Latch Key Kids!!! - Mabelvale,AR

Hi there!
My sister and I were latch-key kids. I was nine and she was 6. It seems so young, since my son is ten and definitely not mature enough to leave at home alone. BUT, my mom made sure we were okay. We would come in the house and lock the door and call her. She would tell us what snack we could have and what chore(s) had to be done when she got home. We were not allowed to open the door, go outside, or have kids inside until she got home. We had a next door neighbor that we could go to get help from if we needed it, and we also knew that neighbor would tattle on us, too, if we broke any of the rules :-)
It's a big decision but, like your other advice, I would say it would depend on the child(ren) and their maturity and what the law says.

Even though you think he or she is ready I would not at that age ,even if you think you live in a good place, to many things can still happen,

I have three sons. One 17, 13 and 5 years of age. I was able to leave both of my older sons when they were 12 years old. My boys have always been mature for their age. I have seen some 12 year olds who I wouldn't dream of leaving unattended. I think you are right when you cosider the child and their maturity. Good luck!

I would say at 14 would be a good age.

I think you need to use a combination of what the laws and standards in your community
are, as well as matching that to your own child's maturity level. If there were to be a break-in,
fire, etc., does your child have the maturity to keep a calm head and obey your directions.
Does he obey them when things are going well? If he doesn't, then you know he isn't ready.
If something awful happened and it made the headlines of the local paper, would people
be aghast that you allowed your child to be home alone or would most parents say they too would have let their child stay home? In other words, would it pass the "Light of Day" test? Many 12-year-olds are babysitting other people's children, others can't take care of even themselves? Also, how anxious is your child to do this and prove himself or is he frightened
about his capacity to handle an emergency? Good luck. Either way, in the next few years your child will be ready to do this!

AS a single mom, I struggled with this so much. My son was 12, my daughter was 5 and I was in college. My son was always so responsible and well behaved. He would walk to the daycare 2 blocks from his school, pick up his sister and then walk home, another two blocks. They would go into the house, play with their games until I got home, usually within an hour or so. Never more than two hours. You have to know your children and trust that they will not open the door, or phone and never venture outside until you are there, no matter how great the weather is. But I will add this. Be sure you have at least one neighbor, that you trust, that is aware that your children are home alone and that your children have someplace they can go, if they become scared or threatened. My kids went to the store next door, the business of our landlord. Always have a backup in the event of an emergency. My son went there when he lost the housekey and couldn't get in. They were safe and out of harms way.

I believe any age is too young. unsupervised children with time on their hands may decide to do unsafe things that they would not normally do if an adult was around.
Teenagers will give you the most guff over this. But, as we told our son it is not a matter of trust it is a matter of safety.

I have a 13 year old step son and he stays at home by himself for a couple of hours. We have went over all of the rules of computer, internet, answering the door and phone of what to say versus what not to say. We don't let him use the stove or oven. I would say it is comfort level for you, how well do you feel leaving him alone for a few hours. How safe is your neighborhood, is their anyone close by that could stop by and check on him daily? Is their someone's house he could run to if he got into some sort of trouble? Maybe you could set something up with a neighbor. That is a tough one. Good Luck

I am the mother of 3 - a 21, 12, and 9 year old.(Boys) I think that it definitely depends on the child and the neighborhood. My 12 year old is perfectly fine staying home alone for a few hours as long as the 9 year old is not home with him. My only concern would be whether or not the younger children would also be there. On the few occasions when we did attempt to leave both boys home, they wound up bothering each other and fighting.

I Just went thru this myself two years ago, so I contacted our local Dept of Family and Child. My son was 12 at the time and my daughter was 10. They advised me it all depended upon the maturity level of your child. Start with leaving them at home and just run to town for about 15-30 min. and when you come back sit down with then and see how things went. The only thing they really advised me of is it would not be good to leave a infant with the child, and not to leave them overnight. A few hours at a time to start.

Also if you have a close neighbor or a family member that is close enough to be there within a few minutes if the child needs someone quick. And if they could just call to chk on them every so often also.

Hope this helps. I have been there myself. I work full time job and also a Volunteer Firefighter/ First Responder in my spare time. And well our kids are our main priorities.

Well if you live in a good neighborhood then the 12 if responsible would be ideal. But not to watch her sibs too.

Been where you are, you can trust your judgement.

A granny

I would say around 14 or 15. But of course it is up to you and what you think.

