My Little Liar - Largo,FL

Ok, just one thing you might want to consider. Maybe you are too overbearing? I mean he is at an age where children naturally start trying to be more independant, and yet you are asking him things like did you eat breakfast, or did you drink the last of the juice. First off, I would try relaxing a bit and give him a bit more space and choices. Apparently, if he is lying to you about breakfast, it is because he's not that hungry but knows if he says i dont want to eat, all you will do is make him to eat anyways. Think if you had someone making you to eat even if you didnt want to. He is lying about that because he is trying to find a way to get around eating. And yes, I realize that breakfast is important, however if he isnt hungry, he isnt hungry. And if he gets to school and then realizes, wait, Im hungry, then he will learn to eat his breakfast. And the whole, did you leave the juice out, or did you drink the last of the milk.... dont present it as a question. Just say, please stop leaving the juice out or it will go bad, go put it away. Of course he is going to say No, I didnt do that!! Because he either does not want to stop whatever else he is doing to put it away, or he feels like you are going to get angry or annoyed if he admits to it (Most likely because you have told him upteenth times and he still forgets). I dont believe that he has a real problem, like he is going to be a pathological liar, nor does he need to be a born again christian to do the right thing. He's a normal tween kid who is trying to test the waters, gain some independancy, and trying to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. Nothing detrimental, doesnt mean you are not doing your job as a parent or failing to teach him good morals. As long as he isnt lying about things like drugs, violence or anything like that you dont have any serious problems. Keep it in perspective. And beware because teenage years get worse, and if you dont learn to compromise and give them a bit of space and choices now, it will only get worse with more serious problems later.

The greatest bit of advice that I can give any parent, is try to remember when you were that age. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if someone was responding to you in the way that you respond to your child. Would it make you frustrated or angry or annoyed? If so, your child isnt going to retain whatever you say anyways. People (children included) stop listening once anger or frustration enters the picture. Try leveling with them and talk to them like adults.

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My response may be a gross over-reaction, but I speak from family experience. This could be the beginning of a pathological problem. You may want to speak to your pediatrician about a referral to a child psychologist. I know it is a normal stage kids go through, but I have family members who became pathological liars. They are grown adults who will lie about the color of the sky if asked. I believe they could have been helped had their parents intervened at an early age. It couldn't hurt to make sure this is a normal stage and not something more.

K.,

I speak from experience. My daughter also went through a real bad period of lying, after trying everything I was at my wit's end. First thing I noticed with your son is that it began when your little one was born, sometimes children act out their jealous in different ways, he has probably realized that he has your attention when he lies, try to focus on when you catch him telling the truth. Praise him when he is honest with you. This was very hard for me, because I would get one truth for every 100 lies, and yes it was similar things like did you drink the last of the milk. Being a single mom it's even harder to try and raise children to be all that we want them to be, try to focus always on his positives and let the little things slide on by. Another thing that has worked for me is when I ask a question, like "Did you drink all the milk? and she says no, and I know she's not telling the truth, I just say I don't know why you feel the need to be dishonest with me, I need to know if you drink all the milk so that I can replace it. If I can't trust you on the small stuff, how can I trust you with the big stuff. Good Luck...

hi i am a mother of 3 myself i had that problem but ever since i've had them in church & really teach them about lying & who is the father of lies they are almost scared to lie they want no part of who is the father of lies don't get me wrong GOD does not give you fear but to join that liar they just think twice bout it you have to pray for your children when you do pray for the truth not many believe in GOD but i do he is my LORD Saviour my kids use to be really uneasy but now its a better relationship we pray as a family GOD changes every situation if you believe in him......Be Blessed Sis

I had a good friend in high school that was like this. At her age I considered her a pathological liar. I know that children go through stages and this may be one but definatly keep on him about how it is not accepted and he will possibly hurt others feelings and lose friends because of this. My friend even told me that my parents informed her that they were buying me a car for my 16th b-day. She told me details down to the make, color, and where it was being hidden. Needless to say, I did not get a car for my birthday and they never said anything of the sort to her. In her situation I came to the conclusion that it was a self esteem issue. She would lie about owning a cell phone or things she had at her house or things she had done or been. It was all to make herself look better to other people. Her mom once told me that she would tell her it's raining outside when clearly it was sunny! I stuck by her as long as I could but I eventually had to end our friendship because of the fact she couldn't be trusted. She was a wonderful person and very fun to hang out with but the lying got to be too much to handle. It was very frustrating to me and I even told her I would go with her to counseling. She said she went on her own and was working out why she lies (this was also a lie). It's great that you are recognizing this now and are staying on top of it as much as you can because I don't think her parents were to involved or really cared. I'm not sure of what you can do but hopefully this is just a stage that he is going through and he will eventually mature out of it. You have a two year old and it's been in the past two years you said so maybe this is his way of getting attention. Good luck and I know how frustrating it is to deal with when you care about someone.

