Mom of 3 Year Old Trying for Second

I have a 3yr old boy and a 1 yr old girl. I knew that I wanted 2 children and that I wanted them to be close in age.
Although the 1st two months were crazy, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I think one reason that it went so smoothly was because my husband and I really focused a lot on my son. We made a serious effort to include him in everything and spend as much one on one time as possible. I will say that I feel sometimes that I get to spend less quality time with my daughter, but in all reality, she loves her brother and she is getting attention from the 2 of us everyday!

Go for it!

I am a WAHM to two sons, ages 4 and 2. My boys are almost exactly two years apart, and having them this close together has been challenging for my marriage. We love our kids more than anything, but it is hard to prioritize sometimes between taking care of kids, hubby, household and work duties.

If your son is currently 3, then I imagine by the time a new baby arrives he will be 4 or close to it. That will make him preschool age, so if he is not already attending one, this could be a good break for you. I don't know if you are a working mom or not, but depending on your income, a second child can also add a lot of expense (diapers, clothing, medical expenses, formula, baby food, etc.) All things to take into consideration as you prepare for a new addition.

Good luck to you as you try to conceive #2! I think all the challenges are worth it. Seeing my children interact and love each other is very rewarding. And as an only child myself, I am glad that they will know what having a sibling is all about. I always felt like I missed out on something not having a brother or sister.

Well R., I wish I could say it's easy. It's not, but in the end it's also rewarding. We were surprised with our second, who was conceived when my first was only five months old. They are only 14 months apart in age. There is both good and bad. The bad was I felt I couldn't give my 14 month old as much attention as I wanted to give him, BUT the good is that my two sons are as close as close can be now. They are playmates, and they can both play with the same toys, which is really nice!

It really comes down to your preference, because there are pros and cons both ways. If you have children close together it's hard at first, but becomes easier later because your children are close in age and have more things in common. If you wait and have children later, it's easier on Mom and Dad in the beginning, but may become more difficult later because schedules are different, and your children don't have as much in common until they are older.

I'm the youngest child in my family. The closest sibling to my age is a sister who is 5-1/2 years older. We never had anything in common, and she didn't want to begin hanging out with me until I was in my twenties. That may not be typical though, so don't base everything on what I'm saying.

You have to do what you think you can handle, because there are pros and cons either way. Just remember, everything works out in the end no matter which way we choose. Parents love to place guilt trips on ourselves...it's ridiculous, isn't it?! We must remember that we can not obtain perfectionism.

Regarding you and your husband having time for yourself with the addition of a second child...personally, I don't think it's much different than with one child. It really depends on the temperment of your second child. Our first child was EXTREMELY hard to take care of for the first four months. He cried like you wouldn't believe! I thought I was going to go insane, and I was TERRIFIED when I conceived our second child because of this! Lo and behold, our second child was a good sleeper when he was born and didn't cry that much. Within a year, both children completely switched places, wherein our first born became easy going and complied with our wishes ("knock on wood"), and our second born became extremely stubborn to the max! It's fairly easy to get our first born to bed at night and awake for school in the morning, and it's very hard to get our second born to cooperate what-so-ever! I love my youngest child incredibly much, but after getting him into bed (and staying in bed) at night, and getting him to the school bus on time in the morning, I feel like I need to drink an entire bottle of wine! LOL! You never know though...you could be lucky and have two cooperative children. It happens!

The point I'm trying to make is...it's all a gamble, but you will survive! Whenever I feel depressed and/or frustrated, I simply think of parents who have physically and mentally handicapped children. God Bless those parents and children, and I pray that God has a special place in Heaven reserved for them one day, because life here on Earth can be so hard for them! There is always someone out there who is worse off.

I hope this helps!

