Loss of Newborn Son.....

((hugs)) I've never lost a child after birth but I've had 8 miscarriages so I have kinda an understanding of yall's pain & want you to know that if you ever want to cry or vent, just holler. One of my close friends just lost her daughter in July 2007 at 3 weeks old from NEC so I asked her what books she's used & she said When Hello Means Goodbye & Empty Cradle Broken Heart.

Almost 8 years ago, we lost our son to trisomy 18 when he was three days old. We had ultrasounds that said we were expecting a healthy baby, so when he was born with severe deformities it was quite a shock. One book that helped me was Sometimes Miracles Hide by Bruce Carroll.
Every year we celebrate his birthday and his angel day by wearing shirts with his photo that say Remembering Roy James Bolan, 1/31 -2/3 2001. This lets people know that if we are not as peppy as usual - why. And sometimes they will ask about him. Being allowed to tell his story is therapeutic. In those three days, he changed our lives forever. I can never again look at a family with a special needs child the same way. I used to think that it would be so hard to cope with a child with Down's Syndrome, etc. But now I know that no matter what a child's condition, they are a blessing beyond belief, and when I see such a family, I think how much I wish that was us.
My sympathy to you and Garrett Matthew will never be forgotten. He is and will always be a part of your family.

Oh N., my heart breaks for you. We lost our daughter Sommer, 3 1/2 years ago, at 75 days of age, to SIDS. PLEASE, PLEASE read Sids and Infant Death Survival Guide by Joani Horchler.I call it my SIDS Bible, as it sits on my desk with my Bible. I know Garrett didnt die due to SIDS, but it is written for anyone who has lost a child, to any cause. I refer to very often, in fact I am trying to set up a chapter of my Foundation to provide this book to families who have lost a child. A few more suggestions, I'll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford, Empty Cradle, Broken Heart(Davis), Empty Arms (Sherokee Ilse),Mommy, Please Don't Cry (Linda DeyMaz),Someday Heaven,(Larry Libby),I have an entire shelf if you would like more titles. I could go on and on. Chicken Soup is also good.
I read anything and everything I could get my hands on. I felt like I was crazy, literaly, and reading helped me realize I wasn't. Also, I dont know your beliefs, but the Bible is a HUGE comfort to me.
You may not believe it now, I didnt for a very long time, but you will be okay, you will smile again, the loss of your precious Garrett will be with you always, but you will survive. I promise. When people told me that after Sommer died, I thought maybe THEY were the crazy ones. But they were right.( they were part of my online support group).
I always stress to grieving parents to get counceling. I did for nearly 2 years, my husband refused, but I would not be where I am today without it. I never did a support group other than online, it was too personal for me, but I had a wonderful councelor. Also pull closer to your husband, remember men and women grieve VERY differently, at times you may hate each other, fight, wonder who this person is ( both of you), but in time you will both realize the other is the only other person in the world who went through the same loss. It will bring you closer, it may take longer, it may have already happened.
Please know you are in my prayers. My heart is heavy for you. Please email me at ____@____.com if you would like to talk, want more book suggestions, anything. And please let your husband know that my husband, Billy, is very open to sharing his experiences with other Dads. Men sometimes need to talk to other men.
May God Bless You with His Peace,
A.

Hello N., I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost my little boy Glenn on May 2nd, 2008. he was born still at term. I wish I had a book I could offer to you but I haven't read much since his passing. I have found a lot of solace in speaking with other Mom's who have also lost a child. I am currently participating in an on-line support group called Angel Mom's. They have a web-site at http://www.angelmoms.com/. It is very easy to join and the women there are amazing as they have all suffered the loss of a child and completely understand the grief that you are now going through. You could also e-mail me directly at ____@____.com if you just want someone to talk to. ::Many Hugs::

T.

N.,
Words can not convey how truly sorry I am for your devastating loss. Although I don't know of any specific books, I find great solace in the poem "Footprints" during tumultuous times in my life. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.
God bless you,
T.

Hi N., I want to start out saying how sorry I am for your loss. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. A book that helped me through a difficult time is "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. Maybe it would help you too.

