24 answers

Daycare During a Maternity Leave

I have a friend who had a baby a few weeks back. I watch her older child full time while she is at work. She is now home on her maternity leave and has decided to still send the older child to daycare full time. I do not understand why she would not want the older sibling to be home. Dad has also taken off several weeks, so he is home as well. Please help me understand why someone would send their child to daycare,all day five days a week,if they are going to be home. I am not trying to judge her, I just do not understand why she would want to send her kid to my house if she is going to be home??? Like I said, I am not trying to be mean. I am trying real hard not to feel like I am being taken advantage off (even though I am being paid) and trying to see it from her eyes

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all of your responses. Maybe Taken advantage off is the wrong term, since I am being paid. I can see why she may want to send her to daycare, but still do not get the five full days a week thing. I was really hoping she would take some time off from daycare during moms maternity leave. My last child will be going to school full time next year. I was looking forward to spending some alone time with her before she starts camp full time, then school full time. Maybe, disappointed is a better way to describe why I am a bit upset.

Featured Answers

Please give her plenty of notice that you will not be able to care for her child so she can make alternative arrangements for day care.
I certainly would not like my child to be cared for by someone that is supposed to be professional and would write the above post.
You are supposed to be providing a service that you get paid for. If you no longer want to provide this service then she needs to be told.
B.

6 moms found this helpful

First things that cross my mind are:
1. She keeping the older one's routine consistent
2. One-on-one bonding time w/newborn
3. Remember how HARD it is to have a newborn?

Why on earth would you feel like you're being "taken advantage of"? You're being paid, right?

5 moms found this helpful

I plan to send my toddler to daycare when my next arrives. I want that alone time with the new baby - just like I had with my first. Also - I want to be able to rest when the baby sleeps - if my toddler was here - I would get no rest and he would be out of his routine and not get the same sort of stimulation he gets at daycare. AND - why would you feel taken advantage of if you were getting paid?

5 moms found this helpful

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Well there are two very good reasons -One, because she has a brand new baby she's trying to get used to and bond with. I would have LOVED for my oldest to be in daycare 5 days a week when my youngest was born! Maybe I would have gotten a little sleep here and there! Two -adding a new sibling is a BIG adjustment for children. If she further disrupts her oldest child's routine by taking the child out of daycare for what -a week? two weeks? all six or twelve weeks? and then putting the child back into daycare -you have another big disruption and adjustment for that older child.

I'm not trying to be mean either, but I don't understand why you're so concerned. You are paid by these people, so why would you want to lose that money for any length of time? How on earth are you being taken advantage of?

6 moms found this helpful

Please give her plenty of notice that you will not be able to care for her child so she can make alternative arrangements for day care.
I certainly would not like my child to be cared for by someone that is supposed to be professional and would write the above post.
You are supposed to be providing a service that you get paid for. If you no longer want to provide this service then she needs to be told.
B.

6 moms found this helpful

First things that cross my mind are:
1. She keeping the older one's routine consistent
2. One-on-one bonding time w/newborn
3. Remember how HARD it is to have a newborn?

Why on earth would you feel like you're being "taken advantage of"? You're being paid, right?

5 moms found this helpful

I plan to send my toddler to daycare when my next arrives. I want that alone time with the new baby - just like I had with my first. Also - I want to be able to rest when the baby sleeps - if my toddler was here - I would get no rest and he would be out of his routine and not get the same sort of stimulation he gets at daycare. AND - why would you feel taken advantage of if you were getting paid?

5 moms found this helpful

She probably wants to spend one on one time with her newborn. I'm not sure why it matters if she is paying you for your services. Why would it be taking advantage of you if she's paying you?

5 moms found this helpful

I sent my child to daycare while I was on maternity leave. This gave me time to bond with my daughter. And my son wanted to continue to go to daycare. My husband and I agreed it's important to maintain the normalcy of our routine during this time. Occasionally, he would want to stay home, so I let him. But mainly it was his choice!
I am not trying to sound mean, either. However, you are being paid. If you view watching her child as a favor and not a job, then perhaps you shouldn't watch her child anymore. I can almost guarantee, that since she is paying you, that she views it this way.

4 moms found this helpful

When we have our next I plan to continue sending our daughter to preschool. It's going to be a huge adjustment adding a new addition to our family that I think it's best to keep as much as "normal" as usually. My daughter is very sensitive to change so I know this will be helpful for her.

4 moms found this helpful

When I had my 2nd child.... my Daughter started attending Preschool. SHE also WANTED to go. She was really happy going to Preschool. Loved it.
It ALSO gave me time, just with my baby and I had had a c-section.

