Mom Wants to Do Things Other Then Mommy Things

There are a TON of "mommy" groups out there for women who feel the same way you do! If you're too shy to get involved in something like that, find a hobby. Maybe there's something you've always wanted to try but never have. Most community colleges have some fun classes that you can take, too, that could help some of those creative juices flow or even spark an interest you never had before.

Have you ever heard of meetup.com? This is a great way to meet new people who have the same interests as you. You can also join and try something new. Just go to www.meetup.com.

Hi L.,

I am not sure where you are located but there are tons of things for adults to do in the valley other than the bar scene.

One thing I read about recently was "Yin and Yang Fridays" at the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art.
See the link at: http://www.getoutaz.com/story/3412

One Friday will be "Yin" which consists of Yoga and healthy snacks then a special art exhibit. Then the next Friday is "Yang" which is wine and jazz music in the gallery; again with a special exhibit. Even if it's not something you would typically do, it might be a way to meet new people and do something diferent.

Also, grab a copy of Phoenix magazine. It always has a section with an events calendar, reviews of restaurants, cool things to do and a hike of the month. (some you could even do with your daughter)

One oher thing I have thought of...have you met many of your daughter's friends' moms? If there is one in particular you like invite the mom and daughter out for a girl's day as a way to get to know the mom better without the initial pressure of having to go solo with the mom. Maybe afternoon tea? There are a lot of new tea rooms around the valley and it might be something different to do. (tea, scones, mini-sandwiches; very girly!)

Jenn

I think you need to start by making a written list of things that you like to do. Do you like to make jewelery, paint, draw, sculpt, hike, knit, quilt, travel.....whatever. Then find like minded adults to gather with once a week and begin building friendships. I think you are wise to begin to develop adult friendships because in a very short time your daughter will insist on a "life" of her own.
Good luck.

Moms need time away from their little ones. It's natural and believe it or not, your daughter needs time away from you. The best advise I can give is to network with your daughter's friends parents. Arrange for exchanges, let her do sleep overs with her friends at their homes and while she is out, you can go out. Start with groups of people you know. Do you belong to a church? Maybe you could start with a Bible study, or maybe there are people in your circle you never get real adult time with. When I was single and parenting, I had to bite the bullet and reach out. I actually met my husband by reaching out to a couple in my church and inviting them for dinner. They came with their children and after dinner we went hiking, pretty soon they were inviting me to their family events, where I met their single brother, 10 months later there was a wedding. The hard part is stepping out of your comfort zone. But it's worth it.

Good luck.

Definately get a life outside of your kids. Trust me.....I know exactly where you are at.....I'm the same way.....total sacrifice for the kids, but you will feel soooo good about yourself if you do something for YOU and that will transfer to your daughter. How about joining a hiking club? Hike For Discovery is an awesome program benefitting Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I did that and met a lot of people. Or just take some fun classes at a community college -- not academic....but fun classes. I just think doing things like this will open doors for you to meet people who you may connect with and want to do other things with. Good luck!

Hi L.,

I totally understand the wanting to be with and wanting to be without. My son is now in full-day Kindergarten and I hate that he is away that many hours already - but try to enjoy the time to myself when I can.

Anyhow, what about taking a class at the community college? I am not familiar with the colleges in Tucson but Maricopa Community Colleges here have a WIDE range of classes. Something I always have wanted to do but haven't is take a sewing or knitting class (prob. limited on meeting potential dates in one of those! haha) or a martial arts class, or join a like minded group (i.e. vegetarian group that shares dishes/recipes).

What about a book club, film club, music club? Craig's List is a great place to find events..or even start one on here? A friend of mine is in a running club. They meet on Saturdays and run (preparing for a 1/2 marathon).

I would love to start an Indie film or foreign film club or a philosophy/book club. My dad says it is elitist but I think it would be fun! I so miss the adult intellectual interaction I had when I returned *gasp* in my 30's to university.

Or even getting some sort of degree or certificate from UofA?

Perhaps a better question is what is it you enjoy doing - then look for ways in which you can find others to interact with while doing what you enjoy. =)

L.: I felt the same way as my daughter has grown up - she's now almost 26 and I still love doing things with her but I've found that over the years I've really learned to like myself by spending time with ME! Do things like window shop, get outdoors and enjoy the wonderful weather,maybe join a gym, or even take some classes. I've taken some classes at Life Sculpting and I have finally learned how to meditate and it's wonderful! Since it's time for YOU to enjoy you should take a look at their classes at www.lifesculpting.biz. There's even a family drumming circle that I believe you and your daughter would both enjoy. My best job in the whole world too is being mom!

