Need Help with My Best Friend

She is likely very depressed and any contact might just be too much energy. I would send her a small bouquet of flowers that just says "I really miss you. I am here and I hope you'll let me be there for you whatever is going on. I won't give up on you or us. Love, C."

As kids get older life gets crazier. A true friend is one that even if you do
not talk for months, when you do talk you pick up where you left off like it
was yesterday. I would not over think this relationship. I bet if the two of
you were to meet tomorrow, it would be like there you saw her yesterday.
That is they way it is sometimes with friends. Life gets in the way but
that relationship does not change.

You live thousands of miles away from each other, are married and have families, maybe have different interests. People grow apart, life is ever-changing, rarely constant. I'm sure she does miss you, which is why she posted she did on FB, but the reality is that she's gone on with her life without you. Even some sisters don't talk every day or week or month. Maybe talking once a month is the new norm for your relationship.

I realize she is your only friend, you need to make new ones. Let her know how you feel through an email, but be prepared for what she may say or that she doesn't respond, at least you will have said it. She is your friend, and I'm sure wants to remain your friend, but she has her own life and you yours. She cannot be held to your expectations, you may have to accept the friendship for how it now is. And know that you have been blessed by having her as a friend as long as you have, some people never have that.

I just went through this with my wonderful bestie! We have been friends since we were 17, I'm 48! I haven't lived near her since 1984!!! Our friendship has been long distrance. It has been difficult but we try. The last couple of years have been very difficult. I have a demanding job and I'm a workaholic! Our kids are older so my hubby and I do a lot together. We haven't seen each other in almost 3 years. It had taken a toll on the friendship. She confronted me about it. Not in the nicest way but it made us talk. I value this friendship more than I can say. I would walk through fire to keep it.

My advice, talk to her. She may feel left behind, depressed over the deaths she has suffered in the last couple of years. If she is on FB, send her a private message and tell her how you feel. Hopefully she responds. If not, you need to decide if the friendship is worth it.

Maybe an email: "I am having a rough time right now and really need to talk to you. When is a good time to talk?"

I guess I couldn't imagine talking to a friend everyday - what a time committment! I've been best friends with my "bestie" since the 3rd grade and we talk every couple weeks and see each other every couple months. We both have other friends, our own families and extended family.

I do recall when we were both younger - recently married and starting our family that we hadn't talked for about a year. I just woke up one day and said "I can't believe I haven't talked to Christine in such a long time!" and got right on the phone and made the effort, and she picked the ball right up. We've been closer than ever. Maybe she just needs a little space, and maybe she'll come back around.

I think it's harder too when you live so far apart and can't actually see each other very often. I'm sorry to say this, but she may be making new friends who are giving her what she needs in terms of support, who she actually sees regularly, and just may not need you in the same way anymore :(

I think you are right to send her the email, sometimes it really is so much easier to express ourselves in writing - then you can really think about what you want to say.

Don't forget simple misunderstanding'

My bestie (20 years next year) ALWAYS answers the phone. I (with everyone else) ONLY answer the phone when I have time to talk.

Several years ago, no childcare, I almost never had time to talk. She 'sat me down' and laid down the law. She doesn't care if I can't talk, just say so.

Huh. Lightening strike.

She calls, I answer & say 'Sorry, can't talk right bye! Love you!'

Like your friend, at the time, I had MAYBE once a month where I could talk. She was FINE with that, as long as I answered.

We now talk once or twice a week mist weeks. Sometimes daily, sometimes monthly. Our schedules fluctuate quite a bit.

15 years (then), and you'd think we had phone etiquette down. Nope. In my mind it was rude to answer when I couldn't talk right then... And in hers rude to not answer.

Hi, C.:

Have you thought about whether she gets her needs me with you?
It sounds like she is a great friend listening to you, but do you listen to her?

Sometimes people talk about themselves so much, they forget the other people need to share their pain and suffering or joys and successes.
Maybe you need to ask her if she gets her needs met when she talks to you.
Good luck.
D.