R.,
Hi! I am the mother of a 2 y.o. boy and a day before his 2nd birthday, we welcomed his baby sister into the world! I thought it would be very hard, but I was amazed at how smooth it went. Don't get me wrong, we had already gotten used to our routine, and the first couple of months seem like you don't have a spare minute for yourself. But then, it all falls back in place because you already know what to expect. It's all about establishing a routine, and then it feels very managable. I say go for it, because I can already see how much fun my kids will have together! How great to have a built in playmate. Good luck, A.

R.,
I am a mom of 2 (5 yrs. and 1 yr.) and I went through these same emotions. I wanted my child to have a sibling, but our lives had just started to allow for us to start thinking about us again. I am glad I waited and put a few years in between them for my own sanity and I am glad that they each have a sibling.

I can say that my life did not stay the same with the 2 kids. It was not as hard as I thought but it did require adjustments and I did have to come to the realization that I will have to wait a while before I can expect it to "calm down". However, it is SO FUN having a "baby" again and going through those stages again. I enjoy my 2nd every bit as much as my 1st and it's a decision I would have made again. Our family is more complete with her and now my kids have a sibling to learn and grow with. Only you can make this decision but if you feel like it's only jitters keeping you from having #2, remember, there are other moms out there to lean on and help you and it is still possible to have time with your husband, you just have to find a way that works for you.

All the best,
M.

HI R., Are you pregnant now or just thinking about it? I had my 2nd child when my 1st child was 3yr. If you & hubby are content with life as it is, I would wait awhile. I feel it is different the second time around, you know what to expect and you seem more relaxed about things, or at least I was. I tried to let my daughter be a big part of the coming of the baby, she would rub my tummy & talk to the baby. Just remember, spend quality time with your child, then with each other. Good luck

I am the Mom of a 3 1/2 year old daughter and an 8 month old son. I will have to say that I had the same concerns you do when we were thinking about our second. Yes, there are a lot of challenges with two (like the logistics of putting an infant carrier and a toddler in a shopping cart at the same time!), but the rewards far outweigh those challenges. Our son is very laid back and really gets a kick out of his big sister. He has learned to be patient because, believe it or not, our 3 year old is more demanding. I honestly think it is different the second time around---but better. We are much better parents with our son because we know what to expect and we've learned from all of our mistakes with our daughter. We are much more likely to leave both kids with a sitter honestly than we were to just leave her--we really have spent more quality time with each other than before. My husband and I actually feel like our family is complete now and we make better decisions for the future of our family. Truly, it has brought us closer. Ok-I'm no martyr. I've had to discipline my daughter for bugging the baby or yell at my husband for not helping me when I get overwhelmed, but all in all, it's been good. I would recommend that if you stay at home, get your son in a preschool or daycare and if you work outside (which I do) then you should consider keeping him in his preschool or daycare while you are on leave to give you time to bond with the new baby. Just a suggestion!

Good luck,
S.

Hi R.,
I am a 33yr old mother of five. Ages 15, 14, 11, 6 and 2. One thing I have learned throughout the years is that life is too short to get stuck in a routine. Out of my five children only the third one was planned. I can't imagine my life now without all of the headaches and chaos. I will tell you that having two is easier than having one. With every new baby you will have that period when it is all about the him. Newborns demand so much attention and sleep deprivation that you may sometimes wonder "What was I thinking?" or "I can't do this?" But those times are over so quickly that when they pass you might even miss it. If you want another baby just do it. I haven't met a mother yet that knew exactly what she was doing with her first child, or didn't make a mistake, or didn't break down at least once for whatever reason. I sometimes joke with my 15yr old daughter that she is our "trial and error baby". I was just a kid when my first two were born. My husband and I both worked fulltime and we didn't have a clue as to what we were doing. When baby number three came along I took sometime to slow down. My husband and I decided to make some sacrifices of those little luxuries we thought were necessities so that I was able to quit my job and stay home with the kids. Since then the only schedule we have to work around is his. As far as you and your husband go, "Date Night". If you don't have someone to watch your son so that you and your husband can have an evening out, I live just outside of Liberty and I have a 15 yr old who loves to babysit. The best gift you can give to your children is a happy marriage. Always put your marriage first but don't give up the opportunity to have the family you want.
Sorry about writing you a novel but I hope that I was able to help. If you would like to get in touch with me over the phone, feel free to send me a private message.
M. G

