Need Help with My Childs Behavior

Boy, the differences with children. It's amazing. There's a great show on t.v. about what to do with all these situations with kids that are out of control. "SUPERNANNY". I wish it was on when i raised mine. Maybe there's a supernanny.com you can go on to ask this question and get a truely professional answer. Good luck mommy

YOu don't mention what you have tried.

First I would say that he should know that he is NEVER allowed to strike anyone, especially an adult. He should suffer consequences that mean something to him immediately.

Now do you ALWAYS exact a punishment for bad behavior? Do you ALWAYS praise him when he does the right thing?

Do you tell him you love him when he's bad and have to punish him? Do you insist that he follow the rules? He's old enough to understand.

If he pitches a fit when you tell him no then he should suffer immediate consequences. Put him in his bed/crib and tell him when he stops throwing a fit, he may come out. If he won't stay put, then I would suggest a spanking on his bottom. Then put him in his bed/crib again. IF you have to, then physically make him stay in timeout. Stand there and calmly tell him he has to sit in timeout until he stops with the fit.

Don't yell. Stay calm. Walk away if you find yourself losing your temper. But make him do what you tell him.

It may take a few weeks for him to get it, but he will get it if you are consistent.

Every child is different and you have to figure out what he will not like as far as consequences.

You may have to stop what you are doing to make him mind. You may have to leave a store or make him come inside when he's playing. It may take you 30 minutes to get him to calm down from a fit, but when he does praise him for making the right decision.

He will be much more work than your oldest. My second child is way more work than my oldest.

Here are a few things that have worked with her:

1.) I always make her make eye contact with me when I'm telling her to do something or I'm reprimanding her about something.

2.) I don't let anything slide.

3.) If I have to physically hold her hand and make her do something I will.

4.) I don't beg or ask repeatedly. I try to remember to tell her once and then I might count to three. She knows that if I get to three she's in trouble.

5.) I praise her when she does something right. Like she plays nice with her sister or does what I've told her the first time.

6.) If I have to discipline her, then I always tell her that I love her and want her to behave. I will hug her and hold her after she's calmed down if she wants a hug. I always remind her that when I discipline her it is because she made a bad choice and decided to do something bad. That we always suffer when we make bad choices.

4 months seems pretty young to have a "bad attitude". He is a child, and is expressing himself the only way he knows how. Show him lots of love, by paying MORE attention to him when he is being good, and less when he is not. Try to respect his emotions (not wanting to be kissed) without encouraging bad behavior. I hope this helps somewhat.

My immediate reaction to your story was "Wow, that sounds familiar!" My second child also was so much more active and aggressive than the first. It came as quite a shock! I finally realized that she (I have 3 girls) needed a very different approach from me. I also had a third child very close together and the behavior continued. I would recommend extra one-on-one time with him. I know that's hard to do! Also,I noticed that often the aggressive behavior came with being unable to communicate what she wanted. Help him to express his wants/frustrations/anger in other ways. Teach him some basic signs, use picture cards until his language develops. Finally, remember the phrase "a child needs our love the most, when he deserves it the least!"

Upon reading your request a second time, I began to wonder if something more might be going on. I would definitely talk to your pediatrician about it and see if she has some insights. Good luck!

I don't think you're going to get much of anywhere by thinking of it as an attitude problem. I don't mean that sarcastically - I'm speaking as the mom of a kid who has some special needs. But I think it's true for any child, especially one who is really still just a baby. Setting it up as some sort of contest of wills is just going to wear you out and make the problem worse. The more clever approach is to distract, avoid, and keep problems from happening in the first place.

I think it can be helpful to spend a week observing and keeping a log of the behavior and triggers. Is it related to something like naptime? (Change in seasons definitely affects my moods and sleep habits.) How about sensory triggers like noise, visual overstimulation, or scratchy clothing? The description of the response to kisses makes me wonder if he is overstimulated by something. (my son has sensory integration problems, but it took us years to figure out that he would go out of control with his behavior when we were in an echoey room.)

There's nothing abnormal about a toddler having tantrums of course. Chances are that your son's just a perfectly normal kid who is a little more set in his ways than your first child was. You may think he doesn't know there's a baby on the way, but kids almost always have an idea and it's normal for them to be unsettled by it. Try giving lots of positive attention and see if that makes a difference.