Dear S.,

Depending on the 12year old and the area in which you live, it should be okay to leave for 1 hr but not 2-3hrs. It is very easy for a child to become very fearful even at 12 yrs old. It would be a good idea to have someone check in, even for the hour. I began leaving my child at 12 with her brother who is 11. I never left them for more than an hour until I could see that they were able to handle it better. We also lived in a very rural area, however,we had very watchful neighbors. If I had to leave I always made sure that my neighbor knew we were gone and the kids were at home.

Hey! As a mother of a 14 year old boy, he's the oldest, I can tell you that I would never trust him in my home with no supervision. I can also tell you that about that very same age I was left alone to tend to my younger brother and have you ever heard of the trick where you spray hairspray from an aerosol can over a match? Let's just say, no matter how good you think your kid is, he is still a kid and they tend to get more sneaky as they get older! My brother is fine, by the way!

Don't know whether 12 yrold is boy or girl. It is time to get that 12 year old involved in outside activities. 12 is a golden age where they begin to feel their sexuality and want to explore more. Aslo if you get them involved in sports and club activities now you won't have a hard time introducing or convincing them at age 15 when they think they are grown and rebel or resist.

A friend told me years ago she kept her children busy and they did not have time to get into trouble. It really worked! I did that with my daughter and she has graduated high school and gone on to college. And boy was she one to deal with as far as attitude.

Keeping them busy will take a lot of your time, but it is well worth. If you have family members who can help with picking them up--ask them. Also establish a relationship with other mothers you can trust to pick your child up.

God bless. I guess you cna tell I am not in favor of leaving a child at home under the 12th grade. Remember---we suffer the consequences of their errors at those ages.

My 12yo is the oldest of 5. He is responsible, but sometimes i don't like to leave him alone so i have him check in w/ me every 20m,(he calls me, i don't call him unless he misses the 20m mark). Just a hi mom, this is what i am doing...I don't allow video or tv (they also have to stay inside, no trampoline, etc) when i am gone. I feel they get to wrapped up in it and would not even respond if there is an emergency. They can play card games, board games, read or do school work (we homeschool).

In the state of California, 12 is the legal age that you are "allowed to" leave your child at home unattended. It's not only what your child can get into, but who can get access to your child. So remind your child of the rules re:door answering, telephone answering, etc.! And make sure there's a neighbor close by that can come over or be called on the phone if there's a problem so your child feels more secure!

I'm a new mom (11 week old baby), but a very long-time babysitter, have been a full-time nanny before, and have served as children's/youth director at our church. So I am quite familiar with this type of question. And I have to be aware of legal issues related to this topic too.

You are right when you say that leaving kids at home alone to care for younger siblings does depend on the maturity/responsibility level of the individual children. And it depends upon the length of time they will be without an adult nearby. So to an extent, you can use your best judgment on that timing, and you can do things as a mom to "practice" with your kids and prepare them for being left under supervision of the oldest child.

I remember when I was a pre-teen my mom signed my younger brother and me up to attend a formal babysitter training class that was offered at our nearby hospital. It was called "Safe Sitter" and taught us about proper care for children of each age category, emergency procedures for kids and infants, and even creative ways to play with kids (so as not to just sit in front of tv). We even had to take tests on what we learned to be sure we retained all the information, and could DO the emergency rescue techniques they taught us. It was an excellent and thorough class back in the early 1990's when I took it. We were always expected to have multiple adult contacts in the event of emergency. For example, if I was left in charge of my two younger brothers, we had phone numbers for my dad's workplace (5 minute drive from home), several neighbors (next door, and 3 houses down). And the neighbor lady whom we knew well and trusted was informed about the plan so that there would not be any surprises if a need to call arose. Well, we never did have any emergencies, and we did fine together...we got along well with each other, because we knew our parents were trusting us to be responsible and accountable.

BUT...there is ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE to address in my response to your question: STATE LAWS. We learned in that "safe sitter" class that our state had a law that children under 14 years of age could not be left unattended. So, we didn't start being left without an adult or a babysitter until I was 14. When I did "babysit" under age 14, there was always an adult in the other room at the home, so it was like "practice" for me to care for a child in one room while the parent could do housework in other part of the house. Honestly, I have seen many kids younger than 14 who could responsibly handle being left alone-including being capable of proper emergency responses- but at that time our state had that law, and so we were careful to abide by it.

