Mom Needing Help with 11 Year Old with ADHD

There is a great organization called CHADD. They have meetings for parents of children with ADHD. Go to www.chadd.org to find the chapter near you.

Also, many of the mothers on this site have written about ADHD and their problems with their children. You might want to start a discussion group with them.

The other advise is great that you have been given.

Get a second opinion about his meds. He may need a change, there are some good new ones on the market, or simply a dose change. Could this be more than ADHD? Asperger's syndrome? Autism? I strongly suggest having him work with a counselor or psychologist who deals with preteens, especially ones with disabilities. Shop around until you find one he can connect with. Good luck to you.

As a teacher, I was going to tell you that I had a student who had similar symptoms, especially the social aspects and not dealing with transitions well, and he was diagnosed with Aspbergers Syndrome (SP?), a form of autism. I would read Amy P's response below, and try to see if you can have him tested. He would be helped by specific therapies for that specific syndrome. Hope that helps...L.

Hi R.,

I'm an ADD adult and have a 19 year old ADHD son. We were both diagnosed pretty late in life and it was pretty rough not knowing. You're already ahead of the curve because you know. Now the difference is that neither of us took medication.
My son and I have been drinking the Monavie juice for the last year. The juice is 100% naturaul fruits. His concentration in his college classes and his ability to focus has been phenominal. He is able to excel where he failed in high school. Most importantly he has learned to manage his extra energy. I'd love to talk to you. I know first hand that this works. My number is ###-###-####.

I have a 7 year old who was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years back. But ADHD didn't explain the other things that I was seeing. He was showing some of the signs that your son is like the resistance to changes and being socially behind his peers. So we took him to our local Regional Center (in California - not sure what it would be in another state) and got him tested. We now have a diagnosis of high functioning Asperger's Syndrome. AS is on the autistic spectrum. You can look on line at www.nichcy.org (the website for the National Information Center for Children and Youth with Disabilities) and get more information about it. Their fact sheets are very informational and even have tips on how to help your child. Their website includes information on a wide variety of subjects including ADHD. You can check with your local school district to see about testing. I know that the thought of possibly having a child on the autistic spectrum is scary. In fact I have two. But if you can figure out what's really happening then you can help him better - help him to be the best that he can be.

Hi R.,
I know what you are going through and it is not easy. Is your son real hyperactive? I just found a article written by James Dobson. I cut it out and gave it to my husband to read. I put it on the side of the frig. so that I can share this with the people in his life that are the closest. www.lodinew.con/features April 12, 2008.

I know this helped us. http://solutions.emf411.com
Scroll down to Audio that says Autism, which will talk about
ADHD

You're getting lots of great advice, much I was going to give. To say some of it again, 1)routine, routine, routine, 2) use the transitional warnings (in 5 mins, 10 mins, etc. we are going to be doing x, 3)check his diet (some children who have food alergies react as if they are adhd, 4)and if you have time read Healing Children Naturally by Michael Savage and Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv. The first book has a self-explanitory title, the second book is one author's theory of Nature Deficit Disorder. Lastly, consider alternative education such as homeschooling (previously mentioned), Waldorf or Montessori. Best wishes to you and your family.

Hi R. -

Raising a child who is neurodiverse is challenging -- so much of how they experience life is so very different from how you and I experience it, that it is hard to understand how to provide for them.

My suggestion is to get him into an after school program with other kids that have AD/HD. This will give him new friends, a chance to learn new social skills, and to interact with kids who are like him. I don't know of any programs up on the north peninsula, but in the Palo Alto area, Children's Health Council provides social skills groups for kids with AD/HD. They may be able to provide contacts for you.

Best of luck!

J. J-T
EvoLibri Consulting

R.,

It's not clear from your statement if you have an official diagnosis of ADHD or depression. You need to get to a pediatrician and a child psychologist and get an official diagnosis. There are drugs that can help your son on all counts. There are also alternative health treatments that have been proven successful, namely fish oil as an alternative to ritalin. You should also be talking to the school to make sure that your son has an IEP plan to deal with any developmental delays (the fish oil could be a help here again.) Lastly, the entire family should go through family counseling to deal with the impact that ADHD has on all the family members. You need to take action, you can't be a better mother to fix this you need outside help.

