Mother Is Upset Due to Choice of God Mother

These things always get more difficult than what they need to be. I am so sorry that what should be a very joyous occation where your child becomes God's child has been tainted by these past hurts. I guess I am wondering a few things and maybe you might think about them. Is your dad and girlfriend living together? I am not sure what religion you are, but most religions would deam that as against God's laws. That is not to say that they both are not wonderfully nice people, but the qualities for godparents do not end with being a "good person". You must be that and living within God's plan for us. Just think about that as you pick the spiritual guide for your child. Some have stated in their responses that the godparent takes care of the child if anything should happen to you...meaning the child lives with the person as a legal guardian. That is not true in any religion. The godparents' responsibilities are to be a spiritual mentor and guide while you are living and if you should pass...nothing to do with legal guardianship, so please do not put that extra burden on yourself by adding that very very important decision to this mix. Maybe your mother is so very upset because she also has the wrong view of what a godparent's role is. If she thinks you have just handed over guardianship of her grandchild over to the other woman, then by all means, she probably has every right to be upset. However, since that is not what a godparent is for, you may just need to have a conversation to clarify what is the role of a godparent. That being said, your decision has been made and your mother being hurt needs to be dealt with very tenderly, but it should in no way change your decision. You are a grown woman who has the right to make decisions that your mother does not neccessarily agree with. In all decisions, especially one like this, it is God and God alone whose opinion you must seek. If you have a well formed conscience and know who God is and what He truly expects of us, and follow that small inner voice, then go in confidence in life that you have please the One who matters. We should however, never pick godparents to make someone else feel good or fill a void in another person's life. A godparent is to fill a void in the child's life...the audible voice of God which we need to get through life. If that person can not help in that way, you have short changed your child who must be the most important person in the decision.

I pray that you find peace with your decision. I pray that your mother grows in a deeper understanding of herself. I pray that your child upon his baptism feels the grace of God penetrate her soul and walks in that grace all the days of her life.
God Bless,
L.

M.,

It's your choice, don't let hurt feeling make you change your mind. My bestfriend was going to name me as the godmother to her daughter. She was pressured by the church to pick a married couple to be the godparents.According to them that would be a more stable choice. Since I was not married, that left me out. With much hesitation she picked a married couple that went to her church and were friends with her parents. She has always regretted that choice. I may not be the godmother on paper, but in her eyes I'm the only godmother she knows. Don't let other people's feelings or views get in the way of what you want to do, and what you feel would be the best choice for your child. You don't owe anyone any explainations. I think she's hurt because you chose your father's fiancee. I bet if you would have named one of your girlfriends it would not have been a problem. It will take a while but she will get over it.

Your Mother is just going to have to get over it. Your decision was made thoughtfully and for all the right reasons. You probably just caught her off guard and she was surprised and needed to think about her response. Which is actually better than reacting and pitching a fit all over the place. Give her some time.

Like anything else, you can never ever please everyone. You do not need to justify your reasons for choosing your father's fiance. Yes, it will be difficult and uncomfortable for a while, but once the baptism is over, it probably wont ever be an issue again. Good luck!

I would not change your decision to have your father's fiancee as godmother. I can see how your mother was surprised by your decision and maybe hurt. However, it sounds like you put a lot of thought into this decision and made it for good reasons. Perhaps sitting down with your mother and explaining how you arrived at your decision will ease her feelings. I don't necessarily think you owe her a explanation, but I think it would show respect for her and that may be all she needs to come around. Hopefully she can find a little bit of objectivity and realize that you are making an informed, responsible decision. Good luck and enjoy this special occassion!

Hi M.,
The only thing I can say is, this isn't about anyone else but your daughter and the relationship that she will have with her GodMother and your choice as her Mother to choose that person. That should be first. You have the right to choose whom ever you want. Try to explain that to your Mom in a loving caring way and maybe she will understand. The circumstances might still hurt her from the divorce so maybe that has something to do with it too. Coming from a Catholic family myself when I was younger, there is nothing wrong with an Aunt or Uncle seving as God Parent. :o) Hope this helped and good luck!
Christina

maybe you could write you Mom a note briefly explaining your choice; re-iterate to her how much she means to you as a Mom and a grandmom

My advice is to talk to your mother. Ask her to coffee/tea/out for a drink so that you are talking face to face. When you sit down, apologize if your choice has hurt her and tell her you would like to talk about it because it is such an important decision. Then tell her you would like to explain why you made the choice. Ask her to share her feelings about it with you. If you feel that this decision would cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your mom, then by all means talk to your father's fiance and explain that you have to choose someone else. But also explain to her that she is a very important part of you and your daughters lives and you would like to build that relationship up and hope this won't hurt it. If having your father's fiance will not really damage your relationship with your mom, then don't change the choice.

