Living Together but Not Married

My husband and I did NOT live together until after we were married. We were also each other's first.

7 moms found this helpful

Traditional here. Married before we lived together. Have three kids and going on 9 years! Still love him and very committed...My sister is living with her BF and I don't forsee them getting married...There's something to be said about those stats who say living together before marriage results in higher divorce rates....To each their own. Glad I made the choice I did.

6 moms found this helpful

We moved in with each other after we got married. We also waited for marriage, to sleep with each other. I (for me) do not believe in playing house. I don't care what other people do, it just wasn't an option for us.

5 moms found this helpful

We're traditional - no living together before getting married, 1st marriage for both of us, no kids but the 2 we have together, still married.

5 moms found this helpful

Not married, but we have been together for 13 years, have 2 kids & a house. I don't think we will ever get married, this works for us!

5 moms found this helpful

We did not live together prior to marriage. I moved into the house we bought together on our wedding day.
Married 9 years. Together 11.
2 kids.
Still in love.
:)

4 moms found this helpful

I have been married 15 years next Feb. We moved in together AFTER we were married (even though I owned my own home when we were dating).
We were married for about 7 years before having a child. No regrets.

4 moms found this helpful

We started dating in October and married the following April. We each believed the God destined us to be with one person He made just for us. Neither dated anyone - until we met each other. We were each waiting for our "sign" that this was our soul mate. Married young (18 & 20), had our first baby 18mths later, and adopted. We moved in together on our wedding night. We were each other's first and only still - almost 32 years later. We advise newlyweds that if God is between you, nothing else can get between you.

4 moms found this helpful

Met on a blind date and moved into a new place together after we got married.
We had our son 10 1/2 years later (only because of infertility issues) and our twins a few years after that. We have been married 19 years.

Why do you ask? I would be curious to know how many people lived together first, married and then divorced. Maybe a question I should post.

4 moms found this helpful

My wife moved in with me on our wedding night. We did not sleep together before marriage.

We have been married 38 years. Good times. Bad times. Wonderful times. Almost well off times, many poor times.

We had 8 kids. We did many things as a family and loved it. We had so many good times as a family. Being poor was just a minor hindrance. I regret not being able to let those that feel one is enough how much joy and fun they are missing by having only one or two. But how do you describe how wonderful home smoked turkey or filet mignon is to a vegan? How do you tell someone of the joy and pride you feel when your son names his first born after you because of how much love and respect he has for you as a dad, especially when his first is your 4th grandchild? Or when your 3rd child becomes a doctor and he tells you at his graduation, he couldn't have done it without you. If I'd stopped at one or two, I'd have never heard those words or felt that pride.

Good luck to you and yours.

3 moms found this helpful

Troy lived with me and my kids for a year and a half before we got married. After the disaster that was my first marriage I was not going to marry someone I didn't live with first!

3 moms found this helpful

"First comes loves, the comes marriage, then comes x with the baby carriage."
I did it the old fashioned way and I am glad. No one can say I didn't live the values I am trying to teach my daughter about sex, etc... Coming from an abusive homelife, I had bad relationships when a teen. They added to my pain.
I made up my mind to wait to have kids until I was all grown up and able to be the mom mine wasn't. I also find marriage STRESSFUL and hard. I was so used to being alone really. I could not deal with steps, baby mamas, etc.. I need boring, calm, and steady to be at my best.

3 moms found this helpful

After dating for 6 months my boyfriend moved in with me and my 3 boys. 3 months later we were married. 5 years later we now have 2 together making it 5 kids total.

3 moms found this helpful

Moved to Alaska after grad school and met my husband there. Married 16 months after we met, then moved in to our first place. We've been married 10 years, have 3 kids together, and are still crazy in love. Neither of us had previous partners so obviously no children were conceived before our first came along almost 4 yrs after we were married. Nurse Midwife Mom

3 moms found this helpful

Dated for 3 years (did not live together), got married, waited 10 years before kids. Been married 15 years this year. If you count the 3 years we dated, then we've been together for 18 years.

3 moms found this helpful

im living on ym own, but would want to live together 1st, to make sure he was the right one for myself and my daughter....what about u?