My son is 15 and has adhd, it was diagnosed a few years ago. My son is very impulsive, and can't seem to stay out of trouble. He also has no problem voicing his opinion. I have a problem with my other son, who likes to tease him alot. My son can't be in a regular school, he is in a alternative school for kids with similiar problems.
My son despises his father, and he's glad he's not apart of his life. At times he says he wants to be his dad. My son has a bad habit of ignoring me, and he argues with me when I explain things to him. Whenever someone teases him, he doesn't ignore that, and I can tell him to. Adhd kids have short attention spands, so they don't listen very well.
I tell my boys numerous times to stop the teasing, my son has a low esteem of himself. I understand the socializing, he talks to the wrong people or says the wrong thing, even interrupts me when Im having a conversation. I was depressed during my pregnancy so it was difficult for me. People who know your son needs to be patient, and be more understanding. Im embarrassed out in public with my son, he won't stop talking. I know we sound like a broken record, I try to ignore my son when he's talking nonsense. Some say kids grow out of it, and others don't. Google might available information.

Hi R., I too had ADHD and many learning disabilities. It was very hard for me growing up and dealing with school and life. I remember crying all the time because i was so frustrated. I never felt "good enough". My parents were so supportive and i got through it..and i even graduated from college. My advice to you is continue what you are doing in giving your son unconditional love and work with him on all his school stuff and just be there for him. Figure out one thing he really enjoys and persue it baseball, horses, whatever it may be. Exercise was always a great way for me to relive strss and i loved it. I was put on several medications and it really wasnt untill college that i found the right one for me. Dont ever give up on him and let him know he is not alone. I know it is hard but one day he will thank you for everthing. I will pray for you and your family, hang in there! Love A.

Hi R.,

Sounds like you are a wonderful mommy.

I have a 3 year old with similar issues. It can be really chanllenging.

When I went to the Nuerologist his advice to me was to get a timer and give transitional warnings. Like 15 minutes and we are going to go inside and then give another warning let the timer go off. If he doesn't come I go and grab him by the hand and he gets it. The Nuerologist said that would help him with a routine of transitioning. Seems to be working, getting less tantrums. Not sure how great this would work with an older child.

Good Luck,
M.

The Schwab Learning web site is full of good information.
www.schwablearning.org

Hi R.,

My son has ADHD, too. It cannot be handled with meds alone. There are some very good strategies on handling behaviors associated with it. A good evaluation (a neuro-psych) of him and his needs could be very helpful. Sometimes there are other issues that can go with ADHD (ADHD being a symptom of something else). If there is something underlying the ADHD, treating that might help with his stress level and transition issues.

My son is now 18 and doing well. He has many physical outlets, and those help a lot!

Good luck to you and if you want more support, you can reach me at ____@____.com

R.,
I have a daughter who is hyperactive, after many hundreds of hours of research on my part,, we came to the best conclusion..... kids with hyperactivity or adhd benefit most from diet change...... google "adhd and diet" or adhd and allergies"...... you find tons of articles explaining.... we had to cut out all preservatives, food dyes, sugars, etc.... basically if you can't read the label, don't buy it..... studies have found that over 60% of children have been cured just from change in diet

hope this helps, it has helped us soo much

Dear Robin:

I'm Barb Verbonich. My background is in education. I homeschooled my three girls through High School. I have a tenderness for the concern you have expressed. Like yoursaelf, I am very much opposed to meds. I have a suggestion and a few people you could chat with who have had great success with a more natural solution. Give me a call, I would love to connect you and be of help any way I can. There is lots of hope for you son. My numbers are ###-###-#### home or ###-###-####.

Have you tried taking him to a counselor that deals with ADD? I know change in their lifes are huge. I read a book that says if you take sugar out of their diet it helps tremendously. I have not tried it yet. Is he involved in any sports? That helps our daughter let out a lot of her frustation and energy:)
Good luck.

