4 y.o. Needing to Eat Nightly Before Bed

I guess it would help to know: why are you so concerned with avoiding the before-bed meal? Why is it such a problem?

I don't think the issue is that she isn't eating enough at dinner. It really does NOT sound like a behavior issue or stalling, either, since she will forgo the bedtime stories for food. Plus, at 4, she has a smaller stomach than us adults--and even some *adults* need a bedtime snack (my husband, for example, who has a high metabolism and can really put away food, but is definitely NOT overweight--he's got a 29.5" waist)!

Since you mentioned her activity level is pretty high, it could very well be that because of that, she has a high metabolism and even if she eats plenty at dinner, she really does need something to eat later. Eating more at dinner will probably not help, since she can only fit so much food into her little stomach! And you certainly don't want her forcing it down!

Speaking of which, please reconsider telling her to "eat until she is full." We should NOT be eating until we cannot eat any more (that is "full", aka "stuffed"), we should eat just until we are *satisfied* (that is, no longer hungry). If we teach our kids to consistently eat until full, they will probably have weight/food issues in the future!

She may or may not outgrow the bedtime snack (as I said, some adults still need a snack before bed), but at this point, I would not discourage nor discipline her for it--I really don't think she can help it. I would do just what you are doing, and provide a snack, but only when it is requested.

If it were my child, I would probably also push back regular bedtime by 15 minutes to 7:30 to accommodate for both the snack and stories, because I'm all for reading to them as much as possible! If she decides she doesn't need the snack, you could always allow for an extra story or two. ;-)

HTH! Good luck!
God bless,
--A.

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She may be eating until she is satisfied at meal time and is truely hungry again before bed. Our bodies are designed to be fed 5-6 times a day, not 3-4, as most of us eat. Her body may be sending her a message to eat before she goes to bed to keep her blood sugar from dropping too low while she is sleeping. Most diabetics are encouraged to eat a snack containing a slow releasing carbohydrate and a protein before going to bed. It may also be allowing her to get a better night's rest and allow her to sleep longer because she isn't waking up hungry. It really all around is a better habit than eating more at one meal. I understand obeisity isn't an issue now and encouraging her to listen to her body and eat when she is hungry and eat until she is satisified is a life long healthy habit that will help prevent obesity in the future. I don't know if her eating habots will change over time. I grew up in a house where we always ate before bed and we all still do, so I'm not much help there, but I do know it is best to allow her to listen to her body.

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E.:

I have no idea if a snack is a good idea or not, but I actually remember asking my parents for a bedtime snack when I was little, simply to avoid having to go to bed. My siblings & I would do anything to push bedtime back even if it was 1 minute. We didn't care; we were kids. It was great & my parents were either suckers or wanted a snack too b/c they never complained or denied us. I'm grown now & to this day when I come to visit, they pull out all kinds of food just before I'm ready to go to bed. Basically, my parents have dessert after every dinner, but would wait to serve it within an hour of bedtime. This is obviously NOT healthy or a good idea (trust me, we weren't eating carrot sticks) to get your kids used to, but in my parents house, it's just how things are. It also never messed with anyone's sleep, as far as I know, but it doesn't seem like a nutritious idea to me. I have an 18 month old & cringe with the thought of a bedtime snack. I'd say "no" to my kid but I know grandma & grandpa would gladly pull out the cake!

AJ

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Hi there!

First of all, congrats on your impending arrival!

Regarding your little one...Considering that bedtime is a mere hour or so after dinner, I seriously doubt she's actually in need of anything to eat. It's likely that there is another motivation behind her behavior.

Some of the things I was wondering, and you might consider: What are you feeding her at this time? Where is she eating? Are you reinforcing this behavior in some way (extra attention, staying up after the "posted" bedtime, eating something that would be considered a "treat")? Remember, reinforcement can be attention which is postive OR negative...even if you are arguing with her, she has your attention.