Hi L.,

I don't want this to sound like a sales pitch because it isn't...but I was in a similar position several years ago. My husband and I owned a very large business that we sold. I went from being a 40-80 hours per week, barely ever home, working mom to a stay-at-home mom. I joined the PTA, did housework, etc. and loved being home with my kids, but I needed some other adult activity and something to keep my brain active too. I was already a BeautiControl Consultant (direct sales- skincare, cosmetics) so that I could buy my own products wholesale and I was invited to a Unit Meeting - so I went, just to check it out and get out of the house for the night. There were lots of women - my newest girlfriends - having fun, talking about their businesses, etc. I hit it off with them and have since decided to work the business too. This is an at-home spa party business so now I meet lots of new people all the time. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2-1/2 years ago, the outpouring of support from these women was absolutely incredible. Think about looking into an at-home business! You can meet new people and earn money too. Plus, your daughter can help you run the business, which will teach her great skills she will need in life to be independent. Hope that helps! P. A ____@____.com

check out meetups.com, find groups that have the same interest as you and go to a meetup. I have been to a few meetups and they are fun

Think about the extra curricular things that you enjoyed in High School. Were you in the choir or band, did you take art classes or dance classes? Do you like to go to the theater? Are you into more outdoor activities? Do you like to bowl? At about the same age I found that I was in a social desert. I home school my kids and I really needed to get some adult time. My outlet is singing so I joined the SAWC and ended up singing at Carnegie Hall my first year with them. There are leagues and Hiking clubs, cycling clubs, even joining the gym and getting involved with their classes can give you opportunities to build friendships outside your 11 yr olds sphere of influence. A great gym for that is Anytime Fitness. They have spin classes, core and strength class. My gang goes out for Java after class and usually we sit around yacking it up for another hour after. Another great place to start is a community college and taking a continuing ed class in the evening. Most continuing ed students are over 25 yrs old so you can meet people that you share common interests with and are likely in similar places in their lives. You could also start a run away mom's club where while you're child is in school you and other mom's get together for planned activities like going to the museum, or the movies or even just out to lunch once a week. You could advertise it on mamma source. Oh and Bunko is always a good outlet for mom's see if there is a group in your area that you could join.

Hello L.,

Your wanting to do other things in life and meet new people in your neighborhood is that correct? Well I'm going to help you find what it is your looking for. If your willing and your living in Glendale, maybe we can get together and talk about you and what makes you happy. Not your family just you,because I love my home-based business.

If you want to talk about doing something for yourself then I think this might be what your looking for. My home phone is ###-###-####. Also if you would want to check out this website for my business that's fine too. Click on this link: www.9505.agingmyway.com . Sometimes it can be scary to research websites cause your not sure what it's all about. Maybe we can help one another.

Also,I would like to say bravo for wanting to do something great for yourself. And I wish you luck on finding whatever it is.

Hi L. - I couldn't help but respond to your blog about wanting some "you" time. Have you ever thought about getting into a direct sales home based business? I am an independent Cookie Lee Jewelry Consultant and we have the best group of empowering women. Most of them are in the same situation as you are. For some its not so much the money,trips and fabulous prizes and recognition you earn but its the sisterhood we have.... let me know if you'd like to know a little more.

R.
###-###-####
____@____.com

Do you have a hobby? There are a lot of groups that cater to specific hobbies, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a singles group. In the Mesa area, there is a group at a local church that is called Girlfriends Unlimited. They have different subgroups that get women involved with all types of other activities. They have a scrapbooking club, quilting, hiking, etc. etc. I am not involved with the group, but when my children don't keep me so busy, I do plan on finding out what it is all about. I would look into some local churches and see what they have to offer. Just because the activities are at the church does not mean that you have to become a member or a regular attender to be involved. I also know that many scrapbooking stores hold open scrap nights, if you are interested in that type of thing. If you are not into scrapbooking too much, you could at least work on a special book for your daughter to let her know HOW special she really is and present it to her on a special occasion. At an open scrap night you are able to use all of their supplies and equipment with the exception of paper,so buy a little paper, a scrapbook and create something special for her while also meeting many wonderful women. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Kudos to you, L., for nurturing your daughter so completely. But now you feel that you need to have your own life, too...trust that. Sometimes we give so much, we neglect to even get to know ourselves. Take some time to do that. Take a class (or two!), join a club, do other things you love. It is healthy for you and for your daughter...it is great modeling for her to watch her mom taking care of herself, discovering who she is! Have fun!

