My Daughter Thinks Time Out Is a Game

My feeling is, first off depending on the child, I think 18mo old is too young for a time out, as you can see they think it is funny and they just dont get it. As far as the food, I would only give her a couple pieces on a plate, not her entire dinner, and if she throws it, get the plate back and give her a couple more pieces, if she does it again, I would NOT remove her from the chair/table, what I would do is, take her plate away and have her sit (in the highchair) at the table until you/ the family is done eating. Perhaps her seeing you and others sitting there eating civil and not throwing she will then get it. Dont let her have the easy way out and let her be excused just cause she threw her food!!! Let her sit there with nothing til you are done!! Best of Luck

She's a little to young to understand time outs. At this age there is really no use in trying to explain things to her. Just keep telling her no. if she keeps throwing her food she's probably not that hungry. My 18 month old will do the same thing with his food and when he does it twice in a row I take his food away and take him out of his chair and we go play. When he's hungry he eats when he'd done he starts throwing it.

I always felt that if they threw their food, they were done. I took the plate away and took them out of the highchair and said "you're done, no more throwing food." I do give them a second chance but not a third.

also make sure she really is hungry before serving her. And don't give her more than you think she'll eat.

I think she might be too young for time outs, she probably doesnt get the concept yet. You should probably not put as much food in front of her so less food is getting catapulted and just re-inforce the "No" factor.

Also, she might not be hungry, and because of that she's probably bored and "experimenting", and clearly she's testing the limits.

Good luck!!

This is a frustrating time I know. Keep up the good work of being consistant and you'll be fine!
I use what Amanda said with my boys. throwing food or inappropriate behavior at the table means your done, you are excused from the table. They caught on quick! Now all I do is say "oh you are done already?" and they fix their behavior (or they leave the table).
Choose what works best for your child and stick to it. You'll get there!! Sending you patience!!

Hi M.,
My son throws his food too..but I've learned to catch him before does it...when I noticed he doesn't want anymore, I remove the tray from the high chair.
I use a time out for my son when I repeatedly tell him not to touch the TV power buttons. I use the playpen as a timeout area. This works at times. But I've learned through a friend that you have to be firm with your tone of voice when you tell them to stop so they will know you are serious. After that YOU walk away and then they will not find it fun anymore to keep doing what you told them not to because they don't have an audience (mommy and daddy)..they'll just go and see what you are doing once you've walked away from the situation...I have tried it and it works.

We had the same problem when our daughter turned 18 - 19 months and found time outs to be ineffective, too. After a week of the problem I decided to take a different approach. I explained calmly to my daughter that it was not good table manners to drop food onto the floor and that it was also wasteful, then I told her that after she finished eating she would be responsible for picking up every piece of food she dropped onto the floor. I had her pick up every last pea, carrot, etc. and she never dropped food (intentionally) onto the floor again. She is now over two and we have not had the problem since the day she had to pick all of the food up herself. Of course, we are encountering new challenges that come with a 2 yr old, but so far we're doing OK. I think it is important to realize that as they grow, kids challenge and explore boundaries and are looking for us to set them. Good luck!

I like the ideas on what to do you got from Danielle, but I wanted to make a comment, I think at 18 mos, they are to young for time out. I read that you can start doing them at age 2. I know 18 mos is a year and a half, but it is a far cry from 2 in that arena.

we don't use time outs though, we use the corner. I had to stand in the corner as a child as a punishment, that is what I use, and it seems effective. just be sure that if you continue to use time outs, that it isn't near toys or the tv.

good luck!

Why are you giving two warnings? Stop immediately when she does it again (since she nows she's testing you) and give her a time out. I suggest moving to 2 minutes with a timer and practically ignoring her (if you can) for the duration. If she think it is fun, it must not be long enough. I went through this with my 19 month old and when I lengthened the time, it seemed to make her sad because she cried for about the last 30 seconds. Then I talk to her at her face level about why she had a T.O. (simple "no throwing food") and then asked her to say "sorry". Once she says sorry, we return to our routine. When she was doing the food throwing business, we would immediately get her out of the highchair, give her a T.O and then not let her eat anymore. (It seemed to be that she was bored and either done eating or not interested anyway. At this age they seem to eat a lot less since they are not growing so quickly. So don't worry!) Maybe she is doing the same? I hope this helps. You're not alone!

I agree with all the other recommendations to end the meal the moment she throws something, but I don't think that waiting until the next meal is really necessary with an 18 month old. I think, if she's hungry, that offering food maybe 20 min - half an hour later is okay -- it's long enough that the message the meal is over gets through, but not letting her go hungry. An 18 month old has a rather small stomach, and even having eaten a full meal, usually needs a snack or two before the next one. If she hasn't really gotten enough to eat, you're possibly setting yourself up for a very grumpy and unpleasant time until the next meal.

I recommend the "love and logic" way of doing things... if the child throws the food, you say, "oh, you're done eating. Okay, mealtime is over." Take the food away, put the baby down on the floor. She'll start to realize that she loses her food when she throws it, without you having to tell her. I wouldn't give any chances. Throw it once, mealtime is over. You can do it very nicely, and no punishment is necessary. :) Throwing is a developmental need for kids, so after you put away her food, maybe play a throwing game with a soft ball or something so she'll learn what is appropriate to throw and what is not.
Good luck!! :)

I know people are against spanking- but it works. She'd only try it once if she got a spanking the first time she did it.
If she throws her food- she's done. Don't give her more. Wipe her hands and set her back down on the floor. No more food for kids who throw. She's 18 mos old now- she knows right from wrong and can learn how to behave herself.
Good luck- you need to nip this in the bud now or you'll have an older much more difficult child to control later.
-S.

