My 4-Year Old Wets His Pants Daily

Although it's not quite the same, a few months ago we started to have problems with my 3 1/2 year old. Her attitude started to get bad and became disobedient and overall disrespectful and she started to act up at bedtime. We started a reward system. She now has a list of chores and rules. Before we set off to pre-school and at the end of the day we sit down and check off the things that she has done. She gets 'fuzzies' for each one. When she earns enough 'fuzzies' she can trade them in for fun things such as going to the park or Chuck e Cheezes. I also set up a little shopping center in my closet with books, coloring books, little tutu skirts and such where she can 'shop' to buy things for her reward.

This was not an easy thing to set up, nor is it an easy thing to stick with. It sure beats having to tell my daughter how dissapointed I am with her - almost daily. Plus, I think there's something phychological that when they hear that they are being bad a lot, they feel that they need to be bad - more. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I have had the same problem with my 4 year old. I got him a special toy and put it on top of the refrigerator so he can see it but not touch it. Then I made a reward chart and he got a sticker every time he used the potty. If he went in his pants he lost a sticker. This worked really well last week and he got his toy. Now we're doing it again with the reward being a trip to Chuck E. Cheese.

1 mom found this helpful

estimate how often your four year old needs to use the potty, and how often and how much liquids he drinks, then set a timer accordingly. for example set your timer to one and half hours, and everytime regardless if he says he needs to or not, he has to go to the bathroom and try. soon it will become so routine that he will no longer need the timer. good luck..
T.

First, make sure it is not a medical issue.
Next, this is a function that he has control over. He must be responsible for cleaning his own mess. The key for you is to remain calm and treat it like no big deal. "Oh. You had an accident. OK. Clean it up."

Try bringing him in to potty 15 to 30 min before the time he always pee pees in his pants. And then look deeply for the underlying problem.

I have been reading through your responses because my almost 4 yo son is doing the same thing! He even does "the potty dance" (wiggles like he really needs to go) and still tells me he doesn't need to go! We have tried time outs, but it doesn't seem to be changing anything! We are in the middle of adding on to our house, and the outside dirt piles have been too much fun for him to leave to go potty! He goes to school Tu/Th and has not had one accident there! I have a friend who's 4 yo boy did the same thing and her docs advice was like some of yours - make them clean themselves up! It took about 2 weeks but it worked! So, I think that's my next move. I look forward to seeing more of your responses and seeing how things turn out for you! Good luck from a Mom in the same boat!

My 5 year old does that sometimes too! He also says he didn't want to stop playing! My son was potty trained at 2 years old. I think it's just a phase, and they will grow out of it!

Boys are definitely a different breed when it comes to having to go to the bathroom. Being potty-trainied definitely does not stop the accidents because they do get so involved when they're playing - some girls are the same way. Discipline usually won't work and it makes children feel like they're bad. When your son is playing, if you're with him, make him take a bathroom break every hour or so - even if he says he doesn't have to go - don't be harsh. This will get him into the habit of listening to his body telling him when it's time to go. He will eventually not need anyone to tell him to take a bathroom break. Just be patient (easier said than done, I know!)
Good Luck!

hi C....i remember my younger brother having the same troubles (both of my kids have had similar issues as well), anyhow, my brother wouldn't want to stop playing if we were outside so, he would just go...in his pants!! i remember my mom getting angry (and trust me, i can relate...the intentionally not going in the toilet frustrates me!)however, it kind of worsened the problem...my brother would hide that he wet his pants...anyhow, my brother is a 25 year old pants-wetting free individual today! haha. when my mom just set a routine "potty time" during the day, everything improved. so, let's say your little guy is playing before he goes out to play or starts a new activity, say "ok, it's time to start our potty timer...45 minutes...now, i'll come and get you when the timer goes off" and you can say, he can only participate in whatever he's playing IF he comes in and goes to the bathroom when the timer goes off. Also, when he does have an accident, immediately stop the activity that was too fun to leave and take him in for a bath...perhaps he'll learn that's it's alot easier to come in to go potty than to take a bath?! just a suggestion...im sure you've received tons! i just know that it actually helps me if i say in advance "ok, when the timer goes off this is what we do"

