Need Help with My 5-Yr-old Who Is a Slow & Distracted Eater

My 3 year old is a distractible eater too so I know what you mean! Here's the thing - swallowing and eliminating are the only two things we as parents can't control. As long as you worry about whether or not he eats a good breakfast he will have you over a barrel! Try getting an egg timer and setting it for a reasonable amount of time to eat. When it rings breakfast is over. If he gets up give one warning then if he gets up again, end the meal and put the food away. If he throws a fit, tries to retrieve the food, or takes someone else's food respond with discipline of your choice. If he force vomits he should be helping to clean up (but not if it will make you late) He might starve himself temporarily to see if you are serious but don't worry that he will starve in the long run. Good Luck.

My older daughter is 7, and she is a bit of a drama queen when it comes to meal times as well. She loves food and will actually try anything, but she is such a spaz and gets so sidetracked! She would much rather chit-chat or clown around than eat.

In general, I have a policy of not caring whatsoever about how much my kids eat - I have to bite my tongue not to say anything, but I figure that they know when they've eaten enough, and I don't let them eat whenever - we have set meal times and snack times. If they decide they're hungry outside of those times, too bad!

So what I started doing with my daughter was to tell her that she has x amount of time for breakfast. For us, it's 15 minutes, otherwise she'll be late for school. So I set an egg timer for 15 minutes and when it rings, she has to bring her plate to the sink, whether she has eaten anything or not. This is helping her learn to focus (we do it at dinner, too) and not waste tons of time at the table. I made sure to pick a time that would allow her to finish her food without being rushed, but is a short enough time that she ought to be able to keep focused.

As a side note, she also can't keep focus on things like taking a bath or doing her homework in a reasonable amount of time, so she takes her egg timer with her everywhere. She asks me what amount of time she has, and then sets her timer. This way she knows how much time she has left for whatever task she is working on. It works great for us.

When it comes to feeding my boys for the day....I am sensitive and want to make sure they do not go hungry at school, just like you are worrying about. But, my boys are different....one wakes up starving, and my youngest wakes up not "feeling hungry" for about 45 minutes after he wakes up. This can be a problem....

I have learned to wake my youngest son up earlier to allow his appetite to kick-in in the morning. This means getting him up at 6:45....I let him lay in bed and watch TV until 7:25, then he will be dressed and ready to eat by 7:40....and, out the door by 8am. This allows us 6 minutes to get in the car late! Which is how long it can take 2 boys (some mornings) to walk to the car :O)

At most elementary school's they are pretty strict about not letting kids up and out of their chair when it's lunchtime. I mean, can you imagine allowing ALL 600+ students to wander during lunch? No way, so he probably DOESN'T have the problem at school because it's a "rule". a "timed rule". (At our school they allow Kindergartners 25 minutes to eat) The trick is to apply on the same "rule" at home...

He will need to learn that "life goes on" for everyone else in your family, and that the world doesn't revolve around him nor his appetite :O( But, he is only 5 yrs old, and this is probably his first year of school, so he's learning EVERYTHING for the very first time.

If it were my situation, I would try the 15 minute idea (with a backup morning plan ready). Without creating "drama' about the whole "15 minutes idea", tell him it's time to eat and give your usual reminders. When it's time to brush teeth, then clean up the plate without saying anything and ask him to brush his teeth. He will then either go brush his teeth OR say, "but I'm still hungry"....you can lovingly say, "I know honey, but it's time to go to school, please go brush your teeth" AND WALK AWAY! In the meantime, though, you've already put some dry cereal in as baggie in your purse for him to nibble on in the car on the way to school. This should be used as an emergency only....only if he gets in the car crying because he's still hungry....that always break my heart...

I would begin to work on this NOW because the Holidays are coming and school schedules are all mixed up. It will be a "dry run" (without too many consequences) until after Winter Break.....If he misses his breakfast, then just put extra food in his lunch to nibble on at recess if he gets hungry early. I don't even think you need to make a big deal out of the breakfast....if he eats, he eats....if he doesn't... he will eventually!

Anyway, I think this is pretty normal for kids to be distracted when they eat....when both of my boys were toddlers this was an every meal occurance, but now we've formed a working routine allowing everyone to eat :O)

I hope you are able to figure out some loving way to make this happen for your son...

