13 Month Old Likes to Hit

he is not too young for timeout! start now or he will run your life-sounds like he is very aggressive-take tv away-cartoons hit each other all the time. just an fyi

I would let him know this is unacceptable. How do you do that to a baby? Don't give him any response when he does it. No faces or squeals, anything. When he hits you, put him down, out of his reach of you and don't talk to him for 1 minute. Then pick him up and say hitting hurts Mommy, Daddy or whoever he is hitting and tell him to hug and kiss instead. My son was a biter. I did this and after the 2 time of putting him down he got the message. My baby daughter at 9 months also started biting me, she got the message after the first time!

I recently read an excellent book which made a very thought-provoking statement that we parents to tend to focus more on stopping wrong behavior than teaching right behavior. This may just be your son's "clumsy" (clumsy b/c of his age and still-limited motor skills) effort to pat/caress/offer affection.

Try gently catching his wrists, then guiding his hands to stroke or pat your face while giving him positive reinforcement in a gentle voice.

Hi A.. It's a phase. I wouldn't worry about it! My son did the same thing. Now that he is 3, he still strikes out sometimes because he's frustrated (because he doesn't get his way, etc.) But now, at age 3, he does get time out. For now, if I were you, I'd just firmly tell him "No hitting". That we don't hit. Hitting is not nice and he is a nice, sweet boy. It'll pass. Good luck!
T.

sometimes hitting is a learned behavior and other times it's jsut a childs way of expressing anger/frustration becasue thy don't have the words yet...same with biting. when he hits' or you see him going to hit, hold his hands and firmly tell him " NO. we don't hit." then put him in time out. 13 months old is not too young young. i minute for every year of age is usually the appropriate time. set in a chair or the couch or even in his crib. and walk away. if he gets up, set him back down, walk away. tell him he has to sit for a full minute before he can get up. once he's had his full time out, then go get him, tell him to say sorry (or whatever sounds close to it) and give hugs and the situation is over. but be consistant, every time he hits, so the same thing. he'll get the picture that hitting isn't acceptable and will eventually stop. and watch his cues that trigger his hitting, is he tired, hungry, needs some extra attention and try to stop teh behavior before it even begins. my daughter used to bite when she was tired.

I also know what you are going through. I have a 16 month old that does the same thing and he has been doing it for a few months now. I am also at my wits end on this. If you find something that works, please pass it my way. I have tried holding the hands and now he wants to bite. I am 42, a first time mom, who adopted my little boy from birth.

Thanks
J.

My little guy does the same thing at almost 16 months because he is not talking yet and gets frustrated. I do not believe in striking a child for any reason. I like what some of the moms said about gentle hands and showing him that hands are for gentle touch, not hitting. Of course you cannot tell a child to hit if you are going to hit him, so I am glad to hear you know this. Just be patient and work on his other forms of communication. I love the book "What to Expect the Toddler Years." Good luck and just love him,love him, love him:)

I think this quite normal and most of the time they are just playing. My son went through a hitting stage. I would just grab his hands, say NO HITTING very sternly, and then let go of him. If he did it again, he got the same thing, and this time I would just up and walk off or put him down. He would cry, but he got the point. Now, we are past the hitting and into pushing... It's always something... :)

Hi A.,

As you probably remember from your older ones, kids this age don't have enough communication skills with their mouths. Hitting, tantrums, screaming, etc are all forms of communication. What helped me with this issue is that when my kids were in daycare, over and over again the teachers would say "Use your words" to the child if they tried to communicate in a non-verbal or inappropriate way that caused problems. Your 13 month old is probably just learning to talk, so try using this sentence with him every time he tries to hit. Even though he isn't talking much yet, eventually he'll start figuring out that you want him to talk instead of hit, and at some point he'll be able to adequately tell you what he wants and help the hitting subside. I think time-outs will help too.

In elementary school, they work on making the verbal communication prevent hitting and fighting. Kids having trouble dealing with other kids are told to give "I" messages, "I feel bad when you make fun of me", "I don't like it when you break in line in front of me", etc. It beats the problems caused by "Hey you big knuckle brain, I was in line first!" So though elementary school is a long ways away for you, fostering good communication starting with "Use your words!" is an ongoing process with teachers and parents for a long time! (Smile!)

