My Daughter Is Emo???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo#Mainstream_popularity:_2...

Emo is about the music. This is the music they have chosen to identify with. Many people who listen to country dress like it ... same with those who listen to rock or those who listen to pop. Would you have the same emotions if it were J-Pop Harajuku Girls?

I suggest you talk with her about the bands she likes, what she likes and why she likes them. I suggest you find a way to bond with her about this vs. reject her. BTW a friend of mine's daughter is a cutter and she favors pop music over any kind. My nephew is into Screamo - a spin off of Emo and he is perfectly happy, he simply enjoys the music.

Don't jump to conclusions and be inquisitive and be interested in her life and emotions.

This isn't a big deal. Just let her know that you support her expressing her style.

My boss was really into the "goth" scene when he was a teen. Today he is a very clean cut US Army officer.

Don't worry about it.

Look up "Goth". Read about it and show it to her. I'm wondering if she is using the wrong term. Sometimes kids do that.

Have you listened to the music? What are the lyrics about? If it's more about the sound than the words, let her listen to it.

I'd tell her that she can dress within reason (and mean it, mom) and as long as she makes good grades and works WITH you, you will allow her some flexibility. Keep the lines of communication open.

heh. you're thinking of banning her from expressing herself in her chosen fashion so she won't get depressed.
sounds to me as if your daughter is exceedingly discerning and mentally healthy. she's picked music and color scheme that please her, and isn't going along with all the (overhyped) psychological angst that's popularly associated with the genre.
there are depressed kids and cutters who disguise it brilliantly by pasting on fake smiles and wearing cheery colors.
let your daughter be who she is. you can tell if she's happy or not, right?
khairete
S.

That's like saying that cheeleaders are always sleeping with the football captain.
You just keep an eye on your daughter like you normally would. Don't ban her from expressing herself!
L.

Okay mama - put the brakes on!!! Take a deep breath and let it out slowly!!

EMO - is NOT Goth. It is a break off of Punk. And just because your daughter wears black does NOT mean she's depressed and cutting.

Emo is SHORT for "emotional". She's 13. She's going through puberty. She's trying something out. Are you openly communicating with her? Not berating her but TALKING WITH her - not TO OR AT her?

Have you asked her what EMO means to her?

EMO is a LABEL. Does she want to LABEL herself or is she trying something out? Emo is also a s STYLE of music. While it's more "punk" in sound - instead of ranting about burning down a house and being angry....it's "emotional" to an extreme - hence the name EMO. It's about wallowing in self-pity. Is your daughter wallowing in self-pity? Nothing is right....depressed?

Your daughter is TRYING to identify with something - a group - ANYONE so she can "define" herself. Why not help her explore other genres of music as well? Keep the lines of communication open. Don't "FREAK" on her. Talk WITH her.

Hope this helps!

Relax. Do you remember the punk, goth, Madonna, The Cure, etc. looks from when we were young? If she is not hurting herself or anyone else, if she's talking to you and behaving normally except for how she dresses and the music she likes, let her. If you "ban" her from music and clothes for no "existing" reason - ie. "the web says....", that will backlash and she will be depressed about it, she won't talk to you.

I'm sure you probably liked something your parents didn't "get". Keep the communication lines open. That's the best thing you can do. That way you'll know what's going on in her life.

Besides, depression and cutting happen WITHOUT emo.

LOL good luck "banning" an teenager from anything. She's exploring her identity. Today's "emo" is yesterday's "goth." Sounds like her identity with this stereotype is pretty superficial. I was a happy-go-lucky teenager with a job, top grades in honors and AP classes, was involved in cheerleading, theater, music, art, student council, the environmental club, peer counseling and church and still liked the Goth look - black clothes (when not wearing my school uniform), heavy eyeliner, black lipstick, short dresses and combat boots, dyed my hair black (from dark brown LOL), etc. Oh yeah and the depressing music and the feigned ennui that went along with it.

What I would do is mostly ignore it. As long as her behavior doesn't change, she's just into the look and the music. It'll probably pass. Ask her in a non-judgmental way what about emo is appealing to her. If emo isn't a popular look where you live, it may be that she's trying to rebel against the more common looks for girls her age (preppy, slutty, gangster girl, etc.) and either separate herself from others that she doesn't like or likes the attention of dressing differently. If there are other kids who are into this look, she may be trying to fit in with them. Emo kids tend to think of each other as "deep" or mature.

