Little Boy with "Hitting" Problem

I'm sorry that you're going through this. My son is 2 and has been hitting for a while. I was constantly putting him in time out and even in his crib in his room. However, I realized just the other day that now that it's been nice and they've been able to play outside almost everyday I haven't had to get after him for hitting. I did today but it was near his naptime. Now that it's nice, get him outside and running around. Wearing off that extra energy will help, especially if he gets to play with you.

A strong "NO!" would be good to start with. If he doesn't listen, have a time out chair and put him there for X number of minutes for every infraction. And keep putting him there till he stays there for the time allotment. (Supernanny is a great program for stuff like this) He'll get the message eventually. Don't forget to explain why he has to sit there and then big hug for a reward for taking it like a trooper.

i think you're not giving your little guy enough credit. kids are smart. i think he would understand a "no" or time out if you followed thru to the very bitter end, but each time it will be easier on you (well, on everyone). i find time outs (when done properly) work very well. the thing is, they take alot of work and in the beginning, time, because it is a power struggle between you (and/or his daddy) and your little guy and so there's you, doing the same thing over and over and over again until he realizes you're the leader of the family.
kids are taught how to count, their alphabet, all sorts of things so young, but when it comes to discipline, i see parents fall short on teaching that to their kids, underestimating them. i think part of it is they don't know where to start and they don't have the energy to follow thru. but, trust me, in the end it's worth having a child listen, follow directions, and behave.
of course, kids always have off-days (like the rest of us). and the rules will have to be reiterated after awhile. my kids usually have to go thru the whole thing of teaching them the rules of time outs every few months.
anyhow, sorry for rambling! i hope this helps and good luck! your son is smart, he'll get it. hang in there.... :)

K., I have a grandaughter that turned 2 in Jan. at times she has done the same thing..I think sometimes children that age don't know how to express their feelings so they hit...My daughter has had to talk to her quite sternly and she goes into (time out) after her time she has to tell whom ever she hit she is sorry and that she won't do it again..

Your son is not to young to learn what "time out" is..there is no time like the present, the longer you wait the harder it will be...Always warn him of what will happen if he does it again(I only warn once) ...When you put him in your spot(a corner or a certain chair..away from TV or other distractions) after he has stopped crying ,leave him there for 1 minute, after that explain why he is in time out(you hurt mommy or daddy when you hit) and have him say sorry... It won't be easy and you will probably have to do it plenty of times, but it will be worth it in the long run...

I also take care of a little girl that willl be 2 in June...she has time out often..she doesn't like it but she does go to the spot on her own now...

Parenting is definately a hard job!!!

Best of Luck ....B. C.

Ahhhh yes! Have been there! My son is now 6. It gets better with time. Your son does not mean to be a bad guy...he is just communicating as his language has not developed. It can be frustrating. My son was always bigger than his age group and I felt a lot of pressure of his behavior around other parents and kids. I think it is ok to put them in a one mimute time out if he is doing it and hurting people. There are picture books I used to help illustrate to my son..I think one is called "Hands are not for hitting". By Martine Agassi. It will help them learn the good things hands can do. At that age they need more than words and pictures clearly help them see the cause and effect. When my son would hit I would just go to him and give him a physical cue by softly rubbing the top of his hand and say lets use our words....try and not pay too much attention to it as when he is getting a response you are falling into what he wants...communication (I would most of the time remove myself from him when he hit me--and they hate that!). Reward him with good behavior. If all fails....this too shall pass once they have better language skills. :) The pictures and books and positive responses is what he will truly learn by. Hope this helps....

I have 24 month twins. I have always told them "Hands are not for hitting" and say "we use hands are for clapping, coloring, etc." In addition, I use time outs. They know that hitting hurts and is an automatic time out, no warning. What also seemed to help also is a board book from the library, "Hands are not for hitting". They enjoyed reading it together. They tell each other now "Hands are not for hitting".