You mention her "insisting" that she have food before bed, which leads me to believe that you are simply not standing your ground. She's 4, you're the mom. Say no and stick to your guns. You have nothing to feel guilty about. She just finished eating an hour or so ago...it's simply not physiologically feasable that she NEEDS to eat that soon after a full meal. Eating in order to go to sleep is an unhealthy habit to allow her to get used to. It also makes for less restful sleep.

If you simply can't get over the guilt you feel when you send her to bed crying because you haven't given in, you might try an alternative: A SMALL (4-6oz) cup of warmed milk in a cup (add a pinch of cinnamon or nutmeg for a more palatable flavor), or a small cup of warm chamomile tea (sweeten with Splenda).

Milk contains tryptophan, the same stuff found in Turkey that makes us so tired. It's also filling. Chamomile is a completely safe herb which smells and tastes good, and has claming properties. These are nice things to add to the bedtime routine which will help to relax her, unlike giving her food, which can wind her up. When using these alternatives, to avoid argument, I suggest making those her only choices. No foods, just one of those warm drinks. If she doesn't like that, she gets nothing at all.

EDIT: In response to those who state that eating before bed is healthy: Upon waking in the morning your metabolism kicks into gear and you eat breakfast. Your body is burning energy at its highest rate. This is why kids need a mid-morning and afternoon snack. But throughout the day, the body's metabolism slows down in preparation for another sleep cycle. When you eat at night your body does not fully "sleep" because it's busy digesting that later snack...which it does more slowly due to the slower night time metabolic rate.

Our bodies are not designed to eat at bedtime. To do so is NOT healthy and will cause sleep problems such as nightmares and other disturbances.

Research to support this: http://www.mta75.org/curriculum/english/effects/eating.html

Good luck!!!

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Good Morning E., Kids figure out soon how to stall going to bed. What do you give her to eat before bed? Is it what left overs you have from Dinner? or a snack type thing? What you might try is at story time, fix a small bowl of popcorn, they make the small mini bags now. It's just enough to satisfy. You can both snack on it while you read her a story. But I certainly wouldn't give her any sweets or heavier things right before bed. You might try having pudding for dessert after dinner, or jell-o etc..

Our gr son would eat non stop if I allowed it. He was 4 in Mar. He can have oatmeal or pancakes for breakfast, 30 minutes later he is telling me he is hungry and needs a snack. I make him wait until at least 10:30, then he has fishy crackers. Lunch is at Noon, nap time, he gets up telling me the same He is hungry. His mom picks up the boys at 5, and has dinner by 6. Zane's BT is 7, Corbin's is 8. He will tell you he is hungry constantly. He will whisper in my ear 4 or 5 times through the day, Nana I'm HUNgry...lol
Give me ice cream or cookies, how about some chocolate. NO to all of those...lol

I pray it is a phase they will grow out of sooner then later.

Give the popcorn idea a try it may help.
God Bless, and Congratulations on your upcoming little one.
K. Nana of 5

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i don't think there is any harm in a small, healthy snack before bedtime. i really don't. if you can do it at the beginning of your nightly routine (before brushing, ect) like someone suggested, it'd be best of course. but i do have a couple suggestions because in my opinion, my son (who is in the 97th percentile for height AND weight - 41 lbs at 2 1/2) is an eating machine- and we've never had this issue. you could try a small bit of milk instead, if it's bothering you. milk is somewhat filling and then she should be able to get to sleep, having something on her tummy. i don't like to feed my son anything, or give him any drinks, before bed, because he has a problem with diaper rash and if he sleeps in a very wet or poopie diaper, it's disasterous. and not to mention he's already a BIG boy so those extra calories are not needed! but that's just me. like i said i don't think it's a huge issue, but i also do think it's setting up a habit for the future, one that may be hard to break. it's not really healthy to eat right before bed. but it's all in what you're okay with. i don't really see this as something she'll grow out of - at this point she shouldn't 'need' to eat, it sounds like more of a behavior issue at this point. but that's just my thought. hope it helped.

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You can always give her a bedtime snack and refer to it as a bedtime snack (mind over matter)could do the trick, then do the brushing of the teeth and whatever your usual bedtime routine would be. The snack can be some grapes or even one cookie.

