Mother's Day Is coming....oh No.

In reply to Jan...
Mothers Day is suppose to be for the kids and husband to make the mother feel good. Not the other way around.
As a mom myself I am always making the family feel good. Once a year is not unreasonable for the family to make me feel like the special one.

I don't know where you live, but I live in San Diego so we have a few really great kid friendly options.
Here's what I do... I schedule breakfast/brunch at Seaworld or the Zoo. That way the kids are entertained and I can actually have a meal with them that is pleasant, low stress and no mess. I lay out the kids clothes the night before and let my husband know that in the morning I will take a long shower and take the time to do my hair and make-up (which I seldom bother with) while he gets up with the kids and gets them dressed and ready. I have him give them a breakfast snack to hold them over until we get where we're going.
This works out really well for us because everyone is happy, I don't have to clean up after the "special breakfast" they cooked me at home, and my husband is responsible for the kids for the day. Oh I forgot to mention that although we spend the day together, he is on diaper, clean-up, stop the whining and fighting duty all day. I might even take a nap in the afternoon if I feel like it.
Then in the evening we order pizza or pick-up something. No cooking or cleaning all day.
Good luck and have a happy day what ever you do.

The important thing is to celebrate that you are their mother...and be grateful that they are in your life. They are so young right now to even understand the concept of any of it. I would either videotape or audio record my thoughts for them. You could start off by saying, "This is my first Mother's Day being a mom to both of you. This is what it means to be a family with the two of you." Maybe talk on the recording about things you would like them to know about you or your family. What are some of your favorite moments with them the past year that you could talk about?
I would just accept the fact that you have to buy your own gifts for every holiday. Don't nag your husband or children...just love them all, enjoy them all and be always be thankful that you have been given those three special gifts (your children and your husband). No material thing can ever come close to their presence in your life.

Best wishes,
J.

I don't have many suggestions, I just wanted to congratulate you for your attitude and realizing that your husband's lack of creative planning is NOT a reflection of his love and committement to you!!! When I was growing up my mom always bought things she wanted for Christmas, etc., wrapped them and told us that was what we were giving her for that occasion. She never returned anything :):) !!! Go ahead and do the planning, but tell hubby what you want to do and involve him in the planning too (involve the kids as age appropriate). It may take a few years of "planting seeds" and he just might come up with that magical surprise all by himself. The best teaching is by example, so plan some magical surprises for Father's Day, his birthday, etc., and if nothing else, you'll be teaching and training your sons. Enjoy whatever you plan for Mom's Day, and best wishes for some future surprises!

What about for Mother's Day... you pay a tribute to your sons. Write up a nice little card and some cute drawings of your own... and write how much you LOVE being their Mommy... and even though they are young now, they can keep it as a souvenir of you and cherish it forever.
It would be celebrating being their Mom and what it means to you... and how much you love them and celebrating them as well.
You can read it to them as well, and just enjoy them.
It doesn't have to be 'fancy' but just a hand-made letter to them... and some cute drawings. You can also always frame it up nicely to display on the wall.

Then, send yourself some flowers... a nice bouquet that you pick yourself. And, order take out from somewhere you always wanted to try... and have a great dinner with your family.

Good luck... I know you are not the "only" woman who has this problem... lots of men are at a loss as to what to do for their wives/Moms.... and their mind goes blank. If anything, show him this posting.

My Husband goes blank too... but he somehow manages to get flowers and takes our kids shopping "for Mommy" and they come home with a surprise.. no matter how small and simple. Its mostly seeing the smiles on my kids faces as they give me my "surprise" that that is like a Mother's Day "gift" to me. They get so excited, that that is confirmation of what being their Mommy is and creates meaning for me.

And yes, I dream of something "magical" too... (sigh). But main thing is, I am "Mom."

All the best,
Susan

Get you own mothers day gift wrap it and then have your 2 1/2 year old bring it to you in front of him. Act surprised and maybe he will get the hint for next time. If not you will have something you wanted. Good luck

Hi G.,

When my kids were young and I was a stay at home mom, I asked my husband to take the kids for the day and do something fun with them -- WITHOUT me. He was a little hurt at first, figuring that I would want something special for mother's day. Not being very creative or intuitive, at least he knew that it was a good idea to ask for my input.