For me, this was a time that my Daughter had as HER own time too, interacting with kids her own age and having her own thing and routine. Not just being around me/new baby... and lost in the shuffle. It gave her time too... to be around friends and learning. Which she LOVED. I was not casting her off.... or banishing her. It was for her benefit too. Again, my daughter LOVED Preschool. I am a SAHM, and home all day. But it gave me time just with my 2nd born and time for my daughter to have positive interaction with others her own age... not just being around a tired M. and crying baby all day. It was an outlet for her too.

All around, it was a real positive thing. My daughter was happy. Not cooped up all day, having to revolve around a new baby.

My 2nd born, also had bad Jaundice after he came home, and for 2 weeks, around the clock, he had to be under the blue-light treatment at home. We could not go anywhere. I could only remove him from the lights, for nursing. It was arduous. And I had to take him to the Doctor and hospital about every other day. Meanwhile, my daughter was at her Preschool.... LOVING her time there. And when she was there, I would nap when my baby son napped. SO, by the time she came home (she was at Preschool everyday for half-days), I was rested. And then spent time with her. Quality time. She KNEW that.

Each situation is different. A Mom should not be critiqued... for having the eldest child at Daycare or Preschool, while a new baby is now in the home.

all the best,
Susan

4 moms found this helpful

I kept my daughter in day care when I had my second for several reasons: 1. if I took her out I could loose my spot, 2. My daughter did not need to have her entire routine interrupted because she had a new sibling that was a big enough change for her, 3. I wanted time to bond with the new baby, 4. I was not coherent enough at times to offer her the structure she needed and would get at her daycare. If she is paying you and you offer daycare, I don't see how she is taking advantage of you.

4 moms found this helpful

I did this twice. Once during my 2nd maternity leave, and once during my husband being laid off.

Maternity leave - having a newborn around is tiring for everyone. Sending her oldest to you helps him keep his 'normal' routine, and have a day that isn't revolving around the baby. It would be more difficult on him if he was to take 2m off from your care and then come back when/if the parents return to work. This way his day is the same, regardless of the new baby and mom/dad's schedules. It also allows mom and dad some time to just worry about one.

Laid off - My husband was laid off mid April - August of 2009. I still had my school-aged kid and my toddler go to the sitter's house next door. For the school-aged kid, it made sure that he got on the bus at the right time. For my toddler it kept her routine and friendships going. Hubby felt stupid doing this when he was home and could take care of the toddler, but I didn't see it that way. Him being home alone gave him time for job searching, scheduling interviews/appts, getting house/yard stuff done without having to work around the toddler's schedule.

M.

4 moms found this helpful

I have not read the other responses, but i did that when i had my 2nd baby. My son needs his routine and i did not want to mess that up. He loves his daycare and his friends. Plus i had a little ppd, and i felt it gave me some bonding time with the new baby without him being jealous or upset. Plus it gave me more time to get things done around the house so it wasnt so hectic in the evenings. I had to pay to keep his spot there anyways, so why not send him there. I had a very hard time adjusting to 2 kids. My son was 2 1/2 when my daughter was born. Now they are 3 1/2 and 11 months and i love it but those first few months were hard. Plus with the baby up so much at night it gave me a chance to catch a cat nap during the days. Everyone is different and handles situations differently. Some people would not think of sending thier kid to daycare and others need to. I think keeping my son in his routine was very beneficial to him adjusting to a new sibling.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi - I just read your 'so what happened'. If you aren't wanting to do daycare for her anymore then just tell the mom that she needs to make other arrangements and give her enough notice (like a month) so that she can find another permanent place for her son. Explain to her what you said in your "so what happened" but WITHOUT any emotion or judgement.

"hey, I've decided I am not going to be able to be a daycare provider anymore, so we need to look at your child's last day. I am thinking xyz date". If the mom asks why you simply say that you have looked at what is best for your family and you won't be able to do it anymore.

What will she be doing with the baby when she goes back to work? Does she think you will be watching the baby as well? Make sure you address that!!!!!

If you haven't expressed this to her before and were just expecting her to make a decision you thought she would without taking to her that's not going to make either of you happy!

Good Luck.

3 moms found this helpful

Having a newborn is hands down the most exhausting time I've ever experienced. When I have my second I will most certainly need to send him as it will be the only way I'll:
a. be able to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with my new one
b. be able to bond
c. be able to sleep
d. be able to ensure that my non newborn gets some of my attention.

3 moms found this helpful

If you are being paid as agreed, how can you possibly be taken advantage of? As others have said, she likely wants to keep the older child in a routine, take time to bond with the new baby, and not feel completely overwhelmed by now having two kids.

