Hi!
I'm looking for some advice for my 8 month old son. He fights naps and when he finally goes down he sleeps 45 minutes tops. He has never fallen asleep on his own...he is always fed, rocked, or walked to sleep (or in the car or stroller). I understand he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own but I am not really comfortable letting him cry it out. Does anyone have any hints for how to help him get to sleep on his own without making him cry?
Is he overtired? When my daughter is overtired she sleeps TERRIBLY - just like what you describe. When she was 8 months old she slept 11-12 hours each night, had a morning nap that was about an hour and a half and an afternoon nap that was about an hour. If she missed one of the naps it was SO hard to get her to sleep. We rocked, walked, sang, nursed to sleep... No CIO for us. Maybe try another nap? Good luck!
Hi E.,
We've never let our son cry without comforting him. We actually still do this and he's 3 (though he doesn't cry much). There is a lot of support for not letting a baby cry, and research that shows that supported babies and children are MORE confident and better behaved than others who are not.
Unfortunately, some babies are just not *good* sleepers, and no one knows why. What you can figure out, though, is any tricks that work to help your baby sleep, and then the baby is happier and more relaxed and you can eventually transition to those easier ways of getting the baby to sleep. One big thing that I know people miss is the reflux (which I have myself right now, being pregnant). So you might try a sleep positioner that inclines the baby.
My son needed help falling and staying asleep also. The tricks with him were to help him fall asleep by nursing, bouncing, wearing, or whatever,(but not too deeply), then putting him in the crib, and if he started to wake up, I'd pick him up quickly and get him back to sleep again. Same with waking early from a nap, I'd just help him get back to sleep again before he really woke up. I also had a short pile wool mattress pad in his crib, which I think helped the crib not feel so cold and crunchy to him. Whenever I could, I took advantage of his nap to co-sleep and take a nap too. It helped me function better, and he slept better too.
If you read about our sleep patterns, as adults our sleep cycle is to come nearly awake every 90 minutes. As babies neurosystems are developing, it makes sense that their sleep cycles are also bringing them nearly awake at intervals, and that they are just waking sometimes. In the No Cry Sleep Solution, she encourages parents to help children be able to fall asleep in different environments, which is kind of against convention. I think that different babies must need different things, and that if you follow through on some things that show signs of working, you'll find the right one; maybe your baby feels better with one or two ways of falling asleep. It does take a bit of patience and time, like a couple of weeks once you hit something that shows signs of hope.
By the way, our son is an awesome sleeper now! Since he was about 18 months, he sleeps 11 hours, and on weekends he sleeps till 8. Ahhh. It'll happen.
Best wishes!
He might be overtired by the time nap time comes around. Usually he should be going down for a nap about 1-1 1/2 hours after breakfast at the latest. Do you have a routine? We use the same routine that we use for night time, (except for the bath), we read books, cuddle, I nurse him and put him down. It takes time, but he will eventually get it. The majority of pediatricians recommend the CIO (which I wasn't comfortable with until 17 months for my son), but you do whatever feels right. Good luck!
Nope. I think he is going to cry a bit, or you are going to have to keep rocking him to sleep. Thing is, he is already fighting naps with you holding him, i'm actually guessing he'll cry less given a few days of getting to go to sleep on his own.
All that said, i think you can work out a better compromise than all-or-nothing. Perhaps try rocking him until he is calm and almost asleep, and then putting him down (but before he is actually asleep). If he cries again, pick him up, calm him, put him back down. I think this is the method described in the no-cry sleep solution book. Or try putting him in bed and comforting him by patting his back, but not holding him.
Another thing you can try to do is to let him fuss a little bit before you get him up from his nap - make sure he is really awake and not just rolling over. I found it easier to set some rules to stick to about when i go in or not, because its hard to let any noise go, but i truly believe it was the best thing for the kid.
Hopefully, taking baby steps towards your end goal will make it possible to minimize the amount of crying and leaving alone you need to do.
He sounds just like my son. He is 15 months and still nurses to sleep for naps and to go to bed at night or his dad walks him at night. He also sleeps in the car so there are times we take 2 hour drives because he has fallen asleep. He also cosleeps with us so he wakes up a few times a night to eat. He is starting to be a good sleeper. He is now taking a 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap in the morning and about an hour in the afternoon but I still nurse him, although when I ask him if he wants to go night night he is heading toward the bedroom very excited to go to bed, so that is good :). I don't like the cry it out method and have just dealt with it. Sorry I can't be anymore help, it does get better!
E.,
I don't know your family's schedule. But, if he's still taking two naps during the day you might consider removing one of those naps. That may help with your situation.
I'm not a huge fan of CIO either, so in my house it was a modified version. We do our normal routine and put kids to bed (for night time). If they're fussing I give them 5 minutes. If at the end of that 5 minutes they're still going strong in their protest I go in a comfort. If they're winding down at the end of that 5 minutes I give them an additional 5 minutes to calm themselves. If at any time those protest turn into angry screams, not matter the 5-10 minutes, I go in immediately and comfort my child. My son is now 6 years old and sleeps just fine. My daughter is 2 1/2 and we still have our nights; usually when she feels she hasn't had enough Mommy Cuddles at night. *sigh* She's a stubborn, willful, defiant, obstinate, I'll-do-it-myself-even-if-I-can't-thank-you-very-much, active, just like her Momma little girl.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
I think cry it out is barbaric. However, it is important for a kid to learn how to put himself to sleep, the earlier, the better. My advice is (1) make going to sleep his responsibility, not yours. (2) get a solid routine (wash face, brush teeth, books, naptime cd, whatever, cuddle, put in crib awake. (3) hang out within reaching distance until he falls asleep, providing comfort with voice and touch, as needed. I try to resist picking them up, unless they are really not working it out. If they are just crying in protest, cuz they don't want to nap, I just try to comfort them where they are. It's still sort of cry it out, I guess, but I'm there suffering too, so maybe not SO barbaric?
