My Three Year Old Refuses to Poop in the Potty

It's funny. I have sent this piece of advice to so many people this past month. This really works, I promise. Give him a balloon or party favor that you have to blow with a little force. The blowing forces them to use the same muscles they would use to push when they poop. He'll poop and won't even realize he's doing it. This was a trick told to me by a parent that got it from a psychiatrist that specializes in this particular matter. I've done it several times(I'm a pre-school teacher) and it makes the whole issue fun, easy and a lot less stressful! Good luck.

My sister had the same problem, but her dr. gave her an answer that worked, for them at least.
The dr. said next time he poops, leave him in it for 15 minutes. Say "Mommy's busy, and Mommy doesn't have poop in her pants. I'll change you when I'm done with this."
My sister is a total clean -freak, and it may have been the longest 15 minutes of her life, but she only had to do it once. From then on, her boy pooped in the potty.
Good luck!

Hey T.! I am a mom of 3 boys. My youngest is 3 and a half and refuses to poop in the potty also, except he brings me a diaper when he has to go. My two other boys never went poop in a diaper after they turned two and a half. I know how you feel. My son has major anxiety over going on the toilet. Don't know what to do either.

My youngest didn't like going poop in the potty either. She pee trained fast, even at night, but it took about 2 months to get her to go poop in the potty. It wasn't until the last month that she started going around the same time, but it was still only every other day or so. I got to where I would sit with her in the bathroom while she was on the toilet reading, etc. until she went. Our doctor told us that it was OK to use a small (about 1/4 - 1/2) portion of a children's suppository to help her out. So I would do that after a couple of days and she would literally need to go in about 5 minutes. We did that a couple of times and she finally realized that it wasn't scary at all and she would tell the poop bye and flush it. I know it is very frustrating, but you will make it through. Good Luck

My three year old boy was the SAME way. I was extremely frustrated until just a couple of weeks ago, so I know how you feel. After two months of potty training, one day he just started going poop in the potty. The things that seemed to help were letting him go on the big potty, with a stool to step on (now he won't even go in his potty chair--he only goes on the toilet, he transitioned himself to standing to pee at the same time as he started pooping in the potty, so maybe that is what made it click--"this is how the grown ups do it, what daddy does"). And then he was a hider when he would poop, so I kept telling him if you feel like you need to hide, go close the bathroom door and hide in there, sitting on the potty (for some reason it seems to help him to be alone. I make sure he is settled on the potty safely, but then leave him alone and he goes much faster without the distraction of me reading or talking to him, which I also tried). One final thing was transitioning our rewards system from stickers for all pottying to just for pooping and staying dry all day. I hope maybe some of that helps a little.

Is there a specific place he likes to go to do his pooping? My son always went in his closet to poop, so that I wouldn't know he was doing it, but I used this to my advantage. I started taking his potty chair into his closet and told him that he didn't have to go into the bathroom to poop as long as he pooped in the potty instead of his pants. It worked and eventually when he was comfortable going on the potty, we moved the chair back into the bathroom. Maybe this will help with your son. Good luck!

My ped. told me to take my son to the bathroom 20 mins. after every meal, use rewards, and make sure he is on a potty where his feet can touch the floor, adn read books while he is trying to go. It helped when I went back to a potty chair instead of trying to get him to use ther big potty.

T.,
I have no magic answers but hang in there.
Does he use a small potty (no danger of that terrible splash back)? Does he know why he won't use the potty?
Have you tried putting him in diapers again, that would at least minimize the laundry. You deserve some convenience.

