Need Help with My 5 Yr Old

Updated on July 30, 2007
K.E. asks from Lebanon, OR
7 answers

I have a 5 year old that is supposed to start kindergarden in 2 months, but I cant seem to get him to sit down and learn anything. He refuses to do the ABC's or count or even say his name. My 3 year old will do it in front of him, and he gets mad. I have done everything from playing games on the tv/computer-flashcards,m&m's, apples, everything.
Does anyone have any advice as to what to do?

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

Just wanted to reasure you that its ok. My children are younger but my aunt had one child that soaked up knowledge like a sponge and the next child could care less and would rather dance and color then do math. Just remember that he IS learning. My son learned alot about his letters from Baby abc's video and blues clues. He may just be rebelling because you want him to do it. Dont yell or get mad or punish him for not performing and dont compair him to his little brother in front of him ie "see, he can count, now you count" (although you can praise your toddler) as that will only make him madder. There are alot of kids that go to school and seem to know it all because its a teacher not mom and in order to keep the respect of his peer. As long as he seems ok in every other way dont stress it. Good Luck, Jen

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J.S.

answers from Portland on

Your son's teacher will do an assessment with him when school begins. He may simply balk at your tutorial and is able to do all of the required steps necessary to begin school. If your son has a very late birthday he may not be ready for kindergarten. My advise is to leave him alone for now and see how an experienced educator is with him. Children learn in so many different ways and often we are fooled thinking our child isn't in the curve when they may be in or above.

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A.H.

answers from Portland on

Well, my advice is just wait and see how he does when he starts school in the fall. Like someone else mentioned, it's amazing what children will do for other people that they refuse to do for mom - but also in school he will be surrounded by his peers and I am betting he will fall in with the natural order of how things are in school and what everyone else is doing. When I would try to homeschool my daughter I could not keep her attention for more than a few minutes and I couldn't get her to complete a task without basic step by step instruction from me. After a few weeks I saw that it just wasn't working, so I enrolled her in public school kindergarten and she started the next week. I checked in with her teacher after a few weeks and she was one of the best students - had a great attention span, completed tasks independently, etc.
I don't know what school you are districted for, but I found that my daughter's school was AMAZING, and they are VERY tuned in to potential problems and if they see a problem, they are quick to evaluate it and offer assistance (i happened to know the mom of a fellow classmate who had a learning problem - identified by the teacher - and he was immediately enrolled in special assistance programs and whatnot).
So, yeah, I would lay off and not worry about it now and see how things go in a real school environment. I had always wanted to homeschool, but that environment was just nto what was best for my daughter, and she THRIVED in school (finished kindergarten on a second grade reading level - when she went she just knew her letters and some sounds - I don't think I would have done so well with her at home). Definitely be aware about it - talk to his teacher when school starts if you want so she can be looking especially at him for any problems. But generally, I would not worry about it for now!

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

He may be struggling with a learning disorder. You can have him evaluated by your school district's Educational Service District Office. THis service is mandated by law and is without charge to you.

I would also consider the possibility that he is reacting to feeling pressure to learn and/or perform. This could be a power struggle between the two of you.

When you say "he refuses to sit down and learn" I wonder what that means. My grandchildren never sat down and learned. I sang the ABC song to my granddaughter as a lullaby from the week she came home from the hospital. We counted things as a part of play. She learned colors as she put together puzzles. Learning was a part of everyday life. We did nothing specific like sitting down to learn. We were relaxed and undemanding. If she said her ABCs we praised her. If she didn't, no big deal.

Has your 5yo never talked about letters, numbers, and colors in the process of living? How was he acting at 3. Does he know his name, ABCs, numbers, colors and just refuses to say them?

There are several learning disabilities and/or emotional issues that could be causing his behavior. I highly recommend getting an evaluation with the school district. If he does have difficulties that will negatively impact his ability to learn the district will provide treatment, also free to you.

My 4 yo son went thru this process just before he turned 3 because he still wasn't talking. He goes to a therapeutic preschool paid for by the school district. The school is also addressing his anger issues. And his mother is getting support from a team of professionals.

Also keep in mind that children all mature at different rates. Not all children are ready for kindergarten at 5. An evaluation would tell you that too.

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A.S.

answers from Eugene on

My youngest did this to me too. I was so worried that she would be unable to do the work in kindergarten. She started the year unable to sing her ABC's or Count. She wouldn't write her name or anything. I figured she'd be repeating Kindergarten. I was wrong! She sailed through. She just didn't want to learn from ME lol. She loved school and the teachers loved her! He may just not like you being the teacher lol. If you want to try though...you can set up like you're "playing school" let him be the teacher and then you be the teacher. Use a dry erase board or chalk board. Get some paper and crayons. Start with the fun stuff...Let's draw a picture of an apple...Oh what a nice picture...do you know what letter apple starts with...A...let's write an A! Kids love to learn through play. Playing school is a PERFECT scenario...they won't even know they are learning! Good Luck!

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M.T.

answers from Portland on

I haven't experienced this but I know most states let you decide wether your child will start school at 5 or 6. I heard the later the better the child does. If you think he will have problems and be behind you can always wait. This year you can put him in preschool, that will get him used to learning and he will be prepared. It may be that he is too distracted at home and this is how he is getting your attention. I know 5 year olds have a mind of their own.

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A.W.

answers from Portland on

I would not worry about it.My daughter was the same way and it turned out she was getting awards for learning. School ill be a good thing just give it time.

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