65 answers

Advice on Pre-teen Daughter's Desire for Black Nail Polish

Hello moms. I have a daughter who is about to turn 13. She is trying to drive me bonkers!! I've told her I do not approve of the black nail polish. I think it looks too hard, too old for a young lady. I allow her to wear plenty of other colors, including the neons, like greens and oranges. What are your feelings on this? Am I being too hard, too old-fashioned? Is it worth battling over? She's hormonal, can't understand why she can't wear black polish, why her bangs can't cover her eyes, and why she can't open a Bebo account on the computer. She's 12~! Will be 13 in a few weeks, and I can't believe how quickly her transition from my precious lil girl to this teenage monster is happening!! Thanks for your thoughts.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Okay, Okay, I hear everyone LOUD AND CLEAR!!! Geesh, thanks for your input, I didn't realize this would get so many responses. But I did think about it, and I am going to let her know that it's ok, I don't mind.
Later I realized she was just having a hormonal moment, and that's why she was driving me crazy. I do want to have a much better relationship with her than I had with my mom. I appreciate ALL of the advice you have given me, the insight, and I know we will survive.
You just have to realize that my daughter does not look like a 12 year old girl. She looks like a 17 year old young woman, and so I'm not even ready to think about her and boys. I want her to just slow down, but I know I can't make her. But I will have a better relationship with my daughters, actually we already do. But as she nears teenager status, I feel the pulling away, and I'm the one rebelling! HaHa!! Thanks again for all of your advice, I will definitely consider it, it has been most helpful. God bless you all as you continue this journey called parenthood.

Featured Answers

I am 38 & I wear black nail polish. If you look in any fashion magazine, it's the "in" thing, as long as they're kept shortish. Long & black just screams "HALLOWEEN". It's a fashion fad which will pass. It's not goth or emo. Lighten up ma!! :-)

1 mom found this helpful

I have a 12 year old and I would let her wear black nail polish. Much more things to worry about and deal with than that.


1 mom found this helpful

Personally, I would not let her wear black nailpolish as it is a symbol of a heroine addict. They do it to cover the fact that they shoot up under their nails, and the black covers the deep bruising. I work in forensics and come across this stuff all the time. Do you want to represent herself as an addict?

Most nailpolish I would give in to, but not this one.


More Answers

As the mother of a 18 (almost 19...where did the years go?)...

we went thru the Goth stage...bangs in her eyes, black polish, black eyeliner....the whole nine yards. I fought it as long as I could, then I realized, we were fighting all the time, over things that were not really important.

I chose to give in on "black"...and focus on other stuff, her grades, what books she was reading, movies, doing things like going to theater in the park, sitting our lawn chairs in the river in the summer, painting things together...college prep courses..things that we both will remember long after the fighting stops...it is going to stop isn't it?

Anywho...pick your battles. Back when real estate was booming and we were doing better financially, we used to go get manicures...and yes, she got black...but just for me, she would occasionally put a white flower on one, or rhinestones, or silver tips.

She always got tons of compliments on her pretty manicures. I think it helped her fragile teenage self esteem. My rule was, just like with red...once it chips...you fix it or remove it....I hate ratty manicures. And I expected some respect...she could do black...but she had to be respectful of my feelings and keep it on the conservative side. No Vampire eyes and no black lips unless she was going to a concert.

And I was in the back with ear plugs.

Now...she's in college, at Cornel, living in the dorms 10 hours away...and my house is empty and oh so very quiet.

And I still have black fingernail polish in my frige.

Maybe I'll paint my toenails black with rhinestones for Halloween?

3 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,
As the old saying goes..."pick your battles". This is not one you should battle over. I am the mother of two 20 something daughters and I guarantee you there will be other battles more important. She is just trying to find her individuality, even though it appears to be going along with what others are doing...it's just a sign of growing up. Just give her the boundries she needs at the appropriate times and always make sure you are there for her when she wants you to be. There will be alot of changes in the next few years...ride the waves with style. Good luck and blessings to you and your family.