A. V.

Dear N.,
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I am an older mother with 3 kids: Hannah 16, Mara 13 and Benjamin 12. We lost our firt son Joshua at only 3 days old. He had a hypoplastic left heart. That was in 1989, now babies with that condition can survive. He did have surgery but it was unsuccessful. The pain was so overwhelming on so many levels. With time the pain lessens. I know you have probably heard this before but you will better. I read a book called "Why bad things happen to good people" It was written by a rabbi who lost his son. I found that very helpful. I also saw a therapist a few times. You will get through this. There are also support groups. Again I am so sorry for you loss, Laura

I am so, so terribly sorry for your loss. As a mother, I simply cannot imagine what you must be going through. I too, always look to books to help me get through life's tough times. There are two books I'm thinking of. One is called 'The Year of Magical Thinking' by Joan Didion and is the author's observations of the first year after her husbands unexpected death, and while her adult daughter was also gravely ill. Her insights about grief have changed my thinking.
The other book I'm thinking of is actually a children's book, but it is about letting go. It's a Barefoot Book called 'Tenzin's Deer' by Barbara Soros. It follows the journey of a Tibetan boy who cares for a wounded deer. The story illustrates the Buddhist practice of letting go in order to ease our suffering.
I wish you peace.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a stillborn child a couple of years ago, and a book that helped both my husband and I was "Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul". It was not just about losing a child, but it still really helped. I could not find it in stores, but was able to order it from their website www.chickensoup.com

I hope you have the courage to try again for another baby. We decided to and now have a beautiful 10 month old baby boy, and that more than anything, helped me to get past the loss, although I still have sad times.

I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot begin to pretend like I know what you are going through. The only thing I can do is pray the Jesus will guide you along your path of grief and healing. May you be blessed with a healthy child. Please know your baby was not alone.

Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur.
I lost a son-Christian Luke-in 2002. I'll be praying for you & your husband.
"With Hope" by Steven C. Chapman; "Held" by Natalie Grant; "This Too Shall Pass" by Crystal Lewis & Yolanda Adams are some really great songs for you to hear.

When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson and
THE HEART'S JOURNEY by Judy Pelikan. This one doesn't have words but the PICTURES ARE WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS. I cried the first time I "read it". Still do sometimes. I keep this book on hand to give to people going thru the grieving process.......whether that be death, divorce or disaster.

When I read Dobson's book......it took me a couple of times to pick it up and make sense of it. It was just too early th first time. (My fiance' drowned) Second time....it was EXACTLY what I needed.

You may find that one you may not be ready for yet, may be better for you down the road. You'll know.

Nocole, I'm so sorry honey for your loss.. There are a number of things I can suggest, but the greatest person I can think of would be the mama-ology group in Marietta, Ohio. Look for mamasource for marietta and find Crysta Bourdon on the website. She's part of mama-ology there. It's a huge group of women who specialize in everything from pregnancy to child birth to nursing to mourning a baby who has gone home to the Heavenly Father. I'll have you in my thoughts, heart and prayers.
A.

hello my name is lakisha smith someone just connected me to this sight i was just looking threw some of the things and yours caught my attention let me say i send my deepest sympathy to you and your family ! not sure what your religous backround is but prayer sure works for me when im done i pray it works for you also and me and my family will pray for you and yours also good luck god bless you !

Hi N., first of all I want to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your sweet baby boy. I don't really know of any books to read, but maybe you could talk to your pastor, or someone like that, my heart goes out to you and your husband, this has to be a heartbreaking thing to go through. I don't even know if you are a religious person, but I do know that prayer does help. Your little angel wasn't here on earth for very long, but now he has his little wings. You both are in my prayers. God bless you both.

Wow. I hardly ever read or respond to these, but felt compelled to write to you. I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't have suggestions of books to read that are based on the topic of losing a child, but I do know a book that might help you find comfort. It's called "One Minute After You Die" by Erwin Lutzer and it clearly explains what heaven is like based on facts pulled from the bible. Your little one IS in heaven right now and is experiencing perfection. It is an easy read, not too long and I think you really may find peace in reading it. I am a person of faith and I pray often. I will remember you in prayer today. I pray for healing for your soul. ~E.

My heart aches for your loss. My prayers are with you both. My brother and sister-in-law just lost a daughter in late August, she died a minute after birth.
Books are a great help to some, the library in Danville even has several DVD's to help cope with grief.
I would suggest, however, a grief therapy group. Most of the local hospitals have one or can give you the names of the groups in your area. It is very helpful to share your feelings with others who have suffered the same loss and to discuss different ways to handle all of your emotions at this time.

N.,

Though the book I recommend doesn't really deal with losing a child at birth, I believe "The Shack" by William P. Young would help you. You can find it on Amazon.com. It is a true story where the main character loses his daughter and how he deals with his anger when he's mad at God.

It has changed my own life and I'm not done reading it yet.

I will be praying for you and I hope that you have friends to talk to during your sadness. My heart aches for you.

N.,
N.,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a little girl and kept a journal that friends have told me has been a big help to them as they've gone through their grief journey. I'm a Christian, not sure of your faith base. E-mail me your address (____@____.com) and I'll mail you a copy. In the meantime I'm praying for you. It's a hard thing to go through but you'll make it to the other side a more empathetic and stronger person.
Blessings,
K.

