My Daughter - Anniston,AL

Sounds like she could benefit from therapy and possibly a short hospitalization. She's got some things that are really bothering her. That behavior is not normal. I've worked with kids in the mental health setting for many years and for a child psychiatrist so I've seen this behavior repeatedly. I know how stressful it can be but the sooner you get her some help the better. Good luck to you.

have her evaluated for Oppositional Defiant Disorder or BiPolar disorder. Either can cause the things you describe, as can the lower end of the Autism Spectrum...something is not right and you should talk to your doctor about a referral to specialists.

I agree take her to the doctor first and maybe if she won't talk with you in the room maybe step out and see if she will talk to the doctor. You need to see if something at school is bothering her maybe call her teacher or counselor. My dad was sick when I was growing up and I acted out with a lot of anger in my teens and I'm still dealing with anger issues at times and I'm 30. God bless and good luck

First, I would suggest you take her to her doctor and have a frank discussion about the way she acts out, just to make sure there is not a medical/biological issue to deal with. He/she may suggest some tests or have your daughter seen by a specialist.
Assuming she checks out fine, the next step is to take a really honest look at how you deal with her behavior. Are you really consistent with consequences for unacceptable behavior? Consistent with praise for desired behavior? I know this sounds basic, but it really is key. Her actions sound like temper tantrums. Does her trouble at school arise when she doesn't get her way?

It may need to get some assistance. Make an appointment to speak with her teacher and have a frank talk about your daughter's behavior at school and home. Perhaps a school counselor or resource specialist can sit in too. Together you can come up with a re-training plan. Write down specific behaviors that need addressing and come up with apropriate and enforcable consequences for each. Also make a list of desired behaviors and come up with reasonable rewards for consistent obedience. Star charts work well at this age. Earn stars for nice words, kindness to her sisters and school mates, obeying you and her teachers 1st time, homework/chores done without whining, etc. Take stars away for tantrums, disobedience, etc. Once you have a plan that all of the adults in her life can help enforce, let her know the new deal. Make sure she understands the rules and how she can earn stars (X stars at the end of the week = reward,or whatever you decide) and what behavior will get stars taken away. Always give one (only one) calm but firm warning for unacceptable behavior. " Mary it is not ok to yell at your sisters. You need to stop right now or I will take a star off your chart and you will have to sit on a time out." If she continues just calmly take a star off the chart and take her to the time out spot. If she is a head banger, make the spot in the middle of a room. A simple bath mat can serve as a spot. If she gets up, put her back. She's 7 so her time outs should be 7 mins. This is really hard and she will continue to test you. She knows if she throws a fit and bangs her head and breaks things it upsets you. Stay calm and just keep putting her back on the spot for as long as it takes. (timer starts over until she sits for the whole 7 mins) When time is up, she should apologize for disobeying/yelling whateve and you should forgive her and give her a hug. This could take all day the first time, but stick to it. Her well being is at stake. Ask another mom to help you. Not necessarily come over and put your kid on time out, but be there on the phone to help keep you strong. You have a strong-willed little girl and you really need to show her you are stronger! When she earns stars make a really big deal about it. 'Mary, I really like how you are playing with your sister. You get a star for that!' Make sure you are really showing her that life is good when she behaves and life isn't so good when she acts up. Words will not work at this age. Actions work. What you do,not so much what you say. :o) Stay strong! This will be a long process, but soon she will learn that you mean business and all the yelling/kicking/throwing things isn't going to change that. You are unshakable! Ultimately this unshakable mom will give her the stability she needs to settle into herself.

May God bless your family, and remember you are not in this alone!

you can try councaling because they can get her to talk and they will be able to figure out the root of the problem.

My daughter was very similar to this at that age. She was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder as a teenager. At that time it wasn't diagnosed until teen years. It can be diagnosed earlier now.

It is obvious something is going on. You need to take your daughter to a clinical psychologist, preferably one that is for children. They will have the resources to get your child tested for any number of things. They will also have the experience needed to talk to your child at their level and can help you to find the real issues.

Often times a school counselor goes through the education department for their degree. Not the psychology department, and yes they are qualified to counsle people but their focus is usually on educational issues such as diagnosing ADHD and Autism. They can be of help to you but to get to the issue and get all the testing done she needs she is possibly going to need the resources of a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist.

