Leaving 6 Month Old for 6 Days for Biz Trip!

Have you thought about bringing someone with you to help you out and bring your baby to the conference. Maybe an unemployed cousin or a friend taking a break from college, your cleaning help... Who takes care of your baby when you are at work? They don't need to be around during your meetings but that way you can have both participation at the conference, be seen and learn, and time with your new baby and continue the important commitment to nursing. Your helper and the baby can go exploring during the day and get to see a new place and you get to have mother baby time in the morning and at night, and maybe during other breaks in your conference day. It is a new kind of balancing act and you are still redefining career and motherhood and here is a moment in time that is saying, it won't be like other conferences I have been to because I have a 6 month old, either at home or in your hotel room, either way just her existence will effect and alter your experience at the conference. The expense is just the extra plane ticket and meals eaten out for them, your work is likely paying for the room. Chalk it up to childcare and the investment cost of keeping your career on track. The time preparing to take her on the plane and having her in a hotel for 6 days is the same or less time you will need to prepare to be away from her for that long. You can get a fridge in your hotel room for food for you and the other person to cut down on other expenses. The flu is a small factor, but if you take her into public anywhere she can be around someone who has it, just ensure no one is coughing or sneezing on her and that they wash their hands before helping you hold her. Nursing her can actually help her immune system to help keep her healthy and fight off germs and viruses. This is one of many moments that is a test of the balancing act that is career and Mommying. I was recently at a conference with a mom of a young one and all the women took turns helping and supporting her, getting her food at buffet lines, holding the baby so she could eat, playing with the baby so she could give her presentations, it actually made her more noticeable and people were in awe of her "SuperMom Powers". It depends on your career and what type of conference you are attending.

Good Luck!

Hi J., I think you are having a hard time with this cause you need validation that it's OK to leave your baby for 6 days. For me I wouldn't do it, I'm sure you will hear from many moms that would. The fact that your boss knows you have a 6 month old baby and wants you to take this trip, that this job is not family/child friendly. As a mother of a baby, not leaving your baby,and it jeopardizing your career maybe something you want to think about, maybe on the other hand your boss maybe very understanding. Who would watch your baby while you are gone? is a biggy, does your husband support you leaving the baby for 6 days? my point it you are going to get responses that say go and ones that say don't but it's really up to you. If you go are you going to be clear minded for the responsibilities or is your focus going to be else where like at home where your baby is at. Talk to your husband, your mom, I think they can advise you better than a bunch of people you don't even know. J.

I agree with the last poster take the baby with you it is the best of both worlds. You may also consider a college age student my daughter is 18 and amazing with kids she has gone on a few vacations with other families to do babysitting while adults are out and she was only 16 & 17. Do you have any friends or coworkers that have a teenage daughter who would be good with your baby. You will have more peace of mind knowing she is right there if she needs you. I would not leave a 6 month for 6 days but thats just me and i don't really have someone I trust that much to care for my baby 24hrs a day. Good luck

Do not go. It is a matter of priorities. Very h*** o* a baby, h*** o* you, so what is your priority? your job? or your child. I would stay home and trust the boss to get over if mature enough. This says something about character.

J., I can completly relate to what you are feeling. I had to do the same thing in March this year when my second son was only 6 months old. Fortunately the trip was only 3 nights. I had extremly low milk supply already so I made the decision to stop breast feeding with the trip and fortunately had another months worth frozen. For me it was the best decision on all accounts. You have received a lot of posts with a wide variety of opinions. Only you know what is best for your family and you. I went becuase I knew it was important for me to keep those contacts alive... you know your business and if it will have an impact to your success. Please know that if you are talking about your 'success' with your boss... don't worry about that - you are protected by law on that one and have a right to ask to shorten your trip due to your circumstances and like another poster suggested, talk to HR and document your reason for taking a shorter trip so that if it comes up in a review you have recourse.

I know how tough it is for us working Moms...people constantly judging us for our decision but this is our life and our family and it really infuriates me when those that stay home judge us or make us feel like we don't love our children like they do. I am the primary breadwinner for my family and if I don't work we don't have a roof over our head or food and insurance and I would rather have children than not. You are a great Mom and you will do what is best for all of you.

If there's any way you can avoid going, then don't go. Seriously. Despite the fact that some people are able to travel without issues later, there is the risk that when you get back she won't want to nurse at all anymore. Since you already are having supply problems, you would need to pump for EVERY missed feeding and the cart all that milk home.

If it were me (and I was in several very similar situations) I wouldn't go. When I was in your shoes, I just very honestly told my boss that I was breastfeeding and there was no way I could leave my child. Simple as that.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but the risk of demolishing your supply completely or her weaning completely off of you and onto the bottle is real.

