Hi Moms,
Question for the mom's with young daughters ...
If your 6 yo FIRST grader asked you if she could start wearing a bralette, what would be your response?
(as an example, something like this: http://www.ae.com/77kids/browse/product.jsp?catId=cat###-...)
Background: If she has absolutely no breasts (of course, since she's 6), but says that "all of her friends at school are wearing them and she's the only one who doesn't." You don't know if this is true, but you do know that her friends are also typical 6 yo's with no breasts to speak of yet, either. She currently wears a cami/undershirt due to the cooler weather right now. I realize that a bralette is in fact very similar to an undershirt, just shorter and with elastic. But ... it's still a bra in my mind.
Now, these particular friends at school, I don't know them well yet. I'm sure I will in the future. But our daughter has come home w/ some new "adult" words, such as 'sexy,' that her friends taught her ("Oh, that's sexy" or "Do I look sexy?") Ummm, WHAT?! (She was told that that is an adult word that her father and I don't want her using.) And I realize that my husband and I are probably more conservative in the media, (and clothing, frankly) etc. that we allow our daughter to watch or listen to (for instance, the Disney Channel and the tween shows are not an option for our 6 yo, etc.) I've read a few books on the sexualization of children's products, clothing, toys, tv shows, etc. so I'm aware of it and I really want our child to stay a child as long as possible.
Now, I could choose my battles and say yes and go w/ the flow ... but should a 6 yo really be focusing on what (in my mind's eye, anyway) are clearly issues for an older girl? Should a 6 yo really be thinking about wearing a bra??
What are YOUR thoughts, moms, given the information above?
Great responses and you've all pretty much made me feel better about my decision. Right off the bat, I told her no, you are not ready for this right now and just because 'all of your other friends wear one' is not a good enough reason and that each family makes their own rules and choices for their family so what is allowed from one family to another will vary based on their values. I just want to make sure that I am not so far out of mainstream thinking here, although I would not have changed my mind anyway.
It truly blows me away the stuff that they 'learn' from school friends, though. I guess this has always been the case, though. But defining your morals and ideals from early on is so important for our children.
Thanks for taking the time to respond!
Added: hmmm ... now why would wearing a bra at age 6 make my daughter 'feel good about herself?' I wouldn't allow my 6 yo to wear a sanitary napkin if she didn't have her period yet, either. It's kind of along the same lines to me.
I wouldn't do it. Time to use the phrase "Just because so and so does doesn't mean we do....." ad naseum.
My daugther wasnt' interested until she needed it, this year at 9. She could actually get away without it but feels more comfortable with it as her body is just starting to change.
Also, I'd let her know they shouldn't be having detailed discussions or showing the underwear to other people.
My daughter started asking me around that age, also. I think it's normal for them to want them, but I said not until she needed one. That time came a lot earlier than I thought it would, btw. She'll be 11 in a few months & has been wearing a bra for well over a year now. Anyway, when she was that age what I did end up getting for her were really cute undershirts & a couple of camis thrown in there that have the shelf-bra thing attached. It seemed a decent compromise.
I would be rolling on the floor laughing. Generally I am not one to let my kids give in to peer pressure. Especially on this subject. What happens is one girl has a big sister and mom thought it would be cute to buy little sis a bra too or just didn't want little sis to be left out.
So I would tell my daughter sorry but you get to be the rational one.
If you do give in she is going to realize pretty quick that it is lame and let it go so no matter what you do there is no harm in it.
Right now I am fighting with my tomboy who is almost 11 and needs to start wearing a bra. Guess there is a downside to raising non-sheep. :(
My DD is 6.-but in KG.
I would say no.
No, no, no!!! ;)
I understand the whole fitting in thing-but why would we cave on that at 6?-what happens when next year it's thongs. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Is making them followers of the crowd at 6 a good thing for them?
Shouldn't we be teaching them to think for themselves.
(Just thinking out loud.)
If you want a compromise, I could see maybe agreeing to the cami's w/ the bralette sown in. Though personally those irritate me as well. Especially when Target sells them for girls as young as 4. Gag.
Stand strong, LeeLee!