R.,

Our two are 2.5 years apart. We wanted to have one more after Samuel was born and wanted to do it before we got too comfortable with just one. It's a bit of an adjustment, just like when you adjusted to the first one. Samuel is crazy about his little sister and they play together really well since they're close (he's 5.5, she's almost 3). The hardest part was remembering that baby #2 is a completely different person and may be a complete opposite from your first. Things did seem to bounce back to "normal" quicker after our daughter was born because to some extent we knew what to expect.

Good Luck!

hey R.,

i have a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. and i know what ya mean by you and your husbasnd just getting back to one another and not just the baby. the 2nd time is easier, we adjusted alot faster the second time and if i learned anything it was i needed my hubby more than ever before to keep all of us balanced and happy. he came through for me and our family is as tight as ever!! good luck!! k

Hi, R.!
I'm going to guess that you are not yet pregnant. I read all of the advice you have received and only feel like I should share mine with you because we are in similar situations and I wish I had heard this earlier in my life. I too have a 3 year old little boy. My husband and I are now certain we are content with just him. I have struggled in my younger years doing things because I thought they were expected of me and letting peoples opinions matter too much sometimes. I am not at all putting down having more than one child but I feel it is important to know that it is intirely your choice. I have close family and complete strangers addimently telling me I should have another and listing the reasons they think so. The thing is - They are not me - They are not going to raise, feed, clothe and educate my child for me. Only you know your own limitations. My husband and I are absolutely in love with our boy. We are a completely content family of three. You may not be experiencing any pressure from others in this matter but just incase your were I wanted to reassure you that your choices are always your own.

My daughter will be 3 next month and we just had a little boy in May. It was very, very hard in the beginning. You have to adjust to really having no alone time. It is alot different the second time. You can't sleep when the baby sleeps, so you are very tired. I didn't breastfeed my second child because it was too much for me. I tried for 2 weeks, but it was too hard. Since he is on the bottle, my husband and I can alternate feedings. He sleeps through the night now and has since he was 7 weeks old, which is great. My daughter adapted fast. She had a hard time the first few weeks. She had potty accidents and threw tantrums, which never happened. But, I have learned that it is h*** o* her too. Whenever the baby is asleep, my daughter gets my full attention to do whatever she wants. Cleaning the house has become harder. But, we have learned to do as much as we can when the kids are asleep. Give yourself 2 months to adapt to the change. DOn't worry about the mess around your house. Relax and just do the best you can. We don't live near our family because my husband is military, so we haven't had a night out in a while. I found myself alot more relaxed with the secong one, because I knew what to expect. (Also, my husband was in Iraq when our daughter was born, so I raised my first child on my own for the first 6 months. So, having him home this time to help makes it seem like no work at all.) Remember that your older child will need more attention than the baby. My son just sits in his swing, on my lap, or on the floor while I play games with my daughter. He is entertained enough just watching us. My daughter is going to start a preschool for 3 mornings a week to give her a chance to play with other kids her age and a break from having the baby tag along everywhere with her. It will be hard to be away from her because I have never left her anywhere before. But, it will be good for everyone. Also, it is easier to make a schedule for the baby the second time. You now know how important having a routine is, it makes life alot simpler. Since you already have a routine, the baby will just fall into your routine. Our son is now 10 weeks old and goes to sleep at 9, the same time as our almost 3 year old and wakes up at 7 am. The 3 year old wakes up at 8. So, I have time to take care of the baby before the 3 year old wakes up. You just adjust to not having anymore "me" time like you did when the 3 year old would nap. Remember it is temporary, eventually they will be old enough to play by themselves and go to school. Then, you will miss them needing you. Do get in a lot of dates with your husband while you are pregnant and only have to find a babysitter for one child. We didn't do enough of that since we had just moved right after I got pregnant and didn't know anyone to watch our 2 year old. But, we rent movies and have a "date" after the kids are in bed now that they both sleep well again. Just remember that the adjustment will be harder on your 3 year old than you. Help them learn about taking care of the baby. My daughter has a doll that she changes, feeds, rocks, and plays with just like I do with the baby. So, to her, Mom and her are essentially playing dolls all day. Get your sleep in now!

