My son will be 4 in October. He uses the potty without issue to pee and wears underwear to bed. He does have the occasional pee accident, but for the most part he is trained. Despite a lot of “potty talk” he showed no true signs of potty readiness until he was 3.5. We waited and waited and waited, and in the end, I gently told him it was time, and he pretty much did it completely over a few weeks. However, he does not poop on the potty. I have let him tell me when he needs a diaper and he deposits his once a day business, and we put underwear back on. I have let him do this over the past few months after mastering peeing on the potty.
So my question is how do I motivate him to let his body do exactly what it does to poop in a diaper while sitting on the toilet? We talked to him about a day to start, after getting home from vacation, and he again was enthusiastic, but he is asking for diapers again after a handful of unsuccessful attempts. I can see how kids get overwhelmed by this task, but he is old enough that he can talk about what he is doing and is fully aware of his bodily functions. He has never been great at sitting on the pot and waiting; he is a very on-the-go kid. He is also not very motivated by rewards or incentives. He really has to want to do something for his own satisfaction and self-esteem rather than any sort of bribe or little prize. Incentives like jellybeans or a sticker have worked in the past, but for very short spells. When I initiated using the potty to pee I did tell him that we didn’t have any more diapers, but I am nervous to do that now as I don’t want him to hold his bowel movements in. I know that can lead to problems. Any ideas? Thank you!
The SAME thing happened to us and my almost 4 year old! My doctor suggested we don't force the issue, as it may just backfire! We let him poop in his pull up and then put underwear back on. All of a sudden one day he said "daddy I want to poop on the potty" and he did. From that day he was good to go! I think they just have to do it in their own time. Good luck!
my first daughter was 3.5 when she potty trained, "bribery" did what all the books and pleading and encouragement COULDNT do.
We went to toys r us, she wanted a big barbie house, on the way home i picked up "big girl" panties. I explained that big girls who wear big girl panties get big girl toys.
she never wore a diaper again.
I know bribery isnt the most attractive option, but even as adults we respond to rewards (raise, promotion) for good behavior and dilligence.
Stop giving him diapers! He obviously understands when he needs to go and can tell you, so simply let him know that he is a big boy, that diapers are for babys and it is time for him to do his business the big boy way. If he goes in his undies (trying to get control and force you back to diapers) do not react, just have him clean himself and his cloths (on his own with your guidance) and put on fresh ones, and hold your ground, NO DIAPERS.
Hmmmm....I think you're on the right track by considering ditching ALL diapers on Day X. Explain what poop is and why it needs to be eliminated from our bodies. Tell him it is what is left of food after all the vitamins and good stuff are taken out by our bodies: waste. Make sure he does not think it is "part" of him that he is losing. Let him take a peek at where the poo comes from on his body. I think it's more mysterious to boys b/c the pee part is so much more "visible".
You could have him sit backwards on the toilet and he could probably 'see' what's happening easier.
As far as motivation goes--if you don't think stickers/candy won't work long term enough...what about a large prize--something he's been really, really wanting--a toy, place to visit, etc.
A book to read, magazine etc while on the toilet might be good.
But I do think by letting him poop in a diaper, the behavior is being reinforced, so I'd pick a day in advance, tell him about it, make a trip to pitch or donate the diapers and go for the.....gold...or (uh....) brown! lol
I know you said incentives don't work, but just in case you see something here that might help, I'm sharing my experience.
My son has been leary of the poop on the potty scenario as well. But, my husband told him he could have any toy at the grocery store if he pooped on the potty. He told him this for about a month. Every time we went to the store, DS got to look for the prize he would choose "if". Then one day, our son said he wanted to try--this after about 1 year of holding it and only pooping in the middle of the night. We gave him any prizes he wanted (within financial reason) each time he went (about 5 successes). This has been over the last month. Then we stretched it out and told him he had to wait to get a prize until after he had 5 successes. We made a chart to help keep track. Now we are moving it to 10 successes. After that, we might be done, but he is excited about it now.