I call that 'L. time' and it is a really healthy thing to establish.

I have been having 'T. Time' and am very clear about it to my family. They learn to respect my space and it sure helps me be a better mom, wife and friend.

If you want me to explain more about how I set it up feel free to contact me :)

T.

I feel exactly the same way. I am pretty new to Tucson (6 months), and it is hard to make friends with women who don't have kids because they don't understand wanting to be with your kids, getting sitters, etc. But it is hard to have time to make mom friends too. If you ever want to do a mom's night out email me. I have been thinking I need to get out on my own now and then too.

Try exploring a hobby. Once you find something you like, be it reading, scrapbooking, painting or gardening... you will find nourishment for your soul and start meeting others that enjoy it as well. I found when I enjoyed me more, then I could enjoy outside relationships without getting caught up in the dramas. Just a suggestion...

I dont know if anyone has said this but go to meetup.com and what ever your interest there is groups you can meet up with and you meet friends and you will have people to go out with on those nights your daughter is out and hae agreat time enjoying exactly what you like. Good luck

Hi L.,

I'm 31 years old, single mom and am returning to college to open up a new avenue of friends and learn new experiences.I'm a mother of a two year old. I too am tired of the bar scene.So far taking up a new hobby such as ceramics, collages, photography, sewing projects, hiking, and even just taking an afternoon movie is working for me...It's great to get out and meet folks!Try it.

I enjoy doing activities with my Christian sisters in our church. If you're into sports, bowling in a league(mixed) is always fun to me. I belong to a scrapbooking club, I enjoy that a lot also, we hold workshops and meet new members and get to meet many women(mostly), we share ideas and enjoy seeing each others photo. If you were near Arizona we invite you to join us.

Hi L., I have a friend that is a single parent, and she really enjoys singleparentmeet.com It is to meet other singles(opposite sex) Best wishes, and have fun!

I know what you mean. I am a mother of 5. I have two 10 year old sons and my 3 daughters are 8,7 &5. They are in school full time which is a blessing. It gives me a break but I have a lot of time to do nothing. I have lived in Maricopa for two years and still have not made any friends. I am 32 and the only thing that I really like doing is scrapbooking. If you are ever interested in meeting let me know. I use to be a teacher in Ahwatukee and decided that I wanted to be home with my kids. What was I thinking! LOL Do you work, are you married?

R.

i was presidnet of the man haters club. my boys were everything. i statred going to college and met a lot of new firneds. theough them i met my now husband. even if i was mean to him and hated men . we have all graduated and it has been 13 years but we stillkeep in touch and occasionaly get together. last summer my friend dave that ihadnt seen in 10 yrs showed up at my door. he drove all the way form tennessee to see me. you just need to expand your horizons and start doing things and making your own friends. not only for yourself but also for your daughter.

Hi L.. You will be doing both you AND your daughter a favor by "getting a life" -- I'm not sure how old "too" old is (for the bar scene, that is). But you deserve to have grown-up time and your daughter needs to learn how to be on her own too. I am a firm believer that it is our obligation and responsibility to raise our children to live life without us. That doesn't mean we don't have relationships with our children; but so many parents have their kids in bed with them until they're 6 years old, and they coddle and covet them well into their teen years. And these kids never learn how to be their own person. I'm assuming you are single; do you have any single girlfriends? Are you interested in dating? Do you attend a church or have any interest in doing so? There are singles groups at just about every church these days (well, the christian, non-denominational ones). In terms of dating, I have been on Match.com before; you have to be careful but I had a good experience. Met some really great people. What about an organization that could use your help -- like the cancer society or Free Arts of Arizona (they are an organization that works with deprived kids to help them express themselves thru the arts.) It's really an awesome organization. I think if you got involved with something outside the house, you'll find it very fulfilling and "fun". And what a great example you'll be setting for your daughter too! And don't completely rule out the bar scene...sometimes it's fun to get a group together to go see a band and have a few drinks (even if they're non-alcoholic). The weather is getting so great and there's tons of places (at least in the east valley) to watch live music outside... I hope this helps...

M.