This happened to my 4 yr old boy. I was finally so frustrated with him wetting his pants and nothing working (tried discpline removal ignoring the incident, that I called the pediatrician. He has actually been diagonosed with Encopresis (involuntary fecal soiling). I did not believe that this was the issue since it was usually urine and not feces. But as we watched the situation the wetting of his pants was due to him holding in his bowel movements. He did have a bowel movement everyday (just very little)so I did not think he was constipated. The reason he was having accidents was that his colon and intestines were so backed up with feces that it was putting pressure on his bladder in turn causing accidents. When I look back there were signs that I missed due to him having a bowel movement everyday. My 4 year old is small and does not like to eat. This is due to the fact that he had figured out if he ate he would have to have a bm. His stool was very hard and he had to work to push the stool out. In turn he started to hold it in and only allow a little to come out. This has been the case the whole time he was being potty trained and has become a habit. He also does not mind if he is wet or dirty and says it is because he did not want to stop playing or miss anything. But it is mental as well as physical with him. He has mental trained himself that it is ok to be wet. We did mineral oil for a week to clean him out. And he is now on miralax. We have been working on this for about 3 months. We still have some accidents but not as frequent and he is doing much better. He is finally telling us he has to go and I am glad to report no wet pants for 3 weeks. I would look into this as it is not always stool in the pants but the wettness is caused by holding the stool in. Hope this helps. Good luck because I know how frustrating this can be.

YUou can be a little pro-active and stop him while playing and take him to the potty before it is too late. Maybe set a timer to remind yourself every 2 hours. They really do get too busy playing and their little muscles aren't strong enough to hold it when their bladder gets too full. Taking away priveledges may not work as he is not doing anything wrong. He is just immature. In fact, it may cause more setbacks than help.
4 is a transitional age and they have a lot going on. Good luck.

I've gone through this with each of my kids. It's a phase that they go through and will grow out of it. They will hold the bladder because they are busy playing but usually can't make it to the bathroom when they can't hold it anymore.

Taking away privileges did help to a point, but you have to set time limits on the punishment because it loses its effectiveness if too long. Be patient with him; the older he gets he will take responsibility and go when needed. Also, the other responses are all good, so explore some of those. Good luck.

Dear C.,

I had problems with my young child wetting his bed nightly. I spoke to my pediatrician and she told us about a device that hooks up to your underwear. It has little sensors that you attach to the outside and the inside of the underwear. When the undies get wet they complete a connection that sends a signal through a wire up to a receiver that clips to the childs shirt - like on the collar. It has a loud obnoxious buzzing noise that can't be ignored. You could get one of these devices for bed wetting and demand that he wear it. When he goes a week without wetting his pants you would take the device off but if he wets it pants he must continue to wear it every single day. It will train him to not wet his pants. It worked wonders for my child for bed wetting. Why not try it for daytime dryness?

Hi, C.. I'm a grandmother of 7 & raised 2 daughters as well as come from a huge family. The best thing is not to make a big deal of it. He is probably telling the truth that he just gets to busy playing. Just assure him it's ok even though you're frustrated about it don't over react. Sometimes they just want a little extra attention & will do anything even silly things to get it. Sometimes they are growing at a different rate than their little bladders. You might try putting a timer where you are or with him as a reminder that he should take the time to go. He will get back to himself. He is just having growing pains. Take care & keep your cool. God bless you both.

I think the place is called the bedwettingstore.com. I had bedwetters. Anyway, they sell alarms for daytime wetters. It looks like a wristwatch and sounds an alarm to remind the child to get up and go to the restroom. My ped. has brochures in her office and most urologists do as well.
Good luck,
J.

After making sure he has no medical problem, have him go potty
every hour. If he doesn't stop playing to go on his own in between, whatever he is playing is taken from him. (if playing w/ "the xbox" takes him away from his concentration to potty when he needs to, let him know that he won't be able to play that "particular game". The main thing is to clean up after himself, (all by himself). He'll get tired of that real quick.

Good luck
P. S

We've been there! I went to my pediatrician because I was so concerned. First, she recommended for us to STOP the discipline and instead take a "four-year-old" approach and give rewards instead. At the end of each dry day, we were to give him a reward. Our son loved the rewards so much, the problem stopped altogether in less than one week. Simple rewards like staying awake ten extra minutes or reading one more book before bedtime or sometimes, he would get to pick the dessert for the evening. It gave him more independence and he also contributed to the overall flow of the household.