Best wishes to you. I'm sure it's just a normal phase, but I know how difficult it can be, especially when a child can't explain things to you, to deal with behavior that seems so puzzling.

I think that all kids are different and you have gone and labeled your son as the bad attitude kid which isn't fair. Find ways to put him in other roles to get him out of that role. Catch him when he's having a good attitude so that you can praise him and he will thrive on it. These behaviors you speak of aren't necessarily out of the ordinary, but the extreme that you are dealing with isn'nt ordinary. I would definitely discuss it with your pediatrician and see if they have books they recommend. Perhaps they have seen this behavior and it may be linked to some sensory disorder. What ever disciplinary method you decide with your husband, both of you need to be on the same page and be extremely consistent. If he does have some other issues it will mean that you read up on them and find out what sort of proactive things you are able to do to help him. Don't delay because you are going to have less time to help him when the baby comes so you have to have a plan as to what you are going to do and how you and your husband are going to navigate with three kids and having one that needs a bit more attention.

Google Love and Logic, Jim Fay. His books will save you and your child and his parenting style is all about love and empathy but immediate consequences.

I'm not sure how you can refer to a 4 month old as having a bad attitude. They don't know what they are doing yet! He may have been colicky or you may have been learning how to handle two young children. First off...if he doesn't want people in his space...don't do it. Maybe get him to be "friendly" by shaking his hand. Demanding that he is affectionate or to kiss, may be challenging to him.

Work on the positive reinforcements. He's still pretty young - show him what you expect. Praise him when he gets it right. Be amused by his actions. Remove him from the scene if he is acting out. He could be vying for your attention and good or bad, he's getting it. Many times, first children are so cautious because we were all "new parents" and we hovered over them! Then again, the first child could have had an easier disposition. My second was definitely stubborn - much more like me and, when he was born, I met my match. He taught me a lot of patience and how to work on compromising! Good luck.

My advice is to get his ears checks by an Ear Throat and Nose Specialist. A peds doctor doesn't have the proper tools to see all the way into his ear canal. This was my life with my 2nd child, until I walked into an ENT and begged for help. Were in surgery days later to remove the large amounts of fluid in her ear.

She was so erratic because she was in pain and couldn't hear properly. In a matter of days, her whole personality changed. My doctor also told me we were with in weeks of having permanant hearing loss due to the fluid. Today, she is a joy. She only had 3 or 4 ear infections so she didn't fit the typical profile for this problem. All I can say is don't stop, keep fighting for your child. If you want a ENT referal, let me know. Good luck!!

How can a 4 month old have a "bad attitude"?

Now is the time to set firm limits and teach new behaviors. He is a baby and is still able to re-learn new behaviors. However, it is important that you take him to the doctor and make sure he isn't experiencing some type of discomfort that has not been detected. Also, babies are much smarter than we give them credit for. He is able to see and sense many things. Continue to love and adore him as much as possible. And don't forget correction is love! Take action now and you will be happy later!

Please, please do get professional help for your child and your family! Try your pediatrician or Tuesdays Child -- or both! Whatever we label children, they will become -- so try not to label a child as "bad". Please get help from a professional -- a pediatrician, psychologist, Tuesday's Child...

My older daughter definately had attitude by 5 months old. She was throwing all out tantrums at daycare when I left the room in the morning. She was solidly sitting up by 4 mos old, so by 5 1/2 mos old I would sit her with toys on the floor. She would be fine until I walked away then she would throw herself on the floor, scream, cry and kick her feet and pound her fists. She was an only at that point, and only in the infant room at the daycare so it's not like she had ever seen that type of behavior. But trust me she did it like a pro.

Luckily she took that spirit and became a smart aleck instead. By 7 mos she would scoot over to something like a plant. I would tell her not to touch it and she would look at me, then giggle, and reach out but not quite touch it, then pull her arm away.

SO, kids that young CAN have this type of personality. But it is just that, a personality. You need to learn how to react so that it doesn't get worse. And like you have found people don't believe you when you say that your little tiny child is acting like this.