My 25 month old has the same problem. There is nothing that works all the time, but I've noticed that the thing that helps most is distraction. At your son's age, they don't associate hitting with hurting. If he appears to be doing it to get a reaction, I would find a toy or game and direct him towards that, or maybe just spend a few minutes with him playing, as long as you can. It's a cry out for some needed attention most of the time - 'time in' will help more than a 'time out'. If he is doing it out of frustration, I say, 'you look frustrated!' and I show him the 'hitting bear' (a really big stuffed animal) and I tell him to hit the bear and that people are not for hitting. If he does it out of anger, I tell him that 'people are for loving' and I open my arms and tell him, 'I love you . . . hugs!' and he almost always hugs me back, then finds something else to do. Above all, do not get angry with him or hit him back. This sends the wrong message and will not get him to stop hitting, and it might make him hit MORE (that's what happened with my DS.) We've been going through this for a while and it's a struggle, but at least he only hits his sister and not anyone else's kids, now! Good luck, J.

When he hits you are you ignoring it or does he think you are playing with him.. you have to strees to him that hitting is bad or you hurt Momma when you do that. Try to stop it now time outs are good I had to separte my 2 when they were younger for hitting. pick him up and put him in and area where you can see him and tell him why he is there if he comes back take him right back trust me he will get it. Even if it is a min or 2 min time out it takes time to do this..He will grow out of it. Time outs at that age is good they learn from them at least mine did.

Whats been working with my year-old grandson, who also seems to ignore the word no, is holding his hands down for a few seconds, and firmly stating the word NO, even when he tries to pull away. He hates being held back in any way from doing what he wants, so this has been an effective method with him. It may take a few times, but so long as you are consistent and follow through, it can work. You also have to make sure you do not laugh, smile, or in any other way make it seem like a game when you discipline him. This is something my daughter, a first time mom, was doing when her son would bite, pull hair, and hit, so now she's having to change her discipline methods and start over again, so to speak. It's been a little over a month now, but he's to the point to where a reminder that the behavior is not ok, is usually enough to stop it. It's going to take some time, but as others have said, consistency is the key to any discipline. Good luck!

We also have had this problem with my son. I think that the best way to handle it is to just somehow tell/show him that hitting is not OK. I use time out right now but my son is older. When he was younger I would just grab his hands, look him in the eye and say "no hitting!" Whatever you choose to do, just be consistent, he will start to understand eventually.

My mom works at a day care where the toddlers are put in time out, some of them are in that room as young as your son, for one minute per year of their age. Our daughters were put in a form of time out as young as 12 months. Time out can really be a multitude of forms. At that age, it is simply removing them from the situation and having them sit somewhere - for our girls it was often on the couch beside us. After their minute was up, we would explain what was bad about the behavior and then let them resume playing. We have been told that we have high expectations for our daughters - especially with their behavior. And although we do not expect them to behave like adults, we do expect them to behave at a level most kids we see don't. As my mom put it this weekend when defending our parenting style - they have yet to disappoint us. With all that said, in order to get to this point we had to start very young setting the expectations of right and wrong behaviors, and "punishing" for inappropriate behavior. Hitting, no matter how, is inapprpriate (and you seem to recognize that), and therefore removing him from that situation and having him sit next to you and then talking to him would be one way of trying to correct that. IF it continues as he gets older, you could move to a special "Time Out" place, we call the chair we use the "Thinking Chair" where they think about their behavior - and it is often also away from the TV. Hope this helps.

Hi K. -

I don't know if this will help ...but... I have a 2 1/2 year old & have found that (from a very young age) if I got down to his level made eye contact w/ him & told him that he hurts mommie when he hits or it doesn't feel nice and it makes me sad when he hurts me. he seems to have an attitude change because he can hear in my voice & see in my eyes that it's not nice. i explain to him that it's not nice to hit someone & ask him to say "no hitting" & then he gives me a kiss & a hug & says "i'm sorry mommie" All this takes very little time because as you know, as toddlers, they don't have a long attention span. I think it takes about 1-2 minutes TOTAL! I have found that he RARELY ever hits! hope this helps!! GOOD LUCK!

