Need Advice on Baby Shower Gifts...

J.,
I think your friend who lost the baby may be thinking that any gift she gives will be perceived as being from the mom whose baby died. For that reason, she just wants to give a gift card so she's not a downer in celebrating the other moms' joy. I'd do what she wants...and give a small personalized gift to the mamas when the babies arrive if you want. I'd take the money you might have spent on extras and buy your friend who lost the baby a bouquet of flowers.

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What if she had plans to go visit someone out of town, and couldn't be there, but still wanted to go in on a gift with you? It would still turn out this way. She would give you the money, you would purchase a gift card from both of you, and sign both your names to the card. Same theory. The moms-to-be would be thrilled to have been remembered, and with gift cards to buy what they really need, even if it's just diapers. Since they are co-workers, they aren't hoping for the same level of gift that they would from their best friend. Also, since it isn't the first child, you might include something special just for mom. It's not uncommon for co-workers to go in on a gift together, and not everyone make it to the event.
R.

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I would make the gift cards from my friend who wasn't attending, and shop for a more personalized gift to make from myself. That way your grieving friend will get a thank you for the gift cards, and you will feel like you have given something more personal. Having lost a newborn when he was three days old, your offer to shop so your friend does not have to go to the baby areas is so compassionate. I remember having to return the baby furniture and things we bought after our son passed away, and the inevitable question of why are you returning it. That was tough to go through. You are being such a good friend to her.

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A gift card is a really nice gift in this situation. That way, they will be able to put the money towards something they may need but didn't get from the shower. I know with having just had my third, things wear out and you have to replace stuff you didn't think you would need to, like bottles :/ But you do what you think would be nice. I know at Babies r Us, they have little teddy bears that have gift card holders, it's a cute way to give the card and still give a little something else. :) Have fun!

How about getting each a nice board book and attaching the gift cards in a nice card from both of you?

Forget the gift card. Buy gifts. It is more personal and it will make the shower more fun. Baby towels or washcloths can always be used. I'm sorry for your friend, but you should still celebrate with the other moms to be. She has a great loss, but you have to try to keep that from detracting from the others happiness. Good luck.

How about buying an inexpensive baby book, for each baby to go with the gift card. Be sure to sign the books.
L.

I would add something...even if it is a little outfit (Target had some cute ones) or a pack of diapers.

Some people feel like gift card are a cop out. I personally love to receive them. I like it because they usually let me get something I want but would never really buy for myself. If you feel quilty through in a small toy of a small pack of diapers.

I would be thrilled with a $20 gift card even if it was from 2 friends. Times are tight and the thought counts even more that you are celebrating the life of a child even though the child isn't the first baby!! It's great that you are taking care of the details given what your other friend has been through.

A shower isn't about the presents - it's about getting together and celebrating with the mom. Going to one for coworkers is a little different than a best friend, IMO. Besides, they already have kids. I MUCH preferred gift cards for my 2nd and 3rd kids because then I could buy what I needed (diapers, wipes, thread-bare blankets, etc). Even with my first kid, I preferred the money gifts instead of the silly little things other people thought I needed/wanted but never got used (there's a limit to how many cute outfits you can have!).

So, get a card, put a gift card in it and write down a note something to the effect of... not sure what you have left from the other kids to use so use this to buy what you still need.

J.,

I'm so sorry for your friends lost, it is an awful thing to go through. But, since she isn't going and you are, I think you need to decide what to do. Would you want a gift card? Do you prefer to pick out cute clothes and then be able to see the baby in them? I understand your concerns, but your friends loss shouldn't over shadow the new babies. I think you are a great friend and you have taken on the duties of providing and going to the shower but you are also going to be there to celebrate a new life. Eventually, your friend will celebrate it too when she can. I would do what you think it best and what you feel comfortable with. You will be there.

Good Luck! I hope your friend appreciates you very much.

I don't see anything wrong with a gift card, that allows the mom to pick out something she is in need of that maybe she didn't receive. I didn't have a problem with them!

I would attach the gift card to another gift. One of my all time FAVORITE baby shower gifts is a book called THE TWELVE GIFTS OF BIRTH. ABSOLUTELY BBBBBBBEEEEEAUTIFUL!!! One of those books that is WWWWWAAAAY more than a shower gift. One of those you keep for a lifetime.

In addition, for the gal who just lost her child, there is a little book called HEART'S JOURNEY by Pelikan. I keep several of these on hand and give them in divorce, loss or death, etc. Short sweet book and there is a place in the front for dedication/in memory of. Only words on the last page but pictures are worth 1,000 words!!!! I cried the first time I "read it" after my fiance' died. PHENOM!

Thee is no harm in adding a little something, but the gift card would be enough, too. If you add something extra, be sure to tell your friend (the one who is spliting the cost of the giftcard) just so she isnt confused or hurt when the thank you notes are sent. You can tell her you wanted something to wrap up or you couldn't resist this one little thing. I feel for her. She is generous to be a part of this at all.

A gift card really is a nice gift to receive with all the expenses of diapers, wipes, formula, and so on. So, it would certainly be fine to just give a gift card even when you are attending. But, I confess I would like to make it more interesting. So, I might tie something small and cute to it - like a cute rattle, bath toy, soft book, or bib.

How about 50 pennies so that she can give one to thinking friends-a penny for your thoughts! Boo-I know!

Not sure if this would be of interest to you, but here's a great local mama-owned company that makes the cutest baby bonnets ever:

http://www.urbanbabybonnets.com/

They are beautiful and reversible and very useful. You can get them at several shops in Yellow Springs, or buy them online from the website. Enjoy!

If it was me, I'd just do the gift card and maybe pick up an outfit for each. I was a big fan of gift cards when I had my little girl - it gave me the opportunity to go get the stuff that I still needed/wanted.

Well it may be a wonderful start to get her the Shaklee Get Clean starter kit to help with getting her home chemical free and then try some of the non toxic baby products. Believe me it is a step in the right direction not only for the new baby but for keeping up with staying green for all. ____@____.com

I don't care what anybody says...the best gift you can give is CASH. There are times when those cute little outfits don't help at all with diapers and formula. Then sometimes mother might need a little something for herself since she is probably not getting paid for her time off.

I would say go with the gift card and add a little something extra as a present such as diapers or a little rattle. I know when I was pregnant with my second girl the gift cards came in very handy especially since I already had an older daughter. I had everything from my first pregnancy still saved so the gift cards helped me with smaller things that i either gave away or had to replace. So sorry for your friends loss. You are a great friend to help her out in her time of need.

Hi J. - Gift cards are always nice (at least I really appreciate them especially for baby stuff) and if it were me I would throw in something a little extra - even if it's just a pack of diapers or burp cloths - or a little something to pamper the mom. Those things are always appreciated and needed no matter how many other children there are. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss.

M.

As a mom of two, my youngest 4 months and my oldest 2 1/2 I can tell you that gift cards are just fine. I loved opening presents and oohing over the cute clothes and such but I also got a lot of things I had no use for because I had so many still from my other child and I wasn't able to return them because my friends/family did not shop off of my registry and took the tags off. I still VERY MUCH appreciated the thought and gifts BUT gift cards would have been great to use to fill in what we really needed. Don't feel like you have to do anything special, they are enough by themselves.