Looking for Some Support and Answers Re: Son with Adhd and Possible ODD

Updated on February 13, 2008
B.B. asks from Minneapolis, MN
12 answers

I am a stay at home mom with four children, Dallas 8, Kaleigh 6, Riley 4 and Emma 22 months. Our struggle is with our oldest Dallas. We knew that there were challanges from the time he was very young(2 yrs old). We have been seeking help through child psyh drs. Dallas has ADHD and is currently on medication Concerta. The medication has helped some with school but not with behaviors at home. My husband and I are beside ourselves many days. He may go weeks with outbursts anger, frustration and out right defiance. He may have a week or a few days of calm behaviour...but right back to what has become the unpreductable norm. I am now certain with my latest research that Dallas may have ODD. The material I have read fits his behaviour to a T. When Dallas is home from school our lives can be turned upside down. No dicipline works with Dallas...believe me we've tried everything. We have taken parenting classes through our church to try to find some answers. I have read many books...which has helped us with dicipline of our other children but not Dallas. Our family life often is affected by his moods and outbursts. He craves attention but goes about it in the wrong way. I know that he has low self esteem but on the same note thinks he rules the world. We just need help. I have been researching ODD this weekend and I have found some programs that you can purchase on Defiant Children. Has anyone ever heard of "The Total Transformation"? It is the first thing that I have come accross to help parents with their ADD/ODD child. I just want so bad for my son to have a good life. I know that he can't be happy right now. I'm not sure he has ever know true happiness. I hope and pray to find some answers soon so he can enjoy his childhood and we can enjoy a peaceful loving house.

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I know that there are answers out there and that we will find them. I am looking into many of the suggestions you have given me. We love our son very much, I would do anything to take away the pain that he is going through. Today he told me he does not like being so angry all the time. I think that is a step in the right direction. It is nice to know that I have a place to go to get support and answers and sometimes just to vent. Thanks again.

More Answers

T.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

I know this is going to sound corny, but have you considered a diet change and a good sleep schedule? I would start with eliminating corn syrup and any dyes for starters. Then, start to go the organic route. There's a lot of research out there to suggest that it works and it's a cheap solution. Good luck! Keep us posted!

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi B.,
Let me start out with telling you that your doing the best job that you can. I have 3 kids of my own my oldest is 7. I new from day one that something wasn't right. He screamed non-stop (up to 18hr of the day) The screaming went to yelling and anger at 2 and by 4 everything fell apart. We walked on egg shells not knowing what would set him off next. I also thougth my son had ODD his physiatrist explained to us that if it was ODD that it was something that he could control. I knew when my son went into his rages it was out of his control. He thought it was bi polar I was confused until he explained that the symptoms in children are different then the symptoms in adults,(look under child bi-polar) I did some reading up on it and it did seem to fit him but not all of it. We went to a neuropsychologist his did 4 hours of testing on him. He then told us that he thought our son had a form of Austism know as Aspergers (this wasn't the first time we had heard this. His peditricin had thought this at the age of two but we wanted to wait and see.) The neuropsy. also told us that he had ADD,OCD and Anxiety disorder. (The anxitey plays a big part in his mood along with his aspergers as he like order/routine/schedule. He needs to know what to expect if things don't go as planed or as expected, I may as well call it a day.) He said that he also sees were the Bi-polar my play in. My son sees a physiatrist every 6 weeks now. When we started it was every 2weeks until we had things under control. He has tried different meds. and his diet has been changed (big help) He is on Risperdal now this is a mood stablize and it seems to help. He is also on Anxiety meds. He now has a in home therapist that comes once a week for 3-4hrs depending on his needs. She comes before he gets home from school to work with me for about in hour and then she is there after he gets off the bus since this can be a hard time of day for us. My son is very smart and way ahead of his classmates. Some days I have to find the small things that don't always shine in him to help me get through the day. My favorite thing to do is to wait until he is fast asleep and then I lay next to him and snuggle up.(he is not much for touchy/snuggle time when awake) I then lay a look at how peaceful and beautiful he is. I hope some of this helps. My biggest piece of advice is don't give up. If you don't agree with the doctor find another one. No one nows your child better then you. I wish you luck in your search for the answer. Stay strong I know your doing your best. If you ever have questions or just need to talk/vent let me know. K. ____@____.com

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M.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I just responded earlier today about an all natural product that can help with ADHD. Don't know if you read it or not so I will tell you about it. A study reveals that Pycnogenol, (pic-noj-en-all), an antioxidant plant extract from the bark of the French maritime pine tree, reduces ADHD in children. The study show Pycnogenol balances stress hormones, which lowers adrenaline and dopamine, resulting in a decrease of ADHD. The study was published in the journal of European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. The product is OPC-3 and you can get it at www.marketamerica.com/knopp. It is $67.50 for a three month supply. I personally know people taking it that have Diabetes, Fibromyalgia, and Arthritis. I personall take it as it is an excellent blood cleaner. How and why the product works so well is it is isotonix, which means it is broken down as far as it can go so it does not have to digest which gives you an absorption of 95-98% of the nutrients into your system. The web portal has all the scientific facts and data on it but you can let me know if you have any questions at all.

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J.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think you would find a big difference in him if you remove all artificial ingredients, preservatives and colors out of his diet. Almost everything kids love is bad for them and can really affect their behavior. I'm doing it with my kids and have seen a difference in just a short period of time. Check this out: www.feingold.org
Gluten free and casein free diets can also help with some kids, along with vitamins.
Best wishes,
J.
Mom to 4, going on 5.