I would get a child play gate like this one http://cgi.ebay.com/Todays-Kids-Play-Yard-Fence-Play-Pen-...
and set it up for him with lots of toys. Have him in there and go in there to play with him. If he hits then you have no anger, no expression, but you say, "I'm sorry you hit, I can't play with you if you hit. We need to be gentle." Then take his hand and use it to gently pat your arm. Then say, "I'll be back in a while when you are ready to play nice." and you leave the play yard area. Come back in about 15 minutes and try again. Keep practicing NICE play until he seems to get it. If he doesn't than you have to go to your pediatrician and insist that a infant behavioral specialist come evaluate the child to give you help.

I have had daycare kids like this and sadly it is not easy and with one it took YEARS to get better. I think if the mom had been serious about it things may have gone better.

Also, make sure that the baby never sees TV or video games or even hears them. That has been linked to increases in violent behavior in a child predisposed to "attitude".

I believe you because I have seen kids like this at that age.

Also look at his sleep. He should be getting about 12 hours each night and then at least 4 hours during the day (split into 2 naps). If a child isn't getting enough sleep they do tend to act out more and I believe that 90% of misbehavior is directly related to too little sleep.

N.

The fact that you say your child had "attitude" at 4 mo. old leads me to believe that you don't understand about normal developmental stages. You are attributing things to your child that he is incapable of at his age. I agree with other parents that a talk with the pediatrician is in order to see if everything is as is should be and ALSO a book or two about childrearing that includes a break down of what childrens brains are capable of at what ages. This is not as complex as it sounds though. I really like Penelope Leach's early childhood guide, "Your Baby and Child from Birth to Age Five" but there are many such books out there that detail the normal stages of development. This is helpful both for understanding what are appropriate expectations for a child and also for getting an idea if your child is developing normally. Good luck.

I understand your description of a 4 month old with a bad attitude - whether he means it - knows what he is doing- or not. We are all born with individual dispositions - my youngest is - and has been this whole year - very trying too. I second the advise about redirecting (holding his hands when he hits and tell him firmly NO), giving him more tools to express himself (I find when my youngest throws a fit because she wants something, if we make her sign "please" or say what she wants it calms her) and double checking with the doctor. I wish you patience. Good luck.

Hi S.. I've got a different suggestion -- not meant to freak you out, but just to give you another option.

Recently, I've been learning Sensory Processing Issues. One of the important learnings for my family is that a child at 13 months is not able to be intentionally defiant. At this age, any child does not fully understand that s/he is a completely separate person and has choices and his own will. Instead, a child with SPD is acting out because he is not getting "something" that is critical for him to develop and behave as we would normally expect. (With SPD, the "something" could be hundreds of different things, depending on the child's particular needs.)

If your child has any other behaviors that just don't seem right to you, I would definitely talk to your Pediatrician and inquire into an Early Intervention evaluation. When you set up the EI evaluations, you should specifically request an evaluation from a Behavioral Therapist who can observe his behavior and give you ideas of how to best deal with him in a positive, effective manner. Even if he is 100% fine and healthy, you'll get some great advice from an expert in the field!

hi S.,

It sounds to me like your little guy has a 'temper' more-so than an 'attitude'. I would not have believed a newborn could have a temper, but when the nurse brought my youngest daughter to me after her first night in the nursery, I was shocked to hear her say 'This one has a temper!' My first reaction was, oh how on earth could a newborn have a bad temper! Well guess what - she definitely has / had a temper and she was just plain born with it, it's part of who she is!

I am a patient person, but my little brother had the most fierce temper from early on - it was just part of who he was, btw he grew up to be a military leader and is now a proud retired US Marine.

My oldest was the quietest, most gentle child - but then she was a real trip as a teen, anyway... we are all truly different and unique.

I have learned that when she loses her 'temper' if I respond calmly and just keep re-directing her, my youngest daughter pulls out of it and now at age five we can talk it over after she calms down.

This is not to be confused with facing consequences for actions - of course after age 2 that should be reinforced (but with your little guy you might have to give him a chance to calm down first if he's like my little girl).

My daughter recently accidentally scratched me when I was having to physically place her in time-out (super nanny method). She felt soooo bad about scratching me, and this led to a good discussion about how bad things can happen when you lose your temper.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that this child likely just has this in his character and you might just have to wait it out until he's old enough to reason with (usually by age 3). meantime, try to respond to his rages with calm and patience, getting worked up when he is worked up will only make things worse.

And I agree with all the other mamas about talking with his pediatrician to rule out anything else.

hang in there mama!

W