More Babies?

Wow - I think it sounds like you should stick with two. I know what you mean about dreading another difficult child. I have one and though I love him tons I would not want to go through all the battles again. I think 2 is a good number to have. you don't want any regrets when it comes to a child.

C.,
I also had a deadline set for my life but guess what. My deadline and my life didn't mesh. My experience has taught me that when I set a deadline and tried to stick to it, I was in for a crushing disappointment. One of those deadlines was the "kids before 30". That just didn't fit into my real life! I am now 34 and have a terrific 3 year old son. (I got pregnant a few months after turning 30!!) I feel like I am a better mom to my son because I waited until I was a calmer person! I feel like I have more patience with him than I would have in my 20's. Sure, the family dynamic is different between you and I, I have only wanted one child from the time I was about 12, but if you truly feel like having another is what you want to do, do it! Don't let something like the big 3-0 dictate when you do it though. Kids are expensive yea, but I'm curious, how much more were you spending from 1 kid to 2?
M.

When in doubt, don't! If you're not sure, just wait before you make any decisions. It'll come to you eventually, i think a woman knows when she's 'done'. Good luck, & i know all about the 2nd baby syndrome, mine was awful. Shes very difficult, & if she was my 1st i dont think i'd have wanted another one! :)

Hi C.,
You have lots to think about, but hopefully my story will help. i am the mother of three boys, who are now 3 1/2, 20 months, and 7 months. Like many of the mothers who replied, my 2nd baby was EXTREMELY difficult (and is just now starting to settle). I thought I wanted a third baby at some point, but when Ryan was an infant I was just trying to get through each day, so you can imagine my shock (and truthfully horror) when i found out i was pregnant when he was 4 months old.

When we brought Braeden home from the hospital, i had 3 boys under 3 for just over a month. Ryan was 13 months and decided to start walking the day i came home after a c-section!

The baby is absolutely the best baby ever - it is true what they say about the third - and i wouldnt trade him for anything. As easygoing and mellow as he is, though, truthfully having 3 little ones is VERY hard. I'm sure in the long run i will be glad we did it this way, but it can be an absolute struggle most days. the other thing to consider is, my marriage has been in trouble, much in part due to how stressed and tired I am all the time and because my husband does not do as much as i need him to. So, you really need to talk to your husband and be sure that he is willing and able to be there for you as much as you need him to.

Do I ever regret having Braeden? Absolutely not. I wouldnt change any of it, and firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. But ask yourself if you are truly ready to deal with all the added stress and pressure that a third baby can bring into the household, no matter how great he is. whoever said that three is no different than two was totally wrong, especially if 2 are babies. I love my boys more than life, but realize that it is SO HARD, stressful, and emotionally/physically EXHAUSTING. If you are ready to deal with that, then i say GO FOR IT!!! GOOD LUCK!

Hi C., I have recently been going through the same feelings, as though someone is missing from my family. I am debating on having my 4th, I have an almost 8 year old daughter, a 3 year old daughter, and an almost 1 year old son and I too had the "done at 30" agreement with myself, now I am 30 and still want to go for one more......I am totally feeling the "need" for one more, for some selfish reasons, like you, the bonding and innocence of an infant, and I love being pregnant and having that only me and the baby bond that you cannot replace with anything else. But I too understand the craziness of the 3rd baby. Your girls are a little closer in age than mine, but it was a HUGE change from introducing baby # 2 to an older child and baby # 3 to a barely 2 year old. More clinginess from the 2nd and whining and diapers times 2 and crying times 2 sometimes, but I am SO glad I had a 3rd and I really think I will go for a 4th. I truly believe in "gut" feelings, if you don't go for the 3rd and you have this feeling you will regret it. My thought is, I would rather have my 4th now and be done, than regret it and start over in 4 or 5 years! Good luck, keep us updated!

I'm in agreement with Leah. When in doubt, don't! If you're not sure, just wait. You have pleny of time. I wouldn't set any time lines on having more kids. I'm 44 and have my only daughter who is 8 months. It is challenging, but what a blessing. If we happened to have another I would be just as thrilled. However, we are not looking to have more kids.
Just make sure you are having another child because you want another child, not because it would be fullfilling a need in you. All the best.

I have 2, they are enough! we had the idea of 3 kids before we had them too.. that changed. I'm with you! I had a tough 2nd pregnancy (I just whined thru the 1st) and had even tougher babies. I'm sooo done.. you just have to convince your hubby that you can't do it.. you know what you can handle and that is just too much.. Having kids after 30 isn't so bad though.. I had my first at 30 and second at 36.. you don't bounce back as quick, but it didn't make a difference..don't let that be your deciding factor..