Additionally, we also wrote 'potty time' into the daily schedule - just like brushing our teeth or eating lunch. Kids thrive on consistency.

My son does the same thing, they dont want to stop playing so they just hold and hold it until they cant control it. We have had the talk several times about you need to go every couple of hours etc... but it didnt work, so I ended up buying him a watch called medose or epill something like that, if you google it it will show up, but basically its a watch that vibrates whenever you set it to. I have his vibrating every 2 hours, so its a gentle reminder that he needs to go to the bathroom. There is a pediatric watch an an adult watch. He likes it cause he gets to wear a watch and makes him feel older and also the watch is really nice, red and blue velcro strap. It is kind of costly, but he hasnt peed in his pants in awhile, so Im thinking it was worth it!

Hello,

I am a mother of 4 adult children. First, take him for a check-up.

At your son's age, his bladder is maybe the size of a walnut. It's very common (especially in boys)for a child to become so involved with playing that they simply forget until it is too late. Exercise patience and tenderness. Don't belittle him or get angry. I can assure you, this will pass in time. Just a footnote, I am very strict and believe in discipline. Just know that this is not intentional on his part.

I hope this helps.

Make him go potty every 30 minutes; use a timer. Then lengthen the time 5 minutes each time until you are quite familiar with his potty pattern.

Hello If you are sure there is no medical reason why he is doing this (there might be)then I suggest when he does this you let him know once where his dry pants are and where to put the soiled pants. Once he has to change himself a few times he will realize going to the bathroom in the first place is probably quicker. If he thinks playing in dirty pants is okay (he probably will) explain to him that when he goes to big boy school (next year)his friends will not want to play with someone who smells like potty. If you also avoid him when he has dirty pants on and let him know why you do not want him near you, he will also get the message that this is not a good thing to do.

I would try to make more potty stops during the day, and make it a game!!. Make sure he understands and then reward him
for his job well done.
Reward ideas- stikcers are great, little dinosaurs. Or a day at the park, or even a scavenger hunt walk!
Good Luck!

My kids are now 11,16,18,22,& 24, so it's been a long time. But I recall a friend of mine years ago,mom of six, same ages of mine, who suggested to me to make the child clean up after himself, "you mess up, you clean up". Not just change his own clothes, but whatever else he messed up. Make him responsible for his own actions. Don't scold him, but just tell him like it it is. Be consistent, and make him follow through. He'll get tired of this routine after a while, because it'll take away from his play time. I hope this works for you.
By the way, my friend is a pastor's wife in McKinney, has a Master's in Education, and used to teach these kind of classes in the Park & Rec classes in Plano.

Boy, does this every sound familiar. My son also would mess himself when playing. We made him clean himself up and handle the dirty clothes..he had to take a COLD shower to rinse off with. I know sounds harsh but it worked.

He also lost whatever toy he was playing with or the TV/video game for a week. If he messed again, he lost that toy as well as not being able to earn back the first toy. At one point, he had no toys left in his room so he finally figured it out. We also ask him every 30 mins if he had to go to the bathroom. If he said no, so be it but if he messed up then he would lose whatever privilege he had at that time.

Make sense? I will be praying for you.

J. S.

My son did this almost up til his 6th birthday, and the park was right next to our house.
I finally got frustrated with it, and when he would go out to play, I would call him in every 30-40 minutes to try to use the toilet. He finally got the point that its just easier to come in when he has to go than to have his play interrupted every half hour to go inside.
Of course I had him be responsible for cleaning himself up after a wetting by having him wash himself up, changing his clothes and putting the wet in the wash.
Though I've noticed this seems to be more of an issue with my son than it is with my daughter, since she will run home to pee despite that now we live a few houses away from the playground.

I have the same on-going problem with my boys (ages 5 and 7). This is just something that comes with having boys. My boys know I don't want them to wet their pants, so when they do I don't make a huge deal of it. They help me clean up the mess and we just go on. They just need more time to work on this than girls do. And boys go at different paces amoung each other. Crazy mean tactics are not helpful and I really try not to instill shame, and just go with the flow (so to speak). Good Luck, this will pass. B.

Sorry to say but this happens a lot with kids around that age. They don't want to stop playing. The good thing is you have a boy. You may not like my suggestion but it just might work. Show him a place where he can go pee pee outside. He will think that is cool (all boys do) and he won't go in his pants. I did that with my son when he was about 4 and it worked for me. Or just make him clean up his mess.