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E., sorry it sounds like you are starting down a slippery sloap of bad habits. I would set a time limit, Period end of story and stick to it, then after the time has past teeth get brushed and no food after that point.
Lots of luck
B.

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In my opinion, I think shes just stalling. My daughter does the same thing. When I start talking about bed she wants to eat, read a book, go to the bathroom, do anything she can think of. I do read to her and let her go to the bathroom of course. I personally dont think its a good habit to eat right before she goes to bed, especially if you have already brushed her teeth. I just tell my daughter she can eat in the morning. You dont have to take me advice of course, but just wanted to let you know my daughter does the same thing.

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I have a 4 year old boy who eats a snack every single evening before bed. We have the same routine, dinner 5:30ish, bath/book 7:15, bed by 8. He has done this since he was about 2. My son is very active and eats all day long. What we have done, is to make a night snack about 7. But we make sure he has an hour before laying down. It might stem from when he was a baby, he always had a hard time with nighttime feedings. He ate the most at night (which killed me) but I think it just carried over I guess. He loves corn flakes before bed. I am pretty relaxed on what he eats, but at night, his evening snack is always healthy. Now when he is growing, that is another story, he just can't seem to get full. But daily we do the night snack and keep it healthy and light.

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Most children do go through this. The proper diet for anyone is to eat every 2 hours right up to bed time. It keeps our metabolism up and burns calories correctly. Instead of a full meal what about a good healthy snack like apples and peanut butter or yogurt and carrot sticks. It's perfectly normal for her to be hungry before bed. She may out grown this or she may continue to need to eat right before bed. I have raised 9 children and had 2 that were the same way. A dietician reccomended letting them eat. Explaining how most children at that age do not over eat or eat just for the sake of eating but may be needing the extra calories for growing. It's good your daughter is listening to her body. Not over eating at dinner but realizing her body needs more at little while later. It may be a good idea to have her help you prepare her snack after dinner and have it ready so that it doesn't take more time when bed time is going on. If she is at home with you during the day you may want to make sure she is eating a good breakfast and enough throughout the day. Some children will tend to be so busy playing they will not eat enough calories for their growing bodies throughout the day and then be hungry after dinner because their bodies are lacking what they missed throughout the day. I hope some of this helps. Wishing you the best!

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I used to be licensed for 24 hour care. I still provide it, but am no longer licensed and only care for a few children. But I just want you to know that a bedtime snack is REQUIRED in a licensed home childcare that provides evening care.

We have become a nation of dieters. You have probably heard so many times that eating before bed is wrong. That's garbage and stupid. I do struggle with my weight. I always have. I NEED to eat before bed. And here is a shocker. I NEED to eat in the middle of the night. If I deprive myself of these foods it sets me up for major over eating later. I have lost 34 pounds and am finally able to maintain this loss without being on a roller coaster. I am planning on losing a lot more weight but am taking time to practice maintenance. But you should know that I was losing weight actively and quite quickly even while still getting up and eating apples in the middle of the night. I used to eat whole peanut butter sandwiches in the middle of the night and eat whole meals before bed. So I have had to discipline myself to be careful about what I allow myself to have and how much.

I honestly don't understand why you would want your poor little girl to go to bed hungry. I know you have been trying to do the right thing and the world says never eat before bed. But look around. There are way more fat people in the world than skinny. It's not about how often we eat. It's about how much and what we eat. Some people just have a faster metabolism and need to eat more often. If I let my stomach empty out I struggle with nausea and acid reflux disease. Ironically, the acid reflux also gets worse with over eating. I needed to learn to listen to my body and I still struggle with that.

S.