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S.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi B.! I completely understand what you are going through as I have a 7 year old son with ADHD and ODD. He was diagnosed about 9 months ago (but we knew from about 18 months that something wasn't quite right). Jackson also takes Concerta. When we first got the diagnosis our therapist suggested the "123 Magic" style of discipline. My husband and I were huge skeptics...we did not think counting would help our rageful son. But, we checked out the DVD and the book from the library and it worked! It took a couple of weeks for us to really get it down, but if you haven't tried it, I recommend it. We also find that our sons strong emotions get triggered by big events. Since the holidays and winter break from school, we've been having more issues, so we're having our son meet with the school counselor to talk things out. Is your sons school/teacher helpful? I know how frustrated you probably feel...I feel that way often. But, there is hope that you will find something that will work and you will get to see the sweet side of your boy more often!

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B.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hello,

I have the same problem with my 6 1/2 year old daughter Kaitlyn. I noticed a problem around 2 also and had to insist on her getting seen when she was in Pre-school. We are from California and they like to wait until they are 6 but I insisted so that she can get a good education and so can the other students in her class. I have had Kaitlyn in therapy and find that it helps. I just went yesterday to a new therapist in St. Cloud at the CentraCare center for adolesent behavior. We saw Dr. Ostergaard. She is going to be doing some testing to see where she has weak points so that she can pinpoint where she has to work on. Also she was saying that the ODD my not be ODD but frustration from the ADHD. I have done the same things you have that do work for my 3 year old but not Kaitlyn. The therapy will also be for me to learn what I have to do to work with her.

Has Dallas had any testing? If you have not had him tested you may want to look into it so that maybe therapy can be pinpointed where he can use some help.

Let me know if you would like the number to the St. Cloud clinic or if you need some support or someone to just talk to.

B. M.

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E.V.

answers from Minneapolis on

B.-
I am very sorry you are experiencing this turmoil. I hope that you are able to find some answers, because it must be incredibly frustrating. I am at home with my daughter, but am a therapist who worked with kids age 6-12 who had emotional and behavioral difficulties. If things are as bad as you are saying, I would suggest going beyond the outpatient and medicine route. There are many programs in the Cities called Day Treatment. This would be a school/therapy program where he would go during the day for a 6-12 month period. They should work with your son, but also with all of you as a family whole to get some answers and repair relationships. Some of the programs in the Cities are at LifeSpan of Minnesota, HSI, Fraser and Washburn Child Guidance. I sincerely hope this helps. Do what you think is best for your son, this is just an option that many in your situation haven't heard of. It should be covered by insurance.

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K.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

B.,
I can only imagine your pain and frustration. There is nothing more horrible than watching your child suffer. It sounds as if your son is having a very hard time. I am a special ed teacher and a mom. Although I am by no means an expert in this area, I would suggest getting some outside help (which it sounds like you have already). Go to your son's school and see if they are seeing this behavior and see if they have suggestions. Ask your pediatrician for help. See if he or she knows of any resources for you. Also, there is a school, called Fraser in Minneapolis. They do testing and assessment for a variety of things. They also have a variety of treatment options(not all medication, a lot with behvior therapy). A girlfriend of mine just recently had her son evaluated there and was absolutley thrilled with the results. If infact your son has ODD, you are going to want support. A support group for you and your husband might be a good idea as well. I guess my thought is, books are wonderful tools when used in conjunction with support. I would not try and tackle this on my own, if it were my son. Good luck to you and your son!

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T.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would agree with the previous poster about his diet. Have you researched the Feingold diet? There are several ways that children can show a bad reaction to certain food additives, including MSG, artificial food colorings and flavorings, and also to certain artificial sweetners. I would recommend seeing a nutritionist. As a former Special Education teacher to children with behavior disorders, I can assure you that many times families cannot believe the change in behavior when they make the commitment to good, whole food nutrition. I would recommend Nutritional Weight and Wellness. They have a few offices throughout the metro, but will also do phone consultations. If you go that route, I recommend seeing Dar Kvist. She is phenomenal with dealing with children's issues. Check out their website at www.weightandwellness.com if your interested.

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N.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Have you tried modifying his diet? This is not easy, especially with three other little ones, but if you cut out sugar, gluten and dairy, you may see some huge behavior differences. Naturally occurring sugars like fructose in fruit is fine, but anything processed is bad. It's worth a try! If you can clean out and heal the gut, his overall well-being should improve, even if he is not displaying any abdominal or digestive issues.

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A.J.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi B., I am also a SAHM of three boys. Prior to that I was a school teacher. It has been awhile since working closely with children with ADHD. Having said that I would first recommend you get in touch with PACER in Minnesota. It is a parent advocacy center. A good place to start to connect with other mothers and get easy access to information to work with schools and medical personal. www.pacer.org or 1.800.537.2237.
They would have info on the "Total Transformation" Also another good resource for information and a great lending library is PLUK(Parent's Lets Unite for Kids) out of Montana. www.pluk.org. I am a shaklee distributor and have also listen to testimonials from moms and would be happy to try and get you a tape or cd on nutrition. You may reach me through my site at www.shaklee.net/anita_otterness. I hope this helps. Respectfully, A.

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A.V.

answers from Minneapolis on

Tina Feigal, "The Pocket Parent Coach". Has some good insight on parenting intense children. My friend who is a nanny and postpartum Dula recommended it to me, and I like the ideas.It says that PET brain readings show high activity in these intense children, and that they are looking for a match to there intensity level that they can get by behaviors that get us to react with high emotion. She lays out a plan on how to match our children in a positive way and not give our energy in negative ways.
A.

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