I pointed out to him I was with the kids every day, all the time, and that having the house to myself for a day without having to take care of anyone else's needs but my own was very special, indeed. It allowed me to give myself permission to take a nap, read a book, watch TV, take a bubble bath, or do whatever without feeling like I should be doing something else.

In the evening we would enjoy a simple take-out meal of some kind that no one had to clean up (beyond emptying the trash). This worked very well for us. My hubby got to spend great quality time with the kids, I got a break, no unreasonable expectations were raised -- or dashed -- and everyone had a terrific day! (We always took him fishing for father's day, though ;-) )

Whatever you do, have a very happy Mother's Day (Hallmark Holiday that it is!)

I feel for you. i am pretty neutral on gifts. My husband is HORRIBLE. He stresses and gets it plain wrong. and I am easy to please. i tell him what to do, and then, nope....

How about a picnic, that way, you tell him what to do, but, he has to get it together w/ the boys. And tell him you want the boys to draw a picture, or hand prints, or get their photo taken together. what ever-but, you tell him, and then what the end result is becomes the surprise.

the other idea, I do this at xmas. I take the kids to the 99 cent store and have them pick things out for grandparents. That way, it's cheap, and they picked it out. they do surprisingly well.

My sons always come into our bed every a.m. between 5:30 and 6. I used to LOVE sleeping in.

Last Mother's Day my husband got up when he heard them and took them to the park for a few hours when they got up, so that I could sleep in. Heaven.

The three of them made breakfast and we all ate it in the bed together from one big plate.

My husband is pretty good about getting the boys together for me, but he's not great about presents (truth be told, neither am I). My favorite (and his) birthday present was when I handed him something in the store and said: "get this for my birthday ::smiles::" He said it was the easiest way to get me exactly what I wanted...

Write "Mother's Day" on the calendar in the kitchen (and get one, if you don't have one). And don't feel bad if you just let him know what you want; he'll probably be grateful for the direction.

Good luck hon.

Hi G.. I wasn't going to respond, but I felt kind of sad that you got responses about "not making it a big deal", etc. It's totally natural that you'd like Mother's Day to be special, even though, really, every day is mother's day :)
Can you possibly talk to your husband in a non-confrontational way, and just tell him that you'd really like it if he'd take your boys to pick out a card for you and make you breakfast or take you to lunch or something along those lines? I have a 2.5 year old as well, and he gets very excited about giving me gifts, loves to go with Daddy to pick out a little something, it's very sweet. This year they baked a cake together to surprise me for my birthday. My son's excitement over this was the best gift I received. And my husband did NOT used to be a big gift-giver, not because he isn't a sweetheart, but because he would have all this anxiety about getting it wrong. So whatever they show up with, respond with lots of excitement and gratitude. Then it becomes fun for them, too. My husband has become very good at picking out gifts for me, so it's not like things can't change. Also, do something really nice for Father's Day, so he gets the idea of what you have in mind. I think it's important to teach our kids to be thoughtful and giving, to consider someone else's feelings, and to give them the experience of how great it feels to give in general. Just my thoughts. Hope you have a great Mother's Day :)

Why are you making such a big deal out of something your sons won't even remember? It has nothing to do with it being their idea, so you are basically "throwing a party for yourself". That seems very odd. There's no need to make Mother's Day magical. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment. If your kids are at a daycare, they will probably make something for you, and that should suffice.

Yep! we pour it all out for everyone all year and for one day we must ask for validation and adoration. I'm now a single mom
This year, I'm celebrating with a great brunch party (I'm great at throwing parties for everybody else). Balloons, flowers, fiesta food. I invited other moms and we will have two beauty students come over and do our hair, nails, pedicures. We will have a guest speaker (motivational) to pump us up a bit, a pinata (maybe a dad-figure?), music and laughs about parenting.
I would tell your husband that your're coming over to my party, that all you want is to be pampered and absolutely cherished. That you feel sorry for us that we don't have a husband who would gather the kids and honor us, but "what a way to go!"
G., you may come to our party, but you must be a Mother with no husband! Let that man choose for ya!

