Mommy's of 2-Year-old's & Newborns: What Do You Wish You Would Have Known?

Sometimes the toddler is going to have to wait while you do something for the baby. But there are times when the baby will have to wait (or can wait a minute). I made a big deal about those times. Even though my baby had no idea what I was saying, I would still say outloud, "A, Mommy will be right with you. I'm helping E, so you'll just have to wait a minute." I found it felt more like my older son wasn't always the one waiting. His baby brother had to be patient sometimes, too. It made it much easier for him to be patient when I needed to tend to his brother first.

My daughter is expecting # 2 and i'll tell you what i told her. you will be amazed and how much easier it is with your second. you aren't afraid that you will do something wrong(aka break the baby lol), you have confidence in your mothering ability, and you have a little helper! Try to make sure your toddler doesn't get too tired or too hungry and you will be fine. Don't be afraid to 'bend the rules'. a little tv never hurt anyone, a quick cracker before lunch may just save the day.
Good luck sweetie!

It breaks my heart to write this, and my 1st had actually just turned 3 when #2 was born, but months later she said to me "I remember when brother was born, that's when you stopped cuddling with me" 8(
Of course, that wasn't exactly the case - I just hadn't realized just how much all the newborn attention and breastfeeding time the baby got was impressing her. She didn't complain, but apparently, felt left out and in some ways she was right - i often redirected her away if I was in a nursing/napping time. It obviously broke my heart - and as I prepare for #3 in June (with no support here either) - I will put so much more effort into giving both of my kids special mommy time and attention -planned activities, not just passing "bedtime" off to daddy, etc....and it's definitely not an easy goal when you are already giving so much, but obviously one of those above and beyond mommy necessities.

I think that my husband and I were pretty well prepared when we brought our second little guy home. Some things that worked well for us were to pre-plan as much as possible. We would
-Make extra snacks to pull out and plop down for our oldest;
-Create an activity bag and keep it filled/cleaned out by checking it every day (or almost every day!);
-Have a few DVDs for him to choose from if I couldn't attend him right away (he knew how to work the DVD player by then);
-Have a stack of memorized books out so I could "read" to him from afar; and
-Work him into the routine as much as possible regarding the care of our new little guy.

I have pictures of myself with a newborn sleeping on my shoulder and my toddler in my lap, either curled up and rubbing his little brother's back or reading. He also "helped" with diaper changes, singing little brother to sleep, helping choose clothes for him (should we put your brother in this onesie or this onesie?), and helping push the stroller when we went for walks.

The hardest part was dealing with my guilt. I felt like I was splitting my time and not really giving my full attention to either of them. You know what? I was splitting my time and not really giving my full attention to either of them. But here we are, more than two years later, and they both love each other, me, and their new little sister more than I could have imagined!

My children are about 2 1/2 yrs apart as well. My son was a blessing and ate well, slept well, etc like you describe. I think that made it all the easier. I starting a few weeks before the birth of his sister that I will need him to be the big brother and help mommy. When she was born we continued with his normal schedule which was mostly hanging out at home anyway. He got to play out back while she slept, he still took his nap at his normal time, once I was able to get out and about we went on playdates like we used to, etc I spent a lot of time at home the first few years anyway so not much changed for us. I asked him to help get a diaper, help watch his sister while I folded laundry, etc He loved it and loved her. He truly felt like the big protective brother. He is now almost 8 and our daughter is 5 1/2 and they are still close. Fighting every now and then but still close. Keep your house as calm as you can, keep it the same as before as you can. Feed him his lunch first and then feed the baby or feed the baby earlier and feed him at his normal time, etc It helps if your husband helps at night when he is home. My husband always took care of our son once he got home.
One thing I would have done different though would be to have laid my daughter down to sleep and not nurse her to sleep as I did my son. We had this whole routine we had to go through until he was 4 b/c he did not know how to put himself to sleep Life is a lot easier if you can put the child down to sleep and they know how to fall asleep on their own. Putting two to bed with a whole routine gets tiring. Congrats to you!!

I wish I had known how flexible children are. I honestly thought that it was going to be much much harder. That's not to say that it wasn't tough sometimes, but I was so much more confident as a parent that the stuff that really "threw me" with my first seemed like such a breeze with the second.

Again, I'm sure you'll have your moments, and I think you've gotten a lot of great advice. But I just wanted to let you know that there will be plenty of time to enjoy both your toddler and your newborn. I am a much better mom with two than I was with one.

Does your 2 year old still nap? Mine didn't when his sister was born, so we got him used to the idea of "quiet time" during the babies nap times.

My husband would put the baby to bed each night so I got in at least 30 minutes of special mommy and J time before bed each night, so he wasn't competing with her.

He will want to "help" once the baby comes, so give him "jobs" he can do to help, getting the baby their blanket, a toy, getting mommy her water bottle, etc. Praise the HECK out of him when he does those things. That praise will go a long way.

Things transitioned pretty well for us, and I wish you the same luck!

Definitely utilize your two year old by saying you need his special help with the baby. It will start a relationship of love and care vs jealousy.

Utilize all the help you can get.