First of all I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I do not think there is a harder thing to go through in life as the loss of a child. My husband and I lost our first also, twin boys, at 20 weeks into my pregnancy. Someone gave us a book called Empty Cradle Broken Heart that as very good. We also went to a support group for perinatal/prenatal loss at Dayton Children's hospital. I would highly recommend a support group. If you are not in the Dayton area, check with other local hospitals as many offer similar support groups.

If you would ever like to talk, feel free to contact me back. It's a hard road you are on. It's been over 7 years and I still think of my boys all the time. Good luck and take care.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You should check out the blog called Bring The Rain http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ it is an amazing story. She updates on and off subject. She lost her daughter just 3 hrs or so after she was born to Trisomy 18. She also has other blog friends who have been through similar situations. Such an amazing woman...and so kind. You could even email her and let her know you are seeking some advice. I'm pretty sure she'd email back!! God bless you...

N.,
I have no advice on what to read other then your bible.
I just wanted to let you know I am so sorry for your loss. It a mother's worse nightmare and I am sorry you've had to go through it!!
I will put you in prayer!
S.

I am so sorry for your loss,I have been reading Chicken soup for the grieving soul, but can only read a little at a time. (((HUGS))

I'm so sorry. I don't have any help, but know that we are thinking about you.

N.,

so very very sorry for your loss. i couldn't imagine. i don't know any books or anything. just remember not to pull away from each other, and be there for each other's comfort. take good care of each other.

hugs,love, and prayers,

C.

Try reading Surviving the loss of a love. It may take a couple of times reading it. I lost twins 2 years ago, it through me into a deep depression for months.You might need to speak to a grief councelor or your minister or a friend who can help you through this. It is very hard to carry a child and lose it. I will keep you in my prayers.

N.,
I am so sorry for you and your husband. I do not have any books to suggest, which is what you asked for, but just wanted to tell you that I will pray for your family to find peace and happiness again. I can't imagine what you all are going through. Best wishes to you both and I pray you find strength in eachother during this heart-breaking time. A.

My husband and I lost our first son also as a newborn. It's such a shock and I remember thinking I can't believe I have to live my whole life now this way, without him. I too read any book about child loss I could get my hands on. There's a lot out there. I prefered books written by people who had also lost a child. I liked "Alex, The Life of a Child" and also "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" (written by a rabbi. I'm not religious, but it was a very good book.) I'm not sure where you are, but most local hospitals have a support group for infant loss. My husband got less out of that and I did, but I found it very helpful to meet people who had lost a child many years ago and they were still surviving. It just didn't seeem possible. I hope you can find a group or a least a counselor.

(((N.)))

I am so sorry for your loss of little Garrett. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
Our third son passed away four years ago, also due to congenital heart defects, at the age of 3 1/2 months. It is a very difficult journey, but I promise you are not alone. I read so many books about loss after Zackary's death. One of the best ones is "Comfort: A journey through grief" by Ann Hood. Another one is "Waiting for Gabriel" by Amy Kuebelbeck. Check the library too - I was surprised at how many books there are dealing with child loss.
Be gentle to yourself during this time, and surround yourself with those who will truly support you. (You will be surprised how many "friends" drop off the face of the earth now, simply because they just don't know what to say or do for you).
Again, I am so very sorry. Please feel free to contact me privately if you want to talk. You are not alone in this.

I AM SOOOO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. Pray, pray, pray and ask Jesus to hold your hand. He will bring you through.
May Christ's Peace and Blessings be yours and your family's,
M.

My thoughts are with you. I can not imagine the pain you are going through and unfortunately do not have any recommendations. I just wanted you to know that I will keep your family in my thoughts and hope the best for you.

First I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. From my expirence from Thanksgiving with the loss of my son's father (my recently divorced husband) I know the mourning process is a difficult one and it will take a long time to get over. I myself am still greiving. I was given a book at Christmas that actually made me feel a little better. It wasn't a doctor writting about how to cope it was just a little book explaining that it is okay to mourn in your own way. It was called Tear Soup. I don't have the author's name with me but I can get it for you if you would like it. Always know he will always be with you and that he is your precious angel. Again I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you.

Seek God, Read the Bible. (God is your answer)

He sees and knows all things and he is the only one that knows you inside and outside, and what you can handle and what you can bear.

There's a reason and a purpose for everything.