Hi G.:
Isn't it wonderful,that they set aside a special day to honor mothers for all that they do for us? After all,they provide loving care and make sacrifices for us all throughout the year. Yes its A nice thought. While i'm quite sure,that our men and children consider us special on more than that one occasion,its just a day, set aside when you can expect a little special treatment. Well deserved. Your boys are still very young,and probably won't remember these early years of celebrating your day,however,there is absolutely nothing wrong with starting a tradition now.There's nothing negative in allowing them to take part,with daddy in showing their appreciation. Experiencing the happy look on your face,when they do something special for you,is teaching them how to give with pleasure,unselfishly. I don't know about the rest of the mothers here,but I'd feel sad if I couldn't spend the majority of my day with my children.After all,we're celebrating (Motherhood) I don't want this day dedicated to me to try and FORGET I'm a mother! lol. I'd leave a little hint of what I'd appreciate. Make over a drawing the kids made me. Maybe take a couple hours of my own for a pedicure manicure,to pamper myself,then spend the rest of the day celebrating my LOVE of caring and nurturing A family. I wish you and all the other Mothers here A beautiful Mothers Day. J. M

maybe ask him about a craft he can do with the boys (ie- pictures with kids hands and feet, getting professional pictures done (somewhere that you dont have to wait more then a few days to get) or having daddy make a card that the little ones could color on). not every dad gets all hyped up on gift giving but he should get the boys excited about giving mommy something special.

Write him a note telling him what you would like...a colored picture, a painted mug, whatever. Don't do it yourself or even plan out all the details. That would send the message to your husband that he won't ever have to plan it himself.
Throughout the years, teach your boys how to plan and do special things for others. When your boys are older, if it is still an issue, write them the same note. "I love being your mother and I would love doing things for you. On Mother's Day I would love for you to show me how wonderful you are by planning something special for me."

Greetings G.,

I would like to suggest that you choreograph "A Anything For Moms Day". and let their creative imagination take over. I can assure you that you wouldn't be disapointed, and you will be extremely surprised.

This is something I did with my son when he was about the age of your children and we still do today now that the is 14 years old.

Anything is just that, it can be helping to feed you, which can be a bit of a mess but lots of fun. It can be give you a bite of their cookie to getting your shoes or even combing your hair. In actuality they become your personal helper and best friend for the day.

Once they get the hang of it your imput becomes less and less, and what a ball of fun you all would have. It's unconditional love with a capital L. Believe me you do come alive, and as they get older the more creative they become the more fun it is. Especially if they are willing to do just about anything to put a smile on your face.

This has become a routine activity in my house in lue of gifts. It cost nothing but is very price less. We even have an "Anything For Khallid Day" as well. I can tell you that we both look forward to our day. You can imagine the planning that goes into it.

Because your children are very young the planning for now should come from your husband. They can assist him in making you breakfast and dinner, serving it in bed or out of bed. They can held in picking wild flowers from the back yard and giving it to you.

They can help in making their art master piece with hand prints in water paint. This is a hold lot of fun, and you will enjoy the result. All I can say is be ready to take lots of pictures. The greatest reward you will get from all of this is the closeness you will share with your family.

Do have fun.