An older child wouldn't be pulled out of school for the duration of a maternity leave...why would you disrupt the schedule of a younger child?

You might make a different choice, I might make a different choice. This is their choice and none of your business.

If, as you say, she is a friend and you really want to understand...why don't you just ask HER?

3 moms found this helpful

Are you offering her the opportunity to not pay you while she really does not need you? If I had a baby and my older one was in daycare and I didn't get a break in paying you, I would use you too. You are certainly NOT being taken advantage of if she is paying you.

She is probably thinking that at her house it will be all about the new baby and getting the baby into a schedule. I would imagine that she will and should want to sleep when that new baby sleeps. Her older child will want to play and make noise and she won't sleep. I think she actually has a great idea.

3 moms found this helpful

When I had my second I still sent my oldest to school. He was in preschool at the time to routine was good for him and frankly it was great for me too. It was a huge change for everyone and we needed to keep something "controlled" in his life. Just my opinion.

2 moms found this helpful

It sounds like your situation is a bit different than a traditional day care. I would talk to her and let her know what your concerns are. I am sure she would accommodate a little time off for you. I sent my son to day care when I delivered my second. He is three and demands so much of my time that I felt it was a good opportunity for me to bond and have my new little one all to myself.

2 moms found this helpful

Well first, you are being paid. So I wouldn't even fuss about it.

Secondly, she just wants some one on one interaction with her new baby without having the older child to have to care for. The baby-M. bonding time is so special. If I could have done it, I would have, too.

1 mom found this helpful

I sent my oldest parttime to daycare when I had my second baby. It was a combination of keeping him with his friends, helping the boredom he might experience, me getting to spend time alone with the new baby, being able to do doctors appointments without worrying about the older one, lots of reasons. I think as long as she is still paying you for keeping her child, you need to go with it. Could be she's having some post partum depression and its just easier to send the older one.

1 mom found this helpful

She probably wants to keep him in his routine -- especially if she is intending to return to work afterwards. If he gets used to being home with mom and then has to start up again, he will likely balk. It will also give her a chance to bond with baby, nap when baby is and keep her house/chores under control. If she is nursing, she is likely afraid of her ability to give her older child the attention he/she deserves while she is caring for the new baby. And maybe she thinks that you count on the income she provides to you for watching her child as well...and doesn't want to cause problems there. Hard to say -- just some of my thoughts. I sent my daughter to her new daycare (I switched her when my son was born) for the last month (third month) of my leave to get her used to the new place, new routine, and give me some time to bond with my baby before heading back to work. This time, for my third kiddo (due in about 3 months) -- we have an au pair so the kids will all be at home for my entire leave but I will have support there helping to care for them -- I will NOT be giving my au pair the three months off :) My kiddos will be not quite 4 yo, 2.5 yo, and the infant so we will have our hands full!

1 mom found this helpful

Because she wants to rest, because she has to pay for it anyway, because she wants her older child to have the same schedule and not have so many upheavals all at once, because she wants to.

The average day in child care is about a 10 hour day. Half an hour to get to and from work, an hour lunch, then an 8 hour day. Kids get used to their schedule and need it to remain the same. I didn't care if my parents were at work or not. That little one would be so bored in one day of staying home and she would be upset over not getting to go to her special place every day.

If she has a new baby she needs to get a new routine going. I had a 4yr old, 5 yr old and 13yr old when my last son was born. my inlaws took the 2 boys and kept them for a week for me. then came and took them back and forth to daycare/ kindergarten for a few more weeks. I was able to sleep when the baby slept, eat when i needed to without having to make big meals etc. If all she has to do is care for the baby and get it on a good schedule in the daytime it will run smoother for her. Why would you feel your being taken advantage of if you run a daycare and your being paid? sounds kind of like sour grapes to me just my opinion
sorry just saw your response. you should just tell her that your quitting and give her notice she can put her daughter somewhere else for daycare. good luck

I sent my oldest to daycare during my 2nd maternity leave too... I had to pay the sitter anyway. Having a new member of the family is a big adjustment for a 2-year old. Therefore, I really strived to keep his routine constant. And gosh forbid I actually got a nap when the newborn slept. I just know how hard it was for us to get used to a newborn and a 2-year old....it was definitely a godsend to be able to send our older child to daycare and concentrate on the newborn during the day...

Maybe she figures she is paying for the childcare she might as well utilize it. Maybe she figures she is doing your a favor by sending him/paying you.

Do you have a regular daycare with more kids? Maybe she thinks he would rather be there with the other kids then home with her and the baby.

I personally would want him home with me (at least part of the day) but I am not her.

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