My Baby Cannot Self-soothe!

Please do not feel you are a bad mother. Everyone needs sleep and some down time. Children will go through many phases. Just when you have a schedule down, they will change. You may need to go to one nap a day. My children were never good nappers and always took a better nap in the morning, than in the afternoon. With my older son, I would often put him in the car and drive until he fell asleep. Then I would park somewhere and lean my seat back and take a nap myself. In nice weather, I would put him in a stroller and walk around the block until he fell asleep. Then I would park the stroller on the back porch with him asleep in it, so I could have some time to clean the house.

Everyone wakes up some during the night. The trick is they need to learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. Be sure that you have a normal bedtime and naptime routine, ie. bath, read them a story, rock them, etc. But put them down while they are still awake. If you rock them to sleep, or let them use a bottle or pacifier to go to sleep, they will be unable to go back to sleep without the same situation. My doctor recommended that as early as 6 months, you can let a baby cry themselves to sleep. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but it only took a few nights for this to work. When they wake up, you can go to see that they are OK. Then you leave without picking them up. Let them cry for a certain amount of time (whatever you feel comfortable with), then you go in and tell them it is OK, and leave again. You continue to do this for longer amounts of time, until they fall asleep. With my older son, it only took about 15 minutes for three nights and we had no more problems. My younger son was more difficult. The first night he cried for over 45 minutes and them threw up in his bed. But it finally did get better and he did sleep through the night.

I agree with the person that suggested you go to church. You need to have a support system. There is a wonderful program called MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) that meets at local churches. Go to mops.org to find a program near you. They have meetings (with free child care), where you can go and be with other moms for support. They usually organize play groups, outings, babysitting co-ops, etc. They are a wealth of good advice and support. It really does take a village to raise a child.

My youngest at 19 months still wakes in the night. Some kids just do. Ask youself this...even before being pregnant and having kids how often did you wake in the night?? I know I always have, whether it was for a glass of water, to go to the bathroom or just because I needed to change positions. It's a normal thing.

As for self-soothing...again when you're upset do you have a friend or family member you call to console? Or someone online? Again...I know I do, not right away no but when I'm ready to. Again, it's a normal thing to need to comfort of others especially as a baby/toddler/child.

I hope that puts it into perspective for you a bit.

I KNOW it's frustrating..trust me I know. I have 3 boys under 6 and sometimes I just want to rip out my hair, especially if I'm wanting/needing them to nap and they're not cooperating. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves they're little and don't always understand us either.

I am wondering if they are ready for 1 nap a day. I'd start cutting down their morning nap. How long is that?

If you need to transition them, then I would. Here's how I did it so I had a sanity break in the afternoon. If they normally sleep for say 2 hours, start cutting it down bit by bit. You really want the most of the time to be in the afternoon. Cut it down to 1 1/2 then to an hour, then 45min. etc.
Also, if they start learning something new such as crawling or moving, they get excited and have a hard time sleeping.
Look at the schedule that you have or need to. That helped me a lot too.
Good luck.

dont like to burst your bubble but mine never did anything on routine the older they get their own personalities will come out your lucky if take a nap,if wont dont plan on it find a playtime they enjoy they may just lay down to sleep during that play time. you eat when they eat,feed them at same time you feed yourself or you will starve i know books make it sound so easy, find a mommys day out at a local church that you can afford when you need a break or check into daycare options there are a lot of programs available,if not involved in church get there, you need adult time with adults who have been there and can help you,and you dont need advice from others with no kids or that dont take care of the kids they have, good luck i will be prayin for you i would not let them nap over an hour when they do if you want to get sleep at night to much daytime sleep will mix up days and nights for them and then you get no sleep, i never let mine cry not a dr spok person but i did rock them and love them and they grew up just fine.babies are not meant to self soothe thats what moms are for.

I second the comment about teething. Also whenever they start new milestones they have trouble sleeping. Try giving them tylenol or motrin before nap if they are teething. You can tell; they want to chew everything in sight and they drool everywhere. But I have 2 sets of twins and they have never, ever, slept like they were supposed to. I have to rock my 20 mo olds to sleep for both naps and night time, and I had to rock my 4 yr olds to sleep until they were about 2.5 yrs old. Cry it out never worked for me. With twins, I just felt I needed them to nap at the same time (or just to nap at all) and I had to rock them to get that result. I tried the cry it out, it just never worked; they would slam their head against the crib and scream. My 20 mo olds still occasionally wake during the night and sometimes will stay up for an hour or more - both of them. Just do what you have to do to get your rest because you have to be there to care for them. For me, that was buying two of the Fisher Price Aquarium rockers with mobiles and rocking away, wait til they go to sleep, wait a while to be sure they are good and sleepy and then putting them in the bed.

Also, I have learned to sleep with a baby in my lap, if the baby is cooperative. Being a twin mom is plenty hard even if you have a mate, but being a single twin mom is quite a feat. Just getting through every day is a great accomplishment. By the way, my boys changed to one nap a day by 8 mos; they just quit sleeping that second one. the one nap does need to be longer though, like 2 to 3 hours if possible.

Why don't you try to just put them down for one nap after lunch. Hopefully they will be tired enough to sleep for 2-3 hours. Then you can start putting them down earlier at night. They might just be getting ready to start one nap a day. Another thought is they might be teething. My son is a great sleeper, but when he is teething forget about getting him to nap. Try giving them teething tablets before naps and see if they help. Hang in there you sound like you are doing a great job.

With my boys who are 1 years apart, My pedi. said to let them cry as long as you know they are not hurt or sick. I would give mine a bath a night and feed them then put them down. The Dr. said that everyone goes through differnet parts of sleep and some wake up and want to be held. You have to train them to sleep. Look into the room if he is ok, go out and let him cry. It takes a week of this and it will get better. Do not let them see you when you peak in the room.

A.

Some children are ready for just one nap per day at an earlier age than we hope. Perhaps holding off on the morning nap and putting them down later will help.

Now that they are beginning to pull up and walk, the world looks so very new to them now and they don't want to miss a thing.

Naptime routines can be as important as bedtime routines. Perhaps something that you can incorporate as part of a routine in the midday to help them start to slow down and relax a bit.

You're not a bad mom, know that every one of us, in our sleep depravity get frustrated and so exhausted it's hard to concentrate.

If there is support around you, like your parents, friends, etc. who can give you a break so you can rest...take the opportunity!! You're not a bad mom if you feel you need a break, you should take it and your boys will benefit from a rested mom!

You're doing great!! Keep it up!

Hi R. -
I have 3.5 yr old twin boys, and sleep has always been our battle - STILL is! They have always slept fine together at night in the same room, but we had to separate them during naps. When they were that young my screamer slept in his swing or pack n' play. I would turn on Baby Einstein DVD or music CD and that seemed to soothe him. mine took 2 naps until they were 2 years old, and still take 1 nap a day (most days).
The good news is, he is my good sleeper now - the quiet one is the one that has night terrors and ends up in my bed EVERY NIGHT - GRRR!
Hope this helps... Lord knows I understand your pain and frustration!!!