Letting them grow up too soon is not doing them any favors. :(
My thoughts are NO WAY IN H*LL and I am so thankful I have a boy. I suspect it is time to start talking about stereotypes (in an age understandable way) and why she can't have a bra yet (I think not having boobs is a pretty good reason). There is a great blog on these issues which I find very informative.
I also just sent an email to 77Kids (your link) and sadly will not be shopping there anymore.
I looked at the link and it just looks like a cute extra layer of underwear.
I wore something similar when I was about 7 or 8 (back in the mid 70's.) I thought it was cute, I never sexualized it.
I think it's the moms (not to mention a whole movement of so called experts) not the daughters who tend to over think and over sexualize everything. Many little girls like what's cute, they like to dress up, and this is not a thong or a pair of F-me pumps for Pete's sake!
We all need to calm down, and let our daughters ENJOY being girls. Stop treating them like their bodies are something shameful :(
I told our daughter no because she has other things to be concerned about. I used it a teaching lesson that she is not going to do what everyone else does. I am just trying to make sure she understands that she will see and hear all kinds of stuff at school and not all that stuff in the right thing to do & say.
We were at a 7th bday party a few months ago...and one of the girls at the party told all the other girls "I have a matching set of bra and panites on"...and them proceeded to "sneak a peek to the other girls"....I came a little unglued and this is coming from a 90% non-censoring mom. In my mind yes this is a bra, is she was overweight or beginning to have breasts? Then I can totally understand, but if there is no reason for it...then NO WAY for my kid!
Our daughter also came home last year (KG) saying "the girls at school said Justin Beiber is sexy"...WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! We had the talk about that is a grown up word, she asked a bad word, I said no, but it is a grown up word and dad & I would prefer you wait until you can understand the true meaning of it to use it...she said "sounds good mom, I won't say it again"...and hasn't.
But I'm going with no on the bra, bralette. Tank top under her shirts is just fine.
I've raised 3 girls and none of them had any type of bra before they needed it. Especially if the word sexy is being tossed about. I don't like the sound or feel of that. Sexy isn't a bad word but where would a 6 year old get that word in relation to herself and her clothing?
As an adult who was molested and sexually abused it rings all kinds of bells and whistles in me.
Just say no. Teach her how to not follow the crowd on this one. This teaching may pay off in her teen years when the pressure is really on.
Nope. My 10 year old (who hasn't begun development there yet) doesn't even wear what you describe. She wears an undershirt if she feels like it. (the cami style ones). She also received a "training" bra (just material, no padding but a good quality one) that I put in with her clothing, and she will wear that sometimes, even though she doesn't need it. But I never hear her using "sexy" words or behaving that way.
I think your daughter's friends are a bit ahead of the curve there...
I'd tell her no.
ETA: regarding the trainer--it was a hand-me-down from a close older friend at church. She is 13 and it doesn't fit her anymore. Her mom bought her a good quality one-difficult to find--and didn't want it to go to waste. My daughter asked me if she could wear it. I told her if she wanted to, but she didn't need to yet. She has the "The Care and Keeping of You" books and we have talked about breast development. She wears it occasionally, but never comes looking for it in the laundry, lol. She is hitting that "sometimes she wants to feel a little more grown up" stage, but some days she still wants to be 6. lol
6? I'd say no, you don't need one yet. We'll talk about it when you're a little older. You're too young right now. It certainly won't be the first time she wants what "all the other girls are wearing" Personally, I'd tell her 6 year olds have no need for bras. Just because a few other girls think it's cool to act like they are older doesn't mean its something she needs copy. I seriously don't believe all the girls in her class wear these, it's probably just 2-3. No, 6 year olds do not need to be peer pressured into "sexy" clothes. That's crazy.
No. She doesn't need that. We called them training bras. Tell her that when she's older you will revisit it but at 6 she doesn't need one and if she is cold, she can wear an undershirt or camisole/tank top. I think it's another marketing ploy and is working with some parents.
Now, when she's 10 or 11 and has to dress out for gym, regardless of what she actually has or not, I'll get my DD some bras because of her age and need. I SO wanted a bra when I was 11 to be like the other girls when dressing for gym. However, they will not be the molded cup bras my SD got at 10 (and trust me, the girl caught up so there was no need to fake it as a 10 yr old).