When I was a kid my dad's punishment for lying was to box our ears...I do NOT recommend this. My younger brother lies and still lies at the grand old age of 33, he also steals, did drugs, etc. etc. My mom was told when he was 4 that he had no conscience and I believe this to be true. I know that is a horrible thing to say but I do believe it to be true. He is adopted and had a horrible horrible childhood before he came to our family but I do believe that he has no conscience.

Now to your question...Sorry about that. I agree with the person that suggested counseling or therapy for your son. There has to be something at the root of the lying. I am guessing by what you wrote that you have already been taking things away, I saw that you have done grounding, physical excercise as punishment. One thing that you may try, I have heard of this, is to totally clean out his room and I mean everything except his clothes and his mattress and bedding. He then has to earn his stuff back. If he lies he gets nothing. If he tells the truth he can slowly but surely earn his stuff back. I know this sounds a little drastic but in this situation you have to make a serious point and what you have been trying does not seem to be effecting him at all. So take away everything and he can earn it back by telling the truth, no white lies, no little lies, all lies are big lies.

That is the only thing that I can think of. I am already working on truth and lie with my 4 year old daughter to hopefully avoid bigger problems when she is older. Good luck and I would think about the counseling or therapy.

Good luck and best wishes.

M. N.

HA I just recently went throughh the same thing with my son. He is 12 now as of Aug 5th and he went through a good 5 months or so where he did that. He would lie about breakfast. I would say did you eat breakfast? Yes, What did you have? Cereal Where is the bowl? In the dishwasher Why are there no dishes in the dishwasher? I don't know. That is just one that I remember. But as you are experiencing there are many more and have no reason for them. I don't have any advice other than what you are doing. Just keep explaining to him that lying is bad and the truth is good. Keep giving him consequences for the lying and hopefully it is just a stage as was with my son. Just stay persistant and affirm him too. Tell him you love him and that you don't want him to lie that it hurts you and that his little lies can turn into big ones and can get him in a lot of uneccesary trouble down the line. I am sure it is just a phase but keep doing what you are doing. Raising kids is never easy don't we know it!!! Good luck to you K.! I know what you are going through. Oh and this just happened this morning. There was orange juice spilled all in the freezer and on the ice! Don't ask me how. Neither of my boys has a clue how it got there.(they like to make orange juice icepops) The dogs must have done it cause my boys NEVER LIE LOL (that was total sarcasm)

Good morning K..

I also think that it has something to do with the age. My son turned 11 this summer and as of recent has been getting into the bad habbit of lying. Some are big lies and some are plain silly lies, but nevertheless they're lies.

The way I have dealt with this issue is by talking to him about the importance of trust in your relationship with him. I tell my son that if I can't trust what he is telling me then his teenage years are going to be very boring in his room. I try to explain to him that his word is all he has. How I'm I going to believe him one day that he is going to a friends house or a movie and not maybe going somewhere else to get in trouble. Kids usually don't like it when you are always asking them if they are lying and they will usually get very upset if you are always accusing them of it. Then you can explain to them if they are getting upset that if he weren't to lie so much that maybe you would believe what they were saying. Then you can tell him how dissapointed you are taht because of his lies your trust is broken and he is going to have to work very hard to get it back. Meaning that he is going to have to make sure he never lies again.

So far this has worked for me and hopefully it works for you.

Sincerely,
V.

Hi K. I have 4 children my 12 year old does the same thing too. But not as much as your Son. What I do is # is I pray for my children everyday and I ask God for wisdom. Than I have a heart to heart talk with my son. I tell my Son that He needs to start telling me the truth because God forbid that if something really bad happen to Him that I'm going to think that he is lying. I told him that when you are telling the truth no one is going to believe you especially if it's something serious. But my Son told me that if he tells the truth that he'll get punish. I told him no matter what the outcome of it is that you have to tell the truth. And I also put fear in him by saying that God is watching everything that you do that lying is a sin that God is not please when we're lied to our parents or to anyone else. After, that my son never lie to us anymore.And you can go to Church without walls in Lakeland fl thye have a Sunday school for kids. www.withoutwallscentral.org I also do read the bilble with my son every since they were little I take them to church. I read Ephesians 6 Children obey your parents so you can live longer. Train up a child the way their should go and when their get older they will not depart from it.