Hi J. - congrats on your precious baby girl! I have not been in your position of having to decide to leave my child or not yet overnight, let along get on a plane and leave. I'm just hoping I can send some positive thoughts your way. Try not to let people make you feel guilty for either decision you make. Ultimately, you will make the best decision for you and your family. I also agree 110% with the previous poster who added the PS to SAHM, that we as working moms don't always have a choice. The last thing we need is a bunch of people making us feel terrible for trying to make a living to support our families. Hang in there. I also think it would be great to try to find someone to travel with you if it is at all an option - but realize at the same time, that may not be possible. Best of luck with your thinking! I hope it goes well for you. Hugs to you!

I feel your pain! I ended up taking my little boy on 5 business trips between 6 months old and 1 yr! I was lucky enough that my mom could come with me and we had a blast every time. Traveling with him was so fun - we wiped down everything with wipes everywhere we went to keep germs at bay and that way I got to see him morning, lunch and evenings. We all had fun and other mom's were so jealous :) If you have anyone who might be able to join you to watch your baby during the day I would highly recommend it. If not, talk to your boss, just be truthful< i have found that mine is very understanding...try not to be too anxious< it will work out.

That's a tough one...I'm a working mom too and have chosen not to travel since I had my first son four years ago. I've taken a lot of heat for the decision, but they've generally understood when I've been pregnant or breastfeeding. My second son is done breastfeeding except at night now and I'm wondering how long it will be before I get asked about travel...for right now, though, I'm going to do all I can to avoid it.

For me, I like that the only nights I've spent away from my kids have been nights I've been in the hospital (having babies!). I think it's a tough choice and a personal one. Work places like to say they are family friendly, but I've found they don't always have actual, day to day practices that are, in fact, family friendly. As a working mom, you just have to decide what your rules are, make them known and then stick to them as much as is possible.

Good luck!

-M

PS...just read all the other posts...for those moms who are lucky enough to stay at home, just feel lucky...please don't judge the rest of us. Of course, we'd LOVE to be in your place, but finances don't always allow for that. Our children ARE our first priority, but keeping a roof over their head and food on the table and clothes on them IS taking care of them. We have enough guilt and stress, we don't need SAHMs to add to that. Just enjoy what you have...

that's a tough one...go with your gut..also for low milk supply look up "motilium" aka DOM..i took it when my son was 9 months..2 a day for 2 weeks my supply went way up.. i found out about it on kellymom.com u can buy it here

you can buy it here... http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/general/
motilium.html

I had the same problem when my daughter was about 7 months old - there was a mandatory several day meeting for all employees that was held in Maryland. I tried to figure out any way I could go, including flying my hubby and daughter there. I was so worried about it.

I finally decided that it just wasn't possible for me to go, so I sent an email to my boss explaining that while I wanted to attend the meeting, I was still nursing my daughter, which made it impossible to leave her for several days. My boss was extremely understanding and said to not even worry about it, that it was more important to take care of my daughter.

I hope you can do something like I did. Good luck to you.

Hi J.,
I understand your dilema,and if you absolutely have to go just bring a pump and freeze the milk so you have a good supply when you get home. I am sure you have thought about that already. I can honestly tell you coming from a mommy with a 7 month old, that i still can't leave my daughter. I am a working mom also but absolutely long everyday to be with her. Is this your first child? I think about what she would do when she wakes up and momma isn't there to hug and kiss her. I believe she would miss me as much as I would miss her. Has your husband bonded with her. Does she often go to your husband before she will go to you? I guess you have to ask yourself these question, and the reason I ask is because it would be hard for my husband to be the only one taking care of her because he gets frustrated easily and I wouldn't want to put her though that. Honestly, J., if you have to ask, it sounds like you shouldn't go and I believe you daughter is more important than your job.
Hope this helps

Who takes care of the baby while you work? I'm imagining you already have someone looking after her who is bonded to her and whom you trust. It probably won't disturb her too much if you are away, as long as that person is still available... maybe to come over for nights while you're away too? The nursing is an issue. If your supply is low, it may dry up while you are away, unless pumping works for you. I never had too much success with pumping. But maybe you are ready to wean her? Definitely a tough one. But you said you had to make the decision yesterday, so hopefully you have already resolved it. Hope it all works out. Sending you good vibes for a contented baby and a successful trip.

I know exactly how you feel. I had a business trip in August, and my daughter was 6 1/2 months old at the time. Fortunately, my husband was able to join me so he and my daughter came with me. I am also breastfeeding. Is there someone else that can go with you so you can bring your daughter? Relative? Friend?