My heart goes out to you. I have a granddaughter that sounds very similar. If anything gets changed, its a real problem. she used to eat nothing but McDonalds. then, I guess, her mom convinced her that McDonalds was not good for your heart -she must have told her it would make her sick. anyway, not knowing this, I offered to take her to McDonalds one evening and oh my gosh. She literally ran through the house crying that I was trying to hurt her! It took me forever to calm her down and make her understand that we would not be going to McDonalds. Anyway, I found that with plans and the like, I simply don't tell her anything until it's time to do it. that way, if something gets changed or cancelled, she doesn't have to deal with it. I can only imagine how hard this is on you and your family. Hang in there.

Hi R.,

I have some information that can be very valuable for your and your son.

I have a special needs son. I have found that we can help to support his neurological system with healthy balance in many ways. A nutritional product called Future Star was formulated with special needs kids in mind to help to bring "balance" to their brains. Future Star is in powder form and can be easily mixed in water ( nice citrus flavor), juice, smoothies, protein drinks, etc. It has been very helpful for ADHD and any other brain related challenge. It is even great for all kids/students!

My 28 year old son has Mild Cerebral Palsy and Seizure Disorder. When he was a young teen we tried several medications to control his petit mal type seizures. That was an unsuccessful experiment as they only made him lethargic and nauseas. For many years after that he only took Future Star, Clarity, and Tranquility. This combination greatly minimized his seizure activity and allowed him to be more mentally alert, with a greater desire to learn than ever before! The teeth grinding at night was greatly reduced as well! He now takes a very low dose of Dilantin in combination with the Symmetry products. This combination keeps his neurological system in balance. The improved difference is evidenced if he misses a day or two of supplements-- the seizures return, teeth grinding increases and he begins to fade mentally. The Symmetry products have been a gift from God to our family!

I am a distributor for the Symmetry products and would love to share more with you about this. You can check it out at my website www.symmetrydirect.com/dhendon

Victorious Living to you and yours!
D. Hendon, RDH,SMM
www.symmetrydirect.com/dhendon
###-###-####

R.,

What you're describing sounds like autism, not ADHD -- or some other autism spectrum disorder. I am not a mental health professional but I have worked with autistic kids in the past. I would have your son tested and reassesed. Autism spectrum disorders are often misdiagnoised as ADD/ADHD and then kids are consequently treated (unsuccessfuly) for a disorder/imballance that they don't have. Find a doctor who will reasses your son and even if the diagnosis doesn't change maybe the treatment will. In the mean time try to keep your routine as consistant and rigid as possible. I know that can be extremely difficult to do, but when plans have to change stay calm and talk to your son about the change and how it might affect him. The kids I worked with were between 9 and 11 years old. They needed to know what was going to happen before it happened -- so if there was consistancy they were ok, but if something changed I had to really spend alot of time talking it through. For example I would say "it turns out we have to make a stop first so we are going to drive to Target (or whereever, but be very clear about where you are going -- name it or describe it if its a new place to -- "we have to stop at my office which is a really large building and there will be an elevator that we will go in and then we will walk to my office where I have to pick something up, then we will go back downstairs in the elevator. Then we will walk back to the car and go..." or something like that. The calmer and clearer you are with him the better able he will be able to predict what is going to happen and hopefully his meltdowns will decrease. Hope these suggestions help. good luck.

I am surprised that no one has recommended the book Healing ADD by Dr. Daniel G. Amen, MD. It's a fabulous book, full of information that can help you and should help the people around him understand what's going on. It helped me learn more about my husband who has ADD.

There's also info and Dr. Amen's site called www.amenclinics.com

Also, here's what the book looks like:
http://amenclinics.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_...

Hi My son is 12 and was finally diagnosed with ADHD. I have been to a class for parents with children w/ADHD and it was a great resource as well as the other parents we met there. Ours was through Kaiser, but non-members can go too. They also recommended some helpful literature. Please know you are not alone in this battle. Are you in any therapy with him? My husband had his eyes opened as well, in the class we took. It has been very helpful for the whole family to be together in helping the whole house deal with this. It is not just about the one with the ADHD. Sorry. I know I am preaching to the choir, but please contact me if you would like more info. My son was also part of a "boys group" at Kaiser he thouroughly enjoyed. Just a suggestion. Good luck, T.