Oh, and if you think uniforms completely get rid of competition, etc. think again. Ask a Catholic school girl (my freshman roommate was one) about the skirts that were rolled to be just a little shorter or the shirts and sweaters that were a half size smaller. Dealing with these things starts at HOME, regardless of what they wear out.
It's really not different from an undershirt. It's NOT sexy, it's fuctional and cooler (temperature wise) than a full-length shirt. Underoos, anyone???
I wouldn't have any problems with it. My 11 y.o. started wearing one in 4th grade when she had to change for PE every day. I just view it as the same thing as an under shirt.
my daughter wanted one last year at 4 and came home from grandmoms with one she made for her, she was obsessed and wanted to wear it evry day I bribed her with a new dress to give it up, which she realized it was uncomfy anyway so the dress bribing worked. I dont like the infatuation with that area that wearing it brought up..although she was so proud, which ussualyl she is veryy shy
personally when my daughter gets to around that age to where things happen (my niece is 7 or 8 i cant remember but 2nd grade) and over summer started to develop buds and she needs a training bra i would rather have my daughter wear one a little earlier then needed so she gets used to it BEFORE she actually needs one to cover up and is used to wearing it every day so she doesnt get teased
Wow. I have two daughters - 7 and almost 6 - and I've never heard of this. I'm not sure what I'd do - probably let her so she doesn't feel odd etc - but I also might consider changing schools if possible. Sorry to say that as maybe you can't easily! But it's not like this everywhere. My daughters are in public school and I'm thinking of private school partly bc of uniforms when they're older. I don't want to deal with all the slutty clothes stuff. But I'd not have expected it to start this young!! And my daughters don't say "sexy" etc! My oldest is in 2nd grade. I woulnd't worry about this one issue too much maybe but think about whether the area you're in is a bit extreme and there's someplace else nearby you can go. Sorry. I'm in a cosmopolitan area too. And my sister lives in a very rural area and her daughters go to a small private school so they're growing up very slowly. I don't think I'll be able to match that either but the girls your daughters are meeting really seem extreme.
I agree that you need to pick your battles - however, fitting in is so important to a girl's psyche. If it's true that all of the girls are wearing them, I'd cave in. But I'd also start having some age appropriate conversations with her. Including one's that say, "In our family, we...."
The world wants our poor little girls to grow up as fast as possible so that we can buy them bralette's and other merchandise and companies can make money. It's really a shame.
If only your daughter knew that she should enjoy her braless years cause once you need one, it's forever!!
I think I was in second grade when I started wearing those but we always called them crop tops. They were not patterned and most of them were a curved neckline instead of the small v on the link. They basically looked like the plain undershirt camis with the small bow in front, just cut shorter. At the time I did not have breasts, but I don't ever remember wearing undershirts, so they were a kind of undershirt for me. Just a little background info: I am a busty woman now and wore an A cup bra in 5th grade.
My daughter at age 6 wanted a "bra"...she saw me wearing them every day and wanted her own. I took her and she picked out her own "bralette" and panty set. She thought she was the coolest thing ever. She's worn it a few times but told me it's not comfortable so she's given up on it. I don't see anything wrong it, it's not a "sexual" thing, she just wanted to be like mommy...
I would be troubled by the "sexy" thing though, my DD is now 7.5 and thankfully is still very naive ;)
***Wow, pornify kids??? BREASTS are a body part, used for feeding babies!!***
I think that I think along the same lines as you do. My daughter is 12. She started wearing one of those when SHE needed to - as in for modesty reasons when an undershirt just wasn't providing enough coverage. My daughter did develop earlier than most of her peers so she was probably among the first to wear one. This isn't something she discussed with her friends as school as I've always taught her that things we talk about that involve our bodies are not things we discuss with others. She was just shy of 11 when she got her first period. She's now 12 and wearing a 34C bra - ugh!!!
In short, NO, we don't do things because our friends are doing them. Sorry if I'm old fashioned, but that's how we do it in our house. Sexy and "hot" are not words we use here either.
It's just underwear and if it makes her feel good about herself, I see no harm in it.
