4 Year Old with Rituals

Sometimes kids do the 'you stand here while I do ...' and that sort of 'ritual' to be in charge and those kids are the outgoing, take charge sort of kids. It's her chance to tell you what to do and where to stand, etc. She's asking the questions. As for the imaginary friends, I had one about her age. I think I'm fine now. I used to follow my mother around asking her how to spell the friends name and tried to sound it out myself. Her name was Ronshronidy or was it Ronshronedy? Or was the 'd' a 't'? Who knew? :-)

I would be a little concerned. The play seems fairly normal to me, I have a creative daughter who will set objects up and have them talk with each other and such, but the nighttime and nap ritual sounds off. The fact that she gets "very upset" if you don't do exactly the same thing each time concerns me. I have a friend with a son who is OCD, among other things, and this is how she describes his nighttime ritual, also. They have to do exactly the same things, in exactly the same order, every night, or deal with a meltdown.

What would she do if you and her dad refused to do the ritual? Would her reaction be a normal level of disappointment, or would it be extreme? Can you leave her with a babysitter at night?

I would have her evaluated, just for your information. If everything's fine, then you know that. If not, then you can learn techniques to help her deal with life.

My 4-year old does some similar OCD-like behaviors. She has routines for everything (bedtime routine, saying goodnight routine, etc) and a place/order for her toys. The dolls on the nightstand MUST line up in a certain order before she goes to bed. I think it's all in 4-year olds asserting their independence and feeling some control over their environment. They are getting more into things and probably told more and more "no" to things so they're trying to find things within their control. I'm not a therapist but this is how I take it for now. We don't have the imaginery friend thing but I'm sure that's somewhat normal too.

Have her evaluated. The therapists may just say that she is a quirky kid, but if you are wondering, then go and put your mind at ease. We have 3 kids. Each is different and quirky in their own ways, but when things become ritualized to the point where they cannot deal with changes, that is different. Our oldest has a diagnosis. Our two youngest do not. You may want to check and see if there is a Brain Balance center in your area. Or you can check out the book "Disconnected Kids" br Dr. Mellilo. They both have been very helpful to us.

Does she go to preschool? Seems to me it might be beyond the norm. I
would talk to her pediatrician and teacher, if she goes to school. An evaluation could not hurt. You are better off getting on top of things early,
rather than waiting to see what happens, and then you are really behind
the eight ball. It could be that she is just quirky. However, follow your gut.
Obviously, because, you are asking, you are concerned. Good luck.

None this makes me gasp.

Your daughter sounds like a very imaginative little girl. My son, at that age, had an imaginary firend (I have spoken of "Jim" before) that lasted for years. In fact, my son is now 15 and we joke about "Jim" because he was with us for so long.

He also had little talismans and favorite items that traveled with us. I gave up at around age 5 and got him a string bag to tote around stuffed with his things.

We had routines and little rituals that ebbed and changed over time.

None of this worried me.

He has grown up to be a lovely young man (when the hormones are not wildly fluctuating, lol) with imagination, great people skills, and no more quirks than most people I know.

I think, let her be her. Having her "rituals" helps her exercise some control over her environment- because, let's face it, little children have no control over anything, - and reinforces her understanding of the love that you and your husband have for her.

Honestly, she sounds like a really neat little kid.

My exhusband had OCD and I did a lot of research on it, was actually on a radio talk show with him years back and went with him for therapy and counseling. This really doesn't sound like OCD mainly because since you limit her to bringing the two things I don't think she would be able to comfortably do this (unless the time span to get her over this is limited). At four it is a little difficult to analyze a lot of things and I of course did that in some cases, but I also think lots of children like the security of sameness and placement. I recall being very small and making my mother sing 'rockabye baby' but actually whispering it every night. Of course if you are worried keep your eye on her, but she doesn't sound like she is severe in any case with anything. I just think no matter how nice our homes, marriages, etc. are, little people want to verify their own security.

Personally, I would not have her evaluated. She sounds creative, imaginative, and possibly gifted. I mean why evaluate her if it's not a problem. She's just 4 and we're all unique in our strange ways. As we get older we all learn to compensate for any uniqueness society may not readily accept. Why start the cycle of diagnosis if it's not causing a problem?

Is she playing alone a lot? If so, this may partly just be her way of expanding how she plays. She now has "friends" to play with. And I think she sounds adorable and know my girls have gone through stages of elaborate make believe play and imaginary friends and they don't have any issues. And they'd set things up a certain way over and over. I'm not an expert at all of course but I'd likely just monitor a bit longer before worrying. I remember one of mine every night for awhile laying out all our pullups in an elaborate design on the kitchen floor. I was thrilled she was occupying herself...

Hi,
I have to agree that your little 4 year old sounds pretty typical: classic "outside the box" thinkers. Imagination on full blast.

Both my sons (one now 6, the other currently riding the nutty age of 4), showed very interesting and unexpected behaviors/imagination at the age of 4.

It reminds me of the little girl in the movie, "Signs" where she imagined voices and always had to have a glass of fresh water, leaving unfinished glasses all over the house. Whoever directed that movie has met a few 4 year-olds in their life!

Good luck!
t

I know a lot of parents who don't want to jump the gun, but I have been studying this stuff in grad school, and the one thing I have taken away from my classes, is that the earlier it is diagnosed and the earlier treatment can start the more effective it will be. I think the nap rituals sound off. I would talk to her doctor or a psychologist just to be on the safe side. It won't hurt and if its nothing then you don't have to worry anymore.

It can't hurt to check, but I think it's pretty normal. My kids went through stages where the rituals were pretty elaborate and then one day they didn't matter anymore. My son would take a painstakingly long time to make his bed a specific way before he would get in it and our nightly routine had to be followed to a T.

She seems like she knows what she wants, smart girl. Just a normal overachiever at age of four ( certainly your retirement plan:)