Need Advice on Intimate Matters

I was that way when i was pregnant with my son and after i had him. with me like sarah said i also have hormone problems that is because my thyroid is hypo. I am sometimes not in the mood for intimacy, i would be tired or thinking about other things i needed to do. My hubby is always getting mad at me because i dont give him enough.

Hi T.,

First off, I know just how you feel. My husband and I have been married almost 17 years, and this has happened several different times during our relationship. A few things are triggers for us... #1 was pregnancy and nursing. Are you breastfeeding or did you for awhile? This "pause" in sex drive is sometimes closely related to having a little one. It is sort of natures way of keeping you from becoming pregnant too soon, per-say. It doesn't happen to everyone, obviously.

#2 was stress, or resentment... I often felt like I was spending so much time carring for my little one and he wasn't helping as much as I thought he should. This resolved itself as the baby got older and required less of my time.

#3 was plain EXHAUSTION! I work a lot, so does he. We both colapse into bed every night and forget sex. He would say I didn't like him, or didn't find him attractive anymore. We started having more "morning" encounters, and that helped a LOT!

If these are not the reasons for what is going on in your life, you may want to talk to your Gyno about getting your hormone levels checked out. Are you having normal periods? With normal ovulation?

Sorry this is so long winded, I hope you get it all figured out soon. I know it's no FUN! Pamper yourself a bit - it does wonders. Get your nails done, have a pedicure and/or a massage, a new hair cut, or color....

Take Care,
____@____.com

You are not alone at all! I only have one 11 month old, and I cringe every time my husband touches me! I asked my ob/gyn, and he said it is because I'm still nursing. I know it's because my husband has been unemployed for the last 11 months, and instead of watching our son while i work, I have to put him in daycare while he runs errands with his buddies. Even if he was employed and helping with the bills that he has helped bury me under, He doesn't help out with any of the duties so he would still be cut off.

I would just like to say thank you. I have a 3 month old daughter and all through out my pregnancy I had no desire and still don't. You having the courage to ask this was awesome because reading the responses was so helpful, I feel less alone. I was starting to think there was something really wrong with me. I will say that we had a great night last night (w/o sex). We were just talking and massaging each other while the baby was asleep. It felt like a step back in the right direction. I'm still not there but I know this sounds cheesy but I always say in my mind "this to will pass" it may take awhile but we'll get through it. I wish you luck and thanks again.

I am another mom who totally understands where you are. A few years ago my husband and I talked with our pastor because he felt like I was not having enough intimate time with him. We talked over our situation and came to the conclusion that he needed to help out around the house more (three things - take out the trash, take his belt off of his pants, and put his dirty socks in the basket instead of on the floor in the living room!) so that at night I had time to relax enough to be in the mood when it came time for bed. Something I've noticed about myself is that often times I am not 'in the mood', but once I succomb to my husband's requests, I really enjoy it. It's hard for me to get to the place, but once I'm there, it's great fun. When I am tired out and just want to go to bed, but he's wanting more, I just remind myself how much fun it will be once I get to that place. I also found it hard to tell my husband what exactly I wanted, and as I've grown more comfortable with myself and my relationship with him, sex has become more fun for me. You're NOT out of luck, it just takes patience and training your body. Talk with your husband in a non-confrontational way, get comfortable with yourself - you guys should be together forever, so you need to be comfortable! - and with your husband. I was uncomfortable with my body, but once I realized that he loved it no matter how it looked, I became more comfortable. Also, it may help to explain to him that though men are visual, they see boobs, they're ready, women are physical, and need physical and auditory stimulation to get them going. I also learned from a book called The Five Love Languages, that men actually have a physical NEED for release, as horomones build up inside their testes and require release about every 3-4 days, which is why when they're not getting any, they get CRANKY! A man peaks sexually at a younger age than women - yours is coming up (I'm only 25, too), and I've heard from my mother in law (gross, huh?) that it only gets better as you get older!

I also am the mother of 3 (4 1/2, 3 and 15 months). My kids are fabulous and I love being home with them, but it is exhausting. After my baby was born, I had no sex drive either. I have to admit it lasted for the 1st year of her life. It was very difficult for me to have any interest in sex. I felt pulled on, sat on, over hugged and needed all day long that by the end of the day I just did not want to be touched (and sometimes I did not want to be talked with either!). I did nurse for 1 year and I think that may have had a impact, but it did not have an impact with my 1st 2 kids that I breastfeed, so I am not sure. I personally think it was more the exhaustion factor.

