Do You Call Out a Liar

I personally would let it go because I am not really one for confrontation. But, if it really bother you, maybe instead of calling them out say something milder. Like..."really, I could have sworn I saw their dad at the school at pick up today."

sorry - I have no good advice for you. I HATE liars. My SIL is a liar. I can't stand it. I don't believe a word that she says anymore. Pretty much no-one does anymore really. It's kind of sad. Once you get known for being a liar, no one believes you even when you are telling the truth - as rare as that might be.....LOL

I know what you're going through, and I can't stand being lied to, either. My husband's cousin does this. The whole family knows it & will tell him if he's saying something wrong. He usually doesn't believe them, and continues on believe whatever he is saying. Thankfully, it's a laughing matter in the family, but you know not to believe him. =) And it's so weird b/c we can totally see that he doesn't know he's lying -- he really thinks he's telling the truth. I think this is completely different than someone that is making up stories to get attention -- something my brother does & something I'm reading in the other resonses. My guess is this person you are dealing with doesn't even realize they are lying -- you're going to have to overlook it. It's not easy. Good luck!

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Oh yeah, been there...done that. I personally would just know in your heart that you cannot trust what this person says to you and leave it alone. If it is something that negatively impacts your family...you may want to think about sitting down and having a conversation with her about it. Be prepared to give her examples of her lies and ask her why she feels she needs to lie to you etc. I hope it all works out for you.

The important thing to realize is that this person probably has lied so much that all the lies have become reality to this person. I would distance myself from this toxic person as much as possible without giving any excuses to anybody. Good luck, been in your shoes and understand how you feel!

I think everyone has a liar in the family, just different degrees. If it's a lie that's not hurting anyone I would leave it. Some people just lie so often they don't know how to stop and calling them out on it isn't going to make them stop it's just going to drive a wedge. When I deal with my family member's exaggerations I just let it go and give a generic reply "Oh, that's terrible" or "That's great" If I know they are lying I try to get off that subject as quickly as possible and focus on something else. It's just their cry for attention.
If it is a hurtful lie then I would call it out, but be prepared for it not to end well.
It's just a matter of choosing you battles.

If you know what the fact is I would probably call them on it now and then depending on what the lie was. It might be better just to roll your eyes at the others in the room if everyone knows this person is a liar and just let it go. They dont usually change.

I would just say something like "Really? Because I saw Joe picking up your kids." And then see what he/she says. I hate a liar.

Hanging on to the idea that people "shouldn't" lie will only cause distress and disappointment. The reality is that whether they should or shouldn't people lie for a million different reasons. The important thing to do is acknowledge what is real and then create boundaries and make choices accordingly.

If you simply accept that this person lies, then you are at choice point. You then get to decide how you want to interact with them and how to communicate with them. I have found that simple, open, clear, and direct communication will take you a long way in any relationship.

The caution in the communication process is to be careful about your intention/purpose. If your purpose is to get the other person to change, you will only create resentment for both of you. If your purpose is to set a boundary for yourself or to share information, then you have a better chance of creating a better relationship or at least a safer relationship for yourself.

For example, if she lies about something that directly affects you then you clearly and calmly state that you are aware that she is lying and that you do not want to be lied to. You then release the expectation that she will actually hear you and never lie to you again. If her lies are putting your children or you at risk you simply make sure that you create clear boundaries about how she gets to interact with your children or you rather than focusing on getting her to stop lying.

She has to make her own choices about whether lying is an issue for her and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. Let her have her own stuff. Does it make it a little difficult sometimes for you? Of course, and then again, you just get to see what choices you have in relating to her, or not, and how that will look for you and your family.

If it doesn't really make much difference, I would probably ignore it.

My cousins wife is a habitual liar. We usually just let them go in one ear and back out the other unless the lie is about something that matters. At that point we will just correct her and go on. If she argues her point then we point out that we know she lied and that it was not a mistake and this is what actually happened.

My best friend was also a habitual liar or maybe I should say she lived in a fairytale world. She was grossly overweight (over 400 lbs) and she would tell us stories about wild nights out with her "boyfriends". I suspected for years that it was just all in her head, but as time went on she began including actually facts and actually people into her stories. I guess she thought that we had "believed" her for so long that we would not question the people she included in her stories about the event that she told us about that included these make believe "boyfriends". I remember that I shared a Geography class with someone that she had included in her morning story and I questioned him about the incident and who was there at the time and was there anyone he did not know. He let me know that the incident did happen that he knew everyone there and that it did not include these imaginary "boyfriends". I had pretty well let her stories go in one ear and out the other for years, but after that I definitely let them travel right on through and never gave them a thought. I never accused her of being a liar, the stories never hurt anyone but herself.

Most of the time a habitual liar has been one for the majority of their life. The chances of changing them are slim to none.

I went through the same thing with a family member. The unfortunate thing was we didn't know when to believe and when not to believe. It came to a head when they got sick. They told us they had a certain kind of insurance and didn't. We were the ones to deal with the lies and found out many more lies as well.

When you know the person is lying you can confront them in a way that is not confrontational. For example when she says my friend Judy is picking up the kids and you know her friend Jane is picking them up just say I thought Jane was picking up the kids. This way you have made your point without hurting feelings.

What starts out as little lies turns in to big ones. It could turn out like my family member where the lies turned out to do more harm than good. I know some posters said maybe it isn't your place to tell her but if she is telling the lies to you than it is your place especially if you entrust your children to her. Good luck with your decision.