~N. :O)

I hate to say it because I know it's hard to do (because I just did it to my son not two nights ago). If he doesn't eat in the time alloted, he doesn't eat. Meals are important and they shouldn't be rushed, but with time constraints, etc. I know what you're going thru. I don't think 15-20 minutes is a HUGE time to eat, but I'm sure during that time it's FOREVER. My 3 year old had dinner on his plate for 3 hours the other night. He refused to take 3 bites of enchilda so he could have dessert. It sort of becomes a test of wills at some point. I say, put the meal in front of him, give him sufficent time to eat it.....if he doesn't want to, that's ALL he gets. If he wants to mess around instead of eat breakfast, a few days of being hungry thru the morning will put a little fire under his bottom (I hope). Why not give it a try???

Good luck
K.

Dear L.,
Neither one of my kids hit the floor in the morning wanting breakfast. They just weren't hungry that early in the morning. I got them up, dressed, combed their hair, put their shoes on and gave them peanut butter toast or a bagel with cream cheese. Sometimes they'd have yogurt with fruit. I couldn't send them to school on an empty stomach, but I also couldn't force them to eat when they weren't hungry. I sent a snack with them along with a good lunch and they ate great at dinner time. They just weren't morning eaters.
I was old school southern raised and I raised my kids the same way. Wandering around at mealtime was simply never an option. I was raised that it wasn't polite and we didn't get up without asking to be excused first. If we didn't want to eat what was for dinner, that was fine. But we sat there while everyone else ate until we were excused. We didn't cry, throw fits or throw up over it.
When everyone was sitting down at mealtime, everyone sat down.
If your son is doing fine with sitting for lunchtime at school, he obviously gets the concept.
Don't tell him if he doesn't eat, you can't take him to school. Tell him if he doesn't eat, he will go to school hungry. But he is still going to sit there until you've excused him. If he doesn't want to eat dinner, fine. But he will sit and there will be no dessert or snack or anything else to eat. Period. Choosing not to eat means he is making the choice not to have anything offered until the next morning for breakfast even if everyone else gets a treat. Choosing not to eat breakfast means there will be nothing until he gets lunch at school.
He'll get the hang of it, he just needs to know you aren't joking around and making himself throw up is rude. You also have a 7 year old and this behavior isn't fair. I can promise you if my little sister acted like that and made herself throw up everytime she didn't want to eat, it would have killed MY appetite and made me a little resentful may I say.
Time to be firm, mom. He'll survive it.

Have you tried a homemade smoothie in the am instead of solids? like say add a banana, fresh Oj, yogurt if you like and blend.. it's also good chilled and you can do that by adding frozen blueberries or other frozen fruit. If you gave him a smoothie, would he drink that? I mean if you built it up to contain enough vitamins and such, who says he needs solids... he may drink , faster than he eats. it's worth a try.. there are sooooooooo many FRESH smoothie recipes you can do right in a blender at home..

The issue might get bigger if you try to change him.

That doesn't mean you're powerless. You can still let the facts be the facts. You can tell him that he'll be leaving for school in ten minutes if it's true. When it's time to go, it's time to go. You can clear the table and head out the door with as little discussion as possible. If he finds that he's hungry, he might concentrate more on his food the next day. Or maybe he won't, which is his choice.

Don't make yourself crazy over this.

First off, I would never allow my child to get up and wonder around during meal time. When you get up from the table you're done - period! Next, I would tell him, especially in the mornings, that he has 15 minutes (or however long) to eat. At the end of that time, he's done - period! If he gets hungry one or two times, he might learn to eat when it's time to eat. If not, he'll be hungry but it will be his choice.

I say give him smaller portions for breakfast. He will feel good about himself that he finished and you can gradually add more to his plate little by little when he is ready. They do have small tummies and maybe he is not much of a breakfast eater even though we know how important it is to eat breakfast.

We had to "train" all 3 of our children to be better eaters in the a.m. and they are all doing much better now. It was gradually, so sometimes they wouldn't eat much, but they had to eat something even if it was just a piece of toast. I did the smaller portions with my daughter and she got excited when she finished. I asked if she wanted more and she would say no. So i said ok, put your bowl in the sink and finish getting ready. I didn't always ask if she wanted more, but then when she was ready, she started asking if she can have more.

