My Daughter Gets Nervous When She Gets in troule...how Do I Help Her Cope?

My middle is not OCD but she is a worrier and parent pleaser. When she was that age she also required a very strict routine and would ask every night what -EXACTLY- we are doing tomarrow and would require minute by minute acount.
The first time I did not give her a good night kiss she was 5 and I had worked night shift. She sleep walked to my room and continued until I tucked her in and kissed her good night.
Some options for her are;
=very clear rules. They can be broad like "respect others, treat them nicely". Have these written down with the punishment for it spelled out too. Later if she does something not on the list she does not get disiplined for it the first time but she can help you add it to the list and come up with appropriate disipline for it.
=find things that make her happy. Maybe humming a tune or rubbing a river rock. Keep playing with all the things that make her happy until you find something she can do anywhere. a river rock on a necklace, for example, can be worn all the time and she could play with it.
Understanding herself will be the most dificult part of all this. The biggest problem my daughter has now is she doesn't understand her feelings or what caused them. I wish I had worked more on this when she was little.

Be thankful you will probably not have alot of disipline problems! As far as her needing compliments, don't hold them back. She probably is not able to believe in herself by herself and requires some sort of validation. Maybee goal completion will help?

I just have to tell you routine doesn't equal OCD. Some children see routine as a reassurance. They need routine to reassure them that everything is going to be ok and the same. My oldest was kind of like that. You are doing the right thing by letting her praise herself and not over doing it. Some kids don't like to cry especially if they dont' see their parents cry. You said she has a younger sibling, and well if ya think about it we always try to get our babies to stop crying so maybe she's picked up on that and doesnt like to cry, so that's ok. Most kids get nervous or anxious when they are in trouble, even my 12 year old does that. He's a people pleaser, so when he gets in trouble he knows he's let us down. You can look at it like it's a good thing she has a concience. If you are terribly concerned about anything that you mentioned then go ahead and talk to her pediatrician about it. But it doesn't really sound like anything to worry about.
W.

S., your daughter may not have enough stess esteme and can't take that she did something wrong. If she has a strong need to be perfect, that will never happen and you need to tell her this. When she gets into trouble, don't act mad, just calmly ask her what just happened and ask her what she can do to make a better choice next time. You will be teaching her how to solve her own problems and that will make her a more confident person. Don't hold the praises back, she must need them until she believes it. Tell her, "It's ok to make mistakes, you are just learning." Just make sure she learns a different way to react to her brother. Teach her to use her words and how to communicate instead of hitting.

My son was very stong willed and wanted (still) to do everything his way. It is tough, but it can be a good sign for when she grows up and becomes a leader instead of a follower. I don't know why he could not ever take critisism very well. I would tell him it's ok, but it hurt him so much not to be right that he always argued, but, but, but,,,,,
Have her think about others and how they may feel if she doesn't let them have a say or get things their way somethimes.

If you are very concerned about it, you should ask a pediatrician about it. It is possible that she has something like ADHD or mild autism or sensory perseptive disorder or something else in that family (too numerous to mention). She may just simply be a parent pleaser too. I know that I used to hate getting in trouble (still do..i feel so guilty i want to go out and to 3 times what i did wrong to make it up) and i used to have routines and a lot of things that were just the same way as you described...had to do it my way all the time, had to be told or I would lose it...all of that. I still have a lot of trouble with unexpected "surprises". I personally have been diagnosed with ADHD (but not until I was 19) and belive (although not diagnosed) thatI have SPD. I don't knwo if that is the "reason" that I had/have those problems, but if your daughter DOES have a similar problem there are things you can do to help her that involve no medication. Good luck.

S.,

OMG! Can I have your daughter? Pleeeeeese!? My son is just he opposite, if there's a rule he tries to go over, under, around, or through it. He's also 4. I think the rituals are fine. Kids want predictability in their lives so they know their world is safe. That's why they want to watch the same annoying movie ten times in a row. Every night mt daughter goes to bed at 7, then he and I watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy cuddling on the couch. If he doesn't get to do that he has a REALLY hard time going to sleep. They need the predictability.

Anyway, for her coping my idea was to give her one of those stress balls that she can squeeze when she's feeling out of sorts.

Hope this helps,
Melissa