3 moms found this helpful

We moved in together when I was 7 months pregnant. He asked me to marry him when our daughter was 4 months old (in 2006). We didn't get married until 2009. I always knew that he was the man for me, even on our first date. I can't explain it I just knew. My daughter was not planned, but the most wonderful surprise.
I am not against anyone living together outside of marriage and I am not against people waiting until they are married. I do think that it is something that should be discussed in length before moving in when kids are involved.

2 moms found this helpful

Shacked up for 5 years then got married when we decided we were ready for kids. Worked for us but I could tell my mom bit her tongue for a few years until we got engaged.

2 moms found this helpful

We lived together for 5yrs before we got married. It worked well for us. We knew we wanted to get married we just weren't in a big rush. I found out 4 weeks after our wedding I was pregnant with our daughter. For us, the timing of it all could not have been better! :)

2 moms found this helpful

Hubby and I dated for 1 year before moving in together, then lived together 1.5 years before getting engaged, then another 1.5 years before getting married. We saw living together as being more practical since it was a precursor to getting married, we were saving money on rent and utilities, and we were spending all our time together at either my place or his place anyway. No pregnancy scares because we were adamant about using birth control and not getting pregnant until we were really ready to try. Our daughter was born 3 years after we got married. Hubby was married before and his 2 sons from his first marriage are now 17 and 18. Their mother has had a live-in boyfriend for the past few years but as far as I know I don't think they have any plans to get married or have kids of their own. He was already married and has 3 kids of his own - 2 boys that are 19 and 22 and another boy who is 8.

2 moms found this helpful

My husband and I lived together for 5 years before we got married. Been married for 8 years now.

2 moms found this helpful

Hubby and I dated for two years before moving in together. Dated for another 6 years and then finally got married :)
We celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary tomorrow.

2 moms found this helpful

I got married when I was 21. I lived with my parents until the day we got married. My husband was a marine and lived on base. We are also each others 1st. We were virgins. We are about to have our 10 year anniversary in a few months and I wouldn't have it any other way.

2 moms found this helpful

Lived with my husband for 1 year and 3 mos before getting married. No kids, though. Best decision we ever made was to live together first. I think if all people did it, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high!
We had to keep it a secret though- our parents are all religious and wouldn't have approved. Not that we really cared what they thought- we are both agnostic and lived 2 hours away- we just didn't want to hear the whole hellfire and brimstone speech. 10 years later, it's still smooth sailing!

2 moms found this helpful

My (now) hubby and I dated a year (almost exactly), then lived together for 2 years (again almost exactly), then were married. Our daughter was born 3 years after we were married. We celebrated our 20th anniversary this summer.

My one brother (a year older than me...and we are the babies of the family of 4) and I did about the same route, except he dated his now wife for 9 years total (2 years lived together) before finally marrying her. I first met her at MY wedding!.

My oldest sister (12 years older than me), lived with the same man for over 20 years and had kids with him, but never married him. My next brother (9 years older than me), married when he was 16 years old (a few weeks shy of his 17th birthday..and she is 3 years older than him!). Their first of 2 boys was born 3 years later.They just celebrated their 34th anniversary and definately are Soul Mates!

Takes all kinds!

2 moms found this helpful

Hubby and I started dating in high school, went to college together, dated for 2.5 years before moving in together (my 3rd year, his 2nd, in college). 3 years living together before we got married. We've now been married almost 7 years and our girl is almost 3. I agree with the idea that people should live together before getting married--otherwise you really have NO IDEA what you're getting into! :) We were also each other's "firsts" (and only)... We never had a "pregnancy scare" or other because before (and early in) marriage, we used proper contraception (99% effective, right).

2 moms found this helpful

Married.
We did live together prior to getting married for a few months. We both KNEW it was forever. There were no children involved and no pregnancy or "scare" about a possible pregnancy. We became engaged within 6 months (as soon as hubby completed his training at work and became fully certified---it was a rigorous stressful training period that lasted almost 3 years). Were married 3 months later.
We will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this December.

2 moms found this helpful

My husband and i were living together about a year when ingot pregnant with my son and stayed together another 6 years before getting married.

2 moms found this helpful

I have to add my vote to the minority.

