My 3 Year Old Keeps Hitting Time Out Is NOT Working HELP!!!

Can you teach him a hand signal to show the other kids if he is trying to get their attention, and have the teacher teach it to the class? This way, the other kids may have a better idea if he wants to play with them, and you need to teach him a more acceptable way of getting their attention. Good luck, and definitely don't bribe or reward with foods/goodies.

Time outs do not teach correct behavior, neither does taking away "gym time." What that does for a three year old is make him angry that he isn't getting to play, and causes him to have extra energy that would have been worked out in the gym. So now you have an extra energetic, angry three year old who hasn't been taught the correct social behavior - a recipe for disaster.
The teachers need to be "shadowing" your son. Observing and taking notes on his interactions with the other children. This will give them an idea of *why* he is hitting - what happens before, during, and after the episode, both with him and the children around him.
Once they have established a *why*, they can have a game plan for what to do. If he is seeking attention, then keeping him in the room with a teacher one on one during gym time is actually rewarding the hitting. For this instance, the teacher should be giving the "victim" the attention. After a quick and simple "no hitting" to your son, they should turn to the child who was hit and say something like "Oh, I saw that you got hit, are you ok? We should make sure to tell ___ that you don't like that. I will help you talk to him." And give that child a hug. Your son will see that not only did he *not* get extra attention, but the other child *did*. This is more typical with toddlers than preschoolers though.
If he is frustrated with the other child, then a teacher should be sitting with them during playtime and helping facilitate the dialogue and help both kids communicate with words. She should play *with* them, and point out how each child is feeling and how the others can read their face/body language. All social cues should be translated into words so that all parties are aware of what others are feeling, and then told specifically what they can do to either continue playing nicely, or change their actions to change an angry moment into a happy one.
THIS is the work of a preschool teacher. Not timeouts, bribes, behavior charts, or taking away privelidges. He should be getting lots of time with playdoh, pushing heavy objects across a room, and organized gym time (not just letting the kids run wild, but having an organized race or obstacle course or a path for riding bikes).
If the preschool cannot provide these things, it's time to change schools. Being a preschool teacher is a LOT of hard work, physically and emotionally, and your child deserves nothing less!

I am thinking that his whole life he had everyones attention full time. Now
he is in school and is no longer the center of attention. He might be doing
it to get attention and you know kids, positive or negative attention they will
take it. I am not sure how I would handle this. I would probably talk to the
school psychologist about this. Good luck. Things are always a bit more
difficult when you have a child with special needs. You sound like a great
mom. Eventually things will work themselves out. Time and patience.

If he is hitting in frustration, that is perfectly normal. You need to give him better tools for getting what he wants. Punishing him for hitting is only making him more frustrated. Using food as a reward and punishment is setting him up for an unhealthy relationship with food. He needs someone to show him when he hits - 'we don't hit', if you want that toy, you need to ask for it - and give him the words. If he doesn't know how to initiate play with other children (common) then you need to help him with that script as well - ' we don't hit, instead say - would you like to play with the x toy together'.

A preschool teacher should be familiar with this issue - most kids hit somewhere in this age range - and used to providing language and some acceptable way of getting rid of his frustration (hitting a pillow, jumping up and down, counting to 10). None of the teachers at our preschool would have taken away toys or rewarded with food. I do not believe in either time outs or spanking (IMO teaches kids that it's ok to hit people smaller than you).

i'm sure this is mostly stemming from communication frustration. he's only 3. keep the consequence immediate and simple. taking away sweets will not make sense to him (and i strongly suggest you stop using sweets as reward and withholding them as punishment or you will set up far longer-lasting negative repercussions than what you're dealing with now.)
time-outs don't make sense to kids until they're old enough to understand the procession of consequences. he's probably close to that but may not be there yet, and i suggest that since taking away pleasurable things like the gym and junk food hasn't worked, this may not either. he has to understand WHAT he's in trouble for. each time he takes a swing, you or the teacher has to take his hand firmly, look him directly in the eye and say 'no hitting!' then remove him from the situation, firmly and immediately. THAT is what will drive home to him exactly what the infraction is. sitting in a corner or not getting dessert after dinner is just not connecting.
consistent, calm, firm, prompt attention will have a positive effect. it won't work in a day or a week. but it WILL work.
K.I.S.S.
khairete
S.

Some of it is his age - coupled with his delay in speaking. He's frustrated and angry (understandable). I think you need to teach him to work through his feelings. I would actually give him more attention - and clear consequences. For example, say to him 'I can see you are angry, and you can't get XXX. but we do not hit our friends'. Then if time out doesn't work, either keep it up until he does sit - or take a toy away etc. (appropriate fhor the situation). Kids (esp boys) are trying to deal w/ their eimotions and we need to firmly but actively help them lean to better deal. Check out Love & Logic info or a website called positive discipline... good luck

L., your son certainly sees the difference in himself and them - he has a nurse and they don't. He is used to one-on-one attention and now he wants that same attention from the other children. He cannot see the reason that he cannot get his way with them since he does get his way with his nurse. (Her paying attention to him when he demands it.) That's most likely why he hits.

You don't mention if he can talk now. One huge frustration for children is not being able to talk or successfully communicate. If he is behind in speech (which would certainly make sense having had a trach for so long), I hope you are getting him speech therapy. That will help too.

I do think that you have a problem with the school he is in, to be honest. They don't seem to have good handle on appropriate ways to deal with a child hitting. And the moms telling you not to use food in this are spot on - the LAST thing you need is to create a food issue.

I think that it would be a mistake to take this child home away from other children. Staying in a nursing home all this time has given him a babysitter with all old people around him. Having children around him is a good thing - he will learn how to associate with them and have professionals help him learn. There's nothing wrong with you putting him in a daycare instead of staying home with him. But you need the RIGHT daycare with professionals who know what they are doing.

I hope that at some point he will not need a nurse. I have a feeling that he has been coddled some because of his condition - at some point you need to pull back on that and expect him to act like children are supposed to act. Showing love but firmness and consistency is important. Kathleen gives some really good points about showing the other child attention. Also, the teachers should be taking his hands as he hits and saying "Hands are for helping, not hurting. We do NOT hit." Then place all their attention on the other child.

Good luck to you and your son,
Dawn

I would guess it is a combination of difficulty communicating and not being used to being in a group setting with other kids. My son had a really rough year when he started preschool at 3. For him it was a lot adjusting to a new sibling and partly that his speech was not always understandable to peers (good vocabulary but not clear pronunciation). If your son has speech issues then maybe some sign language signs or a picture board would help until he catches up on talking. It is also partly the age--it takes practice to express things with words and that is very hard when a kid is angry and frustrated. Try talking after the time out. Also stickers and small toys can be good rewards instead of food treats. My son was in half day preschool so I could easily take him to the park if he had a good day at school. He does much better with extra time to run around outside (even 10 minutes helps).