R.,

Hi, my name is K. Hill. I'm a new mom and chiropractor who lives in San Francisco. I know that chiropractic can be very helpful in helping children with ADHD. The chiropractic adjustment is used with children in a very gentle manner and it could be very powerful in calming your son. The goal of chiropractic is to balance the nervous system in order to restore the body to its natural state of well-being.

If you let me know where you live, I can help you find a chiropractor. If you live near San Francisco, you are welcome to stop by my wellness center for more information.

Many families lives would be changed if they knew about natural healing alternatives like chiropractic. I hope this message inspires you to know that healing is possible for your son!

I wish you and your family well.

Sincerely,
K. Hill

Hi R.,

You are not alone. There are so many children that have the same problems. I would start with diet, find out if your child is sleeping, statistics say that 1 out of 3 children have sleep problems and if we do not sleep we do not release a hormone in the brain so the body will remain stressed. Does he drink water? Is it filtered and is it a good filter that removes all the impurities? This has an effect our body. My grand daughter used to be out of hand. I changed her whole environment and now she is a happy young girl at 7.
If you want more info check out my web page and read about her and I. www.nikken.com/ninamarie

Have a great weekend.

Wish you well.

N. Marie

Try having a routine for him. Something simple that he can check off as he does it. Have him do tasks in 15 minute or less increments. That way he doesn't get crazy. He works for 5 minutes, 10, or whatever and then takes a break for 15 minutes. You can do this over and over til the task is done. That way he is not overwhelmed.

Also his sisters should be punished whenever they tease him. And don't forget to PRAISE everything he does right.

And think positive and see him happy and in control and see your family happy also.

Hi R.,
I helped raise my step-son from the time he was 7 to adult (he's now 23). He too had ADHD. I found wonderful support from an organization called CHADD. This was before the internet, but I found their website - www.chadd.org I had signed up for their monthly newsletter back then and they were wonderful. Good luck!

Hi, R.. I have worked with preadolescent and adolescent youth with ADHD. A couple things to try if you haven't already. According to an ADHD seminar I went to adjust his diet limiting sugars to a minimum and keep him well-hydrated with water. While it might be hard to adjust his diet at this age, he may be old enough to understand how his diet affects his mood thus more buy in from him. We found when we did this at the school, the youth were more calm. We also put classical music in the background. We have read studies on the effects of classical music and ADHD. Not sure if it was us staff or the kids but the mood changed to less anxiety. I would also consult the psychiatrist regarding his medication. Make sure he is on the right dose or let the doctor know your son is still having difficulties. With medication and his age, it is very hard to tell how effective it is and getting the right dosage. Another thing is youth with ADHD many times feel socially isolated which leads to depression. Seek out other parents with youth his age dealing with ADHD and plan a day for them to hang out. Collaborate with the school to make sure he is in the right school setting. Alot of times youth with ADHD and learning disabilities are not put in the right classroom and more acting out behavior occurs. Also, before any changes happen in the family routine, let him know as soon as possible. Continue to reassure him the change will be fine and if you can, empower him to be a part of those changes. I would also find a mentor for him to take him out at least once a week, preferrably twice a week. It will be fun for him and a break for you. Kids can pick up on a parents frustration and some times become more anxious. Finally, I would seek a therapist or a counselor to help with develop more social skills as well as talk about dealing with ADHD and living with learning disabilities. Hope this helps.

Hi R.,
I have an almost 11 yr. old daughter that was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder almost 2 years ago. My husband and I went to classes, we took her to couseling but did not traditionally medicate her. Last year we thought (and still do) that the teacher was horrible. This year was a disaster too. So in September '07 it was recommended to me by a friend to go see a holistic doctor. We did. Let me tell you WHAT AN AMAZING DIFFERENCE IT MAKES IN OUR LIVES!!! He suggested we eat organically. Told us what food sensitivities she has and to adjust our diets accordingly along with the remedies and it will take time but that we would be amazed. It has been quite a journey. It is a slow process and takes time but well worth the wait. My daughter is now able to control herself, pay attention and now complete her homework by herself. She recently got a student of the month award which she never expected but deserved. She no longer has D's and F's and her self esteem has sky rocketed.

If you would like to talk more or would like more information just contact me. I would be more than happy to help!