Love ya,

N.,

I know there's nothing I can say (or write) to you to ease your pain, but please know that you, your husband and your sweet baby are in my prayers. I'm not sure if this book would help at all, but my mother used it. "I'll Hold You in Heaven" by Jack Hayford. It's on Amazon and you can look inside it online to see if it might help.

With sincere condolences,

A.

N., I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a friend years ago in California who went through this and she was helped by a support group called Compassionate Friends. Their website: http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
I also have a book that helped me cope with infertility called The Ache for a Child by Debra Bridwell. There is a chapter called "The Empty Cradle: Miscarriage and Stillbirth" that might be helpful to you. I live in NE Cincy and could loan you the book if you're interested. May
God bless and comfort you and your husband.

N.,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your child lived in heaven as a spirit before he came to earth. We all need to experience mortality in order to progress. Your son was such an advanced spirit that he only needed to come to earth to recieve a body.

I know it doesn't make the loss any easier to bear for you, but he never will have to suffer any of the physical pains of living in an earthly form. You will have an opportunity to raise this child to adulthood during the millenium.

if you would like to know more about these things, you can contact The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in your area, or www.mormon.org

Love,
L.

N., I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know of any books specifically on this subject, but I always find the Bible an excellent source of comfort and hope. Perhaps finding a support group will help you find some peace, but I'm sure talking with family and friends will help too.

God be with you & your husband, now and always.

I am very sorry for your loss. I don't know of any books that you can read but I would suggest to talk to somebody. Therapist, counselor or even a minister. I was unaware of AV Malformation and did read up on it. I don't know why bad things happen to good people and probably will never know but my mom has always told me this, "God will never give you more than you can handle." I have stuck to this and it has gotten me through some tough times. My great aunt in the course of 1 year lost her husband, mother & father and my mom told her this same quote and she told her, "I hope so because I cannot take anymore of this." Now, she is doing great. I can't sit here and tell you I know what it's like to lose a child because I don't, but I can tell you that you will be in my prayers. I always used to think there was a reason for everything that happened, but sometimes there aren't reasons.

Take care and always remember that God is always there to help you through the hard times.

i am sorry for your loss..i lost my first born also 18 years ago she was beautiful, i was the same i couldn't understand why it happened to me. u never forget u just learn to cope w/it. i figure if she were alive today she would have had a lot of pain and surgerys due to her illness, now i understand that God did not want her to suffer, so he decided to take his angel to heaven. It hurt alot and every year on her birthday, i get sad but then i think of all the pain that she was in and i would not want that for her, she is in heaven b/c all babies are angels and are in heaven w/God. I now have three children 16 year old son, 11yr Son, and last 10yr daughter..i love them all to death, and i always think that if i was to lose one now, i think i would die myself rite now. in a way i never took her home but i still loved her the same as i do the ones i have now. Trust this God will give u and your husband many more. I hope this helped u. just keep yourself occupied, when the time is right u will know. Sorry.

I have few suggestions other than to see if you can seek counseling (if you already aren't). I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

N.....I just had to tell you that my heart is crying for you. I can't even begin to imagine the terrible grief you must be feeling. This is every mothers worst fear. Read your bible and talk to Jesus. Cry, scream, hit the pillow! Talk to your friends and maybe talk to a priest or a counselor. Call your local hospital maternity ward and ask about a parents grief support group. Please know that I am praying for you and your husband. I pray you are able to make some sense of this and find joy again! God be with you.

N.,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a son who was stillborn @ term. Truly, there is nothing worse. Yet, you can survive and have joy again. The book that helped me the MOST and I probably read over 20, was: When Life is Changed Forever by the Death of Someone Near, by Rick Taylor. If you will send me your address, I'll send you one. I keep a stack of them to give to people because of how much it helped me. I know you can find it on Amazon, because that is how I replenish my supply.
Blessings, Peace & Hope,
D. Easthon CD(DONA), LCCE, ELCS, CHBE,
Waterbirth Credentialed
Community Outreach Director, Dayton Area Labor Support
www.heart2heartbirthmatters.com

I can not offer anything other than to say I am sorry for the tremendous loss that you and your loss have experienced. If nothing else, may you find some comfort in the fact that you were lucky enough to feel him move and kick inside of you for months. A gift that your husband will never receive. I find the months I spend with my children are even born, feeling them move, to be priceless and I hope that you too can find some comfort in that. May God bless you and your family.

I wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your family.
I don't know of any books off hand, but I did work for Busch funeral Home and I'm sure if you (or a friend of yours) were to call they could recommend something. Also, I imagine you could ask the hospital too. When speaking with them, ask for a recommendation to a supoport group too.
I hope you find the peace you need.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your husband through this unimaginable difficult time. God bless and peace be with you. I hope you find the answers and peace you are looking for.