Blessings!
S. S

you know I think it's like this in every marriage, I've been doing the same thing every year. Right before the holiday I bring something up during dinner like, you know it would be nice to have a family picnic and just spend some time together, or a nice walk around the beach/pond (if you have one) would be really great to get outdoors and spend quality time together. My husband always remembers things that I say like that and when he does it, I pretend like I totally forgot that I said that and I'm so surprized. Good Luck and Happy Mother's day!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi G.,
In the beginning for me, I just a few days before mothers day told my husband that i know he would be getting me a wife card but now he needed to get a card for the kids to give me too. I reminded him that I wanted them to be aware of giving to others and how important that is to me to raise them that way. He was totally fine with that. And now over the years has figured a small gift into the picture also. I think the kids started wanting to give me a gift on their own too. So he asks me or around that time I think of some small , inexpensive cool little thing I could use for my self or around the house and I let him know. Then they "secretly" (They think) go shopping for me with him and he says things like, ohh mom said she really wanted this one day. And they are like ..OK. And I get my cool little gift on mothers day and I am so happy and then they get to see me use it or wear it or whatever. But it has even evolved more to where the older one (almost 11) picks out something all on his own (and he is very good at it actually) and the younger one (6) is following suit. And to add just a little more rambling to this... They will ask me what I would like to do sometimes and I suggust go to the beach for a few hours and just relax. My husband and I just watch as they play in the sand and a long the shore for a while or to a park with water and feed ducks. Just some leisurely outdoor time. It is wonderful. Then we do the same for fathers day. So good luck with finding your own little lovely things and times together. And like I mentioned do it up for fathers day as well and then I think he will get the hint that this is how you roll.LOL Have a great day and mothers day!!!

You definately deserve a fantastic mother's day. Think of something your husband and kids can do for you that you would just love and tell your man exactly what that is. He'll probably be relieved at not having to think of something on his own that he's not sure you'll be thrilled with. Believe me, it's not too much to ask. Last year, I asked my husband to wake and cook me something really yummy for breakfast with the kids while I slept in. He delivered! They made berry and cream cheese stuffed french toast with eggs and orange juice. I sat and read my favorite book afterward while they cleaned the whole kitchen. I think I'll ask for that again this year!

You are allowed to ask for things. One of three things will happen.

1. You'll get what you want.
2. You'll get what you want, but it won't come immediately.
3. You'll get something different from what you asked for.

You don't have control over the outcome.

If you really want a surprise, then let one happen. By orchestrating your own surprise you keep yourself from being surprised.

Happy Mother's Day!

There is a fun plate at Costco right now that your kids can color on with markers (it comes as a set) and then you can keep it forever. It would be fun for the 3 of you to do together or get one for each of them (if sharing could become an issue). Also, circle the day on the calendar and put up an ad for what you want or simply write it down. I truly think that most men are just not good gift givers and if you tell him what you want, you are more likely to get it. I know that no one wants to have to ask for something special but it sounds like you need to be blunt about this. I wish you all the best and hope you have a wonderful mothers day!

Wow...shocking that some people can be so rude about it. Mothers day isn't about your kids...it's about you...who cares if they remember...YOU will. I suggest that you tell your husband there is something you would like him to read when he gets a chance....then let him read your post! I agree...it has little to do with how much he loves you and more to do with his creativity. Give him a chance...if he doesn't know you feel this way he doesn't know to even make the effort.

I couldn’t imagine anything more physiologically healthy than throwing yourself a party if you want one. Truth is the men I’ve know aren’t very good at this. So feel free to give your husband suggestions. But they have to be just that, suggestions. If he doesn’t come through then do it yourself. Have a wonderful time and enjoy yourself. You are entitled.

Just plan something yourself! Make brunch or dinner reservations, and tell the guys what time and where :) Or let them know you would like to do some sort of outing as a family. Tell your husband it would be great if he could help your kids make a card or gift for you.

Some men just need it spelled out.

God! This made me cry. My husband is an exact same way. I didn't say a thing or ask for anything. I kept my mouth shut in the corner and totally was totally bitchy the whole day but he still didn't get the message. When I came downstairs and hugged my boy (he is 2) he started kissing me and saying "I love you" in a mumbling way. He is still not talking that clear yet but I can make sense of what he meant. I don't know why in the world he was all huggy and cuddly that day. I couldn't stop it and bust in tears! My husband thought there was something wrong happened. I finally told him and he was like, "Oh I didn't know you care that much for a mother's day. It's just a gimmick that they do so they could sell more flowers! And I'm like, just don't continue saying anything anymore because it just makes it worse! I hate men that are like that. He although called his ex-wife and wished her a happy mother's day.

Tomorrow is our 3rd wedding anniversary and I am sure he won't remember and even if he does, he won't say or do a thing. I'll just probably give him a card or something.