14 answers

My Daughter Doesn't Appreciate Me

My oldest daugher is always cutting me down and making me feel bad.I don't understand why
I am always babysitting her kids and doing things for her all the time.If she wants me to do something for her I never say no.I love my daughter but am getting tired of her making me feel like I'm not worth anything.She talks about the way I dress and I don't think there is anything wrong with the way I dress.what can I do.B.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

This is great! I had a talk with my daughter and she totally understood and said she didn't realize what she was saying.She invited me for coffee today and we had a nice visit.I was afraid to tell her anything but, I took your advice. Thanks everybody.

Featured Answers

I am with Doris, JUST SAY NO!! If it is not appreciated, don't do it. If she makes you feel poorly and cannot treat you with respect, then stop doing all of this for her. SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT!!!!!

More Answers

B.,

I hate to hear that you have to go through this! And all though I don't have any kids that are old enough to do this to me, this is how my sister treat my mother and I. I take care of 3 out of 4 of her kids and before I had them my mother and father raise all 4 of them, then they got divorced. And my aunt has her other kid. But my point is this. I know it hurts because I'm there and been there for the last 4 years. My sister will go all over town starting stuff about us and saying bad things and making fun of us. It's not easy to hear or explain either. But every time I turn around she is wanting a place to stay or money or something and I had to learn that no matter how much trouble she is in I've got to say no. Although I'm sure your daughter isn't as bad as my sister I feel for you. My sister will never appreciate anyone. And it is very had to say no when you love someone that much but if you don't she never will appreciate you. Have you told her how it makes you feel? And that you like the way you dress even if she doesn't. I'm told that some times you have to just tell them, Hey I don't like what you are saying and I feel like you don't appreciate me! I've done this serveral times with my sister and it seems to calm her mouth down for at least a couple of days. Best of luck! And if you should want to talk you can email me any time. ____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

B.,

Just say, "No!" You ARE valuable and worthy of respect - by your daughter and others. If you are always available, your value can go down. That's why diamonds are much more costly than crystals, don't you think?

Seriously, your daughter needs to learn that you aren't always available at her beck and call - so, don't be available!

Not being open to every, single thing she wants and expects doesn't mean you love her less - you're teaching her that all women have great value and their time is worth a lot - not only monetarily, but in respect and regard.

And, as a grown woman, your choice of clothing is not open for discussion unless YOU initiate the conversation. Sounds like your daughter could use a big lesson in old-fashioned manners.

Remember that being firm is just as loving as giving in.

1 mom found this helpful

I hate to tell you, B., but you sound like a doormat. Your daughter (or anyone, for that matter) can't take advantage of you without your permission. You have two options: 1 - stand up to her and tell her you will not be treated so badly anymore and that her insults hurt you; or 2 - do nothing, and her behavior will continue and probably get alot worse. And a tip -- stop putting yourself out there for her so much. Make sure she deserves your help.

maybe a sit down talk with your daughter will be ok just tell her how you feel and after that put it in God's hands.

My sister did the same thing to my mom. It wasn't till about two years ago that understood why. It was no excuse but, she was not happy with her life or herself. She was married to a man that downed her, cheated on her, and left her with nothing but three kids. Maybe your daughter is lashing out at you for the same thing. I finally convinced my mom that she needed to stand up for herself and say "NO" to my sister. She was worried that she would never see the kids. So she started by telling her how much she loves her and how she was sorry that her life was so bad that she blamed her for her problems. Mom told her that the blam lies else where and she was not going to take her crulity any more, and if that means she can't see the kids then so be it. There will be no more watching kids, no more money, and no more being a taxi till she learned to respect her. Well of course my sister got mad and it of course it was someone elses fault. It took me standing behind my mom to make a believer out of her but it worked. Mom sees and watches the kids when she wants them! Well my sister got a divorce, met a man that has changed her so much only God could have sent him. My sister respects my mom and at christmas 2006 i heard my sister for the first time in my life tell my mom that she loves her, and that she was very sorry that she put her through so much. Mom cried but it took a lot of courage to stand up to her. I hope this can help you but you have to be strong. God bless you!

B., If my daughter was always doing that and I was helping her all the time, I would ask her why. I wouldn't be available as much to her until she learned to respect me. In the meantime, I would buy a full length mirror and take a really good look at myself, too. I would ask myself a few questions like what I could do differently to look better and more sophisticated. As we get older, we tend to just keep wearing the same type things that we wore 15 years ago and maybe it doesn't work too good for us now and you may be right there may not be anything wrong with the way you dress. I enjoy watching a show called "What not to wear." It is funny and I have learned alot from them. Like me, I cannot wear my hair long. I look so much younger with it short and a perm in it. Best of luck to you. Your daughter is so fortunate to have a mother who helps her so much. She should be praising you and definitely not cutting you down. God bless you!

I am with Doris, JUST SAY NO!! If it is not appreciated, don't do it. If she makes you feel poorly and cannot treat you with respect, then stop doing all of this for her. SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT!!!!!

wow. When i read that it almost brought tears to my eyes. I am 24 with two boys 6yrs and 6wks. In june of 06 i lost my mom. I am the only child and to hear that your daughter says thoes things just hurts my heart. I dont know your story or the background you and your daughter have togeather but i know that growing up me and my mom were not close. For whatever reason she could not get stable to save her life so we were always moving form one persons house to the next. Most of the time we didnt stay togeather she was with one relative and i lived with another. In my eyes she was really never there for me growing up and i resented her for the longest for this. I didnt listen to her and at times was disrespectful myself. at the age of 17 i had my son and everything changed. (my mom had finally become stable she had been in her own place for about a year before my pregnancy). She was so excepting and supportive of the situation, she was there for me like no one else. I did finally forgive my mom once i had my son. She loved her grandchild like he was her own and thats when i understood that sometimes parents do make mistakes but do their best to keep you happy and safe. ANYWAY i say all this just becuase maybe something happened with your daughter and you that she has not forgiving you for. Maybe she holds sometype of deep resentment towards you. My mom never understood how hurt i was about my situation growing up. Maybe it is something that you may not think is bad but in her mind was the worst. Talk to her about it and let her know how you are feeling. Ask her if it is anything that you have done. Before my mom died at the young age of 46 me and her had become the best of friends. I pray the same for you and your daughter.

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.