If she is depressed she might be going into her shell and pulling away from intimate contact and only have energy for more superficial contact like face book and pintrest. Try and not take it personally. I like your idea of sending her a nice email. I have a friend who goes into her shell sometimes but I am always here when she comes back and we really are close even with the periodic distance. I have other close relationships with friends who are more consistent but I love my friend who pulls away sometimes and my friendship with her seems worth the periodic retreats.

It sounds like your relationship is just too intense for her right now. Maybe she's feeling kinda vulnerable with someone who knows what color her blood is and just wants to keep thing light for a while until she gets her bearings. Her life is a different place now, with the loss of certain relatives/family. She wants to keep in touch with you, but she doesn't want to "talk about it". Give her space. I imagine that when she thinks about talking with you, she dreads having to be reminded of her recent and current pains...being expected to be an open book because of your level of intimacy.

I suggest that you talk to her like you're not feeling bad for her or wanting her to share her feelings with you, etc. Keep it on the surface for a while. Back off for a while--couple of weeks, maybe, month. Then, send her a text..."Having milkshake at Joe's. Remember when you drank one through your nose? Woo--crazy times! Have a good day." Then, leave it alone. Send her another text or email in another month--"Girl, I cannot believe that my crazy daughter is trying to make her own sandwich for the first time. It was two slices of bread and EVERYTHING else that you can think of. LMAO!" Keep it light so she doesn't feel any pressure to be who she used to be with you. That keeps you connected but gives her space to come around in a way that feels comfortable to her. The fact that she does contact you means that she's interested in that.

I slipped into depression after each parent died. I know you have gotten other answers, but send her a card, an email, and call, but understand talking on the telephone can seem like a burden when you are dealing with grief. Before my lossesI talked to my girlfriends all the time. Keep being her friend, you will both get through this.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to put all of your eggs in one basket when it comes to friendships. She probably has a circle of friends where she lives now & she still considers you a friend, and you may be putting more stock and energy into the friendship than she is. It's natural to be closer with the people you live close to. Things change & friendships sometimes suffer, especially when you live thousands of miles away from each other.

I am not one to continue to chase someone that won't respond, no matter how long I've known them. I would stop calling & let the chips fall where they may. You can approach her, but prepare yourself for the truth, or more of the same. Or, you can refocus your energy...

In the meantime, try to be open to friendships where you actually live. We all need that friend or group of friends that we can grab coffee and a chat with. It's naturally easier to build & maintain friendships with those that we live near. And quite honestly, it's not fair to expect one person to fulfill all of your friendship needs all of the time.

My thoughts? We all have different baselines for "friend contact."
Maybe a once per month catching up is "right" for her?
Maybe you'd like more frequent chats?
I have O. friend that is really needy.
I can't do the twice weekly chats with her.
For others my baseline is different.
Next time you do talk with her, just mention something like "I miss talking to you more. It makes me happy when we chat." But do so at your own risk because when my needy friend ends her emails with "Miss You!" it drives me nuts!

She is busy and maybe feeling pressured in her life.. You cannot hang on to one person and speak to them every day etc. People need space. I suggest you find some class to take atleast one night a week , art college, excercise etc. Something to get you out of the house and around other people. And do not come on to strong. They will go running the other way. Can't seem needy. Just enjoy the class and start with just hi's and how are you. Or if its a break between classes for college ask can I sit there and listen and interact a bit.

I'm a big advocate of the direct approach.

I'm sure a phone conversation would be preferable, and maybe it'll happen at the next one. If not, I'd send the email. Not a hurt email, or a blame email - but a direct "hey, you are my closest and oldest friend. I feel like we've grown apart and I want to fix that. Who else is going to know [insert endearing personal detail]?

Give her space ... it may honestly be the friendship's natural ending, it happens.

Be patient-she sounds like she feels ashamed or embarrassed by somthing-we are often our own worst enemy.

Sorry I didn't read the other responses yet. All I can say is that it seems to me that there would be a great deal of pressure put on a person that is an "only friend". She sounds like she still wants to be your friend, but needs a little breathing room. Try and talk it out, and in the time being, try and make some new friends that are closer geographically to you. Everyone needs to have a local support system to hang with.

p.s. I love my sister to death but there is no way we would/could talk every day.