Need Help with Potty Training! - Weymouth,MA

Sounds to me like she is not ready. You are so anxious for her to use the potty and this is adding stress to her. Just put her back in diapers and let her take control of the situation. When she is ready it will only take days.

You will NOT win this one.....no one can control another persons bladder.....ultimately if you keep pushing her you will delay her even more.....

i agree with a lot of the other moms- she's not ready. it's too bad that school isn't willing to work with her. maybe a smaller school, maybe a daycare or another facility.

yes, lots of kids are trained earlier, and "in the 50's" things were different. that response just seems so completely irrelevant to me. this isn't the 50's. we are not those people. if some kids train at 18 months, great. i feel like either their moms have a crapton of time to spend doing nothing but potty training, OR there is some other kind of less moral "convincing" going on (i.e. using fear, etc). either way, that's not most of us. i would be really curious to know how so many kids are trained at 12 or 18 months. not being catty, i'd just really like to know. if it's not biology, are their parents taking them every 30 minutes? (impractical) are they being punished or belittled or yelled at if they have accidents? (mean) i can't think of any other way it could be done so i would be curious to know if there's another method that works. who knows? but if it exists it's a big secret (and if it's so great and works so well, why wouldn't we all know about it?)

my son trained when he was ready, and yes we tried and stopped a couple times before he was really ready and it happened. i didn't stress myself or him out about it; there is too much stress and pressure in this world as it is. it's really just a matter of whether you want to take on this battle (which can only be "won" if your daughter decides to let you win, if she digs in her heels you will have absolutely no control over her bladder or bowels), or pick a different plan. different school, starting her later, something. it's truly something you shouldn't force, imo.

She's not ready.

Preschools that expect a child to be potty trained at 2 years old, to me... is not real correct. Meaning, it makes a parent think a child has to be, potty trained already, despite their age and biological development.
Just because a school's rules are as such, it does NOT make your daughter "wrong" or inadequate. Nor 'slow.'

MANY kids, just are not ready yet.
Find a Preschool that accepts diapers.
My son goes to a Preschool that does.
They don't flinch about it.
My son, was already 3 when HE started to on his own, warm up to the idea of pottying.
His school accepts diapers and kids who have accidents.
They are, besides that, a great preschool.

MANY kids, at this age, are just not ready. Emotionally or physiologically.
Forcing it, pressuring the child, giving rewards or punishments will not help.
It will just make a child regress and/or have hang-ups and medical problems.
Some kids... will just NOT even pee or poop (even if they have to) and will HOLD IT IN. That, will cause medical problems and infections. To say the least.
It shows the child is stressed and has anxiety about it, and is not ready.

I was in the same boat last year that you are in now...3 year old preschool looming and a child that had zero interest in using the potty. We lucked out in that we had a teacher who understood that the school's policy was that the children had to be potty trained and not wearing pull-ups, yet was sympathetic and knew that many kids are just not ready yet. So she actually let it slide, and our daughter went in a pull-up, and nobody ever knew the difference (she knew us from having us in her Mommy and Me class the year before and was happy to have DD in her class again). She never did a #2 while in school and the pull-up still just absorbed the pee. It's not as if they are checking the kids for underwear every day that they walk in the door - it's just that they are not allowed to wipe if the kids make a mess, but how many potty trained 3 year olds are that good at wiping themselves yet anyway? We still worked on potty training DD during the year and now she's finally got it down (and will be turning 4 soon). If she's not ready, she's not ready...I'm not suggesting breaking the rules, but maybe you could talk with the teacher and see what she has to say? Because I knew that my daughter was not the only kid in the class not potty-trained yet and as far as the teacher was concerned, as long as we were working on it, that was fine with her.

I just confirmed with the head of my daughter's preschool...the state of MA recently passed a regulation that states that kids cannot be excluded from preschool if they are not potty trained. She said to check on the MA DEEC website for more information.