Anyway, I did find that when my baby started sleeping through the night and I got a little more rest myself that my libido returned and now all is improved.

Fortunately, my husband was patient and did not push. See if your husband will give you some space and time. I think it is easy if you don't feel pressure.

Good luck.

Well... I only have one son, so I am not quite there yet :). I know that after having my child, though, I felt kind of "out of whack". Being a wife, mom, and feeling sexy again... ha!!! This sounds kind of crazy, but I took a lap dance class that is offered in a yoga studio (being at a studieo helped it feel not SO dirty to me). I left my son with my husband and went with a friend. It was an awesome way to remind myself that I am a woman, that I have a sex drive, and that yes, that area can once be used again :). Then, even though I didn't feel like it, I gave him a little "tease" and got in the mood myself!!

Another suggestion.... My mom got me into essential oils. She orders hers and mine from Young Living. They have an oil called "joy". When you rub it on your heard and feet, it is supposed to incrase libido. I haven't tried it, but it can't hurt! I can ask my mom more about it if you want.

Some recent information I recieved from a counselor was that your sex drive may not come back for up to 18 months after having a baby. This is because our bodies are set to know we need to be caring for a new baby and not creating a new one at this time. So given this look like you may have about 5 more months to go. Hang in there....it should get better!!

I have been in the same situation as you! Ever since having my children, I would much rather just go to bed at night than be intimate with my husband. I really enjoy being intimate with him, but just don't have the energy and find it hard to get into the mood. After a recent chit chat, we decided to schedule sex. It seemed rather unromantic, but it has worked out great! Every Wednesday and Saturday we have scheduled an intimate evening. What makes it easier is that all day I know that we are going to have a nice evening and that really helps me get into the mood. I was really against having to schedule sex, but it has worked out really well. Give it a try and see what happens. Getting in the right mind set all day really helps me at night.

K.
www.babybootcamp.com

i HAVE BEEN THERE SWEETIE i DONT HAVE MY TUBES TIED BUT i HAVE BEEN THERE NOT THINK MY HUSBAND WAS ATTRACTIVE TRY HAVING WEEKEND TO YOUR SELFS GO OUT HAVE A GOOD TIME. LIKE YOU WERE TEEN AGAIN TRY TO REWRITE THAT SPARK YOU GUYS ONCE HAD.

With the stress of motherhood/parenthood, and being tired all the time which I'm sure you are because of having three youngin's, I can understand why you don't have the sex drive. You're not alone in that area. You must focus all your attention on the little ones and finding it hard to tend to your own needs, leaving yourself lifeless and exhausted a lot of times. This will in turn make your sex drive next to nill, and therefore leaving you with a lonely needy husband. Try to make time for yourself. Pamper yourself, and try to get some more rest if possible. You need to try and rejuvenate yourself to regain back that sex drive you once had. I only have one child, so I can't imagine how hard it is to tend to your own needs when three children need you all the time. If you have family, or friends that you trust to babysit, have them do so while you pamper yourself for a day, and or make some alone time with your hubby. I wish I had more advice/suggestions for you but I don't. Best wishes to you.

I remember when I was your age with young children and didn't ever "feel like" being intimate. I that found even if I at least gave it a shot I would always enjoy our intimate time together. It's hard to get in the mood but just making yourself take the time for your husband will pay off. If he is helpful and loving it will pay off in the end to make time for intimacy. You're smart in knowing that it's a very important part of your relationship. It's one of the puzzle pieces that complete your picture.

I have the same exact problem. My doctors told me that it was partially because my hormones were all messed up and now I am pregnant so that isnt helping my sex drive either. I would love to know what you find out because I am interested myself.

Hey T.
It is difficult isn't it. So many things can be the factor. Give it time don't try not to stress about it to much (hard to do i know) Try a couple differnt things like giving each other massages to help relax and get in the mood if nothing happens at least there was a great massage and the closeness you two just shared is irreplacable. Try even doing the dishes togehter. Try to find that moment where the two of you can just be in the same room at the same time with no one else and give a hug a loving lasting hug (maybe it will lead farther but once again if not at least you two gave each other that time to just hold each other). Cuddling anytime you can. And you can always call your doctor make an appointment and see what your doctor says.
Good Luck
A.
www.romance2nite.com
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