Hi, I am a mother of five, one boy and four girls and I can tell you that at 15 months they do know the word no, and can sit for a time out for one minute. You need to be consistant and sit with them the first couple times or maybe the first dozen times. Not really sit with them for the time out but stay there and keep putting them back. He laughs at your disipline and saying no because he is testing you to see if you are serious. It is not easy, my youngest is going to be two next month and has been testing me since she was 12 months old. At 16 months she was biting and we are still dealing with it. But she knew what no was and will still laugh to see if I am serious. It is heart breaking to be a parent sometimes, but you have to start now or it will only get harder and worse. Good Luck, and stay strong.

Hi Kriby,
My brother and his wife went thru the samething when their daughter was the same age and my daughter who is 17mos old is just getting over it also. She will come up to my husband and myself and say NO NO and then hit us in the face. She usually does it when she is tired or playing. We have just been telling her NO that is bad and put her hand back down. I believe just keep telling him no and putting his hand back down has been working for us. My daycare provider told me they either hit or bite and I guess I would rather have her hit my husband or myself then bitting other kids. It is just a phase so hopefully it will pass and just keep on the same page as your husband so you both make sure your son is corrected each time he does it. Good luck. T.

cry.... If he hits you show him it hurts. He needs to work on emathy and the only way to let him know is to tell him. So say ouch loudly (its ok if it scares him) and then cry. Tell him its not nice.
or if your not a cryer
time outs are understood at this age. Its about abruptly stopping what ever your doing and seperating yourself from him. Its not about the actual punishment for him, its about you not holding him anymore. But here are the rules for time out...
He hits...
You stand up hold him away from you (so your not cuddling him)
firmly say NO HITTING as you walk to his "spot" and put him in it... If he gets out put him back in. BUT do not stand there with him... Walk away... if he moves walk back say NO, Hitting firmly sit him down... walk away.
You have to do it EVERYTIME.... Or it won't work...

I watched a 2 1/2 yr old that had issues with hitting throwing and Yes, swearing... But after 1 week of time out chair he knew the rules at my house. EVERY TIME I PUT HIM IN THE CHAIR I HAD HIM REPEAT... NO HIT, NO THROW, NICE WORDS...
That was the mantra in our house for 3 months and he got it...

Hi K.,
I have a now 30 month old son who has exhibited the same hitting behaviors since he was close to a year old. I also have adult children and found with my adhd son and my now 2 year old son that 1,2,3 magic and time outs do work best. Even at age 15 months your son will begin to get the idea of what time outs are the result of. At his age the time out is only a minute (1 minute per 1 year of age) but taking him out of the action of playing or doing what he wants will eventually help him learn boundaries. The nursery attendants at church have told me when he hit someone there (or pushed, etc) he quite frequently would put himself into a time-out and then go the offended person and ask for a hug as an apology (he was doing this before he turned 2). I have found you want to start the simple ways of discipline while they are still little because if you all of a sudden try to get them to understand when they are a bit older it sometimes is rougher. When his one minute of time out is over you ask him (if he is talking) if he knows what he did wrong and then some say to ask for an apology (I only do this when he has hit, pushed, bit or something along that line). As far as 1,2,3 magic my youngest (she is 14 months old) and my 2 year old have gotten to know this method and it worked great with my now 21 year old son (he has adhd) from the time he was 6 through his adult years. When the child does something he or she is not suppose to do you tell them to stop, if they redo it you say "1", if they do it again, say "2", if they are still doing it you say "3" and put them in time out. When you take them out of time out you again explain what they did wrong and what they should have done. Believe it or not this method works really well and my one year old can count to 3 already as does her brother. Good luck

Hitting is not acceptable, even playing.
Do you have a pack-n-play...use this as a time out place.
When he hits you tell him hitting is not allowed time out.
He will cry, just ignore him, he should be in time out for 1 min. Then hugs and Kisses.

My 14 month old does this too. She thinks it's a game. When she hits me, I hold my head (Or wherever she hit me), make a sad face and say "OW!" She will stare at me with a shocked look and if I keep the frown she will lean in and hug. I really don't think they even know that it hurts. She'll stop and then if she does it again later, I do the same thing so that she can see that it hurts.