Dated/engaged 4 years, married, then lived together, had 2 kids, still together and happy. Hope my kids do it this way too. Stability counts for a lot, honesty and values count for even more ( by that i mean being honest with yourself and not just infatuated).

2 moms found this helpful

My hubby and I lived together before we got married. We will be celebrating our 14 wedding anniversary this Fen. Waited almost 8 years before we had kids.

2 moms found this helpful

Just celebrated our 10yr anniversary yesterday. We lived together for 2.5 yrs before getting married.

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Not married and never have been. My SO and I have been together for almost 13 years. We each have a child from a previous relationship and we have 2 kids together. We've been living together for about 7yrs and bought our house 6yrs ago.
I don't have anything against marriage. I wanted to get married early on in our relationship but it just never happened. And now that we've been together for so long and already have kids, it seems kind of silly to get married now.

2 moms found this helpful

I've lived with many many people I wasn't married to.

My son was a miracle baby (condoms, spermacide, pill). My now husband wanted to get married right away. I demurred until he was 2.

1 mom found this helpful

I lived with my husband a year and a half before we got married then started having kids.

1 mom found this helpful

We dated for 3 years, then moved up north together to attend school. Seemed silly to move somewhere where we knew no one and live apart. So we lived together for one year and then married. Married for 15 years now, together for 19. Had a child 8 years into our marriage.

1 mom found this helpful

I have been with my boyfriend going on 5 years, no kids from previous relationships, we have our daughter together, and we just bought our first house a year and a 1/2 ago (yay!).
I know eventually we will get married, but there's no rush, we're happy. =)

1 mom found this helpful

I moved in with my husband about 4 months before we got married. I had a son from a previous relationship. We had known each other for 5 years before. I lived with a guy before that for almost 4 years and I loved him and wanted to get married. Unfortunately for him (ha!), he didn't.
Laura

1 mom found this helpful

My hubby & I were together for 4 yrs before we moved in together; his place; 2 of those years were long distance; then we lived together for 2 yrs before we got married w/my son who was 8 at the time; during that year bought/built a house together. We've been together for 17 yrs celebrating our 10th Anniversary in July. We have 2 kids together. We were married 2 yrs before we had our daughter; she's 6 1/2 yrs old & our son is 2 1/2 yrs old they are 4 years apart to the day.

1 mom found this helpful

Lived in different states until the weekend before our wedding, when he moved into our new place. I moved into our new place when we returned from our honeymoon. We have been together for about 10 years, married for 6.

1 mom found this helpful

AG, my husband and I were high school sweethearts. He is only one year older than me, but two years ahead in school. It ended up that we were at the same university his last two years, my first two, and we continued to date. He graduated and started working back home in his hometown, and waited for me. I finished my last two years - it was hard not seeing him much, but we were 3 1/2 hours apart. I graduated in June, and married him in July. That was 29 years ago.

It was the right thing for us. I do believe that there is a place for people being together in order to see if they are compatible. I'd rather see people be sure than to marry so they can sleep together, and then end up divorced because they weren't the right fit.

I'm glad my husband and I are the right fit. I would not want to have to figure this out with anyone else!

D.

1 mom found this helpful

My situation was totally backwards. I am not married yet.
I've been with the same man and we have two kids.

Me and my b/f were great friends for about 4 years, then started dating. We moved in together because I had no where to live. Our 1st son was a surprise. We used protection..just didn't work lol
We are very much in love, been together for over 5 years now.
We have 2 babies together, a car, own a home (in both our names)
Marriage just hasn't happened yet.
We both want it, but my b/f is stubborn about being able to buy me a ring.
So ya, backwards hehe

1 mom found this helpful

I moved in with my hubby on my wedding night. He did not want to live together before marriage. He tried it once and it was such a horrible experience that he vowed not to repeat the same mistake. I had no problem with it. I also realize that not everyone living together with kids wants to get married. It's really a personal choice.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I are common law married.
We call each other husband and wife, claim married on forms and documents. I have his last name.
We share bills, the lease, insurance, and a child.
We wear wedding rings.

We are married in every way possible out side of one piece of paper for 7 years this Halloween.

