Losing a Family Pet

I'm very sorry about your cat. We went through the same thing with our cat last summer. Our situation was slightly different though, because we didn't know for certain whether we were going to put him to sleep that day. Our kids (who were 2 and 5 at the time) knew before we took him in that our cat was old and very sick and that he could die soon. When the x-ray showed that there was nothing we could do, we decided to put him to sleep then. So when my husband came home without the cat, we just told the kids that he was too sick for the vet to make him better and he died. We didn't discuss how he died, although if my son had asked more about it, I was prepared to be honest (but I would not use the term "putting to sleep"). My husband and I were much more upset about it than my kids. So I would recommend keeping explanations vague, and just answering questions as they come. We didn't do any kind of formal memorial, but we do have some pictures of him around. I think a photo book is a nice idea.

We just had to put down both of our dogs down this last year, with in a couple of months of each other. They were both very old, and had tumors. We explained to our son that they were not doing very well, and that they were sick. On the morning we had to put them down we took some photos of our son with the dogs before he left for school. After he left we dug the hole where we were going to bury the dogs, and then took them to the doctors office. By the time our son got off the bus the dogs were buried. He took the first one very hard, because they were the closer to each other than he was to the other dog. His aunt bought him a huge stuffed rotrieller that looks just like the two dogs we had, and he has named the one Grizzly which was one of our dogs name.

I don't have a lot of advise- just sympathy to you and your family. We just put down 2 elderly cats and my 23 yr. old son and I sobbed uncontrollably. He dug the holes in our woods and buried them himself. We have another 9 yr. old cat that helps a lot to ease the pain. I don't think your daughter will be as affected as you will be. A photo book is a great idea. Best Wishes to you.

We put our 17 year old cat down a couple of years ago, and the kids handled it much better than I did. We explained how much our cat was hurting, and will now be at peace. Depending on your religious belief, you can add that. Kids are resilient, and usually handle it well. We gave them time to say goodbye (I was a mess! They did fine!). Good luck. I know how hard it is to lose a feline friend.

I wouldn't explain to her about euthanazing a pet just yet - my daughter is almost 8 and I just told her about that and what exactly it means. I would never tell her the Dr makes them "go to sleep". Even now at her age I never told her that. In my opinion, that would scare them about going to sleep - I mean, what if your daughter has to have surgery (god forbid) in her young life, and you are explaining to her about the "sleepy" medicine.. My daughter did have tubes nad have to have anistesha (sp) and I can just see how that would be so confusing. Anyway, I would be honest with her and let her know kitty is sick and the Dr tried her best and depending on what you believe you could tell her kitty is going to heaven, you will see her one day, etc. My daughter was 3 when I put one of our dogs down due to cancer. She knew he died and was sick but I never told her about the vet putting him down. Like I said, now that she is 7 I have told her a little. We put our 13 yr old dog down last October due to cancer as well :-( I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. I know my pets are like my kids.

I actually just had to do this today to my 16 year old cat. I still have to tell my kids when they get home from school today. My kids are 5 (girl) and 7 (boy). My daughter was very attached to Sassy Cat. As soon as I noticed Sassy taking a turn for the worse, I made it a point to almost everyday causually mention "you know, Sassy's getting pretty old" or something like that , just kinda to get them thinking. Yesterday I told my kids that Sassy was getting worse and that I had made an appointment to take her to the vet to see if they could help her because I think she is in pain and not doing very well. Obviously, this was a lie because I knew I was taking her there to put her down, but I don't want the kids to know that. I think they are too young to deal with the concept of euthenasia. When I spoke to my daughter last night, I cried. That seemed to scare her a bit, but I told her that it's ok to be sad and that I was just worried about Sassy. Today when they get home from school and settle in, I'm going to tell them that the vet did all he could for Sassy but she was just very old. The vet gave her something for the pain and then she passed away. I'll ask them if they have any questions and I'll try to answer them as simply as possible. I got most of my grief out today, taking her to the vet, holding her in my arms as she fell asleep. I still will cry alittle when I tell my kids, but thats ok. Good Luck with your daughter, keep it simple and honest without too many details and then see if she has questions. I'm very sorry for your loss. Another thing that helped us is that I got a new cat in the fall when I realized that Sassy wouldn't make it much longer. The kids are already attached to our new cat too, so it should help the transition and keep the house from feeling empty.

Hi T.,
My sympathies to your family. How hard it is to loose a member of your family. You have already received some great advice from the other moms. I have not had to deal with this with my children yet but I would suggest taking a picture of your daughter with the cat and maybe you could make a special frame together to put the picture in. I heard a beautiful story a few years ago about how a family had to put their dog to sleep and their 6 year old daughter was just devastated. The mom suggested that they write a letter to the dog and send it to him in Heaven (I think they put a picture in there too). They put the letter in the mailbox and didn't think anything of it. About a week later they found a package wrapped in beautiful gold paper and ribbon on their porch. In it was a letter back to the little girl from the dog saying how he was fully healed, Heaven is a beautiful place etc and I think their might have been a book in there too or even a stuffed animal resembling the dog (I can't remember exactly). A sweet person at the postal service took it upon themselves to help ease this little girl's grief. Maybe an idea of something to do with your daughter. Blessings!!
E.

I am very sorry about your cat. We've been there. One thing that you could do is make one of those cement stones ( from a craft store) and decorate it in memory of your pet. We planted a little catnip garden in the back yard after our cat passed away and placed a stone cat statue in the middle of it. In discussing it with your child, I would just focus on how much you loved the cat and what great memories you will always have and nothing will take those away. That meant a lot to our daughter, she still remembers our dog that died when she was 2.

I am so sorry to hear about your cat. I just lost my horse of 25 years last week. (He was 35.) Over the years, we have lost many animals as they have grown old and it is never easy on any of us, especially the kids. (My 31 year old daughter took the loss of our horse the hardest.) I agree with so many other moms that you should be honest, yet simple in telling your daughter about the loss.
When we lost one of our first cats when my girls were still quite young, we had a paw print made (in one of those little kits that you use to make hand prints of babies), before he was put to sleep. Our vet suggested it and I thought it was a great idea.
K.

First off, be absolutely honest with your daughter, no matter how young. The cat is very old, the vet has no way to help him get better, he is SUFFERING, and we are going to take him immediately to be put to sleep. Yes, that means killed, but in a way he doesn't hurt any more. We love him very much, but making him die slowly is unfair to him. Here, we will bury him and have a nice funeral, we have pictures of him to cherish, we can go to the shelter to rescue a cat in his honor. Tell her, and DO IT NOW! Do not make the cat wait another day.

Go to the library and ask about books that help kids understand death of pets. Our cat died when our daughter was 3 and she had a hard time with it. She acted out because she didn't know how to process the grief. We would talk with her about it, and tell her it was ok to feel sad. We had a ceremony in the yard and buried the cat in her favorite fleece blanket. We have her collar around her picture, on a shelf. We waited about six months before getting another cat.