All my best,
D.

Not much on advice. We used the same method of putting ours down hen he hit and saying hands re for loving not hitting. Use yur hands for hugs not hits. . But did want to say when we were going through this. I was told and it actually make sense. That kids this age think the harder something is the better so we use our hands to hug them, rub or pat their backs etc and so they associate the hands as ways to show love. The only thing is then they think that if they hit harder squeeze tighter (actuallly en up pinching) then they are showing more love.) My little guy was awful about headbutting us andthen we realized. Sometimes daddy would lean his forehead up againt our sons as he told him he loved him This is what our son was imitating only he ended up head butting when he did it. I thought he was going to break my nose. Anyway, no idea if this is why your son is doing this but our certainly did.

Our 15 months old does the same thing, we just say "no we do not hit, take his hands put them against our faces and say gentle hands,gentle......hands give hugs,hands do not hit"Time out will not work for this age....just keep telling him and showing him the right behavior....he will get it.

A.,
Kay S. seems to have the right idea...A child this young cannot be reasoned with (his brain is just not developed to that point. Reasoning comes much later.). Keep your responses short, sweet and from a place of love. Refrain from using the word "no" unless you'd like to set up a dynamic of him using the word back to you in a few months. Instead, gently hold back his hands, honestly and firmly say "hitting hurts" and model appropriate behavior. Set him up for success. If you sense that he is going to hit, intervene in a kind, gentle way. I'm afraid that attempting a "time out" at this age and stage will just lead to more frustration for you. A child this young cannot and will not sit still, even for a minute, and understand why he should. Young children learn with all of their senses. Guide him with love in your actions and your intentions and he will learn. Don't be surprised if you have to repeat this numerous times. It will sink in. Be patient. Positively reinforce his proper/good behavior and he will gain the positive attention he seeks.

I agree with a lot of these answers. Of course hitting is sometimes fueled by frustration, etc. However, it should not be ignored, especially if your son hits his parents/siblings or other children. My daughter started to pinch at this age and we broke her of that habit pretty quickly once we started addressing it firmly. At this age, words don't mean much but big gestures matter - like leaving a location - whether it's a store/party/your hip. Our big turning point was when my daughter pinched a little boy in her playgroup after about 20 minutes of being there. I just walked over, told her firmly "we don't pinch", made quick apologies to the others and walked out the door. Anna was confused but I could tell she was starting to get the point. She pinched again that night and the next day - both times I put her in "time-out". The BEST time out method is John Rosemonds and he explains it in, "How to make the Terrible Two's terrific". I recommend this book!! Basically, put your son in a chair saying, "This is time-out for hitting. You need to sit here until I tell you that you can get up." And as soon as you let go of him and start to stand up, you quickly say, "you can get up now." Of course this can only last a total of 3 seconds since you're dealing with a complete wriggle worm that doesn't really understand, but he will get the point - you are in control and he needs to listen to you. If he's like my daughter, he will hit you again within minutes - do it again repeatedly. It took Anna a couple series of time-outs and that was seriously the end of it. And it involved very few tears!!

i have heard that basic sign language is a fun and useful way to teach babies to communicate before they can speak which also gives them something else to do with their hands...supposed to be particularly helpful if baby is frustrated trying to express himself and be understood. Good Luck!

A.,

This is learned behavior. Who knows where it comes from, however, he is really not to young for time out. He won't really understand the concept at first but if you keep repeating to him that he goes into time out because he hits and it is not right, he will get the message. Ignoring him is just telling him it is ok. You have to take action now or it will get worse. Mild discipline at this age is not out of line. When he hits, hold his hands, both of them or the other one will come up too, and firmly tell him no and teach him the concept of time out. At 13 months old it takes longer to get the message through but he will understand after a few times of that type of discipline that it is not ok to hit. Just keep at it. Repitition is the key. Good luck.

E.