Sorry, just because she "has to be trained to go to school" doesn't mean it will happen, especially in the next 2 months. She is on the young side, so even if she showed signs of being ready to train, like telling you when she had to go potty, has regular BM's, etc., it's a process that can take several months to a couple of years.

I've recently begun to train my almost 27 month old, plan on not using pull-ups as well so he can feel the wetness, use the stickers which he likes but aren't too impressive, have the underwear, etc., and while he has gone #1 and #2 on the potty he still is a looooong way from being trained.

Continue to train, don't show her your frustration, (it will slow her down more) and make alternate plans for schooling just in case she isn't trained or postpone her starting.

I agree she sounds like she isn't ready yet. You can't push a river, you can't make a child like certain foods, and you can't make them commit to using the potty if they really are not willing to make that ongoing responsibility their own.

I'm really curious about all these preschools that reportedly require children to be potty trained by the time they enroll. There are kids who are simply not there by the age of 3 or even older. Do those kids not get to go to preschool? Or is it only certain ones that are that demanding? I'll bet there are many, many kids in those preschools having potty accidents regularly.

I agree with Carrie that if your daughter senses your urgency about getting trained, the stress could simply be distracting her and making success harder. When she is ready, physically AND emotionally, training will be very quick. That could still all happen a month or 6 weeks from now. That's a very long time in the life of a child.

Here a very well written, informative website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness...

My daughter is 3 and 2 months - she is JUST potty trained, I despaired over it - but she just didn't GET it. I don't know of any preschool for 2 year olds, that would insist on potty training. I don't like the sound of that - some are simply not ready!
My daughter didn't care if she was wet or dirty, she would just sit there and be stinky all day.
Our breakthrough was character underwear, with faces of her fave character. I told her if she wee'd she would be weeing right in their face, and they would choke. And holy heck if it didn't work. But I think she was ready though.

Shes not ready,, and it takes more than a couple days trying to get it right, once they are ready. Why does she have to go to preschool? Maybe a daycare where they can change diapers fits her needs better.

Seriously - double check with the school that this is really a REQUIREMENT for kids under 3. If it is think about finding another preschool (I really do know what I'm asking here). To me this would be a HUGE red flag that the school's priorities are out of whack. My son didn't potty train fully until around age 3 and he still won't use a public restroom (he's 3.5). He starts preschool in the fall and it's not a requirement for the 3 yos. Good luck and try to do what your daughter needs, not what a school needs.

I would stick with underwear ALL day, EVERY day for at least a week. Diapers only at nap time & bed time. I wouldn't expect your child to catch on in one day, it takes time. With my now 3.5 y/o daughter, it took a week of accidents, until she 'got it'. It's now been about 7 mos. and she has an occasional accident, but is fully day trained. Night training takes longer, but we are almost there. As far as being potty trained to start school, if she's not, she's not. No amount of pushing will help to get her ready, she'll do it on her time. Good luck!

A friend of mine couldn't do preschool until her daughter was 4 b/c she just wasn't interested in the potty.
If you are interested in pursuing it further, then undies or naked is definitely better than pull-ups. I really love the Gerber training underwear--the cotton crotch REALLY helps catch the leaks!

My daughter is training right now. 2 weeks into it, she's still having accidents, so yesterday we named my digital kitchen timer "Mrs. Potty Timer" and my 2.5 yr old loves it. I set it to buzz when I think she should go (ranges from 5-30 min depending on time of day and what she's eaten/drank), and she loves going when "Mrs. Potty Timer" buzzes. It was working great today!

For my older daughter, we also used juice as a reward so she'd pee a lot and get lots of practice and positive reinforcement.

High-fives, sparkly stickers on a potty picture, cookies, and the "poo-poo potty dance" (we silly dance in circles chant it) have been popular rewards around our house.