We did live together first.

Our anniversary is Halloween, we wanted to go to a court house and get the license, but it will not happen (again) this year. Halloween is on a Monday, no time off available from his job.
Maybe next year :)

No biggie :)

*** Also, I was married before and so was he. With both of our previous marriages, we did not live with the person until we were married. We ended up divorced. We BOTH believe in testing the car before you buy it now, so to speak. We are happily married for 7 years and will grow old and die together.***

1 mom found this helpful

Lived together for 11 yrs without getting married. We had both been married before and I did not see the purpose of spending the cash for a piece of paper. We introduced each other as husband and wife. I have 3 kids,he had 1 and 4 grandkids. He was GREAT with my kids. I am still considered grandma.
Unfortunately he passed away last month. I am listed on his death certificate as spouse. But no benefits from SS because we were not legally married. That's ok. It doesn't upset me.
If I EVER meet anyone else. I don't think I will get married. I don't know.
Good Question.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I have been together since we were 16. I got pregnant at 22, and we moved in together when I was 8 months pregnant. We got married when my first was 8 months old. None of that was what we had planned. I think if it weren't for my surprise pregnancy at 22 things would have happend a lot slower. Maybe move in together at 25, married a few years later, then kids..but I'm glad things happened the way they did.

1 mom found this helpful

We lived together briefly before we got married. We did not have kids until after we were married though. Now we have 4 beautiful children. (I'm a Tad bit biased) and we're coming up on our 15th anniversary in January

1 mom found this helpful

We got married and then lived together with his parents while we were waiting to build our house. We went from doing long distance to married to living together.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I got pregnant with our daughter very early on in our relationship...we moved in while I was pregnant and we got married when she was 15 months old. So we lived together for 2 years before getting married. I was not going to marry him simply because I was pregnant, so that's why we waited.

My brother just bought a house with his girlfriend, but I don't think they will ever have kids.

Both of my sisters live with their boyfriend/fiance, and my one brother lives at home but did live with his gf before moving home. I think it's more normal than not now, but that doesn't mean it's right or wrong.

If I had it to do over, I probably would have waited on everything!

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I lived together for over a year befor we were married. We moved in together before we got engaged as well. We didn't have a child until we had been married for almost 6 years - by choice. We'll be married 12 years in 2012!

And I have no idea what number we were/are on each other's sexual partner list, but we both had a lot of experience prior to meeting! We are each other's first spouse though!

1 mom found this helpful

We have been married 4 years, and we lived together for about 2 years before we got married. We were engaged when we moved in together though. We were both the first people we lived with (other than parents) because we met in college. I wouldn't have had it any other way, it worked out very well for us. :)

1 mom found this helpful

We didn't live together prior to marriage. In fact, we didn't live together for a few months after we got married. That is just how it worked out with our jobs. We obviously saw each other and had overnight visits, etc. prior to and post marriage. We have two children together which came along after we got married.

1 mom found this helpful

I have been married for 7 years and we lived together for almost 4 years before we got married. We have 2 kids, born after we got hitched.

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When my daughter was 2.5 y/o we moved into a home with my bf of 6 months. We lived together for almost a full 3 years before getting married and now married one year. My oldest is not my husband's but she calls him Daddy and he acts like she's his daughter. We had baby #2 shortly after the wedding, unplanned but happy about it anyways!

1 mom found this helpful

I was fortunate enough to meet my soul mate in high school.
We courted through collage (we went to different schools) and managed a long distance relationship.
Sometimes we could only see each other once a month.
I wrote him every day - he called me every week.
We got engaged just before my husband graduated collage and lived together 1 1/2 years till we were married.
I told him we were not living together unless we were engaged and we had to have a definite wedding date in mind.
We married (9 years after we'd first met), bought a house 9 months later and had our son 9 years after that.
We celebrated our 22 anniversary last summer.

1 mom found this helpful

Put us in the old fashioned camp too. We actually dated for 5 years and then married at age 26 (both of us). We both lived at home with our parents until the day we were married. We actually bought our house almost a year before we got married and neither of us lived in it until we came back from our honeymoon. Our daughter came along about 7 years later. I wouldn't have done it any other way.