C.,
I'm in the same boat, I also have 2 girls the oldest isn't his, and we are still undecided about a third. Its funny because I always said the same thing about not wanting any after 30, and I'm 28 now. I think I may reconsider that though. I wouldn't rush into having another child, really talk it over with your hubby. Think about it long and hard. Maybe set a goal and wait until the 18 month old is potty trained, that will save you on diapers! I had a IUD put in that is good for 5 years, so we have 5 years to make up our minds about it, by then my 10 month old will be potty trained and off to school. Don't let wanting to go back to school stop you. I work 40 hours a week, and go to school part time online. Online schools are catered around working parents, that is a thought you can consider also.

Hello. I was in just about the same postion with my kids. I have an almost 7 year old son, an almost 2 year old daughter, and a 9 month old son. I am a Stay at Home Mom, thanks to my wonderful generous Husband who took on a second job to support us. Yes the finances are tight, they always will be. Finances are always tight, aren't they? Really you would find a way to make it work, if you really wanted to. Don't use that as an excuse not to have more kids. Having 2 kids seems so much easier, you always know what's going on. And with 3 things seem chaotic. But it's the happy kind of Chaos-hugs and kisses, giggles and grins until your heart just wants to explode. Then their are bad times when you want to pull all your hair out, and then on of the kids smiles at you and makes it okay again. I'd be lost with out my kids. I know in my heart that without a single doubt that I love my kids beyond what I can imagine which I'm sure you do your own (biological or not). So really what you've got to ask yourself is- do you have room in your heart,(most importantly) time, and the will/ability to strech your finances to its limit for a new baby? If you close your eyes and think about your family, every part of your family, do you feel like somethings missing? Or is it really someone? Have you considered what you really want, or is his dream what's most important?
This is how my Husband is- definately doesn't want any more kids for all your reasons, but is so in love with the IDEA of having another baby ONLY because he loves his kids so---so much. It's kind of sweet, knowing he has that kind of love for his kids. More kids is definately out of the question, but it's nice to be able dream about the love of another baby, enjoying all the love of the ones you've got.

Forget your time line. Life will only get in the way. Do what you think is best. It is another life, somone who needs your time, and love. Time shouldn't be your issue. Sometimes you don't get what you want when you want it, but rather you get what you need when you need it. (Somehow, I needed a 5 yr gap with my kids). If you do decied to have another- you can handle it, love conquers all in the end right? Good Luck. J.

C.,

If you are at all conflicted about #3, and it sounds like you are, you need to ignore your deadline and relax about it. I hear your situation and applaud you for wanting to do things for yourself, like go back to school, not have to worry about the expense, etc. But if you listen only to that side and repress the side that is sentimental about nursing (awesome reason to be sentimental for sure, big thumbs up from this self proclaimed nipple nazi! :) ) and teary eyed at the thought of a large family at Thanksgiving someday, then my first thought is you aren't done. But there is no magic in having all your babies by a certain deadline! I didn't have my first two until I was 33, and my baby was born when I was 36; I never did get to experience being a younger mom like you, but I can say that with age comes more patience (at least it did for me) and spreading them out isn't such a bad thing either.

Good luck! It is a hard decision and one only you can make.

Hi C.

First, I really don't think you should put a deadline on having babies. I thought the same thing when I was in my 20's and now I'm 36 and have 3 girls and am expecting our 4th child and we are exstatic over it. Of course, having children is very overwhelming but try to think of all the positive things they bring to your life. Seeing there little faces sleeping and all the cuddles you get. Nothing can top those feelings. I never really wanted a large family until I had my first and loved being a mom so much that I want to keep having them until my body says "NO MORE!". Believe me, I have my bad days and want to hide in a closet when the girls are fighting (they are 10, 6, and 1) and all need my attention at once but in the end, I wouldn't change a thing. It's a hard decision for you both to make but in the end you'll make the right decision that is best for both you and your family. I say "go for it and have 1 more". Your oldest will help you with the younger ones. That's what mine do.
Good luck to you!!!

I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd child. Before I got pregnant I was a SAHM to a 3 & 1 y/o life here was and is crazy. I was very hesitant about having another b/c I didn't know if I could handle it (mentally). My husband in one of 4 and wants a large family but I kept explaining that he's not here all day and doesn't know how stressful it can be. I started asking around to friends and family about why they had as many kids as they did. Finally after speaking to an Uncle who said "If you tell my wife I will deny it but I always wanted a 3rd but it was my wife’s body and her decision but I always regretted not having 3” after hearing this from the most unlikely person I thought to myself not matter the cost or the stress in 10, 15, 20 years I will regret not having another child but I will never regret having another child. Money maybe tight for now and long days are hard but in 5 years they will be in school and I can start working and the bad days will be shadowed by the wonderful times I hade with them. So I now look forward to my 3rd and I'm even a little sad knowing this may be the last time that I'll be pregnant.