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If bedtime is truly that soon after dinner, she is just doing it "because she can". She's not hungry. She's just stalling and getting some attention for it. She is also developing an unhealthy habit that will come back to bite her in later years.
If dinner were much earlier, and bed time much later, then it would be possible she is hungry. Many good parents over the years have given their children a small healthy bedtime snack for that reason.
In this case, however, she can (and should) wait and have a healthy breakfast in the morning.
:)

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I can say that we eat dinner around 5 to 5:30 PM as well. I have a 5 year old (soon to be 6) and a 2 year old. At 7PM it is time to clean up all toys for snack, then at 7:15 PM the kids eat snack while I read two to three books to them. Now it depends on what they ate for dinner as to what snack is. If they did not eat all of their dinner then that is snack. If they ate a good dinner then they might get some fruit snacks, or a fruit roll up or some beef jerkey. If they did not eat a good dinner then it is carrot sticks, apple slices, or like I mentioned before their dinner. At around 7:45 to 7:50 they brush their teeth and get PJ's on then get tucked into bed by 8 PM (or at least the 5 year old does). I have to get her back up at 6:25 AM to get ready for school. My 2 year old son I try to get to bed and asleep by 9 PM. It does not always work out that way for him. I know that when I was growing up we always got a bed time snack. I do not see any problems with it only because their stomaches are so much smaller than ours. Now I will also add that on some nights it does seem that my daughter has a bottomless pit at both dinner and snack time. I do try to limmit the amount of food at snack time but she has always been under weight and still is so I really do not do that too much to her when she gets this way I know that she is having a growth spurt.

I agree with most of the other posters... I know I need to eat often throughout the day, including right before bed, and so does my son. We eat small snacks (cheese and crackers, for example) as part of our bedtime routine, and then the whole house can sleep well. If we skip it, there is little sleep that night... he'll even wake up in the middle of the night and eat a banana or down a whole glass of milk! So we need to let them learn to listen to their bodies... and we need to learn to listen to our kids, too.

Good luck!

Hi E.,
I agree with the other mom's about a bedtime snack. Especially if she is willing to give up story time. I did an apple or carrot sticks, something like that when my daughter was about that age. My Dr. back then seemed to think it was a growing spurt. She didn't require the extra snack all the time and eventually quit wanting it at all.
So maybe you could try to offer the snack with story time then brush teeth right after. Who knows. If she is trying to put off bed and isn't really hungry, maybe if you offer before she asks it will take away the challenge of the whole thing. Good luck.

Have you spoken to her pediatrician about this development? I hate to ask this, but does diabetes run in your family? I ask this because as a child I suffered from low blood sugar and have scared my parents by passing out while doing errands. In my later years I became a type 2 diabetic.

Hunger is an indicator and for the meantime I see nothing wrong with a night time snack before bed. Not sure how our culture feels 3 meals a day would suffice. As a diabetic i have 5-6 meals a day to maintain my blood sugars.

The only advice I can give - and this goes for all of the mamas who responded as well - is to relax. If we make a big deal out of whether a snack is good or bad the kids will sense it. I let my 4 & 6 year olds have a snack before bed. I try to make it something that will stick with them but with as little sugar as possible. After only a couple of weeks they knew the rules and will pick out what is allowed. They don't ask for candy or snack cakes. They love apples with peanut butter on them. This snack time for them is when I take the time to pick up or change laundry, etc. It has helped since it is a transition time for all of us. After bedtime snack we brush their teeth, then I read a bedtime story while they lay in one bed, then they separate to their own beds and go to sleep. My stress level is way down since there isn't a constant fight at bedtime. As mamas we have to pick our battles and the bedtime snack issue just isn't one that I felt was worth fighting over. I have to save my energy to referee when they act like brothers and want the same toy even though they both have one!!!

Hi! I know this can be frustrating, but she may be about ready to have a growth spurt. Also, it is a long time between dinner and breakfast (12 hours or more). During the day, we usually eat about every 4 hours or so. I ask my girls if they need a snack as a part of their bedtime routine. I will let them have a small glass of milk or water along with a piece of fruit, cheese and crackers, yogurt, etc. I read to them while they are having their snack (already in pajamas), then they brush their teeth and go to bed. Good luck!

We have given our kids "snacks" before bed, but only if they request them. Nothing too big, maybe some crackers, low cal popcorn, fruit, etc. It won't hurt her to have something before bed, if anything it might increase her metabolism for the next day.