Maybe it is time to change your career? I would consult a legal website to see what your rights are, and the best way to present this to your boss. Personally, I would respectfully go to my boss and say that I am nursing, and do not feel it is in my baby's best health interest for me to be gone for 6 days. You can offer to go for a couple of the days, or teleconference via laptop with a co-worker. Do you have another relative that could go with you? I would speak to my boss, AND email a follow-up summation of the conversation with a copy to Human Resources so you have back up. The sooner you talk to your boss, the better. Maybe there are things that you can do prior - and last minute is never a good idea.

hey J., What if it's your daughter's birthday? or she has the flu? what if...
why don't you skip the conference this year and follow your heart.
See what it's like to be home for 6 days with your daughter, less stress, etc.
If your company doesn't understand that's a shame and you can figure out what to do. The conference will go on with out you and you can read the recommended book from the speaker and continue on...family first!!!

I know that there are professional nanny services in every major city for just this situation. If you think you want to take her, you might want to try seeing if a grandparent can meet you there or hire a nanny service. My daughter, now nine months, has been on eight flights. The earliest was when she was 5 months. With some serious use of sanitizers, hand wipes etc, she did not get sick even with a sick baby sitting behind her on the plane (don't turn on the air on the plane). On the other hand, if you're not still nursing by then, it won't be difficult to leave her (I mean logistically, emotionally it's going to be rough). From my own experience, up to six months is when my child at least, was the most adaptable. She was easy to sleep train then, she responded well to whatever agenda was going on in terms of schedule etc... As long as she is with someone loving and responsible, I can't see that there will be a serious negative (again, aside from how hard it will be on you). If you're breastfeeding, I'd start saving up now a little each day.
Good luck. It's a tough decision.

Skip the conference. There will always be more. You can't make up the time lost with your newborn. She will know you have left her. That could cause alot of problems. Better yet stay home with her till she's old enough to go to kindergarden. The time to raise our kids is very brief. You have the rest of your life to go to work. Your baby needs her Mommy now! No one can replace a Mother's love.

I would say to skip the conference, unless there is someone you trust that can travel with you and take care of your daughter during the day. If you have someone that can either travel with you or meet you at your destination, I say go for it! Ask a friend or a relative and have a blast! Maybe your Mom or your MIL could meet you there and have some extra one on one time with their granddaughter?

I chose to be a SAHM when my son was first placed with us (he's adopted) 4 years ago, but I feel for you working Moms that have to choose between work and family. It's not an easy choice.

Maybe you could talk to your boss about your concerns?

Have you asked or saw a Lactation Consultant about your low milk supply? Or it could also be a poor latching on, of your baby... that can affect your milk supply. Use Formula only as a supplement AFTER direct nursing and do not use Formula "in place of" a direct nursing.... otherwise, your milk supply will lessen. And feed on demand, not according to a "schedule." Feeding on a schedule, also affects milk supply/production. I'm also assuming you are pumping?

Next, on your trip, if you do decide to go... will you be pumping while you are away? If not, your breasts and output will change... since the baby will not be nursing on it. If you want to keep up a milk supply/keep your breasts producing enough milk... you will need to keep pumping while you are away. Then you get back home, nurse on demand etc., and the breasts/milk production should adjust, ie: supply and demand.

If that were me... I would make sure if this is a MANDATORY conference, or optional. Then my next concern would be about how will my baby feed while I am gone and how will it affect my milk production... and I would try and increase my milk production all the while before I leave. Will you be storing a breastmilk supply in the freezer, before you leave?

If it were me & if I must go on this trip... I would already be laying out, on paper (for whoever is going to be caring for your baby), what the routine is for your baby, for day and night.
And in person, showing the caregiver/your Mom/Husband etc., how you want your baby cared for, and make SURE they feed her on demand as well... 6 months of age is a "growth-spurt" time, and a baby's intake increases at this point. Typically.

Each Mom is different and how it affects their career. I really can't tell you what to do, nor would I wish to make any Mom feel "guilty" for having to take a business trip. Its complicated. Because once we become a Mom, we must think of everything, or how everything affects our child, and our lives becomes more complex.

I wish you the best, and hope you have a supportive Boss, either way.

Susan

Just one other thought, if you can't find someone to accompany you--is there a way to perhaps attend a portion of the conference, rather than the entire event, so you could be away for a shorter period of time?

And whatever you decide, don't feel guilty. I agree that it's great if you have the choice to be a SAHM and choose to do that. But to cast aspersions at you for 'putting your career before your child' just makes me boil, it smacks so much of holier-than-thou. Don't let anyone tell you what's the best course for you and your family. I have raised three children. My oldest, during whose infancy an childhood I had to work full-time, has turned out to be a gem, and I attribute a lot of that outcome to the wonderful care he received and the variety of experiences he had with his caregivers.

I personally wouldn't go but I have not been in your situation. Can you express your concerns to your boss? That would be a good way to feel out the situation. I would be less concerned about taking her on the plane. That's why you are breastfeeding! To give her immunities. :-)