My step-daughter and oldest son are both 15. They've tried on different looks and styles over the years. As long as they are covering up parts they're supposed to cover up and can clean up OK for church and important holidays, I don't care what they look like. They usually figure out on their own that they look ridiculous and get away from the extreme looks. My oldest son considers himself a "hipster" and last year, my SD had "scene" hair, which was basically a really, really, really bad haircut. I didn't say anything and she decided on her own that she didn't like it and hasn't tried anything edgy since.

Don't worry about this as long as it's looks and music only. If her behavior and grades and friends change for the worse, then you've got something to worry about.

Remind your daughter that labels like "emo" are broad and might include things that she does not want applied to her. I personally think labels like that just sound silly.

I would encourage her to be specific when describing herself - "I like this band." "I like black eyeliner." Not "I am emo".

Just because someone likes a certain style of clothing or a certain type of music does not mean they are suicidal, evil or anything else.
Unless you see obvious signs of harm to herself or to others I don't see it to be an issue. Emo is not all about cutting, depression or suicide. The internet can be your worst enemy!
I've dated the punks, the goths, even the death metalers. I have many friends of the same kind. My friends are all happy and healthy and far from evil or harmful to themselves or others, they just like what they like and sometimes it's not the boring, generic, mainstream. I wouldn't even call myself boring, generic and mainstream. I've happily done the all black, heavy electric blue eyeliner in fancy scroll cats eyes. My music tastes puts a record store to shame with the scope of genres I have, I even have emo and the predecessors of punk and goth and the like.
I'm too old and lazy to dress it up like I once did but I absolutely admire a well dressed emo type. I know it does not make them a bad person. Just one that likes to look good and has good music taste.
Never judge a book by it's cover.

Don't ban her from "emo" She probably means the music and fashion only. If you ban it, it could take on more sinister forms if she starts to feel alienated and misunderstood by you.

I listened to very dark music in high school. Skinny Puppy, Alien Sex Fiend, Joy Division (of course)etc. I loved to wear black clothes and pale face make-up etc. I was in high school in Germany and there was a huge Goth scene there in the 80's. Like HUGE. I did the rebel teen thing so I loved the whole scary aspect and of course my parents hated it. But I never hurt myself or did drugs or was suicidal like some fans (only some, it was a huge movement just like emo and only a small fraction of fans were disturbed. Most were just into the music and fashion).

Stay close to your daughter, let her express herself. Don't try to be too hip and into it, but it wouldn't hurt you to find a song or band you "don't mind". I had my parents admitting some Cure songs were OK :).

As long as she keeps her grades up and is respectful and kind to people, don't ban her music just because it's "emo". You'll cause a backlash. If she needs grounding, make it from activities, not music. When I was younger my mom ripped up a bunch of my Prince posters and smashed my albums (all bought with hard-earned babysitting money) and it really hurt our relationship. I think it's why she backed off of my high school choices...

Now I love all types of music and art and I'm just "normal". She'll be OK. Don't give her a reason to dive into the depths of depression for being "misunderstood"-because you know teens love to find ways to do that...the more you're OK with it, the less she'll have to get all militant about it.

My son is 14. Although I always associated emo with cutting and depression, the kids that age don't associate being emo with cutting and depression. If she is talking to you and you still have a mostly good relationship with her, don't worry about it. She knows you don't like it but she is trying to find herself. If you ban her, she will pull away from you and do it anyway. Pick your battles! I really don't think this is one you should worry too much about. Keep an eye on her, cultivate your relationship and be there for her.

I googled it because I wanted to see how it differed from goth. I found a site all about it and that it's not about cutting, depression etc. Go through the site and help your daughter express herself knowing that it's not about any of those negative things. Get her a cool band t-shirt and accept her right now. I identified with the goths back in highschool. I wore all black, dyed my hair black etc. My mom did not kick me out or anything but she did not like it. I really wish she would have been more supportive.

Here is the site http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Emo

Your daughter has found a style of music/fashion that she identifies with. That's a sign that she has a positive, confident identity and probably a group of friends. That's a wonderful, positive thing.

The kids to worry about are the ones who don't really identify with anything. Who don't have a crowd of friends or a positive sense of themselves.

Music and clothing don't cause cutting, depression, and suicide. Isolation and alienation do.

My life was pretty much saved when I started high school and realized there were alternative subcultures out there -- that I wasn't the only kid who was different. This positive sense of difference is your daughter's lifeline too. Please don't cut it, whatever you do.

Just because she is "emo," does not mean that she is depressed and/or cutting.

I have a six-year-old who only picks out her clothes and shoes from the boys departments. So... should I go ahead and label her as transgender? Or should I just ban her from the boy's section?