I had always wanted another child after my son was born. To our surprise, we were pregnant again. Only my son was 5 months old at the time of conception. Him and his sister are 15 months apart and extremely close. Handling two babies at the same time prove to be a HUGE task. I had them both on the same schedule before my daughter was a month old. They even pooped at the same time. That's all you have to do. Keep following the same schdule that you have with your son. Same feeding times, nap times, changing times and play times. Also, make time for your son, so he doesn't feel left out. newborns sleep more hours than toddlers do, so make the time to nap yourself and play with your son before the baby wakes up. It'll make him feel special and important and you more relaxed and refreshed. Hope this helps.

R.,
I just had my 2nd child. I have to say I worried just like you before this one was born. But,ya know, it's all great! The circle of love has just grown. It seems to me that our first child is what formed the family but our second child is what bonded the family. It's an amazing thing. Go for it! It will all work out!

Hi R.! Yes, at first it is an adjustment, but we worked things out quickly. Our situation when our son was born was: our daughter turned 2, we took her out of full-time daycare and I started staying home. It was a big adjustment for all, but mostly our daughter. I think you will have an easier time since your son is a little older. We love having 2 children and are actually thinking about having a 3rd (call us crazy) Ha Ha Ha!!! Let me know if you have anymore questions.

Take Care,
M.

As a mother of four daughters, I remember our first was 3.5 years and giving birth to our second and being so emotional. It is like when you light your unity candle at your wedding - you just keep lighting it every time a child is born and it stays bright. There is always more love where it originated if honesty to feelings lead the way. Our house is always busy, hectic, chaotic, loving, cheerful and every day is a new one. I do not know if you are religious, but I give God the glory every day for his trust in me with his prized possessions.

We are blessed,
L.

Hi R.,
I am a single Mom with four kids. Ages 12 1/2, 11, 8 and 3 1/2. I have to agree with the other moms that have responded. It is an adjustment. Kids are wonderful, but you should remember how time consuming it will be with another little one. Now, alot of it of course depends on you and your husband. See the time and routines you have now of course will change and be altered once the little one is here. Anything can be handled and accomplished. My kids were all fabulous with the little baby being around. But they also got the usual complaints too, to much crying, why do they have to be quiet when the baby is sleeping, why do they have to share. I think that this is all normal. Even my God children get along well with each other and they are a year and half apart, age wise. Bottom line, You and your husband now your limits, what you can handle and you cant. This will change things and alter things too. Not all bad and not all good. Talk it over with your husband and when you have the 2nd baby include your son with all of it. For example, show your son a book about what is happening to you. Show him the ultrasound pictures. Have your son pretend to read or talk to your tummy, once pregnant. I did this with my kids and it seemed to help them cope with the new edition. They felt part of it. Anyways, best of luck!!

It is different having the second child- some easier, some harder. It's easier because you know more about what to expect. It's harder because you already have one child to take care of. But believe me, it's all worth it. Husbands can be more involved, if they want to be, when you have a second child= another pair of hands. Being a "team" is important. Don't forget to involve the 3 year old in caring for the new baby! Make sure you find time for just you and your husband...hire a sitter, or ask a relative to watch the kids for an hour or two....even if it's just to go shopping together. You won't regret having another child, but it will change you life- as all babies do. Good lucK!