Keep giving lots of hugs and kisses. Trust that he will figure this out. As you know, making too big a deal about these things sometimes only makes it worse.
Perhaps your fantastic man should take the lead on this one?
He's a guy, maybe he has insight we girls don't have.
Good luck.
-K

Do you have a molded potty seat to go on the top of the toilet??? My son uses a Baby Bjorn for pooping. He says it is comfortable to sit on. A lot of children hold it for a few different reasons. Sometimes they are scared of falling in, or of the actual act of "Something coming out of them" On some level, they think aprt of them is coming out and going down the toilet. Hard to understand but that would be scary. It is also a Control thing. They have lost so much of what they used to see as control, just by having to follow more rules etc. This is something THEY can control and they will hold on to that type of control until they feel they need to. Some suggestions, talk to your Dr. about using half a capful of Miralax daily. It is NOT a laxative but it helps them to poop every day and not to "Hold it' as a means of control on their part. Another suggestion is to let him pick out and buy his very own stool. It should be of the appropriate height so his feet rest securely on it while he is seated to go poop. Children need to have their feet planted securely on a firm object when pooping. Can you poop with your feet dangling in the air? Hmmm, I dunno. But it makes sense to me. Ok, last one, try letting him sprinkle a few cheerios in the toilet and let him see if he can hit one of them. Sounds crazy, but also fun to a boy!!! Try to let him make the "decision" to do it. If he sees it as "HIS" choice, he will be more likely to go with the flow. Let him be the smartie who came up with the cool new idea!!! Good Luck!!!!!

My 4 1/2 yr old daughter still refuses to poop in the toilet. She has gotten to good at holding it. I am in the same boat...I have tried everything. She is very articulate and has even begun reading. Her Dr. told me that she is still in the majority. Many children find this part difficult. The one thing that helped her go on a regular basis (almost everytime she peed) was miralax. It is over the counter and helped her realize that that she did not have to hold it. She was so excited everytime she did it. After watching her, I know it must be an overwhelming feeling for her. She looks scared when she holds it and cant even move. Her legs get all tense. So i am just trying to encourage all the positive things and not get ugly and mean about it. It is one of those things that I cannot make her do. She is the one that controls that (I think she likes that!!!
Our library has a book about the history of poop. It was very interesting (it talks about the history of the bathroom....) My boys really liked it.
T.

I feel your frustration! This was EXACTLY what I went through with my 2nd child, a 3 1/2 year old boy, when I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I tried everything you mentioned and nothing worked. Pee-d fine but wouldn't poop except in his underwear. The dr's and friends said he'd 'grow out of it' but I was tired of it. He said it smelled, didn't like it coming out of him into the potty, whatever. I finally got fed up with it and told him one morning that he was a big boy and he had to do it in the potty from now on. If he didn't, I told him he was cleaning his own bottom and underwear and was going in the naughty corner. Well, of course he pooped in his underwear several more times but making HIM clean it up made enough of an impact (he used like 8 wipes the first couple of times) and clean out his underwear in the potty or sink that he decided it was easier to poop in the potty within one week and he's hardly had an accident since and he's over 4 now. I always made sure he cleaned his hands up really good after that for sure! That's what worked for us!

My brother and sister-in-law recently had a similar problem - he was holding his poop and just not going until he was pretty much in pain. He would say however that he couldn't and we figured out it was that he didn't understand what it meant when we told him to push. Finally my sister-in-law told him to push like he has to toot and that seemed to do the trick. He has been happy and regular ever since.

Sounds EXACTLY like my 1st son @ that age (he's 6 now). Unfortunately, the only thing I can tell you is that you're gonna have to wait till he's ready. Even his pediatrician said we could bribe him, threaten him, etc. & it wouldn't matter. So, I just let it be after that. Every time he pooped I very casually reminded him that he should be going in the toilet. It ended up being a whole year later (right after he turned 3) before he would poop in the potty. He just came & got me one day & told me that he'd gone. He's never had any accidents since. Good luck. By the way, I know it's not practical but, I threw a lot of underwear away! That prevented me from being stressed out or frustrated about cleaning up & therefore, allowed me to remain calm & relaxed with my son so that he wasn't feeling any bad vibes coming from me.

We had that problem! Here's a few things we tried, I can't remember which one worked, Ithink it was a combination or everything.