All three of my kids have done this. I talked to the pediatrician about and they said to let them have a snack just make sure they brush their teeth afterwords. our pediatrician also told us that the extra carbs at night actually help them to sleep better. My MIL didn't believe me until she saw a similar story on the new news about it. It was GMA or the Today Show.

I'd suggest making a snack part of her bedtime routine. When we were kids, we'd put on our pj's and then my dad would cut up an apple that we'd share. Then we'd brush our teeth and have story/snuggle time and go to bed. We've found with our 20 mo old that if we give her a snack - usually yogurt - (even though she's just eaten an hour before bedtime), she can't use it as a stalling tactic later. If she's not hungry, she only takes a bite or two, but often, she'll eat half of it or more. Then I don't worry that she's really hungry when she makes her plea to eat when we put her to bed and we just say, we already had a snack.

My 4 yr old boy does this occasionally. He started doing it about 3 months ago. I decided to allow him a light snack around 4pm and then I pushed supper later (around 6:30). We get him ready for bed around 7:30 on days he doesn't go to school, because he doesn't nap at home. So those nights without food before bed are better. But for the days he naps at school, he will not go to bed before 8:30. Frustrating, but then around 8 pm he is hungry again, no matter what I have for supper. So I allow him to eat a light healthy snack. But if he chooses to do this, I always make sure he does it before the bedtime routine. If it is after that, the only thing he is allowed is water. Most of the time this seems to be fine with him. There were a couple times he fought me on it, and instead of a screaming match, I allowed him to eat the snack, but he only had 2 bedtime books, instead of 3. Hope you can come up with a solution for your family. I really just think our kids are always growing, and need the extra nutrition, and as long as they are healthy, a light snack won't hurt before bed.

My 15 year old son has asked for and needed bedtime snacks for years. Now he has a chocolate malt with protien powder. He is 6'4 and 150 lbs so needs the calories. He always gets very hungry right before a growing spurt then will give up the snack for awhile. I would work it into your bedtime routine it is probably her bodies way of saying it needs more calories for her growth.

It sounds to me like you need to make this part of her bedtime routine. I think that different people need things differently. I would not make this a "treat" snack, something healthy that is to tide her over, not something for her to look forward to if she doesn't like dinner. We do not do a bed time snack, but my husband does not get home until 6:30 or 7 and we head to bed at 7:30 or 8, so there is not much time in there, otherwise, I think we would have to have one. I really think people expect kids to go down to 3 meals a day very quickly. I often want something before bed, after the kids are asleep. I think she'll out grow it. I usually had a "bednight" snack when I was a kid. As long as you are sure she's eating a good dinner, I would trust her body, and teach her to trust her body. I think that's a hard thing to learn, but if we really listen to our bodies, we might have better eating habbits (and other habbits as well)!

K.

its a very natural thign for her to eed to eat 2-3 hours after a meal, her body has digested dinner already. i would recommend u add a snack about 430 and eat dinner around 630, that should help

Since you're eating about 2 hours before bedtime, she probably is hungry and needs a snack before bed. When we were on the earlier supper schedule, my kids needed a snack before bedtime. Now that we eat supper later, the snack usually comes late afternoon. Yes, she will outgrow it, but for now, if she's hungry, let her have a snack. Just figure it into the bedtime routine. Fruit, cheese, and raw veggies are my kids' favorites. You don't want to skip out on story time. Reading to children is so important to their development and learning to recognize sounds and letters and eventually learning to read themselves. Good luck!

My 4 year old started doing this a couple of months ago as well. Like yours he is a VERY active child and not at all overweight. At first I thought his motivation was to stay up later, and perhaps some nights it is. I do give him a snack, but it isn't something he enjoys-this way I know that it really is hunger and not him trying to be sneaky. I let him have one peice of whole wheat bread with nothing on it. I figure that it is bland so it can in no way be looked at as a treat or a reward but it is carbs and fiber to fill him if he really is hungry. Good luck to you!