Moms of Asperger's and Children on the Spectrum

I would say that this is normal for any group of kids at any school, they start to invite just friends for things like this about 3rd grade or so. Also, they tend to be more rambunctious and the possibility for breakage gets bigger as they do, so the mom may have limited how many boys could come. I know my sister had to do this. Being an Aspie kid makes it even more difficult. (My nephew is 15 now, but he also as Aspie). It seems this is just part of growing up, male or female, Aspie or not. Sorry!!

As a school teacher, I have done a lot of reading and looking into social skills of Aspie kids, and while small classes at private school are great, there are a lot of other things that a public school can offer, skills that he will need to be able to fit in and function in the real world. Generally, private schools don't have the need or funding for a special needs kid or a sped teacher. I would look into what the public schools in the area have to offer especially in social skills training and make an educated decision about this. Some districts also have specialized schools for them once they get older, I know here in Portland we have a Wonderful high school that challenges them intellectually, and focuses on social skills as well. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck! No one wants a sad kiddo.

My daughter is 10 and while we were not aware of any "diagnosis" when she was younger it became much more apparent as she started to get older and especially when my youngest son was diagnosed it was a big "A-ha" moment.
We have not gone through with a formal diagnosis as her doctor suggested, her doctor has made it fairly clear that she believes Kristen has many traits of Asperger's . Kristen already has an IEP for school and since it has not affected her school performance ( as of yet) we have not been overly concerned.
She does struggle socially. I am always upfront with her teachers and they are always right there to help ease her into groups and assure she is feeling comfortable ( we have been super fortunate to have the most incredible teachers)
Kristen does not get sarcasm, she takes everything literally, she sometimes says inappropriate things, but she is very smart and she catches on quickly. She usually only has to be told once that is not something we say in mixed company and although she is big about "making notes for herself" I think this is less because she actually needs the note and more this is just one of her "things"
Kristen has always gravitated to younger friends. My neighbor and Best Friend had a much younger daughter and they became best friends, they recently moved away to Texas but they came and stayed with us for a week, Kristen is 10 her best friend is 6...they get along great. She also has a friend that is 4 and a cousin who she loves to play with who is also 6.
I really do not know how this will play out as she gets older. Right now I have a sweet daughter who is a little shy but pretty confident about what she likes and dislikes and she will tell you that most girls her age do not have the same interests as she does and you know what....that is ok and that is as good as it gets for now, we will worry about the rest of it when it comes up.
I will say that getting the counsellor at school onboard helps, sometimes she will confide to the counsellor things she won't tell me. It really helps her to feel secure knowing she has a great support network to turn to, we had some issues with bullying on the bus this past year and without the schools help I think it would have turned out differently. Good teachers and support make all the difference in the world.

My son has Asperger's he is almost 18...I remember elementry school, it was very hard for us, too.I know what you are going through 100%.
He was never invited to anything, when he would have a " playdate" with a boy his age, I could tell, he was way to weird and obsessive for the child he was hanging out.It was painful to watch, My son hates thinking about elementry school, he remembers everything.
But starting in junior high and high school, he found many peers to hang out with, my phone is ringing of the hook constantly....he still doesn't get a few social things but that is ok....back than they didn't have any help for us, now they do have social training programs in the district.
We went through hell and back , but everything turned out very well.
I was concerned at times for his future, but not anymore.
I think bigger crowds, smaller.... wouldn't make a difference, maybe find some Asperger groups in your area, read books about it...I read some good ones from the library...they are not doomed, we just have to deal with them differently....

I've found the forum at http://childrenwithasd.proboards.com/index.cgi? to be helpful - parents of kids on various parts of the spectrum, and many of us parents are either on the spectrum or are pretty sure we are even though never formally dx'd. I have 9YO twin DD's, one is an aspie and her sister is NT.

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My son is the same age and grade, going to public school. Some things they are doing that help us- OT support, books and classes available to parents, speech support(for pragmatic language), after school social skills group, picture schedule and reward system, and an aide if needed. My son rides the bus which gets him to school early enough to meet one on one with a teacher who can help him get organized(avoiding unstructured or unsupervised time). He also leaves the class early at the end of the day which helps avoid more of the chaos. He has social skills goals, including being able to identify pictures of classmates and use their names. He had an amazing teacher last year- she ate lunch with her class most days and was into legos.

We have trouble with birthday parties too. In 2nd grade my son switched teachers halfway through the year. We invited over 40 kids to his party, and only 3 classmates came. Last year, we were invited to 3 parties. One was a halloween party where the parents and kids could come and go and it was great. Another one was for a friend who has his own behavior issues. I spoke to the mom ahead of time and let her know there may be trouble. After seeing how they interacted(the other kids wanted my son to chase them so they could slam doors in his face, and he freaked out when they popped balloons) we chose not to have him spend the night, and both my husband and I stayed at the party even when most parents left. Difficult, but not a disaster. The 3rd party was more focused on the sleepover part, so we didn't go.

Cub scouts has been a good activity for my son. He does better at the small den meetings and has to take a lot of breaks during the larger pack meetings. The best support I have gotten is through parents that I've met through scouts. One mom I met has an older child with Aspergers, and can give me good advice. Her younger son is a good match for a quiet playdate, and is very understanding because of his older brother. Another mom has a younger son with Aspergers, and the one who's my son's age was very protective of him. Another way I met supportive parents was through a bulletin board at the private OT my son went to.
I tried one online support group that didn't work out and I'm still mad about it. It was a group of parents of Aspie kids. They would chat online about how their kids were doing and random stuff(including their sex lives). But ironically they were not tolerant of my social skills- they kicked me out because I did not "talk" enough.
The other online group I joined was groups.yahoo.com/group/dysgraphia/ for parents of kids with handwriting problems, and it has been a great resource.

Public school will have more bullying. I finally got husband onboard with private school and they are much better at preventing it.

I would not switch his school if the kids are accepting of him. You can't make parents feel comfortable supervising him. Even with a teaching degree, some things make me uncomfortable(head banging, running off).

www.autismspot.com

I would stay away from public school. If he's getting along with his peers and they accept him I would keep him where he is for now. However, there's nothing more right than a mom's gut feeling. If you think he needs a different environment check out this school. Maybe a little bit of a drive but if the setting is right for your son it may be worth it!
http://www.greatlakesacademy.com/http://www.greatlakesaca...