See how ridiculous that sounds? Let your child be who she is. Trying to make her be someone she isn't is more likely to lead to depression and cutting than her exploration of an "emo" lifestyle.

Recently my 4 year old has been singing an Ozzy Osborn song, "Flying High," which I believe is about drugs. It's pretty cute to hear him say

Got a crazy feeling I don't understand
Gotta get away from here
Feelin' like I shoulda kept my feet on the ground
Waitin' for the sun to appear

Momma's gonna worry
I been a bad bad boy
No use sayin' sorry
It's something that I enjoy

My husband and his friend DJ, so my kids hear lots of songs that used to horrify me. But, I do not worry that my son is on drugs. He just likes sharing this with his daddy.

Your daughter is 13. She has found something that she and her friends enjoy and share together. There is a dark side to lots of things. It's a good idea to be aware of her interests and her friends and keep an eye on what she's doing. Keep the lines of communication open. If you seen something that makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it, but don't jump to conclusions.

Probably the worst thing you can do is "ban her from emo." Banning anything from a teenager rarely works and usually backfires. If you see something (specific) that concerns you, talk to her about it. But don't ban something that she is doing just because there are some people who enjoy the dark side of it or take it too far.

My 4 year old enjoys singing a song about getting high. I'm pretty sure he will lose interest in this song long before he realizes what the words mean.

What's interesting is that your own profile pic is black. That took some effort to post no doubt. Perhaps her tastes don't fall too far from the apple tree.

Great advice already about self-expression and warning signs, etc.

She's 13. It's more likely that her friends are emo so she's trying on emo. My 2nd daughter was was a skater for a while and then decided to be goth. Her hair was every single color you could think of all through jr high and high school. Now she's a responsible adult who owns her own house and has a beautiful baby. Kids try on a lot of different styles and personalities as they try to figure out who they are. Don't sweat it.

Trust me, it's more about the music and style than what you read into it. I personally love the look. I have been into the whole goth thing for probably 29 years and I was always a good kid, never got into trouble, etc. I remember when I was 15, my dad wanted me to get rid of all the stuff I liked and dress 'normal' and I cannot tell you how hurt I was over that. For some, it's a phase and for others, it's just something we like and grow with it. I wish I could wear all the fancy black outfits and shoes but that doesn't exactly work into my SAHM comfort zone. Let your daughter express herself and you will have such a better relationship with her. And I can't tell you how many times when I was younger, I would have, as I called them at the time, normal people, get to know me and tell me how surprised they were that I wasn't really this freaky weird girl and I was really nice. Seriously. Had many people kind of stick up for me about that. Sad that people make assumptions based on the way a person looks. Take it from someone who has been there.

My mother is very religious and believed all rock and roll is devil worshipping music.

Two years ago, I went to the same church she did and on a regular basis, they sang/played classic and contemporary rock music.

Certainly, some rock and roll was satanic, but I could just as easy change the station and it didn't make me into some hard core, satanic, devil worshipping, beast. As well, I don't see that church we used to go to as the devil's worship house either. It is all in how you view and use it.

If you see her saving the chicken blood and playing on the weegie board...it might be time to talk. Otherwise, ask her what emo means to her. Do some research with her about some of the punk bands and who they were inspired by. Start with her favorite music groups. The history of music is rich and there is a whole lot more to music then everyone wanting to die.

By the way...lml, devils horns or the m for metal? If it is devils horns, the glass must be half empty.

She probably just likes the style and the music, like she said.

Do you have any reason to think your child isn't happy? Let her wear the emo style -- she'll grow out of it.

Keep the dialog open and let her have fun. Make sure she knows you care and that you want her to be open with you. That you want her to be healthy and happy and to let you know if that ever changes. The more you talk to her and the more open and "cool" you are the more likely it will just be a phase.

Talk to her about the bands, take her shopping at Hot Topic. Maybe even let her dress you one day. Be interested in her and she'll be less likely to fall into the more dangerous side of the scene.

I love the goth style and am a big fan of the music, but I had such a happy healthy family life I never really fell into the whole "death and nothingness" side of the scene.

I used to teach this age group. They try on identities the way you would try on dresses to decide what to wear to a party. Unless you are seeing other indications of trouble, it's just a look and some music, and it's likely to be a phase that she passes through and leaves behind at some point. It's also likely to last longer if you make a big deal over it, because half the fun is being able to tell her girlfriends, "My mom just doesn't get it..." Focus on her behavior, not her style. If you don't see anything in her behavior that alarms you, take a few deep breaths and let go, mama. Wearing black and listening to emo music will not hurt her.