If he gets up from his chair, tell him to put his plate/bowl in the sink and finish getting ready for school. If he tells you that he gets hungry at school before snack, then he can start thinking about eating a littler more in the morning. The more you push the issue, the more he is going to push away from what you want him to do. Let it be "his choice or idea" when he can eat more.

Good luck.

I have a 4 year old child that has never really taken to solids and barely drinks anything either. Honestly when I talked to my Dr about it, she said not to worry, they will eat when they are hungry. I do not allow any snacks between meals to help the process of him being hungry at sit down meal times.

One day he'll love a food and the next day he'll hate it and refuse to eat it. The Dr said that eating can be a way he can "control" his environment since he's mostly following other peoples' orders all the time.

One year my husband and I tried to make sure that he ate "everything on his plate" before getting up which would last a couple hours sometimes. We didn't give him very much and he's a very active kid, so we were hoping that he was getting the bare minimum. Turns out at his annual checkup that he had gained WAY TO MUCH according to our Dr and looking at the chart and accounting for a little variance, he did gain several percentiles way out of where he should have been.

Lesson learned! Do not force your child to eat when they are not interested. Though I still need to remind my husband that he does NOT need to eat EVERYTHING on his plate. Just eat till he's not hungry anymore, and sometimes that is almost nothing.

Our big thing is getting him to understand that once he's done, there's nothing till the next meal (snacks before bedtime are something we fight about almost every night even after 2 years). Stubborn kid!

If you are concerned, see your Dr and have him weighed in to see if he's on track. Find out what multi-vitamin is suggested to help supplement and just be sure that when he does eat, it's a well balanced (though small, small portioned) meal.

Hi L.,

Tell him ahead of time, when he gets down from the table he is FINISHED until the next meal. If he throws a fit, he's getting a time out. If he throws up, he's FINISHED.

If you follow through with your rules, he will learn how to behave at meal time.

Blessings......

Hi L.,
Hate to mention this BUT it is healthier to eat slowly. I have always been a slow eater, and have taken my share of ribbing about it....I have even gotten used to taking most of my meal home to finish cause everyone is tired of waiting for me...no big deal, it's been that way my whole life.....
I also @ 45 yrs old have the cholestrol & hdl/ldl of a teenage girl!!!!! That has to do with not only eating healthy but because of eating slowly. I know it can be a real pain in the a--....and to be honest I am LATE all the time but some things are worth being late for...I know that doesn't help at all but it's really not all that bad. There are worse things in life. Just need to adjust your schedule a little??
Good Luck,
Maybe you can have items that he can eat "on the go" in the morning. Like a banana, or an instant breakfast milk drink, (my mom always gave me these as a kid because not only did I eat slow BUT I had issues eating first thing in the morning).....Mom would give me things like a yogurt & granola, or a piece of fruit,an instant breakfast drink, dry cereal etc.....to take with me. try it!!!!

He eats well at lunch because of the structure. He knows exactly whats expected of him, he has a time limit and then he's "done" without question, and it's the same every single day. At breakfast, choose your battles. set a timer, and give him his food. When the timer goes off, take the remaining food away and he's done. dont worry about whether he's walking around eating it or not. Once he's sees this is the breakfast structure, he will work within it. Dont give in though. When the timer goes off, he's done, EVERY DAY. Sometimes my five year old only eats two bites of breakfast and his multi vitamin. He's happy, healthy, and that day he eats more lunch.

Hi L., I can really identify with your son,as a child, and even now, I was never a breakfast eater. If my mother could get me to eat a piece of toast before going to school, she was lucky. There are so many quick things to eat now for breakfast. Try an egg mcmuffin type item, or even a toaster pastry. Just getting something in his stomach is the trick. Hope this helps, and good luck. Sincerely, CJ

Lots of good tricks to try, this is such an awesome site! I'd try waking your distracted child a bit earlier and then make some toast.... toast in the morning always seems to get the taste buds watering. If you can get him to eat a piece of pnut butter toast and a glass of oj, it's a start. Aroma is a powerful tool, the smell of bacon frying is also a good taste bud waker upper.