2 moms found this helpful

You know your daughter better than anyone else so trust your gut. I am a Middle school/high school teacher ret. so I have seen many kids go through this inc. my own wonderful daughter and son. I call hair and nails "safe rebellion" If your daughter is just trying out an independent look, let it go. She is trying to be herself and as an Avon lady you have tons of looks that belong to YOU so she really has to look outside the box. My daughter wore the black and dark in middle school. As a young mom she told me "Thanks for not fighting me on that. I would have hated to wear it in high school just to prove I could have." But back to trust your gut. Are there other risky behaviors, friends etc??? Deal with those, nail polish is easy to remove; if you give freedom there it may allow you to take a stand where it matters. LOL R.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm now 28 yrs.old and I remember wearing black polish and lipstick but it was very short lived and as I see others who wear it I look back and think how STUPID that looked on me.I say let her try it she may like it but let her get a few comments from others and she'll be wanting to take it off.Or you can hold your ground because you are MOM and you have rules,but if you want to avoid an all out brawl give her a choice of a new color of polish that she can pick out.I hate to say brib her because it has happened to me a few times with my 2 kids when they absoulutely wouldn't listen to me.She is old enough to know that it is a privelage to wear makeup such as polish that it can be taken away.

1 mom found this helpful

Pick your battles, enjoy this time with her and just keep your eyes open. You'll know if it is going in a bad direction, then it needs to be a battle.
My daughter went through the black nail polish faze and others, she is now a college grad, married w/ a beautiful 2 1/2 yr. old son.

1 mom found this helpful

I did not have daughters biologically, however, had plenty of girls around. I raised 3 boys. And well, my middle son went through the black nail polish phase as well. He was a bit older and not at home much in those days. He also, went to shaving his hair off when he was about 15. I was not thrilled. However hair grows back. It took alot of things that we went through to realize that. Yes I agree black nail polish is not the most attractive. I am not even sure why they invented it. But it is only her nails and polish. It comes off. Tatoos don't. It is ok to be old fashion. Don't be so hard on yourself. As long as she is still showing you and your husband respect and her teachers. The bangs should be okay too. Even though I would not really like it either. But it is really all in the attitude. As long as she is still being respectful and following the rules. The hair and nails are definitely nothing to argue about. Now on the Bebo account. I am not sure what that is. But if it is something she could potentially get into something dangerous, I would probably have to put my foot down there. But it is up to you!
I am sorry that these teens years have to be so difficult. I wonder how our parents handled it? However, they did not have as much of the things the world has to offer now for the young people today. It is truly scary. I reconciled myself to the fact when we went out in public my son would be embarassing himself and not me. But we were rarely ever together. My best to you!!! K.

1 mom found this helpful

i don't have a teenage daughter but i used to be one - and now i'm 30 and know better about a lot of things! lol. but i don't think the black is a big deal...just my opinion. she could be going behind your back and piercing parts of her body, or having sex (i know that's scary!), so it could be worse! just like at any other age, try to allow her as much freedom as you can without compromising her safety. she'll be less likely to rebel in more dangerous ways. just my two cents. hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful

I have 2 lovely daughters and we've done and are still doing teenage years. I know you've had responses on this, but I wanted to share my thought also. Black nail polish is beautiful when professionally done on well manicured nails. Might I suggest take her and yourself for a manicure and enjoy a bonding moment with her. I am 43 and I sometimes wear black nail polish. My 20 year old wears it frequently also. Sometimes we have nail art done on them which shows up quite nicely on any nail color. As for the bangs let 'em hang, she'll get tired of them. Pick and choose your battles. These are the ones that will be the least of your worries. It's also a control thing between the two of you so give her some room and enjoy the time you still have with her while she is young and as she gets older you will become best friends!

1 mom found this helpful

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