Keep the portable trainer potty in the same room with you (or in the car or even the shopping cart!) and hang in there....at least you'll have lots of clean laundry after washing all those underpants that she pees in! ;-D

That's awfully young for a preschool to expect a kid to be potty-trained! It's unrealistic to think most kids that age are ready yet. Go ahead and try the suggestions below if she ever shows a vague sign of readiness, but otherwise I'd dare to say, brace youself for having to find another preschool for the time being, especially if the school won't even allow for using pull-ups and for lots of accidents to happen. I've heard nothing but trauma stories from parents who tried PTing months or years before the kid was ready for it. Good luck regardless!!

You can try every technique, but nothing's going to work if she's not ready. She's still pretty young. If she doesn't get the "I gotta go" feeling from bladder to brain, then it's developmental, not behavioral. It has nothing to do with intelligence or will power or control. Every kid develops certain skills but in a different order. Some read early, some don't. Some walk early, some don't. Some potty train early, some don't. Whatever she's NOT doing now, rest assured that her little brain is developing in other areas. Sometimes kids in preschool learn to go to the bathroom when they see their peers going, and they "get lucky" when they're on the toilet. But I'd be extremely shocked if every 2.75 year old in that preschool is truly potty trained! I know the staff doesn't want to spend time changing diapers, but really, I can tell you that they are still doing plenty of them. You can try her in pull ups so she can at least pull them down more easily than taking off a diaper, but otherwise, it's just a waiting game.

Have her run around without underware. That way she can not mess them. Have her with no underwareat home. Get her a training potty.Tell her she can not go to school if she does not get potty trained. when she has to poop she will have to go on the potty and then you tell her to pee the potty. be firm but fair. she will go. good luck

I would stick with the underwear only, and take her to the bathroom frequently (not ask her, just take her) - when she wakes up, immediately after eating and whenever you notice that you haven't been there in a while. It takes a little while, I wouldn't give up after one day. We trained DS when he was 25 months - we just put him in underwear, told him pee and poop go in the toilet (we used the Bjorn seat cover, could not handle the gross potty concept) and took him often. We also read Tari Gomi's book 'Everyone Poops' (which we had incidentally received as a gag gift years ago) a lot. We did not use any sort of rewards, stickers or punishment/shaming (we do positive discipline so we do not do rewards for any behaviors). He had frequent accidents for 3-4 days, occasional ones for a week and then I think two over the next 6 months.

I honestly have no idea if DS had any signs of 'potty readiness' - I had never heard of any such thing at the time. My sister and I were both trained by 13 months, my brother was trained by 18 months. No way was I going to continue to change diapers (and throw them into the landfill) if there was no need to.

The average American child was fully trained at 18 months in the 1950s, prior to disposable diapers. The average child in the world today is trained at 12 months. This late training concept is (almost) exclusively North American and unrelated to biology.

And yes - there are plenty of pre-schools that do not accept children who are not potty trained. My son's Montessori starts at age 3 - if they are not potty trained by September of the year they turn 3 - their parents can reapply for next year. (And of course they understand that occasionally children have accidents).

Addendum

My point about children in the 1950s being trained by 18 months is to emphasize that the time of potty training is not a biologically determined point but a societal construct. Currently in the US, many people are happy to train at 3-4 years of age. That in no way negates the millions of children, both in the past and in the rest of the world who are happy, healthy and potty trained well before age 2. When we trained DS, we did not use any punitive methods, nor did we use rewards. We presented it as a matter of fact. Also both of us work full time so we just picked a 3 day weekend and took him to the bathroom every 1-1/2 hours or so. I have yet to meet a child who demonstrates 'tooth brushing readiness' and yet we teach them it must be done and it happens.

There is plenty of information available on earlier than the 'norm' training. It is just not in the standard parenting magazines that continue to regurgitate the same advice on the same old topics (discipline = time outs and sticker rewards, potty training requires a 'potty readiness' checklist, it is normal for children to exclusively consume hot dogs, macaroni & cheese and PB&J, no child likes vegetables) A good place to look is the NY Times archive. Try googling EC or elimination communication for info on very early training.