Hi K.. I don't have much advice to give except for this, check out :http://www.lcmedia.com/mind423.htm. This is a link to a public radio show called "The Infinite Mind" http://theinfinitemind.com/mindprgm.htm. The show's title, is "Lies, Lies, Lies". I remember a woman calling into the show with the same issue you have. Perhaps this could give you some insight.
My brother was a big time liar and really it had to do with his fitting in. He'd lie about having a swimming pool in our house, about having a brother, about all sorts of things. I'll tell you that it's good that you are recognizing it and trying to nip it in the bud now because it can only get worse.
Good luck, mommy!

This must be pretty normal at this age because both my recently turned 11 year old daughter and my 12 y/o neice do the same thing lately. Especially if I ask something like, "Who left the milk on the counter?" or "Who didn't hang up their towel?" and then I get "It wasn't me mom, I SWEAR!"
Its hard b/c I have three in the house and it is possible it was somebody else, but its obvious SOMEBODY is lying when NOBODY is owning up. Then I am put in the position of going ballistic about something stupid like a towel on the floor. But the issue is really that someone is lying to me. I have used our faith in the past to explain why lying won't be of benefit because then they will have a sin on their conscience. When she was littler I used to tell her that when St. Peter was considering whether to let her inside the pearly gates she would be wearing a white dress and every lie she ever told would be a black mark on the dress:)
I always remind them that the punishment for leaving a towel on the floor (ie being forced to pick it up) is much easier than the punishment for lying (ie getting grounded/doing extra chores). The other thing you could try is positive reinforcement, a sticker chart, getting a sticker for each day he goes without lying or for each time he's been honest when it was difficult. Then after so many stickers, a treat like a movie or special toy... I am no expert, just dealing with the same issue

Hi K. -

Bless your heart for reaching out to find an effective and loving way to deal with this frustration. While my son is only four and my daughter is only two, I often wonder what they will be like when they're your son's age and are faced with outside pressures and influences that my husband and I can't control. That's why we feel very strongly about preparing them now for these challenges by surrounding them with positive influences such as a solid spiritual curriculum, good character-based reading books, and constant accountability from us. With our efforts and God's direction, we hope to equip our children with the social and spiritual skills to withstand future temptations that may hurt themselves or others.

That being said, are you a spiritual person and if so, do you have a home church? Does your son attend Sunday school classes? Sunday school classes, especially at his age, are very critical for building and reinforcing important character values. We, as parents, carry much of that responsibility, but it definitely helps for our children to see other kids their age learning and growing together to become better people. Even if you don't attend a regular church, I would suggest that you check some out in your local area, visit a couple of services, and decide if their belief-systems are in line with your own and then sign your son up.

I go to Calvary Chapel in St. Pete myself (off of U.S. 19 N.), and even though I live in the heart of S. Tampa, the drive is inconsequential since it's a solid, Bible-believing and Bible-practicing church. Both of my kids attend regular classes there...these classes are FREE, held during service hours, and are called a part of The Children's Ministry. My four year old son is already benefiting greatly from his attendance and participation. They have classes ranging from newborns (which is really a nursery-type setting) to high school age.

In addition to my children's attendance in these classes, I've read "Bringing Up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family, and I highly suggest you do the same. It's a book written with a Christian focus that's directed solely on how to raise boys to become Godly men. When our children are young, it's so easy to forget that they'll one day become adults, but we must always keep that reality at the forefront because as we're rearing our children through their childhood and adolescence, we're ultimately raising future adults. Here's an Amazon.com description of the book:

"Boys should be boys, says Dr. Dobston-but in today's mixed up culture, how can moms and dads discern what that means? In this encouraging guide, he offers parents sensible advice on nurturing honesty, integrity, and true masculinity in their sons. Discover time-tested secretts for raising today's boys to be tomorrow's godly men."

Here's a link to a page where you can order the book:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?even...

I also do a daily Bible study with a friend from church via e-mail. We've nearly completed Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life," and it's been such a blessing to me, my friend, and my family. My young kids get to see me not only practicing what I'm preaching, but they see me spending quiet time with the Lord, which surprisingly at their age, they understand and respect.

If you're open to learning about Jesus and the virtues of living a Christian life, I would highly recommend that you get this particular study and start it soon: "Foundations: 11 Core Truths to Build Your Life On" by Tom Holladay and Kay Warren. Here's a link to a page on Amazon.com where you can read up on it as well as order the book, if you're so inclined: http://www.amazon.com/Foundations-Participants-Guide-Tom-...

Knowing that your primary concern right now with your son is that he not only stop his lying, but build an overall positive character in general, you should read this article:
http://www.centralpc.org/current/nv/nv040815.htm

I leave you with this final thought, a Biblical verse from Proverbs in the Old Testament that's both practical and true: "Train children in the right way and when old, they will not stray." Proverbs 22:6 (NRSV)

Blessings to you and yours.