Therapy. Talk to her when she's not mad. Ask her why she seems so angry all the time. Ask her why she hates herself and what can you do to help? Do more fun positive things with only her. Be firm and enforce consequences when she breaks the rules. Take things out of her room so she has nothing to break, or just tell her, well it is your own stuff you are breaking. Read books about angry feelings and how to handle them more constructively. Let her know you still love her and want to help her feel better about everything.

Hi C.,
My first thought was you need to take her to a therapist or a doctor and find out if there is anything going on physically or mentally.

As a mother of a developmentally delayed child (and I'm not implying that your daughter is) it was difficult to come up with disciplinary methods because of his outbursts. It wasn't until he was 5 that he was diagnosed as being developmentally delayed and that was after a suicide threat...from a 5 year old!

Back to your daughter, by taking her to a doctor you can see if she has ADHD or something else that can be treated by medication. By taking her to a therapist he/she will use play therapy to discover what is really going on in her young mind. You will also be advised of ways to handle her when she reaches the stage of one of these outbursts. I'd suggest combining the two options and getting to the bottom of it. It surely can't hurt and you might just learn some techniques and tools to use to train her to control those outbursts.

Good luck. I'd be interested in knowing what you decide to do and how it turns out.

W.

Hi C.,
Sounds exactly like my daughter!!!! My daughter was eventually diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD she is now getting appropriate intervention and her behavior has improved. I ran into a lot of road blocks trying to get the schools to do the educational testing required they may tell you she is too young this is not true. Check out National Learning Disability Association. The earlier a child is tested the better the outcome. ADHD is diagnosed by either a psycologist or a MD. If you do seek an evaluation make sure the person doing it is very thorough. Should this be the cause of your daughters behavior issues it is not the end of the world once she gets intervention you will be able to enjoy all the gifts that she has to offer the world. Again, This is just one possibility.

I agree with having a conversation with her doc just to make sure everything checks out. Another suggestion: take a look at her diet. Many children have strong reactions to artificial colors and flavors as well as processed foods. If my daughter has one bite of something with red dye 40 she's bouncing off the walls for hours. Try totally eliminating these things from her diet and see if it helps her with her self control. Just a thought, can't hurt to try it! :)

First talk to your pediatrician. Then have him refer you to a place where she can be checked for any kind of problems such as ADD,ADHD, Bipolar etc.

I went through this with my daughter at a much younger age than yours. She has to take meds daily but is a totally different child. I know that a lot of people are against their child taking medicationbut I'm telling you they made such a difference in her that I fell it is totally worth it. Our life stayed in such an uproar all the time - we never knew how she was going to act if we went out somewhere. We no longer have that worry and we can actually enjoy her which was something we could not do before.

My heart and my prayers go out to you.

I just went through something very similar with a kindergarten student at my preschool. After a year of trying everything he resorted to hitting his teacher and eventually hurting the other children. I really loved this little boy and had him in my care from when he was two years old. He always had some behavior issues but the seemed to be getting worse as he was getting older. They escalated to where he was throwing chairs in the classroom, flaring himself around to where I would have to restrain him so he wouldn't hurt himself. He was academically a very smart little boy, but when he was doing his classwork and if it wasn't perfect he would melt down. Throw his pencil, hit the teacher, throw a chair. After months and months of talking to his mom (who was an art therapist in a public school system) about his anger nothing was done. He would hit himself, pinch himself, say he was stupid, how much he hated himself. Unfortunately I had to ask him mom to pull him out because she was not getting him any help. I think it is wonderful that you can see the problems your child is having and are reaching out. Get her to her doctor and get a referral for some type of intervention to help her deal with her anger. My fear for this little boy was he would begin hurting himself because of whatever his pain was inside. Half of the battle is realizing the problem and I commend you for that. I deal with parents everyday who just don't want to deal with any problems and that is heartbreaking to me. I don't think behavior like this can be punished away, or even a reward system will work trust me I tried everything with this little boy. I would give him a special treat at the end of the day if he behaved. We would get one good day and right back to the negative behavior. I tried punishment I even prevented him from attending a field trip with us because he was so out of control, he didn't care. I think some type of counseling is crucial to help your little girl. Have you talked with her teacher is someone teasing her, or picking on her. This little boy I spoke of would attack a child in class for just laughing because he though they were laughing at him. I would explain to him that they thought what he said was funny but he just couldn't see it. He had a very very poor self image. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck and keep us posted.