I think it is quite common for kids to not want to stop what they are doing and then of course have an accident. I would suggest you just sort of (watch the clock) and when a certain amout of time goes by , tell him to go to the bathroom, and then he can go back to playing, but that he must stop for a minute and go so he can play and be a big boy and not wet his pants.

Two suggestions: 1) Take him potty more often, even if he doesn't think he needs to go, and 2) Make him clean up the mess himself. Tell him the truth - "Mommy's busy, so you will have to clean yourself up and change your clothes." Make him pick up the icky wet clothes and put them in the laundry, too. It will soon become more convenient to him to stop his play long enough to go potty.

My son did the same thing. They do grow out of it, nmlly when someone starts making fun of them for doing. I also did like another mom and put a diaper(well, one of those swimmers) on him and told him he'd have to wear it in public (under his clothes) if he didnt stop doing that. We also did the more monitored potty breaks as well. Bottom line is I think its just a phase.

The joy of motherhood! :)

I went through the same thing. My son was completely potty trained and then went backwards. I put pull ups on him for a couple of months (which he hated) and told him that he wouldn't have to wear them if he could make it to the potty when he has to go. He came to me and told me that he wanted to use the potty and I tried it and he only has had a couple of accidents at night since. I now wake him up in the middle of the night to go when I wake up to go myself and its been months since his last accident. *knock on wood* Good luck and I hope this helps.

Are you sure he dosent have a health issue for doing this? like a bladder or Kidney ionfection even a UTI. I would also want to know if anything else has caused him to have the set back. I'm not saying panic but I would call my pediatrician and I dont know if I think punishment should be sought just yet, good luck and let me know how this turns out! God bless

You might want to take him to the doctor and have him checked to make sure he does not have a bladder or kidney infection. My daughter went through that when she was 2 after being potty trained and sure enough that is what is was and I had to re-train her again after she got over it.

Use positive feedback. My 4 y/o daughter goes sometimes through a few days like that. We don't make her feel bad, we just tell her that she is a big girl now so we are counting on her making the time to go potty and make her feel good when she goes! She then tells us she will be do better and she does! They get to play less if they have an accident and have to change, bathe, etc. much faster to just go to the bathroom... :-) Praise your son when he goes and acts like a big boy. Remind him of the priviledges of being a big boy. Good luck! Don't stress at all or get mad.

Two things.
1. Have him go before he starts playing.
2. Interrupt his play every 30 minutes or so and make him go to the bathroom. It's a pain in the butt and ridiculous that we have to do so. But it works. Inside of two weeks.

S.

My 4-year old daughter started doing that about 5 months ago for the same reason - having too much fun. She would do it 2 or 3 times a day sometimes. She's the type that doesn't want anyone calling her a baby or a little girl. I told her that if she kept doing it, I would put one of her baby sister's diapers on her so she wouldn't miss out on her fun. It continued for a couple of weeks with me threatening her, until one day I followed through with it. I put it on her for a few minutes while I talked to her about it, then took it off, and let's just say she hasn't had an accident since. Honestly, I think the punishment has to fit the child. This wouldn't have worked on my son; he would've probably been happy to wear the diaper so he could play!

Tell him it does not make you proud when he wets his pants, then askhim if it makes him proud when he wets his pants. Then, tell him it really makes you proud when he uses the bathroom. This worked with my son in the same situation. Also, you may want to have him checked for a urinary tract infection. This can cause rapid and severe urgency and he may not be able to make it even if he tried.

Let him be responsible for his own accidents. He MUST stop immediately what he is doing, go to the bathroom, take his wet clothes off, run a bath himself, and bathe himself, and put his wet clothes into the washing machine, and go get his own dry, clean clothes. No anger, no punishment involved, just the same consequences that would happen to anyone. You make the mess, you clean it up. That way, he will either deal with his own messes continually, and it won't be a bother to you, or he'll get very tired of it very fast and start going when his body tells him to.

PS - it might be good to see the Dr, too.

My daughter use to do the samething. I just limited the amount of juice and milk she's aloud to have before bedtime (2 hours before bedtime) and nap time (1 hour before nap time). Then i just made her try every hour or before leaving the house. Soon they just start doing out of habit on their own. Good luck! :)

H.