~Do you use a potty seat on the toilet for him? If not, let him go to the store and let him help you pick it out "his special pooping seat" :o)

~Let him pick out a special toy and make it clear that he only gets to play with it after he poops in the potty (ex. my son picked out a $10 pirate ship from Toy R Us)

~ Always, lots of praise when he does it right, let him call grandma and grandpa and tell them what he just did in the potty so he can get their praise also. They can also send little cards in the mail full of praise for doing it right. Kids love to get mail!!

~he may be constipated by now and starting to hurt when he poops, if so, then he will really hate pooping. You can get Miralax from Walmart. Pour some in the bottom of a sippy cup and mix with apple juice (or juice of his choice). My son asks for it now b/c he can tell what a difference it makes with his tummy and pooping.

Hope this helps! Every child his different, we just have to find what makes our child tick!! Good luck!

This happened with my daughter--she'd do fine peeing in her potty chair, but would go "hide" in our bedroom to poop. We finally got her to poop in the potty by having her dr. talk to her at her appt. and making the bathroom seem "fun"...I read certain books ONLY in the bathroom. Oh, and she was getting ready to start preschool, so I told her that other kids might laugh at her if she pooped in her underwear, and I didn't want that to happen because it would be very embarrassing for her. You might also want to try an incentive like a sticker chart or something like that...whatever your little guy is really into, use that for an incentive. Then gradually step back from the incentives after he's found his own internal motivation for pooping in the potty. Good luck!! I'm just now thinking about starting the process all over with my youngest!

One of my three sons had a problem like this, I thought he just didn't want to stop playing or watching tv to go use the bathroom. After having to get a different pediatric doctor (due to ours of several years losing his practice)I told the new one about our problem he said it is easily determined and able to fix. He had my son x-rayed which showed my sons body was holding the b.m., the doctor then put him on a prescription powder called GLYCOLAX (generic for Miralax)I mixed it with a little hot water to dissolve it and added some juice for him to drink it. It has helped, one of the nurses told me that her child had to be on it for about 3 yrs, she said some are on it for only one year, my son was on it for about 2yrs. We stopped using it about 1 yr ago (he will be 13 yrs old next month), he has come to me a couple of times saying that he is having a hard time again (his b.m is hard and hurts when he has to pass it) so I refilled the prescription and he ok now but if he has a problem again I'll have to take him back for the doc to prescribe it again. After years of struggling with this and talking to family and a few friends I found out when picking up his powder with my mother-in-law with me she said "oh I take that same powder, I didn't know he had the same problem as me" I wanted to yell at her because she knew we were having this problem and didn't even think to tell us that she had a problem and he might have the same thing or need the same treatment. Well anyway I don't know that this is the problem your son is having but it is worth looking into. whatever is going on I hope it get resolved soon for you. Take Care S. H.

Hi T.,
My son, now 8, went through the same thing. He never wet the bed never any accidents. He refused to poop on the potty for a very long time. We had to put a pull up on him. We noticed he started to hold it in and it would hurt when it finally came out. I think this is common, especially for boys. I heard that they are afraid. It's a huge pain..we just had to wait until he was ready. Actually my second daughter did this as well. Good luck!

I am a mother of 3 boys and i feel your pain! try making fun out of pooping.. by that i mean boys are kenitic by nature, with my boys i would take them every 2 hours on a schedule,to the bathroom and talk about the poop. "what kind of poop can you make? is it a dinosaur poop? or an elephant poop?" they love the sounds their bodies make and the funny faces that acompany them. "can you make a fart face?" and encourage them by showing them your face the way it looks when you are pushing, or what does a poop face look like? I would sit on the edge of the tub while they used the restroom and talk to them about the poop they were going to make. also some children are afraid of the water splashing up on their bottoms, lay some toilet paper in the stool first so that there is no splashing. then when they have actually compleated the task, say good bye to the poop as it is flushed away. they really like the interaction and identifying of the poop. also if this does not work try keeping some clown balloons in the bathroom and only make them while he is pooping. this worked for my nephew. GOOD LUCK!!!

Mom & or Dad may have to actually show him that pooping in the potty is okay & that means take him when either one of you have to poop. I know that's a private time but that might be the only other way. Good luck & God Bless!