Also my 2nd pregnancy was awful (another reason why I shouldn't have another); Morning sickness all day long, bad nerve pain in my legs to the point where I couldn't stand without assistance and severe pelvis pain. This pregnancy has been great like my first a little morning sickness at the beginning and feeling great now at 23 weeks.

I too wanted to have all my kids before 30. My 2nd was born when I was 30 and I'll be 32 when this is born. I've finally learned age is just a number and I feel as good as I did at 28 for my first pregnancy. I just got over myself and my warped need of following a time line to my life.

Good luck to what ever you decide.

ugh...I have the same problem, except I only have 1 son, but I am in my late thirty's....its a decision I think about very often. I feel like I would never be disapointed with just one and he is everything to me. We are at a point in our life we we can take our son anywhere. We travel often and not sure if we want to start again with the infant stage (no sleep), emotional time, etc...the only good thing is my husband and I are on the same page, no we just need to figure it out...

I'm totally feeling for you. I am in a unique situation myself. My husband has 2 sons from his first marriage. We also have 2 children together. I'm almost 25. My husbands mother is kind of a pushy woman and had been pushing my husband to go have a vasectomy. Well like I said she is pushy. So he went and had it done about 3 weeks ago. At the time I said it was ok for him to do it. But i've always wanted to have 3 children of my own. I love my husbands children like they are my own. But it's not the same. They are not mine. And now I have big regrets. I feel like i'm missing out on my third child. So this is my advice to you. Really think about it before you make any decisions. I also really like the advice that others gave you to write it down and you also need to talk to your husband about it. Let him know your thoughts on it. And really talk it out. Also think about dropping the age limitation. My mother had me after the age of 30 and I couldn't have asked for a better mother or friend. Good luck to you in your decision.

Wow, we are having almost the same problem here...I have a 15 yr old from a prev marriage and my husband and I have a 2 1/2 year old that we admittedly spoil a bit. I'm 37 and told him that I'm getting too old to have an umcomplicated pregnancy. My family is large, I have 3 siblings, ALOT of cousins - he is an only child with a smaller but closer family. He said he always wanted a sibling and he doesn't want our son to grow up wanting one too...but the cost and honestly, I don't think I could handle raising two at once, we have been discussing it almost daily and still don't know what to do...I'll keep checking this board too for advice :) Thank you for voicing what alot of us are struggling with !

You have just married. Have 2 beautiful children. Why do you have 30 as a cut off for another child? That is not old. At 31 or 32 you would still have your children close in age and by then the older one could be a help to you. I had my 2 children when I was 30 and 36 years old. Just make sure your husband and you "both" agree on having another baby.
Good luck in whatever you decide.

First, whenever I am really on the fence about a huge decision, I find that it is helpful to write down the pros & cons. Fold a piece of paper in half and on one side, list all the reasons to have another baby and on the other, all the reasons to stick with two. When you see it on paper, sometimes the decision is really clear. If it is still tough, try prioritizing each reason & see which side wins. I usually assign a "score" and then see how many of each I have on either side. You might also keep that piece of paper to refer back to when you start to think about it again.

Second, talk to your husband.

Third, think about the reasons you've given yourself a deadline, and consider how important those reasons really are. Consider extending the deadline or lifting it altogether. Without imposing a restriction like that, the decision might be easier, or at least you can postpone making the decision. Lots of people have kids after 30, and there are certainly benefits: you'll have gained more experience, you'll know yourself better, and your kids will be older (more verbal in the case of your strong-willed 18 month old) and able to help out. I also think - and this is purely just my opinion - that your children's personalities, particularly the 18 month old, are still developing. How will a third affect the dynamic and your other children?

If the thought of three still seems too overwhelming or if it restricts other goals you have, then you have your answer! Remember, taking care of yourself makes you a better mom.

Wow! I totally see where you are coming from> I have two and also was hesitant about the third. The only thing was that my husband was sure he was done and deep down I was too but making the decision was hard anyway. The thing is this decision is very personal and nobody can give you the answer. It is true that it is exhausting at the beginning but it does seem there is a part of you that really is waiting for this third one like if you already knew him or her and you wanted to share his/her life together.
I know the feeling of wanting to go back to your own stuff and eventually you will. These years of struggle go by fast although at times may feel eternal.
My only advice is to look deep down in your heart and follow what ever you feel. Any answer is a good answer because it is yours.

Have you discussed your reasons with your husband? I have two kids and thought about one more and I knew that I didn't want to be pregnant again and that two was all that I could handle (and I don't even do that well!). My first born had colic and I know what you went through. My second didn't have it.

Will your husband be helping you out more if you have another? If not, discuss it more with him. He should hopefully understand your position. Also, why no kids after 30? I had my son at 32 and my daughter at 35.