I hope that anything within this response may be of help or encouragement to you.

first and foremost i would check with the local child welfare office to see what the LEGAL age is to leave a child home alone. who cares what the neighbors think if the law says no! i was fortunate enough that my daughter was very mature and i was able to leave her with my 2 younger boys for 1 hour every afternoon before i got home from work, after i verified that the legal age was 12 for louisiana.
good luck!

If I remember correctly each state has a law governing the appropriate age when children can be left alone. You might want to check with OK state children's services or Dept. of Health & Human Welfare. I'm new to the area and not familiar with the laws yet.

W. Q

As an 8th grade middle school teacher I hate to say you are leaving yourself open for things to occur that normally wouldn't if mom were home. I had many students having sex during the time when the parents hadn't gotten home yet. I had the unfortunate job of having to tell parents what was going on, because their child told me so. It's not a matter of him being old enough to be alone, because I think a child that age can be mature enough. It's a matter of do you trust him to do the right thing, no matter what temptation comes up. Don't leave him vulnerable to this, because at this age if given the opportunity children normally don't make the right decision because hormones run their minds.

You might want to check on the laws of the state-city before leaving your child alone, some cities consider it illegeal to leave your children alone at certain ages. It can be as high as 12-13 for some towns and states.

Hi S.,

I can understand how important this decision is for you. It's my personal opinion that a 12-year-old boy can stay home alone for two to three hours as long as there are some very specific rules put into place. I would require they he stay inside the house and not play outside with his friends until I arrived home. I would also require that he not answer the door or telephone unless it's from a family memeber. I would give him a list of acceptable activities he can do inside the house. I believe this could be a good opportunity to teach him responsibility.

I let my daughter start staying by herself after school when she was 11 or 12 - she had to call me as soon as she got home, and every day I would remind her to let the dog out, not to open the door to anyone (even if they say they are policemen), and not to tell anyone on the phone that I wasn't home.

I think you are absolutely right in that it depends on the maturity level of the child as well as the neighborhood. Also, go with your gut feeling on the situation.

I have an 8yo that I will let stay home if I am just going to be gone for less than a half hour like a quick trip to the store or post office. She is OK with that but any longer I am not comfortable with. I think it really depends on the kids and how mature they are

W.

do you have any stay at home parents or elderly people in your neighborhood. if so then you could talk to them about your child being at home alone and ask if your child could call with any emergency's or if they get nervous being at home by themselves. it worked for my daughter. my neighbor made sure she had her phone # just in case and it helped her to feel more comfortable. i also made sure she called me as soon as she walked in the door and locked it. I dont think i would leave the younger kids there till they are older. i think it will also depend alot on your neighborhood also.

If your 12 year old is very responsible and if you have some procedures set in place (like how to answer the phone/door and what to do in the event of an emergencey)it might be possible. You will need to have phone numbers for him/her to call for any questions that may arrise. I don't recommend that you leave your 12 year old in charge of the younger siblings though.

i struggled with this when i had to work late. i agree with yop on it depending on the maturity of the child and the safeness of the neighborhood. But my daughter was 12 and explained the rules. do not open the door and what i did was use the answering machine for help. she was not to answer the phone unless she heard my voice on the answering machine telling her to pick up the phone. i wouldnt extend it longer that 3 hours because my experience is that they get bored and start looking for things to destroy(smile) good luck and and congrats on going back to school.

Hi, when my oldest daughter was young I had the same delimma. A friend of mine at OSU convinced me M was old enough to stay at home for a few minutes while my friend and I went to the grocery store less than a mile away. While we were gone M took a dutch oven pot outside and filled it with dry grass and set it on fire, which started a grass fire that the OSU fire dept. had to come and put out. They had her sitting in a police car when I finally returned about 30 minutes after I left. M wanted to surprise me by cooking!

The moral of the story is: even though she was old enough to stay at home by herself according to DHS standards, she wasn't mature enough to stay at home unsupervised. I knew that but I caved to "Peer Pressure".

The YMCA offers classes to 12 year olds on how to be a babysitter. DHS says a 12 year old is old enough to be home alone.

You know your children. Give your oldest opportunities to be home alone where you are close by and let that child gain the ability but in a safe way. For example, in the evening, or on the weekend, go to the neighbors house for a visit, go fo a walk/run around the neighborhood, let them be home alone time but with you really right there.

As for the younger ones, if something happens, do you really want Child Welfare in your life?

I say let the younger ones stay where they are until after Summer and let the older one get really comfortable with staying home alone then over the Summer allow that child to start watching the younger ones until they are really good at it and work together well. When school starts back up they will most likely be ready to be latch key kids.

G.