Maybe you can tell him that he can do a fun activity if he does it. Or maybe you can let him watch videos and read books about it.
Maybe you can ask your pediatrician??
I'm sorry if I didn't help.
Good luck to you.
We're in the same place with my son, who's younger, but same thing. We switched him into underpants and he's peeing like a champ, but he still asks for a diaper to poop. Here's our plan:
He likes to poop in his room. We told him that he had to go in the bathroom. So now he stands in the bathroom in a diaper. Next we started dumping the poop in the toilet from the diaper and flushing. We're going to let him wear the diaper and sit on the potty next, then cut a hole in the diaper and have him poop through the diaper into the toilet. Obviously we're not sure that we're going to be successful, but we have a lot of friends for whom this practice has worked. I think that you have a good thing going in that your son can tell you that he needs a diaper, so he knows when he has to go, so there isn't a ton of sitting around and waiting, which was what was always so agonizing when we were potty training my daughter.
Best of luck to you!
Pooping (standing) in a diaper and pooping (sitting) on a toilet... uses different muscles.... this is per our Pediatrician....
It takes a learning about it... and a comfort level and 'ability'....
Pooping IN a toilet... is often, the last ability to be 'mastered' in potty training. For MANY kids. So, he is not the only one.
But don't 'force' it... because, that alone can cause constipation... and cause the child to "withhold' their poop... which then causes the poop to get harder internally and then it causes "pain" when they do poop.... which then causes them to 'withhold' pooping even more... (this is per a Pediatric Gastroenterologist we has to see for our Daughter at that stage). Then, it becomes an actual physical "pain" to poop, and then physical 'fear' of pooping... and once a child becomes "Constipated"... it takes a long time to get the poop to normalize.
My son is the same age as yours... and he is doing that too.
We don't force him... but he is gradually getting less 'fear' about it and pooping on a toilet....
And yes, 'withholding' poop... CAN and DOES cause physical pain and constipation... and other internal problems. Which you want to avoid.
Just give him encouragement when he does try "his best"... but don't force it/scold/punish for it.
all the best,
Susan
When we first started with my son last month he would not poop on the big toilet. He would however poop on his little toilet. After a couple of weeks we got him to poop on the big toilet(we do use one of those toilet covers that make the seat smaller for him). Luckily for us all it really took was asking him if he wanted to be like his older cousin and of course he did. Good luck!
We had the same trouble with my boy who turned 4 in May. He finally got it just before his 4th birthday. We made him sit on the toilet wearing a diaper to poop. I think part of his proble was he didn't want to waste time sitting on the toilet. So, once he had to do that, he got the feeling of going while sitting down. It helped to have a stepstool to rest his feet on too. I heard the cut the hole in the diaper trick too late, but I would have tried that too. We also used some bribery, I would have bribed him with almost anything!!! Hang in there, in a few months, you will be wondering why you ever worried so much about it. I know I am!!!
We are having the EXACT same problem with my 3.5 year old (4 in December)...not sure if this will work for your son, but I thought maybe instead of me telling him when it was time to sit, I would have HIM tell ME...he holds his poop, so I can tell when he gets "that look" like he needs to go, so we have a big clock on the wall, and I tell him "when the big hand gets to the very top (or the very bottom) come tell me, and that's when it's time to sit!" He likes the responsibility of making sure I know when the hand gets "all the way to the top" and I think has found a pride in telling me it's time, rather than me forcing him to sit. For the past 3 days he has pooped on the potty!!
I also asked him if I could talk to his tummy, and I held my ear to his tummy and told him that his tummy said he doesn't like the poop in there...sometimes I think they are afraid that they are not supposed to let it out.
These things seem to be working...at least this week!
my kids are all older but I can remember my youngest son having this trouble. Boys think of their poop as a possession. I remember the ped telling me that. OMG I was so frustrated he would squat behind the chair and tell me afterwards. finally we would dump it in the toilet and tell it good bye and that seemed to help. I agree with one of the mom's who said explain to him what it really is. It helps alot. once they figure out it's waste and not a treasure.. LOL..Good Luck!!
