going to be able to do this stuff successfully, and they're scared that they'll fail, but they don't know how to verbalize that, so instead, they start acting out with tantrums and bad moods and such. Then, once they start accomplishing these new things, they start to relax because they see that it's all interesting and do-able and not so scary after all.

So he might just be a little tense. And on the bright side, it goes away in a few months. If it's something else, good luck, and I'll say a prayer for the little guy either way.

I agree, make sure they have a snack to tide them over for dinner. Then I would move their bedtime back. It maybe difficult but it is amazing how sufficient sleep does wonders for behavior issues. I would also make sure there are consequences for talking back.. hard I know. I often myself arguing with my 4 year old.. ugh.

First thing I'd do is try to move that bedtime up -- not sure what time they go to bed now but I'd go for 7 or 7:30. I think at 5 they still need about 11-12 per day.

Good luck

My husband and I had the same problem with our daughter(5yrs) and our son(4yrs). We had tried everything everyody had told us to do - nothing worked. Then my husband had an idea that no one had suggested and we had not tried - make them do push-ups, since it works for the military. The only differences we made is we don't put them down, we correct their form if needed, we encourage them to finish, and we tell them that we love them when they're done. They did resist and argue at first, but it takes a steadfast patience and calm authority to stand there and stare at them quietly waiting for them to drop and do their push-ups - it's a battle of who has the stronger will, even if you have to stand there for an hour or two (I had to with my daughter!!) Tell them that the sooner they do their push-ups and appologize, the sooner they can get back to normal life activities. You don't need to start them at a high push-up number, I started mine at five until their strength built up. They will cry and complain, but you know that it's hurting them, it's just hard work. It's a great upper body exercise that strengthens the circulatory system; it is not physically, verbally, or mentally abusive; it can be hard work, it can make a person tired, but will not hurt them as long as they are doing it right. My 5 yr old daughter can now do 50 push-up straight through without a break, my son can get through 40, and my 2 yr old girl can do 7 before she can't do anymore. We just had to show them how to do them right (boys push-ups are on their toes & girls push-ups are on their knees. Legs, back, and neck in a straight line, hands are slightly wider then the shoulders, only bending the elbows to go down to nearly touch tip of nose to floor, then back up to starting position.), then tell them this is what they will do when they break the rules and then enforce it strictly. I've got my kids acting almost like saints because they don't want to do push-ups, but they know they'll have to if they've done wrong. How many they do is up to you, just be fair concerning what you know their strength is and what they did wrong. I hope this helps you, I know it helped me.

Make sure he is fed - give him a large snack at 4 pm, then when he starts acting like that, put him to bed and don't let him off his bed until at least 9 pm.

Sounds like he needs to take a nap or go to bed earlier. My 5 year old does this too. We are transitioning to no naps. I think he still needs naps. We negotiate. If he doesn't take a nap he has to go to bed earlier and he can't be grouchy. I do advise having some down time for him in the evenings. We let him watch a little tv or play computer games. Also, he's testing to see what his boundaries are. Set the boundaries and make them clear. Let him know this is unacceptable behavior. I say things like, "How do you think that makes me feel when you act that way?" Or, "How would it make you feel if I acted that way towards you?" I also have my husband play with the kids in the evening. They like the time with Dad and it frees me up to get dinner ready, etc. Good luck.

2 things worked for me. 5yr. old boy in my house responded to "You hurt my feelings". This is what he was taught to do @ pre-school (so they would not hit). The other was a question of, "You wouldn't want anyone to talk to you like that, right?" He would answer, "No." & usually case closed.

You mentioned that you work outside the home. I do too, as well as building a business myself, and I have noticed my kids being crabby more lately too. My husband and I have set it up that now I spend one evening a month with each child, one-on-one. Just me and the child, and we go do something fun. This has allowed us to build a relationship again and the kids are much less grumpy. You may want to try this (especially if your twins have always done stuff together!) - sometimes kids just need 'mommy time'

I have a six year old that is a lot similar. I tried everything and I think I found the magic solution!! For us anyway. I learned to calm myself and like you either ignore the minor stuff or be direct but calm about the other stuff. She gets her three warnings with being sassy, rude or disrespectful or not listening to me each day. Sometimes it starts even before school starts!!
What I do is I gently tell her "that is one warning, you do not speak to me that way" second time "now you can get in your jammies (or if it occurs before school she is to get into her jammies when she gets home), that is warning two, you again will not talk to me like that"...then the third one is straight to bed. I am not kidding. A few weeks ago she was in bed at 4pm, I let her eat dinner, brush her teeth and she was to lay in her bed and be done for the evening. That incident was an awakening for her.
Kids are tired and have been on their best behavior all day at school and take it out on us typically. I give my daughter a little slack but once she has pushed me too far I am done. The warnings give them time to stop and realize they are digging themselves into trouble. I don't know if it will work for you but it has done wonders around here. When she gets home from school she will even say "Did I get to one warning this morning?" and is so proud if she goes to bed at her normal time without any warnings. I stuck to my guns and even though she didn't sleep she wasn't to play, read or do anything but lay in her bed when she gets to the third time.

A lot of times my kids behave like that when they want attention and need some extra loving. I know it sounds weird, but if you give him a great big hug and let him know that he is cared about, you'd be amazed at how that fixes a problem. When my husband was deployed to Iraq, my son acted up by punching things, hitting, screaming, etc. I tried everything for him to stop his "bad behavior". It wasn't until I tried hugging him when he started acting up, that things started getting better. A lot of people think that it is rewarding them if you hug them while throwing temper tantrums, etc. In actuality, I've found that my son is more considerate of how he treats me when I show him that he is loved. Also, it wouldn't hurt to set aside maybe 15 minutes a day for each of your children. I found that any sort of change, like a baby, is an adjustment to the other kids. If they aren't getting the attention they need, they tend to go to negative behavior to get the attention. Hopefully this helps, I just know especially if you are working that kids need to feel like they are still important to you and that they aren't less loved because of changes in life.