Tough one. I have a sister in law (soon to be ex sister in law) who also is a habitual liar. To the point of where my brother did not speak to my mother or I for years because of them. He finally saw the light. It is a sickness, they do it so often it becomes second nature. Even the stupid small things that they know are going to be found out, they still lie. I am not sure it will even make a difference if you confront them. If you have to continue this relationship which I am sure is not a good idea, you have to be on your guard like I was. Never be alone with them without witnesses lol to validate every truth. It is not an easy answer because people like that can do a lot of damage. Good luck!!

Honestly, I have known a few people like this and I really think that it is a mental problem. It is so odd that somebody would lie about something stupid that doesn't really matter-yet they do. I wouldn't call it out if I were you. They are just not in touch with reality enough for it to matter. Just keep your distance.

Call them out every time whether it changes their behavior or not. Just because someone is family and your kids like their kids is not a good enough reason to keep in contact with them. Some people are toxic.
C.

Well, I had a friend I grew up with. She lied all the time. She lied as a child, and she continued lying as an adult. I always wanted to flat out tell her you're lying, since she was lying about everything, just small things that didn't matter one way or another. She was my friend because she was my next door neighbor, went to school together, sat together, so all that. Last few years I started calling out on her lies, not flat out saying don't lie, but just going back to what she had said initially and then repeating but she said then. I knew it was over. I couldn't handle anymore lies. So the day she called and lied again I just lowered my voice and said I cannot pretend anymore. She said about what? I said about your lying. It's gone on for too long. She denied ever lying and I said goodbye. Never got in touch with her. So if you're going to confront I'd say do it and move on. No more going back. Habitual liars do not change. They will continue living in their false world, lying their way through life.

I think this person has a problem. As long as it is not your problem, I would leave it alone. If the lie affects you or your kids in some way, I would say something. Otherwise, leave it alone. I have a family member that lies to everyone, including himself. It's usually things he isn't proud of, so he tells me what he wishes were the truth or what he thinks I want to hear or what will keep the peace. Calling him out on the lie is also busting his little dilusion. It goes back to his self esteem. Calling him out only further damages his self esteem and does nothing to prevent the next lie. So, I've decided unless it has some negative affect on me or my kids, just to let him have his fantasy world.

Im so confrontational, I find it hard not to call them out. But it serves no purpose, other than pushing them away! I have a g/f Ive known for over 20 years, and she still lies, embellishes etc and I always know... I just start the mmhmm thing, and start before she even finishes her sentence, and its a totally uninterested mmhmm! I dont know what else to suggest, besides that & act like an uninterested guy, you know, how they just dont seem to hear what doesnt interest them? LOL people are so dumb sometimes.

you could also have fun with it like "yeah well mickey mouse picked up my kids today"......"mary poppins cleans my house"......otherwise i would just call them out on it but only if everyone knows about this persons lying problem otherwise you will look like an @$$

I would start pointing out the inconsistencies each and every time. For example, "When I picked Sally up from school yesterday I was surprised to see Susan picking up your daughter. You had said that you were going to be there." Not accusing, just point out that you caught her in a lie.

Just be aware that this is family and you have to see her all the time, so personally I would not make a huge issue, as long as it doesn't start to impact your life or your child's life.

I think we all know someone like this. So annoying. I wouldn't call this person on it unless it's something that directly affects you or your husband or children.

I have at least one of those and some that exaggerate so much it is like a lie. I have had the one tell me one thing, her sister another, my son another, and then have the nerve to tell any one of us "I didn't say that"...she forgets who she told what to. She actually told my son that she didn't say something that I told him she said. Then I played back the message she left and knew I was right. He never believed her again and I pay her very little attention.

Sorry, no good way to handle this. Ignore her or call her out but either way you still can't believe her. If she lies about stuff that doesn't matter, how can you believe her on the important stuff?

I would call them out on it. I would say, "I know the truth is ___. I don't like liars and would appreciate it if you would tell me the truth. Its getting to the point where I am beginning to not believe anything you say and I don't want to have that kind of relationship with you." Good luck!

Do you have proof and facts that she is lying or it is just a suspicion?

Maybe they are competing with you.

If you know for sure it is a lie, I would ask for verification like dates & times - followed by when, what and who questions...

If the lies harm you/your family/your kids... then YES, call them out on it.

Some people are pathological liars... and need psychological help.

Or yes, just say "I know you are lying to me and I don't appreciate it."
Why not.
I would.

Just to play devil's advocate here, is it really any of your business or concern who picks her kids up from school? maybe she's lying because she feels judged by you. Same with their medical care, maybe she just has different views and doesn't want to listen to a bunch of negativity for her choices, because after all as long as her children are cared for they are her choices. ( I don't lie, but I do a lot of nodding and smiling and changing the subject to avoid discussing parenting with my mom, because we just don't agree and it keeps the peace)

Regardless of her reasons, unless it really involves you i'd let it go and ignore her, it might be annoying but you aren't going to change her behavior by calling her out. She will only end up embarrassed and lie to cover that up as well.......

You ABSOLUTELY call them out. This shows so much disrespect for other people AND CLEARLY they have no self respect. I would approach it and let them know you KNOW they are lying, you don't appreciate the disrespect and that when people lie, no one can trust them. IS THAT THE POINT THEY WANT TO CONVEY? Point blank, ASK THEM? Put the ball in THEIR court.