Help with Two Year Old

Everytime, I mean EVERYTIME, she hits, take her hand gently in yours and say, "We use nice hands," and help her touch the other child gently, while continuing to say "We use nice hands."

This has been the only tried and true way to stop hitting in my in-home daycare. My daughter is also two and is usually the only one hitting or fighting. She is just trying to get my attention, which usually works. Be consistent and make sure to give her plenty of one on one time. Put her down thirty minutes later for a nap and spend that time reading, singing or playing with her. This has worked wonders for my children and they look forward to their 'alone' time with me each day. Good luck, I hope this helps.

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I agree with being consistent. Whatever you decide, sitting or time out ( I thought time outs were a minute per year of life, so your daughter would get a 2 minute time out)you must do it every time. My neice did a lot of aggressive behaviors around 2 and the important thing to remember is that 2 year olds learn slower than adults so don't expect her to stop any time soon. Just keep being consistent and eventually she will KNOW that hitting is wrong. My neice is now a sweet little girl but it took a long time to teach her and have her internalize the new behaviors. I think it is conterproductive to hurt a child to teach them not to hurt others.

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I learned in a parenting class that one way to break hitting habit is "you hit, you SIT". Every time the child hits or begins to hit someone else, be right behind her and pull her to sitting, saying "You hit, You SIT!" and explain about how "we only use gentle hands on our friends". The physical motion of being put into a sitting position breaks the energy she's putting into hitting. Show her what gentle hands are, it takes many iterations and you must physically BE there until she gets it.
Otherwise, I've learned so far that if my little one is hitting or trying to mouth(read:bite) me I speak to her calmly and name over and over the emotion she must feel. If she's not too off the wall I try to give her an option of an acceptable means HOW to express that emotion. OR if I'm losing it too, I have to put her in her crib until we've both regained composure.
Anyway, hope this helps somewhat!

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I think all kids go through the hitting stage. My 3rd is in it now and he's only 15 mo! A time out works for him. He wants so much to be a part of everything that taking that away from him really gets his attention. I notice you work home daycare. Is it just the kids in your daycare she is hitting or all kids? My mom ran a home daycare when I was little and she has told me that I went through something similar. She thinks I felt the kids were getting too close to MY mommy and I didn't know how to handle it so I hit them. When you're a toddler making your feelings heard isn't always easy. One of the kids spent so much time in the daycare she started calling my mom, mom, and that's when I started hitting. Try talking to your daughter, it may be something similar. Good luck.

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The best thing you can do is be consistant! Decide on a punishment and follow through with it EVERY time!

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Morning A., she is a typical two year old, i personally hate it when peole say thier terrible twos. If you have children its normal for every child to act that way. Some become very territorial and dont really want to share. Listen to your heart and just embrace her and speak softly to her and illistrate to her with dolls or something how it is good to get along with others, it will all work out in Jesus name. GBY

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i dotn agree with spanking at all. but this is what my siser did with my neice, she only had to do it once. she put a rubber band on her wrist and when she it and pinched her borther mysister when and snapped the rubber band and asked if it hurt she said that is the same way it hurts your brother when you hit.

My son was actually a biter, and still does from time to time, when he's had enough of a boy that bites him in daycare. It is totally normal at this age to bite, hit, kick...The book "teeth are not for biting" works great for him and he really engages in it. He also takes time outs pretty well. He only bites at school, I think it's frustration. You should definetly try "hands are not for hitting". They have a whole serious, "feet are not for kicking" etc...I bought the entire serious for our daycare classroom when these behaviors were running wild...

I know it sounds crazy - however, you may want to (softly) hit her back.
It will surprise her and she will cry loudly - and not due to the physical touch.
She then gets to see that hitting hurts, Emotionally....

We realized that our son hits out when he is uncomfortable for some reason.
We know right away that he is hungry.
Also they do it out of playfulness and to feel out our boundaries.
As a parent, the hardest part is being consistent at disciplining long enough for them to see it really is not acceptable.

Best, Lisa

My daughter, who is now just shy of 3, did the same thing at this age. I was mortified. I read a great book recommended by a friend called Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. The author recommended using the following words, "Hitting hurts. You may not hit." and to follow with I will hold you until I feel we will both be safe. It really was a great tool for us and didn't take more than 6 months for her to completely grow out of it. (or at least it seems like it is completely over. :) But it is a very normal behavior for this age. Hope this helps. You might find the book really helpful. It is very loving and gentle.

I have taught preschool and kindergarten for many years. I admire you for running a daycare out of your home. Good for you. You have made the choice to keep your child with you at home in your day care. Wouldn't it be awful if this situation were happening else where and you didn't know the exact details. However, to be frank your daughter is telling you indirectly of course, she is either jealous, angry and frustrated at having to share her home and Mommy with other kids. It's a normal reaction from a very young child. None the less, she has to be taught that biting is innapropirate behavior. You need to let the other children know that they need to report this immediately to you. And each time your daughter misbehaves this way, there has to be a consequence appropriate to her age. You might want to place her in the "naughty corner" away from everyone for a few minutes, but within your sight or take away one of her special activities. The punishment is up to you, but consistency is the key issue for this to work. I don't believe in spanking. She's repeating the behavior because she's getting away with it. It might be that she simply wants the bad attention because that's how she'll get your attention. Throughout your very hectic day make sure to praise her for any good thing she does and give her assuring hugs and kisses. She needs to know she's special and has your approval. It's not just about discipline, though that is so important too.

I hope this was helpful.
J. Bowman

A. - I am in the same situation, except I have a 2 year old son. I take him to an in-home daycare and the provider is at her wits end with him, as he keeps hitting the other children. She makes me feel like my son is the only child she has ever watched that has hit, Although, I have been told it is very common. He doesn't hit any other time than at daycare. I think it may be a way for him to get attention, whether it be negative or positive. Anyway, I am hoping it is just a phase that will end soon as well.

When children are so young they have few effective tools of communication, hitting is one of them. Most kids will go through this stage. Like others, I've also found that "gentle hands" is effective. I also like the "Hands Are Not for Hitting" books. I've used time outs. I've used taking away privileges.

I know every parent has to decide what works for them and their children. However, I have NEVER hit my child. I'm a big believer that children learn the most from our actions, not our words. How can I teach that hitting is bad when I'm hitting my child? The message is lost in the action.

Good luck!

Hi A.,
May I recommend 15 minutes time out.
With full communication to the
reason for the 15 minutes of time out.
After time out is up.
A hug and positive affirmation.

Much love
C.
http://www.lose7-15lbs-9days.com

Yes it's a phase. In the waldorf school my kids go to, they say something like, "I can see you want to use your hands right now, let's ______. " whatever is in the moment. Also, pushing against a wall, or a pillow to hit because it doesn't hurt a pillow, and matter of fact speech like, Do you know why we don't hit? And the response is " because it hurts."

Other than being consistent with "we don't hit" using timeouts (no more than one minute per the age of the child-- they'll never sit for longer and shouldn't need to) for hitting and helping her express her frustrations in another way.. I would suggest finding books that deal with emotions and then there is the book: Hands Are Not For Hitting. Books tend to open up ways for me to communicate and discuss a situation.

Good luck.

Hi, A. ~

Just about all toddlers/preschoolers become "hitters" at some point. Be consistent in loving discipline and she'll be fine!

~ R.

HI A.!

Yes this is just a phase. My daughter was never a hitter but my son WAS. We had to be VERY consistent on putting him in a timeout EVERY time he took a swing or swat at someone. When we cracked down and was on top of it explaining each time WHY he was in timeout, he started to get it.
Each kid learns at their own pace so stay with it and good luck!

Jen G.