When it comes down to it, it is your decision and one you have really thought out. I hope that your mother understands how you feel and is willing to share you and her granddaughter with your father's fiance. If not, you have to make a choice as to whom you are going to hurt. Maybe if your mother really has a problem with it, your future stepmom will understand and offer to not be the godmother. You won't know until you sit down and talk with each of them. But talk to your Mom first. Perhaps she is feeling her role as mother and grandmother are being usurped by someone she feels is the "other" woman (even if she wasn't in the picture til after your parents were split). If she knows how much you love her and how important a part of your lives she is, maybe she won't mind that your stepmom to be is a big part of your lives as well.

Good luck.

Hi M.,

I think you did what was best for your family and it sounds like your Dad's fiance will make a great god mother. The only thing I think you did wrong was to not tell your mother about it ahead of time. She may be hurt now, but she will get over it. You have to do what is best for your child. Your mother was probably more shocked than hurt and she will get over it. Explain to her your reasons and talk with her about it. She will understand.

J.
A Mother's Boutique
www.mothersboutique.com

Hi M., I am P. Poist and I have had a situation happy to me long time ago...My daughter now is 29 and it was not for her but for my older daughter who is now with the Lord. I have a sister who was not even of the religion but I wanted her to be my daughters Godmother. I chose her because I was thinking at that time she would not be able to have children of her own and she and her husband would be excellent people to take care of Natalie if anything would ever happen to my husband and myself. My husband has a twin sister and she is not married like my sister is. I chose her and then tried to explain to my sister in law why I did the choosing like that. Well, to say the least I really hurt my sister in law as she really wanted to be Godmother to my child. Well, we did not have to worry about it at the time cause my baby passed away when she was 9 days old. When Niki was born, my second daughter I did not even consult the both of them or even tell the one over the other. I just went right ahead and had my Sister be the choice. I think when you are making the decision like this one you should have who you really think would make the best person for the job. Not being reaised Catholic myself I was not aware what a difficult choice this would be. Well my decision was right and I did Pick my Sister but she has helped me in ways no other person has with my daughter ....When Niki was 23 years old she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It was crazy and a real Hell we had to go through. First of all I had to get it in my head and learn so much about the disorder. My sister, who worked for the state of De. dealing with Mental Retardation and other disorders, took my daughter in to live with her. Niki just graduated from college and living in Pittsburgh when this happened. We went out to get her and when she came home she did not want to live with us. My sister graciously took her in and tried to help her in ways we could not. I then educated myself with this disorder and had to digest this as well. But to make this long story short when my time of need came I had picked my sister to become her Godmother and she did exactly what I had it pictured that a Godmother is supposed to do. That is to take care of the Goddaughter and the best most likely candidate to do so. So if you have it in your heart to pick your future Mother in Law then do so ...Best then not to even say anything to anyone until you need to do so. They will eventually get over it anyway. My sister in law did and I know she was hurt and disappointed that she did not become that part...She has been Godmother to so many in the family as it is a huge family. I hope this helps you in your decision but I sure would not go back and tell the one you asked not to be. That would then cause more friction...P.

You should not take away the invitation. You chose her for good reasons. She shouldn't be punished because your mom got mad. It seems that your mother has never given you a reason to think that she would have a problem with you being friends with your father's fiance. I think you need to sit down with your mom and tell her everything that you wrote on here. She is your daughter's grandmother and nothing will change that. She doesn't have a say about who you choose for godparents. That is you and your husband's decision. You need to stick to your plan and try to explain to your mother your reasons.

I think you should definitely have a talk with your mother and find out what exactly about this is upsetting to her. Maybe she's not jealous or hurt, maybe she's upset for another reason. Maybe she might even have a solution for you that would be agreeable to all. Good Luck.

It is your choice. You have to weigh out the situation and think of the reasons you chose her over your mother. How long have you known her. I hope you thought about this alot before you made the decision. Sometimes as humans we make decisions like this in haste and are sorry later. Would your mother be able to take care of a child, if something should happen? Is there a reason that you would not trust her parenting? Did she take good enough care of you, when you were growing up? If she can, and did, then maybe you did make the wrong decision. Think about it.
I don't understand why you would make her the godmother, and your father not the godfather either. If something should happen, what household would have the kids? I think that the kids may be put through a legal battle if something should happen. This is supposed to secure their future, not complicate it. Think of their feelings too.