As a mom of 3 and daycare provider to many more, this is all too often an occurance at this age. For one, they are exploring the relationship between cause and effect. They are seeing not only the effects by watching food fall when they push/throw it, but also the effect it has on you and your reaction. Timeouts at this age are rarely effective. I have found the easiest solution is to give a warning the first time and if the action is repeated, simply remove the tray of food. After 1-2 minutes ask if she is ready to eat like a "big girl". When returning the food be sure to make it clear that if she can not eat like a big girl she is all done, at which point food and her is removed from the table. I guarantee that she may not be happy, but she certainly won't starve. If you stick to your guns and carry through, she will learn quickily- just another cause and effect relationship for her! Also offering lots of praise, clapping, and even silly little dances when necessary when she is doing a good job will further provide her with an incentive to eat rather than play with her food!
Best of Luck,
D.- Kids Kingdom Child Care, MA

Not too young for time-outs! Started my 18mos old just after a year for real, purposeful, willful misconduct. He's been in the corner 4-5 times. Put himself there the other day because he accidentally swatted Daddy. (too cute, and Dad ended it quickly), but consistency is the answer. Agree with removing the plate, but staying at the table. Retry after 5 minutes or so, or just feed baby yourself. Sometimes they just need someone to feed them again :) Good luck.

You might try not giving her a plate/bowl for her meals. Instead give her a few bites on the tray, like you did when she was younger. Explain that since she will not stop throwing her plate then she has to be treated like a baby. If she keeps the plate on the tray then she can be big girl.

Obviously this will be inconvenient to you since you will have to doll out her meals a bite at a time but she will get the picture quickly (Hopefully ;) ) It will be better than cleaning up a thrown plate of food.

The next time she throws her food, tell her we do not throw food and take her food away, wash her up and send her on her way. If she doesn't get to finish her dinner it may get the message across better. I always had bath time and stories after dinner so, you may want to try that.
As far as the time out at 18 months I'm not sure. I don't remember when I started time outs. At that age they really are testing everything not just us. She is having fun throwing her food and seeing your reaction. Just be firm and don't give in.

M.,

When my 14 1/2 month old starts throwing food from his tray it is his way of communicating that he is all done. I then quickly remove his tray. I don't think time outs work when it comes to eating (you might want to read more from the experts on this). Time outs also don't work for all kids. My oldest does fine with it (although it has taken years and many hours) and my middle he absolutely dissolves if I even mention a time out.

Good luck!!

H. Z. (SAHM to 5, almost 4 and 14 1/2 month old boys)

Hi M.. Yes - my suggestion is to remove her from the table immediately while saying "No throwing." Period. (BTW - one word for each year of age.)

No time out. She's done.

I'll bet it won't take too many times of being hungry till the next meal for her to stop it.

The time is NOW to set precedents that YOU are the boss... In the moment, it is torture for us, but believe me, it works. If you give in, you are setting yourself up for a nightmare as she gets older (just look around the grocery or toy store...)

And don't worry, she won't starve to death! She'll learn - many lessons through this one exercise - and dinner will be happier too!

I agree about being one step ahead of her. At the first item thrown, take away the food/tray. If she gets down to play and doesn't eat another bite, so be it. She won't starve. If she's hungry enough to come back for more, let her back up and only give her a few bites on the tray at a time. If she throws them, she's done and down. If she eats the few, give a few more.

I think she's too young for time out. We started at 2 with both of our children.

M.,

I am not sure if you are able to completely leave her during time outs so that way she isn't getting your attention for you to know that she thinks it's funny and a game. If you can find a secluded spot or "time out" chair and leave her till her time is up, she may not find it so funny. And of course if she is laughing and fooling around during time out, it is suppose to last longer until she stops behaving in that manner during her time out. Our 20 month old has such temper tantrums that we don't have a choice right now but to either sit her on the floor away from everything because she throws herself about and it's scary and it's tough because we are afraid of her getting hurt, but we put her on the floor and just walk away and say "let us know when you are done" and that seems to work some, she realizes she isn't getting our attention as she is hoping too. Best of luck.

Give her one thing at a time or things that dont make a mess. Maybe she does not like what u are giving her. if u give her a time out look stern and put her somewhere by herself and do not pay attention to her. good luck

I feel that 18 months old is still too young for time-outs. She cannot understand them yet. At that age, I just told my girls that it was not ok to throw food. By age 2, neither of them were still doing it.

My son (now 3) went through a phase where he threw his food a lot. He wouldn't respond to "no" and would laugh it off. The only way we got our message across is to end the meal right then and there. We knew he wouldn't starve, even though it felt awful taking away his meal. Pretty soon he learned that if he threw food, he wouldn't get to eat his meal. Every once in a while he'll toss his food now and we still take it away. Again, the kids won't starve and hopefully you'll get your point across. Good luck!