And be prepared, when the help runs out for your 2 year old to be a little bit more mischievous. I remember my two year old always climbing on cupboards and getting into things when she knew I was occupied with feeding the baby.

Congrats and Best Wishes!

Try carrying around a baby doll and have your toddler get used to seeing you carrying something around besides him! That way, if he gets fussy, you have the luxury of helping him handle the lack of attention while you still have the time (and energy!).

GL!

My second daughter was born when my first was 25 months, 3 days (to be exact). Teeny will be a month old this week and I just want to give you hope, this has been AMAZING! Teeny is the best best best baby I have ever met and the girls get along wonderfully. Of course Tiny is sometimes a little rough and they require constant supervision, she is only two. But they are so in love. There have been a couple of times that Teeny has been crying and Tiny asks to hold her, and it calms her down instantly. She is always kissing her and hugging on her and helping me with pacifiers, diapers, etc. It is fantastic!! This has made me feel as though my family is complete. I just hope it continues half as well as it has been going.

Mine are 6yo boy, 16mos boy, & 4mos girl. We thought for sure the 6yo would be a monster after being an only child for 5 years, but he was so excited about his little bro and being a big bro. Then we were really worried about the 16mo, who was just shy of a year old when baby sister came home. We really didn't have any transition issues at all. They are so great with each other- all 3! They all sleep through anything, which helps a ton, and they are all great nurturers. Even baby girl knows when her bros are upset and will smile at them.

One thing I had trouble with was not being able to pick up my toddler (I had a c-section), and he was a bit upset about that for a couple of days. He was a major mama's boy, so that had us worried too. I would sit on the couch and either big bro or my hubby would help him climb up next to me so he could be with me and the baby and he would pat her and give her lovins like it was just no big deal.

Kiddos are so flexible and they really want to help. My 16mo likes to try to feed his baby sister now. He knows the only reason she fusses is she's hungry or needs her diaper changed. Maybe it's baby language, but he always seems to know which one! LOL

"Sleep when the baby sleeps" is so much more important with 2 little ones. I had a friend who had an 18mo when she delivered twins and had them all on different nap schedules so she wasn't overwhelmed by everyone needing something at once. For me it was better to put my LOs down so their naps overlapped and I could rest too! As you get into your routine with them, you'll figure out what works best for you.

I'm very curious to know what answers you get , I have a 24 month old toddler and she is wonderful , we are expecting baby #3 and my toddler will be 30 months when this new baby comes. I'm worried about how she will react but excited at the same time. Maybe I still have my rose colored glasses on but I think it'll be fine?
anyways looking forward to reading your answers.
GL and congrats on your new addition :o)

"This too shall pass."

My older son was 19 m/o when I had my younger son, and although they got along great for the most part, there were still many times when it was just plain difficult (made worse by the fact that at the time my husband was gone all week and home only on weekends, so I was a single mom for 5-6 days a week).

Tips: involve your older son as much as possible in your day -- he can get you diapers, wipes, clothes or toys for your baby (and tell him, "I used to do this when you were a baby"; "I used to have to get you dressed like this when you were a baby"), as well as "help" you do laundry, wash dishes, etc. Read to your older son while nursing the baby. Try to sleep as much as possible, but if your baby is napping while your older son is awake, that can be a special time for just the two of you to read, play, draw, etc.

blissful? maybe when they're both napping! lol! i had a 3 and a 2 when i had my youngest. you mostly just have to learn to pick your battles but be stern when you need to be. organize as best you can, and give the older one some "chores" to help you, like fetching diapers when the baby needs them (or he needs them), picking up toys, maybe talking to the baby when mommy's in the bathroom or cooking dinner or something. praise is a great helper: "you're such a helpful big brother!" jealousy is, of course, possible, but i feel that with enough "wow, look what you can do! i bet you can't wait to teach that to your little brother!" everyone will be happier. best of luck!

Don't be ashamed to want extra help with your 2 year old. I know my MIL tried to guilt me into not putting my toddler in preschool when we had the newborn but having a few hours for just you and the baby is an amazing gift.

Let the toddler have lots of important jobs helping with the baby

Set aside time every week for you to do something one on one with the toddler while daddy cares for baby. Even if it's just an hour out of the house.

My son was 23 months old when his sister was born. I think one of the most important things I did was to take him on my lap every single day for weeks leading up his sister's birth and explain to him that a new baby was coming and new babies take a lot of Mommy's time, but that didn't mean that I loved him any less. I told him that more people just meant there was more love to go around. After my daughter was born, my mom sent him a little boy doll so that he would have someone to take care of when I was taking care of the baby. (Five years later, he still loves that doll!)

He stopped taking naps shortly after his sister was born, but he would still go to his room for 30 minutes of quiet time and sit on his bed and look at books. When he wasn't having quiet time during her naps, I would take the baby monitor out in the yard and play with him outside while she slept. We had a lot of fun raking leaves and jumping in the piles that fall!

And the good news is that at this age, they adjust pretty quickly. About six months after my daughter was born, I asked my son if he remembered what it was like before his sister was born and it was just him and me at home all day. He looked puzzled, thought for a moment, and then said, "No, we've always had her!"